


Crash Into Me

by Yumislover99



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Airplane Crashes, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Character Death, Cussing, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Heartbreak, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Masturbation, Minor Levi/Erwin Smith, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Levi/Erwin Smith, Past Levi/Petra Ral, Rough Sex, Slow Build, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-06
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-02-07 18:16:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 90,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1908912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yumislover99/pseuds/Yumislover99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU. Levi is an accountant with a pretty simple lifestyle. After loosing his wife of one and a half years, he had to learn to cope with being alone once again. It wasn't until he met Eren that he realized that he could move forward and be happy again, without Petra in his life. However, Levi wasn't the only one who was broken when they first met in Rhode Island Hospital. "It's okay," Eren had said, and from there, everything changed for the both of them.<br/>----------<br/>This is an ERERI (Eren x Levi) fanfiction. Minor Eruri (Erwin x Levi), and mentions of past Rivetra (Levi x Petra). Please be aware of this. I would appreciate it if you keep your ship wars out of the comments. I ship everyone and everything, so please don't try and change my mind because it's just not going to work <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's the first chapter, you guys. Get ready for the feels.  
> I'll have you know that I WAS NOT crying when I wrote all of this at one to four in the morning. I don't know what you're talking about.  
> I was listening to quite a few songs, but as for the title, Crash Into Me by Dave Matthews Band was used. I suck with titles. So there you go.  
> \----------  
> And I'd give up forever to touch you  
> 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
> You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
> And I don't wanna go home right now
> 
> And all I can taste is this moment  
> And all I can breathe is your life  
> When sooner or later it's over  
> I just don't wanna miss you tonight
> 
> \--Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls

“Levi, you should really get some rest. I know for a fact that you haven’t been sleeping.”

“Shut the fuck up, shitty four-eyes. I have a lot of work to do, not that you would know anything about that.”

Levi sighed as he leaned back into his chair, away from the laptop he was sitting at to slip his reading glasses off, massaging the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger as his eyes slipped closed, shielding the grey irises from the glaring light of the laptop screen. He had been up for five days straight, and this no sleep thing was starting to get to him. Just because he was exhausted didn’t mean that his insomnia was instantly cured. If anything, it had gotten worse.

“Look, Hange,” Levi mumbled, effectively cutting the ranting female off for once. He hadn’t been listening to a word she said anyway since the beginning of this phone call. “I don’t need your irritating voice right now. I’m hanging up.”

“Levi, listen! You know I feel bad about Petra; we all do, but you need to--”

He yanked the phone from his ear and jammed his thumb down on the ‘end call’ button of his iPhone touch screen before he tossed it away from him, listening to it thump to the floor, the rubber Otter case bouncing it once off of the table. It didn’t quell his pent-up anger. Not in the least. It vibrated a few more times, for a few more calls from Hange before it went silent.

What right did Hange, did anyone have to talk about her? Even bring her up? He had temporarily forgotten the empty, aching hole she had left. The blackened room around the kitchen table barely illuminated by the bright light from his computer screen had dulled the loss of her laughter, the sound of her voice for the past few hours. Unintentionally, he glanced at the clock in the bottom right-hand corner of the screen. Ten-fucking-thirty. She would be home right now, announcing her presence before he would feel her arms around him, and all he had to do was turn his head slightly to meet her lips. The smell of her wasn’t gone; the light smell of roses and the faint scent of honey. Who the hell smelt like that, anyway? He loved the smell of her.

Levi hadn’t realize how long he had been sitting there, staring off into the darkness before his laptop screen suddenly went black, and the whirring of the small fan inside of it shut off. He blinked slowly at the sudden stifling silence, reaching out to touch the top of the screen before he closed the cover, letting out a long sigh. Standing, he grabbed the laptop, holding it against his hip before reaching over to where he knew the light switch was. He didn’t look around the room as he snatched up his glasses. He just walked straight to his bedroom down the hall, leaving the light on in the dining room to feign the presence of another person who was no longer there. Flicking the light on in there as well, Levi set his laptop on the desk and shoved the charger into the port before jabbing his finger down on the power button repeatedly until it booted up again, chiming that annoying, shitty startup tune. Fucking Windows.

\----------

It had been his fault, anyway.

They should just all blame him for letting her leave.

\----------

“Trust me, baby. It’s only a six-day trip, I’ll be back before you know it,” Petra murmured, her amber eyes soft as she gazed at Levi, smiling as she stroked his cheek. “I’ll call you every day, just like I always do. Why are you so worried?”

They were both laying on their sides, facing each other. Just gazing at one another. It wasn’t something new. It was just something they had picked up after a year and a half of marriage. Levi searched her eyes before he sighed and pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes and relaxing under her touch. “I’m not.” He heard her soft chuckle, and he cocked an eye open, his lips pulling up at the edges of one side. She met his eye easily.

“Okay. I believe you.”

Opening both eyes to roll them and shake his head, he kissed her lips to quiet her giggles, but as usual, it didn’t work.

Petra only laughed harder into Levi’s mouth when he huffed in mock annoyance, a smile tugging at his own lips again at her laughter. It was only her that could get him to smile. No one else. There had never been anyone else.

“It’s just a bad feeling,” Levi admitted quietly into her hair a while later. Petra snuggled closer to his chest, tracing her fingertips over his collarbone, just above his heart.

“There’s not much to worry about. I’m just gathering information from the homeless camps in Los Angeles for the news article I’m working on…and then I’ll be back here, in Boston with you, where I belong. Six days, Levi. That’s it.”

That had comforted Levi, but only so much.

\----------

Screams filled his ears, utterly terrified and panic-inducing. He wanted to cover his ears to get away from it. He had never heard anything so frightening in his life. Levi was not one to scare easily, and he had never been, but this was on a whole other level. He was falling, falling so fast that the breath was sucked from his lungs.

Something didn’t feel right. Of course the plane was falling. Of course it was going to crash. He reached up with shaking hands to grab the oxygen mask, gasping and light-headed from the lack of oxygen. Shoving the mask over his mouth and nose, he took a deep breath before his eyes focused. Chipped blue nail polish on filed nails on thin fingers holding the mask to his face. Petra’s blue nail polish. A green, odd-patterned seat in front of him. Passengers gripping their seats, people crying, people _wailing_. Failed engines screeching, metal creaking, the whish-whooshing of the oxygen mask as he took desperate, panicked breaths. A quick look to his left revealed a sobbing, gasping teenager, his blond hair plastered to his face from sweat and tears and snot. Levi reached up, grabbing at the mask above the boy’s seat before he shoved it over his face. The boy grasped the mask tightly as he sobbed, and Levi averted his eyes from the bright blue orbs.

The plane went silent.

The world went silent.

Levi’s eyes widened as they found the window across the aisle from him, past an overweight man clutching his sobbing wife to his side. The plane was almost perpendicular to the horizon that was made up of beautiful colors of gold, red, orange and black. The horizon that was slowly filling the small window from the bottom right corner of the oval, the black consuming the lighter colors. He could feel his chest slowly rising and falling, knowing these were his last breaths. There was nothing he could do.

He looked to the boy next to him slowly with time feeling as if it had grinded almost to a halt. The teenager met his amber eyes with his brilliant blues. They looked like the sky. They looked like a sky that wasn’t dampened by rain or by pummeling planes full of screaming passengers. Minutes passed, but it felt like hours. The plane never stopped. Everything was silent around him, even when he yelled something to the boy. Levi felt his mouth form the words, but he didn’t know what he said. The teenager stared at him for what seemed like forever before he slowly closed his eyes as a shrill beeping started at the back of Levi’s skull. It sounded like a hospital monitor that he would never reach. It got louder and louder as he reached for the boy, letting go of his oxygen, his faded lifeline to grab onto the boy, holding the mask to his face with one, nail-polished chipped hand, his other drawing the teenager close to his chest to bury his face into the golden hair he knew that he would never see again. He didn’t know this person. He had never seen this boy’s face before in his life. But in that moment, before his world was silenced forever, before the plane hit what was inevitably a dense forest, he felt like he had known this boy for his entire life.

The beeping only got louder and more insistent.

\----------

A pained cry woke Levi from a dead sleep, and he sat up so quickly that his chair almost tipped backwards. The action was stopped by his knees smacking into the drawer of the desk just above them. With a gasp of pain, he gripped the edge of the desk to straighten himself.

His blurry eyes took what seemed like forever to focus, but not before his ears did. Standing, he stumbled over to the bedside table to smash his hand down onto the snooze button to kill the damn beeping that had started in his sleep. His body was coated in sweat, and he could feel the disgusting saltiness from his hairline dribble down over his temple. Levi was breathing hard, like he had run a marathon, and his heart was in his throat. He felt like a train had hit him head-on, and he felt tears slowly drying on his cheeks that could simply be sweat too. His pride told him that grown men don’t fucking cry, but he knew exactly what had fallen from his grey eyes.

That dream had plagued him for months. He couldn’t get rid of it. No matter how many sleeping pills he downed, or how many hours his insomnia kept him awake until he passed out just like last night. At his desk, again. Never in the bed that him and Petra had shared up until three months ago.

Three months of hell that he could never see himself escaping from.

It just wasn’t possible.

When he got his breath back, and he had stopped shaking, Levi straightened and headed to the bathroom. In the shower, under the pleasant burning of the hot water cascading over his skin and washing all of the unwanted grungy feeling of drying sweat away, he put a hand to the cool tile of the shower wall and placed his forehead against it. His eyes slipped closed, and he could feel her there. He could feel her there all of the time, next to him, her soft hands on his back and chest. She whispered into his ear, words he couldn’t make out, and he took a shuttering breath of steam to fight back the tears that threatened to be masked by the water from the showerhead. When he opened his eyes, there was no one there but him and himself. That was how it had been for a while.

Six-thirty and he was out of the shower. As was the routine he had forced himself into when there was no Petra, he made breakfast for himself.

He cleaned the small apartment they had once shared by himself.

He did laundry that they used to do together by himself.

He worked out by himself, which he had always done, but it still felt empty.

It was all hallow without her.

Levi’s phone rang while he was passing the dining room to the kitchen to make a quick lunch before he went out for a jog. He stopped and looked down at its place on the floor where he had never bothered to pick it up from. Levi considered letting it continue to vibrate until the caller hung up or it went to voicemail. Instead, with a reluctant sigh, he bent over to snatch up the shit piece of plastic from the floor. Glancing at the unbroken screen to find a muscular blond male staring up at him with a half-hearted grin, Levi pursed his lips before tapping the button to receive the call.

“Erwin.”

“Levi. Coffee?”

“Tea.”

Levi pulled the phone away from his ear to peek at the time as a soft chuckle sounded from the older man on the other line. Eleven-fourteen. Why not.

“Sure. Bodt’s?”

“Naturally. See you there.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is my first time writing smut aside from years and years of experience from RPing. Don't laugh at me. lol who am I kidding I laughed at myself.  
> Anyway, chapter two, full of raunchy, naughty Eruri, along with some cute Marco x Jean for you too. Enjoy to your heart's content. <3  
> Oh yeah, by the way, in case you guys wanted it, here's my tumblr. It's mostly just yaoi but if you like that, you're perfectly welcome to follow. I'll follow you back anyhue. =)  
> http://levisyaoiservice.tumblr.com/  
> \----------  
> S is for the simple need.  
> E is for the ecstasy.  
> X is just to mark the spot,  
> Because that's the one you really want.  
> (Yes!) Sex is always the answer, it's never a question,  
> 'Cause the answer's yes, oh the answers (Yes)  
> Not just a suggestion, if you ask the question,  
> Then it's always yes. Yeah!  
> \--S.E.X, Nickleback

The only reason Levi had agreed wasn’t just because Erwin was his best friend, his co-worker, and his councilor at times. It was because Erwin never asked unnecessary questions, and didn’t pester him like shitty glasses always loved to do, even when she knew it pushed buttons he would rather not touch at all. He loved Hange and all, but he couldn’t handle her lately. Also, this whole coffee break thing was a change of pace.

He needed a change of pace.

Killing the engine, he locked and slammed the door shut to his black Dodge Dart before glancing at the café. It was usually busy this time of day during the weekends, but on a Monday, it was dead. Levi’s pale grey eyes wandered before they fell on Erwin’s frame sitting at a table for two in front of the window inside the building, just under the brightly colored sign that read “Bodt’s Café”, and in smaller letters, “and bakery”. He already had his coffee that Levi knew was black with espresso, and a newspaper in front of his face. Levi only paused to tug on the door handle of the driver’s side door, double-checking that the door was locked before stepping around the car and onto the sidewalk to head into the building.

Inside was just as brightly colored as the sign outside was. The walls were painted a bright blue, and the floor was tiled with black and white linoleum. The bell over the door chimed cheerfully to announce that someone had entered, and immediately there was a young man behind the counter, smiling wide at Levi with brown puppy eyes. Levi glanced at Erwin and nodded once in greeting when the blond looked up from his newspaper and smiled ever so slightly.

“Afternoon, Levi!” the freckled-faced male chirped from behind the counter. “It sure is nice out today, isn’t it?”

Levi hadn’t even realized the weather. His gaze out the windshield had been glazed over, as it was so often now. He could hardly enjoy how bright the sun was, because the sun wasn’t really there without someone to enjoy it with. He glanced over his shoulder out the window, then sighed softly before handing over the five-dollar bill; three for the tea, two for the tip.

“It is. Thank you, Marco,” he muttered. The freckled man grinned before turning to get Levi’s usual. He didn’t even have to ask what Levi wanted, because it was always the same thing. Just hot water in a Styrofoam cup and a tea bag.

He sat down at the table with his cup, and Erwin peeked over the newspaper across from him with steel-blue eyes. He silently folded the paper and set it to the side. Levi’s eyes caught a glimpse of the front page; The Boston Globe at the very top of the front page in big letters and something about some teens killed in a car crash before his eyes darted back to Erwin’s. Petra had written for The Boston Globe. He didn’t want to think about that.

“Haven’t seen you at the office. I’ve been missing my accountant.”

“Ah, yes, that’s right. You have no one to buy you donuts anymore,” Levi replied curtly, tugging at the tea bag lightly to keep his hand busy doing _something_. Erwin let out a short laugh that rumbled from deep in his chest, but it didn’t make Levi smirk like Petra’s laugh would have done. He hadn’t smiled since…he couldn’t even remember. He constantly had a stony, stoic expression. Once a toddler in the store took one look at him and started bawling. He was never meant for kids.

Erwin, on the other hand, was just a person that smiled a lot. The corners of his eyes crinkled with every smile that reached his eyes. He was a big guy, but good with kids. He loved kids quite a bit, ironically, and they adored him back.

“You look like shit, Levi.”

“Thanks for noticing.”

“You’re welcome. You better be taking care of yourself.”

“Or what, you’re going to break down my door and baby me? I’m fine. I was fine by myself before, and I’m fine now,” Levi grumbled, and Erwin knew immediately that wasn’t the truth, but as usual, he kept his mouth shut and just smiled.

Sometimes Levi wanted to punch him right in that stupid fucking smile of his. But that would bloody the white and fancy button-down shirt he was wearing that showed he had come straight from work to here to have a drink with his friend that had hardly given him a call to let him know that he was okay. Levi was a shitty friend. But he liked being alone. Being alone was what he did now.

The silence was comfortable between them. There wasn’t much that they wanted to talk about. Levi guessed that this meeting was only so Erwin could see how he was doing. He supposed that it was okay. It really wasn’t the blond male’s fault that Levi had cut himself off from work and socializing in general. They mostly only communicated through emails now, through numbers and the occasional ‘How are you doing?’ that was only answered with a ‘Fine.’ That ‘Fine.’ meant a lot of things that Levi would never say outright. Thanks for caring. Thanks for asking. I’m actually slowly dying on the inside, but thank you for being concerned.

Halfway through his cup of tea that was beginning to cool, the bell of the café chimed again, and a lanky, dorky-looking kid waltzed in. He looked like he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his hair. Ash blond or dark brown? Why not both? It made him look mentally challenged, in Levi’s opinion as he brought the cup up to his lips by the rim, sipping at the lukewarm masterpiece made by Marco Bodt. The twenty-year-old didn’t own the shop. His parents did, but for some reason, his tea tasted ten times better than anything his mother or father made. It was the only reason Levi mildly enjoyed coming out to a public place. From what Marco had told Petra once while she listened intently during one of her and Levi’s drive-bys, he made each of the tea packets by hand with different dried herbs and spices. He truly was a talented man, but apparently, the tea wasn’t the only thing people came for.

The young male with the confusing hair smirked wide when Marco darted to behind the counter, and immediately upon seeing who had entered the café, his freckled face blushed, and Jesus Christ, he even bit his lip and ducked his head. It was really fucking cute. Levi blinked slowly and stared at them as the idiot with the irritating hair leaned against the counter, his palms flat against it to get a better view of Marco as he leaned forward slightly, murmuring something to him that Levi’s ears couldn’t pick up. It was hard _not_ to notice that they were dating. It was glaringly obvious.

After a moment, Erwin’s eyes followed Levi’s before he smiled again and downed the last bit of his coffee. “Reminds me of college,” he murmured, rolling up the newspaper, taking his time. He met Levi’s eyes while the shorter male’s grey eyes flickered to him. That deadpan look he got made his face scrunch up with suppressed laughter, knowing that their thoughts were going in the same direction for once. However, his expression turned to surprise with the next words that came out of Levi’s mouth. The crinkles left the sides of his eyes momentarily to be replaced with a startled sort of look that amused Levi, but his expression never changed. It wasn’t easy to startle Erwin, but Levi prided himself on being perfectly nonchalant about a lot of things.

“Do you want to fuck?”

\----------

In college, Levi hadn’t been a person that partied, nor was he a person that studied too often. Everything just came naturally to him. He wouldn’t even have to study for a test, and he averaged 80’s to 100’s on all of his exams just by paying attention in class. All he was taking classes for was numbers anyway.

His business management lecture was always incredibly boring, until the third day of class, when a tall, hulky Mr. Fucking Handsome sat in front of him in the lecture hall. Despite the elevated layout of the room, Levi couldn’t see over this giant, so he resorted to leaning to the right to see past him to get a view of the projector to scribble down some notes, already mildly irritated. That only worked for a few minutes, because the damn brute decided he was going to let out a long sigh and shift to the right as well, leaning his cheek on his fist, his elbow propped on the desk for support.

Levi’s eyes narrowed and his lips pursed. But instead of dropkicking this oaf down into the next few rows, he simply shifted to the left.

That didn’t work any better. The bigger male leaned to the left, blocking him off again.

By the end of class, Levi was fed up. Despite being a twenty-two-year-old male with the stature of a teenage girl, he walked right down into the row where the giant was standing up and getting ready to leave.

“You--”

The taller man didn’t see him. He smacked right into Levi, and Levi stumbled back a few steps before gaining the loss of distance quickly to grab the light blue tie of the blond’s white shirt with the rolled up sleeves, yanking the oaf down to his level so they were face-to-face. The slightly older man looked startled and apologetic, but that expression quickly shifted to confusion at Levi’s next words.

“You huge shitty fucker. I missed more than half of my lecture with your big ass in front of me. You could have at least stopped sighing and moving so much so I didn’t think you were fucking constipated or some shit. I should have kicked your ass forward so I could see over your ugly mug.”

The blond’s eyes widened slightly, the pale blue eyes stared down at Levi for a moment before he let out a low chuckle. Levi growled, ready to throw more insults when suddenly it was his turn to be surprised.

“If you wanted to copy my notes, all you had to do was ask.”

From that point on, Erwin and Levi’s relationship was pretty solid. They never fought, even when they decided to at least try out dating for a few months. Mostly it was just making shit jokes back and forth. They pretty much just fucked during their free time when Erwin should have been studying, but he and Levi both passed with flying colors. It was only when Petra stepped into his life a few years after college that Levi realized that he swung both ways.

\----------

He wasn’t cheating on Petra.

She wasn’t there to cheat on.

But that didn’t make him stop feeling a slight twinge of guilt while Erwin’s warm lips covered his as soon as they passed through the doorway. Levi’s back bumped against the front door of Erwin’s house, effectively closing it shut while Erwin’s body pressed against Levi’s, pinning his small frame to the door. When Erwin’s hands found his t-shirt and yanked it up over his head, Levi knew that he wasn’t turning back from this. Erwin had always been rough. Rough was what he needed right now. Rough was precisely what he wanted.

“Make me forget,” he breathed when the blond’s lips left his to kiss and suck his neck. Levi stifled a moan when he felt teeth sink into his skin, and a soft gasp escaped him when Erwin ground his hips against Levi’s lower belly. He wasn’t the only one who wanted this little fling, if Levi could even dare to call what was between them little.

“Don’t tease me, Erwin, just fuck me,” Levi moaned softly, arching off the door a bit, pressing against Erwin who still had him pinned to the door, making out with his neck.

“I’ve always loved the way you boss me around, even though you know who’s in charge here,” Erwin grumbled before meeting Levi’s lips again, pulling away only a step before he hauled the shorter male up against him, gripping his ass. Levi gasped against his lips and wrapped his legs around Erwin’s torso, his hands gripping the broad shoulders to catch his balance before his thin fingers found the buttons of Erwin’s fancy shirt that needed to come off right now.

They found themselves in the bedroom in record time, both half naked with a trail of clothes leading from the front door to the bedroom, and Levi was unceremoniously dumped onto the king-sized bed of Erwin’s.

Erwin was only gone for a moment, and when Levi looked over to see what was taking him so long, he groaned and plopped his head back onto the mattress. Erwin was in the top drawer of his dresser, the huge fucking dork.

“What are you _doing_?” Levi groaned softly, glowering at the ceiling.

“I’m getting…necessary things.”

“You keep your lube in your dresser?”

“It’s been a while. Leave me alone.” Erwin frowned as he glanced over his shoulder at Levi on his bed in only his black boxers that tented slightly with his half-hard erection, sprawled out on his back. Erwin could feel his glare, and he swore the ceiling even cracked a little bit.

Levi let out a low groan of frustration. He just wanted to get off. He didn’t even care if Erwin couldn’t find his stupid lubricant. “I thought you were fucking around with Mike.”

“Was, being the key word. Was.” Erwin shut the drawer as soon as he found what he was looking for, and dropping the bottle onto the bed just as he had dropped Levi before unbuttoning his slacks. Levi glanced away from the ceiling to take in the sight before him, and he wasn’t disappointed. His friend’s body had always looked like it had been chiseled from stone; how did anyone even manage to get a body that perfect to begin with? Erwin did.

Rough sex that left Levi feeling too weak to stand had been the pinnacle of their relationship since they first started dating, and until Petra had come into the picture, Levi hadn’t wanted anything else but Erwin. They had both admitted later, shamelessly at Levi’s wedding of all places, that there had been no affection involved. Only raunchy, dirty, give-it-to-me-hard sex. Time may have changed the both of them, but it certainly hadn’t affected their sex drive.

There was hardly any prep, but Levi liked it that way. The quicker Erwin could get around to fucking his brains out, the better. It would give him something else to think about besides ginger hair and amber eyes. This romp between them was purely for the pleasure, as it had always been. A way to temporarily block out the outside world, where there was only Levi and Erwin, both thinking with what was between their legs rather than their brains. And that was more than okay for once.

Erwin’s thick fingers spread his hole, and Levi let out a soft moan, having forgotten the feel of having someone else do all of the work for once. He could feel the soft-scented lube easing Erwin’s searching fingers, and when he found what he was looking for, Levi’s back arched off the bed and he forced back a cry that settled into a “Nmmmyeah~” instead. Erwin teased Levi a bit more, massaging his prostate until Levi was practically kicking his hip for him to knock it off.

Erwin yanked his fingers out at that with a smug little look on his face that made Levi want to kick him in the face next, but he restrained himself, sitting up instead to grab Erwin’s girth in his hand and tighten his grip around his base as revenge. Erwin winced, but didn’t move from the bedside. Levi smirked and pulled his hand away grab the bottle of lube, spreading a generous amount into his palm, and with a few quick strokes that forced a soft rumble from Erwin’s chest, Levi made to casually lay back down and let Erwin take him just like that, but the bigger male had other plans. He abruptly grabbed Levi’s hips and yanked him back toward the edge of the bed before easily flipping him over with those big hands of his that drove Levi nuts.

Levi hardly made a sound when Erwin jerked Levi’s hips upwards, and he stayed just like that; knees spread and ass up, his shoulders squirming slightly into the dark blue comforter as he reached down to stroke himself, purposely dipping his back further, one hand up by his face to grip the blanket. His palm was still slick with the lubricant he had applied to Erwin’s cock; that mixed with his own precum forced him to bite back a soft sound that he knew was a whimper of want. Levi turned so his cheek was against the mattress, his stormy grey eyes challenging Erwin behind him, the older male slowly stroking himself as he smirked. The crinkles of his eyes were gone now, only to be replaced with a predatory, dark and wild look to his steel-blue eyes that he always got when Levi was beneath him. It almost made him cum right there, and he shuddered softly at the thought, his cock twitching in response in his hand. He was a little lost in it when Erwin slid into him with one hard thrust. Levi groaned and his eyes unfocused before he just closed them, not bothering anymore with the staring contest. There was a reason Erwin had turned him this way in the first place. It was a completely different feeling _being_ filled then doing the filling. It had been a while, but Levi had missed it to an extent. Of course, he would never admit it, but he wanted this desperately.

It was raw, rough sex, the kind that made him white out halfway through. The sweet sound of Erwin’s hips smacking against the curve of his ass, jolting his whole body forward, had Levi almost drooling with pleasure. He didn’t even need his hand’s help to get him off, so he brought his other hand up to steady himself, propping up on his elbows again with his back still in that gorgeous display of an arch. His fingers curled to grip the comforter to keep him in place as he pushed back against Erwin with the help of the older male’s hands yanking Levi’s hips back into his thrusts.

Erwin was panting behind Levi, his perfect composure slipping quickly, and at Levi’s encouraging moans and gasps, Erwin let out a soft groan before he leaned over Levi on the bed, shoving the smaller male into the mattress, the fingers of one hand digging into his hip while the other supported himself between Levi’s shoulder blades. Levi’s knees slipped from the edge of the mattress, and to compensate for it, Levi kept himself on his toes, using the mattress as a support. His elbows were no longer supporting him either, but his hands still gripped the blanket under him. Erwin just kept going. Harder, rougher for Levi, who responded enthusiastically under him. Eventually his hand found the back of Levi’s neck, putting enough pressure to make the male under him lightheaded from lack of air, but Levi didn’t stop urging him on with his gasped words.

“Erwin, _fuck yeah_ , fuck!” Levi groaned out, unable to control his mouth anymore. He could feel himself closing in on his orgasm, and his vision blurred before he squeezed his eyes shut again, gasping sharply as his right hand found his cock again, matching the rhythm of Erwin’s thrusts with perfectly timed strokes. His body didn’t need much more encouragement than that.

His body stiffened and he cried out, cutting the sound off by biting down on his lip hard enough to draw blood. Erwin only slowed his thrusts for a moment, groaning softly as Levi’s body clamped down around him as shots of hot cum coated Levi’s hand and the comforter underneath him. Levi was dazed from the heady orgasm, but Erwin hadn’t gotten off yet, so round two started for Levi. And even though his oversensitive body had complaints that were quickly stifled, Levi himself didn’t.

\----------

Levi ended up staying over that night. The kitchen counter, the couch, and the shower were three of the four total victims of household objects to fuck in and on. He had acquired a number of bruises from furniture and Erwin himself, which was a minor annoyance. Erwin had fallen asleep hours ago, his huge body noisy with snores that rumbled and wheezed slightly. Levi didn’t watch him while he slept like he would have done with someone else, but someone in the same bed as him comforted him, even though the giant kept trying to kick him out of his bed in his sleep.

He couldn’t sleep himself, but that wasn’t new. He had forgotten what a good night’s sleep felt like, and no matter how many times him and Erwin ran themselves out of steam (or semen), Levi would never be able to hit the blissful, other reality of sleep. It really was a pain in the ass (no pun intended), but when his dreams were plagued by nightmares of burning plane engines and screams of terror, the least he could do was stay awake.

And stay awake he did, until he couldn’t take staring at Erwin’s ceiling and wall anymore. Six-nineteen, and he was up for the day. Levi slipped on his boxers and one of Erwin’s clean t-shirts. Glancing at the mirror in the bathroom while he borrowed Erwin’s mouthwash to get the disgusting taste of morning breath out of his mouth, Levi spat and glowered at his reflection. Erwin was right. He did look like shit. His face was paler than usual, and his eyes were the same dull grey, but the dark bags under them had deepened, and the crease in between his eyebrows from glaring and frowning all of the time had only become more prominent. With a frustrated sigh, he stuck his hands under the flow of cold water from the faucet before running both hands slowly through his cropped hair to flatten it and tame it a bit, staring as his forehead came more into view. He had hickeys all over his neck and shoulder, and probably more on his back. When he noticed, he frowned at those too before he shut the faucet off and exited the bathroom.

He washed and disinfected all of the surfaces their sweaty skin had touched. Levi cringed a bit at that, but sex was dirty as it was. There wasn’t a whole lot to be done about that aside from cleaning. That kept him busy for about two hours before he decided to take a break. The kitchen counter, the bathroom, and the living room were immaculate thanks to Levi.

He let Erwin sleep to his heart’s content, not that Levi could wake him up anyway. He slept like a boulder, always had. The man worked his ass off constantly as the CEO of a multi-million dollar corporation, and after spending time with Levi, he deserved rest. His house was nice and big, and his 60” flat screen TV in the den kept Levi occupied for another hour and a half. At around nine-forty-five, Levi was bored of game shows and sitcoms. Was that really all that was on TV these days? He had cable in his apartment because he could afford it, but he never watched it aside from Game of Thrones and occasionally the news. He usually stayed away from the news stations altogether though except to catch the weather. They were still showing the victims from the plane, overdramatizing everything as usual. They didn’t realize how much that could actually fuck someone up, hearing that the same people had died over and over again, in the same plane crash, in the same forest where they were found two days after the plane went down and radio communication had been shut off.

Hitting that topic in his head, he stopped in the door to the kitchen. He had hoped to have a break from all of the memories of Petra, being in a different house and everything, but she had sat on the couch in the den where he had just been a minute ago. Sat at the dining room table with Mike, Hange, and his coworkers. Ate dinner with them, and laughed in these rooms.

He was never going to get a break, was he? The same scenes were just going to play through his head, and the same nightmare would plague him. For years, he was sure of it. He couldn’t let her go. He was never going to be able to live his life anymore, because the only sliver of happiness he had ever had was stolen from him far too soon.

Petra had mentioned that she wanted kids. She wanted to name their daughter Emily, and their son Jayden. He had hated those names at the time, but now his tongue gently caressed them as they found their way past his lips. Emily Ackerman. Jayden Ackerman. Petra Ackerman. Levi Ackerman, who was no longer a whole person because he was missing three parts of himself. Two that had never existed, and one that had ceased to exist.

Had she even been real in the first place? Or had it all just been a dream to lure him into a false happiness?

Levi was so engrossed in his thoughts that he almost jumped out of his skin when he felt something warm and furry brush up against his bare legs.

“Fucking--” he hissed, looking down into a pair of bored yellow eyes, the pupils slit as the cat let out the most unimpressed meow that could ever come from a feline. The bright orange cat with tabby yellow stripes let out another bored sound before rubbing against his legs again. He blinked, then sighed, remembering where he was.

That’s right; Erwin had gotten a cat a month before the plane had gone down. Well, technically, he had picked the stray up from the side of the street when it had hissed at everyone else but him. And being the adorable fucking giant he was, he had plucked the cat right up and took it home. As far as Levi had heard, she hadn’t given him any problems.

“Annie, you little shit.” Levi mumbled as he stepped over the cat, searching for her food and water bowl. She pawed after him lazily, the bell of her red collar jingling with her very feminine cat walk. Levi couldn’t deny that he didn’t like cats. He loved cats. Maybe he should get one. Might be a good distraction.

Her food and water bowl were near the front door, and he noticed the cat door before he noticed the newspaper. So that’s how she had gotten in. Levi snatched up the paper from yesterday where it had been dropped by Erwin in their urgency to get to the bedroom, and hardly paying attention to Annie’s collar tickling behind him as she followed, he walked to the kitchen counter and flipped open the Monday newspaper there. Teens dead in crash. Obituaries. Comics. Levi’s eyes strayed a little bit there, but since he didn’t see Garfield, he turned the page with boredom. Annie jumped up onto the counter next to him to headbutt his forearm, and he thought to shoo her off. However, the action was never completed.

His eyes widened as he stared down at the next page.

The headline read, “Teen from Tragic Plane Crash Wakes, Cont.” The rest of the article must have been from the front page, and he must have missed it, because anything to do with planes hardly registered in his mind. One look of the word made his stomach unsettle, so his eyes had been trained not to take in such a word. However, the grey and black picture at the bottom of the article glared up at him. It was what had caught his eyes in the first place. The kid in the picture wasn’t glaring; no, he was smiling weakly. Levi hardly noticed the two other teenagers beside him, all smiling for the photograph that the newspaper photographer had taken. The teen was in a hospital bed, his bowl cut uneven now from going months without a haircut.

And even though the grey and black picture did it little justice, Levi knew exactly what colors he was looking at.

Blond hair like the sun’s rays.

Blue eyes like the sky _, like a sky that wasn’t dampened by rain or by pummeling planes full of screaming passengers_.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here you go, little titans. Short chapter, but developments, and EREN.  
> If you want to make sure you know exactly when the next chapter is out, follow me on tumblr!! <3  
> http://levisyaoiservice.tumblr.com/  
> \----------  
> And I started to hear it again  
> But this time it wasn't the end  
> And the room is so quiet, oh oh oh oh  
> And my heart is a hollow plain  
> For the devil to dance again  
> And the room is too quiet, oh oh oh oh  
> I was looking for the breath of a life  
> A little touch of a heavenly light  
> But all the choirs in my head sang, no oh oh oh  
> \--Breath of Life, Florence and the Machine

**Teen from Tragic Plane Crash Wakes**

A few months ago on May 15th, an American Airlines airplane went down in Shawnee State Forest of West Portsmouth, Ohio. It was there officials found the remains of the airliner among the mountainous terrain after a wide-spread search that lasted two days. One hundred and five passengers were on the flight to Los Angeles, including Boston Globe’s own Petra Ral. Officials released information soon later that the plane crash was the result of two blown engines. No terrorist activity was reported.

Just yesterday, at 3:04 pm, the only passenger to survive the crash roused from his three-month coma in tears and panic that quickly turned to relief and smiles at the comfort from the two friends that had been at his bedside for these past few months. The nineteen-year-old Armin Arlert recovered well, even in the coma that was believed to be the result of severe head trauma. Upon…

**Teen from Tragic Plane Crash Wakes, Cont.**

…further investigation, it was found that Arlert’s memories remained completely intact.

He is currently being held at Rhode Island Hospital until doctors are positive that his condition is stable.

Featured in the photo below (left to right): Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert, and Eren Jaeger.

\----------

Two days later, Levi found himself sitting in his car in a parking lot in Providence, Rhode Island. Rhode Island Hospital stood tall in front of him, still in the afternoon breeze that tugged at the helicopter flag on top of the building. His air conditioner was running on high, the cool air working the whole hour drive here to quell his nerves. Outside, it was just touching past 100 degrees, the dew point high and thick. He knew that as soon as he stepped outside, he would be hit with a wall of heat, but for now, he opted to stay in his car for another couple minutes, just letting the engine purr quietly. He pulled his hands off the steering wheel to lean back in his seat and sigh, closing his eyes behind his sunglasses to block out the bright sunshine beating down on the car, and the towering building in front of him. He went over the last few days’ worth of events in his head with a heavy heart, but a clear mind.

He had stood frozen in Erwin’s kitchen, his eyes on the photo for what felt like hours before they wandered, finally, to the other two in the picture. They looked about Armin’s age. Both of them had dark hair, unlike the blond in between them in the hospital bed. The boy on the far right had light eyes and a wide grin on his face, his skin a darker shade of grey in the newspaper photograph, with his arm around Armin’s shoulders. He looked relieved. Armin’s wide eyes were terrified and uncertain, but his mouth was curved into a soft smile that was put there by his two friends on either side of him. The girl had a blank expression to her dark eyes, but her own thin lips were forced into a smile too.

She looked really familiar, but Levi couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

Levi shifted his grey eyes to the text above the picture, from where it began under the ‘Cont.’ to where the girl’s last name popped out of the page.

Mikasa Ackerman.

 _Oh_.

Now he remembered. His brow furrowed as he stared down at the picture again. She was his cousin. He had completely forgotten about family members, since none of them had bothered to contact him in forever. None of his family members had come to Petra’s funeral, which was no surprise. After all, they hadn’t even bothered to meet her. His own mother and father didn’t check up on him. They hadn’t in years, ever since he had moved into Erwin’s apartment shortly after college, and before Erwin got his degree and joined the work force. They had hated the fact that their only son liked sucking dick more than courting a woman. Even when he married Petra, they didn’t show up for the wedding, though he very broadly stated that she was a woman. Levi hadn’t cared too much, all of it aside. Personally, he hadn’t wanted them there to embarrass him, or her. That’s all they had ever done.

Mikasa was his mother’s sister’s daughter. Levi had only seen her when she was born, and that was it. He never heard of her again. That had been almost twenty years ago, and honestly, he was surprised that he even remembered the name at all. He had been eleven at the time.

Just after that realization, Erwin scared the hell out of him by coming up behind him and sleepily asking for a cup of coffee, sexy in all his half-naked glory and rubbing the back of his neck with a yawn. He got kick to the shins instead.

For the last two days, all Levi had been doing was reading that article. Over and over again, until his mind went numb, and his head pounded because he was too lazy to find his reading glasses every time he wanted to look at the article.

First, his eyes lingered on the date. May 15th. The date that he lost her.

Then it was her name.

He didn’t dare say it. Even as he sat alone in his apartment, the plain gold wedding band on his finger, even as he sat at the dining room table next to the seat where she used to eat dinner and laugh with him; he wouldn’t say it. He wanted to. He wanted to say her name and watch her tilt her head as she had always done, her soft voice that had always been nothing but kind asking him what was on his mind. But he wouldn’t say it because he knew no one would respond.

The apartment would be empty and silent, just as it had been for these past few months.

Even though he couldn’t bring himself to say her name, he still wanted to hear about her from the one person he knew he could. That nightmare that was torturing him now wasn’t just a nightmare. It had to have been the last seconds of her life. Levi knew for sure that he had never seen Armin before. But Petra must have.

It was like some cliché shit out of a movie.

Levi told Erwin a lot of things, but he did not want to sound completely crazy in front of his best friend and boss. Who the hell dreamt about their dead wife over and over again like that? It was fucking creepy, to say the least. It had happened again and again though, the same scene, with the same color nail polish, and the same blond-haired boy that always looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.

It couldn’t be coincidence. It couldn’t be anything like that. It was too…real. Far too real to be considered anything but fate. Before Petra, Levi didn’t believe in fate or anything close to it. She had to have been throwing him a bone. Where ever she was right now, she was telling him something with that dream.

And the kid was only an hour away, lying in Rhode Island Hospital.

So, here Levi was.

He slowly opened his eyes again, squinting through the sunglasses on his nose from the bright sun. This was it. He had to ask Armin if he had seen Petra. If not, then he wouldn’t mind going home without any answers. That was okay. If Armin did know something, however, he would have the answers he craved: the answers of the last minutes, maybe even the last few hours. All he needed to do was get the hell out of this car and step inside the hospital that was looming over him the way so many other things did.

Levi sighed and finally reached forward to turn the car off. As soon as the air conditioner died, he could just feel the hot air creeping up on him. So might as well get it over with. Shoving his keys into his pocket, he opened the door and locked the car, letting out a breath as the hot air hit him, and the sun felt like weights of heat physically pounding down on him.

It didn’t help that he was wearing all black, but honestly, he could care less about what people thought of him in his skinny jeans and muscle t-shirt. It was doing more than its job of soaking up his sweat. Shit, it was disgusting, but it was better than the sweat coating his back and showing though his shirt.

If he had any other color but black on, and if the shirt wasn’t clingy as it already was to his back and chest, then it would look like Levi had a bucket of water dumped on him by the time he stepped through the automatic doors of the hospital.

The conditioned air hit him, and he had to suppress a soft moan of content. Levi ran a hand over his forehead and through his hair, wincing at the amount of perspiration that had poured from him and was now glistening in his hair. Fucking gross.

Since there was no one in the lobby of the main entrance, Levi stood there for a while, letting himself cool off a bit. It had literally been a minute walk from his car to the main entrance of the hospital, and he had ended up like this.

When he deemed himself worthy enough to venture up to the desk around the corner, he slipped his sunglasses off and slowly folded them as the woman looked up from her paperwork over the rim of her glasses.

“Yes?”

Levi stared at her for a moment. Now that he was here, he wasn’t quite sure what to say. He usually never found himself at a loss for words, but then again, Levi hadn’t been himself these past couple months. So he just said a name.

“Armin. Armin Arlert.”

The woman looked down at her computer screen, typing in the teenager’s last name. It took a moment of extremely awkward silence before the woman let out an annoyed sound, like she hated that she was there.

“Family?”

“Excuse me?”

“Are you family?”

“Uh…no.”

“Nobody but family is allowed in Armin’s room at this moment. I’m sorry.”

Levi blinked slowly, then his grey eyes narrowed; his thin lips set into a frown, and the crease in his brow became deeper. This woman had the worst attitude. Snarky, bitchy, and every fucking thing in between. Not just because she said that he couldn’t see Armin. That was part of it, but not only because of that.

“Alright, look here, lady. I didn’t drive an hour in this sweltering heat to be told to go back the fuck home. I came here to speak to Armin, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do, whether you let me or not.”

The woman looked startled for a moment, stunned into silence, but when Levi raised an eyebrow to prompt her to speak, she huffed and glared at him over the top of the desk where papers were stacked neatly. “Excuse me, sir, but I don’t care how long it took you to get here, or where you’re from. You’re not getting past this front desk, and if I have to call security, then I will. Otherwise, you should just turn and march your little self on out of here.”

Levi’s eye twitched and he almost snapped the sunglasses in his hand. That did it. “Listen here, you fucking twat bag, douche-sucking, fucking thunder--”

“What’s the matter?”

A young male’s voice broke the string of insults and other creative things Levi was about to say. He rounded on the male and looked up. The teenager wasn’t too much taller than him, maybe half a foot, but the height difference wasn’t intimidating to Levi at all, especially when the younger male’s shoulders were hunched. Brunet, slightly tanned skin, and turquoise eyes. Red t-shirt and tan cargo pants, his hands in his pockets. Levi was about to snap something at him as well, but he quickly stopped himself when he recognized the boy.

“Eren.”

The teenager blinked and looked around the lobby, then back down at Levi with a look of confusion. “How do you know me? That’s a little weird.” He looked exactly as he had in the picture, but he wasn’t smiling. He didn’t seem very happy, to be honest.

“Eren, I’m calling security. He’s being real pushy about seeing your friend,” the woman behind the counter huffed, standing, but when Eren shook his head, she paused, her hand on the phone. Levi sent a glower in her direction, but before he could speak, Eren opened his mouth.

“It’s alright; I can handle it. Thanks though,” Eren said with a smile, though Levi could tell it was forced cheerfulness.

The woman stared at them for a long moment, then sat back down and went back to her paperwork, mumbling something about the rudeness of some people.

Eren didn’t say anything for a moment as the boy looked off down the hall where Levi guessed Armin was. He didn’t care about seeing Eren, or Mikasa. He just wanted to speak to Armin. But before Levi could say anything, Eren looked back to him and silenced him with a soft glare.

“I don’t know what you’re asking for Armin for, but if you’re a reporter or anything like that, you should leave. He doesn’t want anyone questioning him right now. He’s overtired and he’s still recovering. I’ve never seen you before, so I know that you’re not a friend of his. What do you want?”

Levi stared up at Eren for a long moment, debating whether to tell the truth or not. Maybe he could lie his way around this kid. He wouldn’t have to say her name, wouldn’t have to mention anything about her until he reached Armin. But something told him that it wouldn’t be that easy with this Eren Jaeger. He seemed pretty dead set on not letting anyone through. Levi couldn’t help but notice how brilliant his eyes were. Even when he was glaring, they still caught the light from the bright overhead lamps of the lobby.

Levi let out a sigh, shifting his grip on his sunglasses as he stared up at Eren, his own face blank as he started to speak.

“My name is Levi Ackerman.” Eren’s eyebrows quirked at the last name, just as Levi predicted they would. “My wife was on the plane with Armin. I just came here to speak with him and see if he remembered…her. I have a very good reason to believe that she was sitting next to him when the plane went…down.” Levi didn’t like the way that Eren’s eyes softened. He also didn’t like the way Eren sighed and looked down at the toes of his sneakers. Levi hated pity. He had really grown to hate it over these last few months.

Eren didn’t speak for a moment, but when he did, he didn’t look up at Levi right away, like this was a rehearsed thing. And when Eren spoke, Levi realized why he didn’t look up.

“Petra…right?”

Levi winced without a sound and looked away at the name. He was relieved, so relieved that Eren knew who he was talking about so he didn’t have to explain further. He was relieved too, because Eren didn’t get to see that moment of weakness that Levi so hated to reveal to other people. Before, and with Petra, he had been such a strong person. Being a broken man was hard. Extremely, undeniably _hard_. Painful in all of the ways it was possible to feel pain. And Levi hated it.

Levi recovered quickly. He always did, but he wasn’t nearly quick enough this time.

“…Yes.”

He hated how his voice broke in the middle of the simple word. He cursed inwardly. He looked back at Eren to find the other just lifting his head. Levi had no idea how he looked right now, but he desperately hoped he didn’t look like he was ready to break down any second. On the inside, he was in the process of slowly crumbling to a million pieces. Their eyes met, and to Levi’s surprise, Eren smiled softly and turned towards the hallway, his hands slipping out of his pockets and he stood a lot straighter.

“Come on. I’ll bring you to him.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Eren, little titans!  
> If you would like to know exactly when the updates are, or you like yaoi, OR you simply love Ereri so much that you can't handle it (like me, huehue) feel free to give me a follow on Tumblr! I always follow back <3 http://levisyaoiservice.tumblr.com/  
> Other than that, thank you to my beta, and I hope you love my babies just as much as I love them =) 
> 
> Let it go,  
> Let it roll right off your shoulder  
> Don't you know  
> The hardest part is over  
> Let it in,  
> Let your clarity define you  
> In the end  
> We will only just remember how it feels  
> \--Rob Thomas, “Little Wonders”

If the main lobby was looking drab, the hospital room where Armin was staying won the cake. He was the only patient residing in the room with the white walls, the white floors, and the white sheets. The only splashes of color in the room were themselves and their clothing, and the abundance of flowers settled on the windowsill. Armin apparently had a lot of admirers. There were roses, daisies, carnations, and everything else that wished him recovery. Some were old, some were new.

Armin turned his head from the window to look at Eren and Levi entering the room. Levi noted that his blond hair was trimmed and even now, but pulled back into a messy ponytail, strands of gold escaping here and there. His eyes first met Eren’s, curious, before they flickered to Levi. The blue orbs searched his grey ones. They were beautiful, just as they were when Petra had seen them on the plane. Levi silently wondered if she had thought the same thing about them. They looked like the sky without any clouds, and they were innocent, so innocent.

He stared at Levi until Eren said his name.

“Armin?”

The boy looked up at his friend as Levi came to a stop a few feet from the bed.

“Eren, I said I didn’t want any interviews. Who is this?” he asked. His voice was soft and unsure, and Eren smiled as he stepped over to the opposite side of the bed Levi was standing by to touch Armin’s shoulder. Levi could see that Armin’s right leg was still in a cast from the crash. The white hospital gown he was wearing was too big for him, and backwards, but he seemed to like it that way. Armin averted his eyes to his knees underneath the white sheet covering everything up to his waist.

Levi cleared his throat then, and both teenagers looked at him.

Once again, he was quiet for a moment, trying to pull the right words together. Eren was letting him explain himself. He didn’t speak, but the other was watching Levi with turquoise eyes, willing him to continue. Almost like an encouragement.

Levi stared at him for a moment, his expression blank before he looked back down at Armin, who was too watching him with new-found curiosity. Levi was going to get his answers. He was standing right in front of the person who could give them to him, and by the look on the boy’s face, he would. Armin had spoken about her. Otherwise how would Eren even know Petra’s name? Armin knew her name, remembered it even when he woke from his three month coma. She had left that much of an impact on the boy.

Just how she had left her mark on the now broken man who was desperately searching for answers and something to hold onto. The memory of her tormented him, and it would always torture him, but he had to have it. He had to know. He couldn’t move on if he didn’t know.

So with a slow inhale, Levi started.

“I’m not here to interview you. I guess that you could say that I am, in a way, but certainly not in the way that you think. I’m here because I wanted to speak to you about my wife. Petra.”

Thank fucking god. Levi had said it, finally, and clearly too, without his voice cracking from emotion. It was weird. All this time, he dreaded saying her name because no one would respond. _Petra_. He was afraid of saying her name because no one would answer. _Petra_. And now, there was someone in front of him that responded to the name.

Armin’s eyes widened as he stared at Levi, surprised. “How do you…how do you know about…”

Levi was not about to tell this kid that he was dreaming of Armin every time he managed to fall asleep. That would not only be extremely creepy, but a little concerning as well. Usually, if you were dreaming about your dead spouse, it was because you had mental problems. So Levi covered his footsteps, keeping his expression blank.

“You were on the flight with her. That’s all I know.”

“On the flight…with her…I was sitting right next to her,” Armin whispered, looking down at his hands in his lap, wringing them together nervously. “…They said that I’m the only one who made it…I wished it would have been her though.”

Levi wished it would have been her, too. The very thought of the small blond dying now made him feel a little guilty, but what if it had been her? What if she had lived instead of Armin? He wouldn’t be like this. He wouldn’t feel so tired and so broken down all the time. And, as pathetic as it sounded, he wouldn’t be so lonely. Before Petra, he was used to being lonely. Now that he had tasted real happiness, and felt what it was like to be completely and wholly someone else’s, being lonely was ten times worse than it had been in the beginning.

Levi let out a sigh and looked towards the window, his eyes finding a particularly interesting vase of daffodils. Petra’s favorite flowers. He really couldn’t get a break. Everywhere he looked, all he saw was her.

“I…miss her,” he admitted, his eyes still on the yellow flowers. He felt Eren’s eyes on him, but didn’t care. Let him look, the god damn brat. Maybe he’d learn something. “I saw that you were here in the newspaper where I’m from. I had to come. I had to ask.”

Armin looked up to see Levi staring at the flowers on the windowsill. He let out a small sigh and hung his head again, staring down at his fingers. “…I remember everything about her…she did sit next to me. She sat right beside me. She smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back, then she introduced herself. We talked the whole flight. We talked about…you. A lot. You’re Levi, right?” Armin looked up and Levi met his eyes with a soft sound of confirmation. “I remember everything she said. She told me you were an accountant at a firm. She said you wanted to be a CEO someday, like your friend, and make a lot of money so you could make her happy…she…she said she didn’t want that. She said that she only wanted for you to do what made you happy. And she said that numbers made you happy.”

“She made me happy.”

Levi hadn’t realized he had opened his mouth until both teenagers were staring at him.

Armin stared, but continued slowly, watching Levi with those blue eyes that could make anyone’s heart skip a beat. So innocent, so purely innocent. He hadn’t deserved what he went though anymore than Petra did. Levi stared back. He couldn’t tear his eyes away now.

“Petra told me…that the both of you were planning on having kids…two, at the least. Hopefully, a boy and a girl. She said that even you wouldn’t mind having twins; especially you. She…she kept talking to me for the whole entire time, like I wasn’t a complete stranger. She encouraged me to speak. I don’t talk to a lot of people because I’m shy, but she kept telling me little things and I loved it. She paid attention to me. Not in a weird way, but she was just friendly. She was friendly, and loving, and just…nice. She was nice to me.”

Armin swallowed, his expression hidden by the locks of golden hair that escaped from the ponytail.

“When the…when the first engine blew…it was a loud crack. It scared the hell out of me…I could tell it scared her too, but she just smiled at me and grabbed my wrist…she told me that it was going to be okay. I believed her. There was this horrible, horrible screeching sound…I think it was the engine…Then the second one gave out…the screeching got louder and I panicked. It got hard to breathe because we were descending so quickly…she made sure I had an oxygen mask. I couldn’t see until I could breathe again. I even remember the color of her nail polish. Blue, it was blue.” Armin laughed weakly before bringing a shaking hand up to wrap his arm around his chest, almost like he was holding himself together. It was an action that Levi had performed many times the week following the plane crash, so he recognized it. Eren didn’t move.

“I knew that we weren’t going to make it…I just knew it. We were coming in too fast, and coming in way too strong. We were going to hit the ground and that would be the end of it. Petra stayed calm though. She even smiled when she told me to close my eyes. The last thing I remembered was her reaching over to hug me tightly…so tight it hurt. But it was nothing compared to the pain of…of everything else.”

Armin’s breath hitched, like he was trying to hold back a sob.

“Levi, I’m so sorry…I…She should have lived instead of me…I don’t know how she did it, but I know it was her who kept me safe. Without her, I wouldn’t be here. I-I wish…I wish she was here instead. She deserves life so much more than me. I--”

“Armin, don’t--” Eren started.

“Don’t fucking say something like that.”

The teary-eyed blond looked up at Levi, his blue eyes wide. Levi hadn’t moved an inch. The older male could feel the salty bitch-water welling at the corner of his grey eyes, but he didn’t care. At this moment, he didn’t care. Levi stood stark still, but the anger on his face was what moved him. Armin shrunk a little on the bed, but didn’t speak.

Levi hadn’t meant to scare the kid, but he couldn’t help himself from being angry. For a moment there, Levi had thought that if Petra would have lived instead of Armin, she would have been back home right now, writing her columns and laughing at some stupid joke one of her friends sent her on Facebook. Now, he felt like a shitty fucker for even thinking something like that. Their lives were equal. Levi had loved Petra and still did, but Armin had people who loved him too. Since when did he start being so selfish?

“Petra didn’t die so you could sit here and wish she had lived instead of you. Don’t you think that’s a little counterproductive? She protected you. She gave her life up for you. I believe that, but I don’t believe what I’m hearing right now. Don’t you dare sit there and wish that you weren’t here. You’re still breathing for a reason. You’re still here _for a reason_.”

Armin choked out a sob and looked away. Levi once again felt Eren’s eyes on him, but he didn’t care. He didn’t feel up to looking into those turquoise eyes right now, especially when his own grey ones were so angry and brimming with unshed tears. He hadn’t wanted Armin to see that either, but it was too late now. Besides, Levi was pretty sure that he had gotten through to Armin.

“You should just be happy that you’re still here, kid,” he said in closing before turning, loosening the grip on his sunglasses only slightly.

His hands shaking, he left the room and walked down the hall. Nurses in blue passed by and hardly spared him a second glance. A doctor passed in a white lab coat, on his phone. And Levi continued down the hallway in the opposite direction. He didn’t bother with the bitchy woman at the front desk as he headed right out of the hospital through the automated doors.  

He was slammed with the stifling heat once again; he had forgotten about that. Levi didn’t slow his pace as he made a beeline for his car in the parking lot. He pulled out his keys, breathing hard, his hands shaking so bad that he couldn’t get the fucking key into the god damn slot to unlock the door.

With a muffled cry of frustration and anger, he slammed the side of his fist into the window of the car. Twice, three times.

That didn’t stop the tears from overflowing.

Levi shook with a silent sob and slumped against his car, burying his face into the crook of his arm.

He should have expected this. He should have known this was coming. He should have realized it the moment he stepped foot into the hospital. Even before that, when he left his apartment early this morning. He should have known that no matter what Armin had to tell him, it wasn’t going to fill the gaping hole in his heart and in his life. He wasn’t ready to let go. He didn’t know _how_ to let go. Petra had been everything that made him complete, and without her, the world felt fucking _numb_.

Scuffing footsteps behind him broke the silence of the heated parking lot. Beeps of the main road and the slamming doors of cars were just background noise, but the footsteps that stopped near him were like the cymbals sounding after the orchestra had already quieted.

Levi tensed a bit, but after a moment, he pulled away from his car, finally getting the key into the car door. He couldn’t see very well, and the tears were merging with the thin layer of sweat dampening his face.

“Levi…”

He ignored the voice and opened his door to get into the driver’s seat. He made to slam the door, but the teen’s tanned hand caught the side of the door halfway and forced it open again. Levi’s eyes snapped up to Eren’s face, catching his eyes. At this point, he didn’t care how he looked. He didn’t know the kid anyway.

“Let go of the door, shitty brat. Don’t make me get out of this car and kick your ass,” Levi growled, yanking on the door again, but Eren held on tight with a determined look on his face.

“You won’t do that.”

“Try me, you little shit. Just try me.”

“Levi, it’s okay.”

“What the—kid, just _fuck off_.”

“It’s okay.”

Levi glared darkly at the young male above him that was blocking out the sun with his thin frame as he moved to block the door from closing with his body. There was a small frown on his lips, and his eyes were sad and concerned. Puppy-eyed, but stubborn as a god damn ass. Levi glowered with his best I-will-fuck-you-up stare, and Eren just stared back at him, his arms crossed until Levi let go of the handle on the inside of the door.

“What do you want, kid?”

Eren’s frown curved up into a small smile, and Levi looked up at him in disbelief.

“I need a ride home.”

Levi glared up at this kid. Levi didn’t know him, and he knew for damn sure that Eren had no idea who he was. He was asking a random thirty-one-year-old man for a ride. Levi could be a rapist and a complete psycho for all Eren knew. And yet, he stood there with this stupid little smile on his face.

“Take the bus,” Levi grumbled before starting up his car. The air conditioner tempted him with a strong gust of cool air, but Eren and his fat ass was standing in the way.

“I don’t have any money,” Eren said simply with a sweet smile that made Levi want to punch him in the mouth.

“If I give you money, will you leave me alone?”

“Nope!”

“Fucking christ, get in the fucking car,” Levi groaned, unlocking all of the doors. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. He hated teenagers and all that they stood for. Having kids with Petra was such a thing of the past. He didn’t want brats running around that were more stubborn than himself.

“Score.” Eren’s lips curved up to the left side with a crooked grin before he jogged around the black car to the passenger’s seat.

Levi closed his door and smacked his head back against the headrest, groaning loudly and reluctantly before Eren opened the door and got in. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand while Eren was putting on his seatbelt. It fastened with a click before Eren’s fingers greedily reached for the touch screen radio’s power button. Levi grabbed his fingers suddenly in a tight grip that made Eren squeak with surprise and pain before letting the kid go; he whined and brought his hand close to his chest as he sent Levi a scorned sort of look.

“Don’t. Touch. Anything,” Levi growled, glaring back before he shifted gears to back out of the parking space. “Where do you live anyway, brat?”

After Eren told him where they were headed, Levi set his GPS and set it on the dash. It was quiet for a few minutes. Eren lived a total of ten minutes away, give or take. It didn’t bother Levi, honestly. All this little trip was doing was knocking off the time spent for the rest of the day at home, silently brooding.

The car was cool within minutes and he heard Eren let out a happy little sigh, shrinking down into the leather seat. The sweat on their skin was gone, replaced with the relaxing breeze of the air conditioner.

“Levi?”

“Hmm.”

“Where are you from, anyway?” Eren asked, looking over at him. Levi had slipped his sunglasses back on at a stoplight, so when he glanced at the younger male, his grey eyes were hidden. Levi rarely ever cried, but when he did, it pissed him off. Especially when someone else saw. But Eren didn’t mention it, so either he was too stupid to spot it, or he just didn’t want to mention it. Either way, it ticked Levi off that he had seen Levi at his weakest in the first place, even if it had only been a moment.

“Why do you want to know?”

“I’m just curious. It’s not like I’m going to show up at your doorstep or anything.”

Levi sighed. “I live in Boston. Enough for you?”

“Boston…you drove all the way here to talk to Armin?”

“I’m here, aren’t I? What a stupid question.”

“You suck at having conversations.”

“Would you like it better if I kicked you out onto the sidewalk and possibly into the path of a moving vehicle?”

“No?”

“Then shut the hell up.”

Levi twitched when Eren laughed, but the boy didn’t say anymore. That was fine by Levi, but not because the kid’s voice was annoying. With the short silence, Levi didn’t have to look over at Eren to tell that the teenager was smiling. He could feel it, oddly enough. The quiet with this kid was actually comforting, too. It served as a good distraction, if he was being completely honest with himself. He hadn’t had anyone to pick on in a while, and Eren was just sitting here and taking it, and even dishing it back to him. The boy didn’t seem to have a problem with it at all.

“It’s the brick townhouse.”

“They’re all brick, dumbfuck.”

“The red one!”

“ _They’re all red!_ ”

Eren chortled and Levi resisted the urge to smile at one of the cutest laughs he had ever heard.

Wait, what?

Levi pulled over next to the sidewalk beside a large brick townhouse that Eren had pointed out. He put the car in park and unlocked the doors before looking expectantly to Eren, who paused with his hand on the door handle in favor of looking over at Levi. His brow was furrowed, and his eyes were a little conflicted. It was strange to see such pretty eyes darkened by such an out of place emotion.

“Thanks for the ride, Levi. But um…you didn’t have to yell at Armin like that. He’s been through a lot too, just like you have. I don’t pretend to know, but I can tell…I can tell you’re hurting. And I’m sorry that you lost Pet…her. I’m sorry that you lost her. Um…thanks again for the ride.”

Levi stared at Eren through the tinted lens of his sunglasses with a soft scowl as the younger male hurried to get out of the car, like Levi was going to bite his ass on the way out. Levi himself was surprised that he didn’t. Eren was out of line. He was out of line for mentioning Petra, and he was out of line for even asking for a ride.

“Hey, kid.”

Eren stopped at the top of the steps to the small townhouse and looked back at Levi, who had rolled down the passenger’s window to call to Eren, ignoring the gust of damp hot air that drifted lazily into the car.

Levi stared at him for a moment. Eren stared back at him with those gorgeous turquoise eyes.

Levi knew that he wasn’t going to see those eyes again, and that was okay. He had come here for two things: confirmation of Armin’s existence, and some answers about Petra’s last moments. It was nothing different than the nightmare, but coming here had done something for him.

He felt slightly warm, and not because of the heat. Before he had entered the hospital, his heart had been as cold as ice. Now, it felt a little warm, beating with a new kind of life.

It was never going to be the same without Petra, and it was never going to be the same as it had been before her.

However, for the first time in a long time, Levi felt satisfied, and somewhat whole. It was better than nothing. Picking up the pieces and starting again was going to be hard, but he could right himself. He could do it.

And whether it was going to be tough or not, he was going to do it because that’s what Petra would have wanted. Otherwise, why would he be here in the first place?

And Eren’s laugh. The laugh that had almost made him smile. That tug at his lips felt so foreign that it had surprised him at first; his lips were so unused to smiling after three months of being turned downwards into a disappointed scowl. Still, that kid…Levi knew that he wasn’t going to see him again, but Eren’s smile made him feel something that he hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

“Stay out of trouble.”

With that, Levi rolled up the window and drove away from the curb, feeling a whole lot lighter than he had only an hour ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION FOR YOU.  
> Yes, you. Huehue. 
> 
> Would any of you like it if I wrote a chapter exclusively dedicated to Petra and Levi's relationship? Let me know, because I'll do it if even one of you wants it! I just need the push to write it. =)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You should copy and paste this link. <3  
> http://ereri-amazing.tumblr.com/post/92278422190/ackergay-note-to-self  
> Just because it's sort of important. It's not mine, but I happened to come upon it while I was tumbling, and it just fits! 
> 
> Also, if you want massive amount of yaoi (mostly ereri) and immediate updates, follow me here: http://levisyaoiservice.tumblr.com/ <3
> 
> Ps, the Commander Handsome bit will be explained when Eren starts asking questions ;D 
> 
> Thank you for reading and enjoy!! 
> 
> No light, no light in your bright blue eyes  
> I never knew daylight could be so violent  
> A revelation in the light of day  
> You can't choose what stays and what fades away  
> \--“No Light, No Light”, Florence + the Machine

Two weeks later, Levi was sitting behind his desk. Not at home alone, in the silence of his apartment. Rather, it was very busy and noisy just outside the room. Levi watched the shadows pass his stained windows and people, wearing just about the same suits as everyone else, pass by his doorway.

Usually, he would be annoyed since his office door would be closed, but today he felt like he needed the noise.

Only three days ago, he had started coming back into work. Because he was so quiet about it, no one noticed him the first day. Then people started noticing the second day. This morning, when he walked into the building there were claps and cheers, and Hange bounded up to him to shove a bottle of champagne into his arms, chirping something about welcoming him back.

He was only slightly irritated by the display; he never liked too much attention on himself. Still, after accepting a glass of champagne, he headed upstairs and sat behind his desk with a satisfied look.

Aside from a bit of dust he had to clean up around the room on his first day back, the office had been completely untouched. Well, almost. He could tell Hange had lost her stapler and her tape dispenser again because his had been on the edge of the desk, turned towards the door. Now, it was all orderly and back to normal.

Even the picture of Petra and Levi had still sat on the desk. He had stared at it for a while, touching her smiling face through the glass, remembering when the picture was taken. He hated selfies or any pictures for that matter, so he had been scowling, but the picture itself was good. It represented a lot. So, this, he kept sitting beside his pencil holder. However, when he looked at it, he didn’t feel a lonely tug at his heart anymore. It was just a reminder for what he had left to work for. He could still make her smile where ever she was.

Over the past week, a number had kept popping up on his phone. Never texts, just calls. Levi never picked up because he didn’t know the number, but they called every day at two-thirty in the afternoon. He figured that it was just a telemarketer because they were so promptly on time with their call, so he never thought twice about it. Whoever it was never left a voicemail either. Since he never picked up, he figured the person would stop calling, but they never did. They still called the same time every day.

Levi was staring blankly through the lenses of his reading glasses at the Excel document he had open, his fingers tapping idly on the keys of his laptop without actually typing anything out. It was two in the afternoon. A half hour before his phone would go off, announcing a number he would never pick his phone up for.

Levi very much liked this accounting job. He pretty much could set his own hours, and since Erwin owned the company, Levi could fuck around all he wanted as long as he got his work done on time. He usually got it done _ahead_ of time, so for the most part, he was usually bugging Erwin for more things to do. Even when he hadn’t been at work for the last three months, he still emailed Erwin and kept on top of all of the work. That’s just how good he was at this job.

Today was no different. Levi was practically drowning in boredom. He had this last deadline to meet before he was going to have to bug Erwin for more work. Not that it was a problem, but Levi had been working nonstop since he had gotten back to Boston. It kept him busy and his mind off of things from Providence.

Words from that day often replayed over and over again in his head. Most of them were Eren’s, even though the kid had nothing to do with Levi’s trip to begin with.

_Levi, it’s okay._

_It’s okay._

It was okay. It was more than okay, Levi realized.

He had stepped foot into his apartment in Boston and dropped his keys on the table, only to shove the table against the wall. He moved the couch against the wall in the living room as well. He moved the television set to the other side of the room, leaving a workout area just for Levi. The queen-sized bed in the bedroom was moved up against the windowsill so he could wake up with the sun on the left side of his face in the early morning. The sheets Petra had picked out were stripped from the mattress, only to be replaced with ones Levi had run to the store for. Levi replaced the curtains and the blinds. He had taken down the old farm painting from the living room that she had loved so much and got new plates and glasses for his meals.

Last of all, he didn’t think he was alone anymore.

With metal blasting from the speakers of the stereo in the living room, Levi scrubbed every surface of the walls, every floor, every inch of that apartment until it was sparkling clean and his hands were bright red from cleaner. The cleaning spree ran into the next day. The vacuum ran for a good hour and the music was back on. It might have pissed the neighbors off, but it was heaven for Levi.

That apartment wasn’t silent anymore with the last of Petra’s breaths.

No, it was _alive_.

Alive because Levi was there.

It wasn’t dead because Petra was.

It had taken a while to realize that, but when it hit him, it hit him hard.

 _I can tell you’re hurting_.

He was hurting, but it was a completely different kind of pain. It wasn’t the gnawing, emotional pain of losing Petra. No, not anymore. Rather, it was the pain of learning to live without her. It was a grueling process.

With Petra, he could’ve slept all day if he wanted to, his struggles with insomnia far less consistent. He did however, manage to get some sleep before he headed back to work, even if it had only been a few hours. He just felt more tired than he did before the four hours of rest.

Sitting at his desk, Levi looked back down at his fingers on the keys of his laptop. Sure, he was tired, but he felt alive. More alive than he had in a long while.

With a sigh, he shook his head and reached over to drain the glass from this morning of its last drops of champagne. Setting it back down, Levi quickly completed the last document within record time before saving and emailing it to Erwin. Numbers were Levi’s strong suit, and Excel was his tool of trade.

Fifteen minutes before the phone call would come. Levi decided to ditch his phone on his desk next to his laptop while he paid Erwin a visit in his office. His boss and friend probably already knew he was back by now, but Levi hadn’t seen or spoken to Erwin ever since he had found the article in the newspaper. In fact, Levi had just up and left after Erwin had slouched into the kitchen with hardly a word to him other than “Take a fucking shower”. Levi didn’t regret it, since Erwin had only laughed, but his friend at least deserved an explanation.

Hange was missing from her office across from his room as Levi closed the door of his own office behind him. Thank god.

She kept pestering him to hang out with her, and Levi really, really didn’t want to. He didn’t hate Hange. Really, he didn’t. She was an extraordinary coworker and a pretty great person in general, but dear lord, did she drive Levi up the wall with her questions and ramblings. She never gave up on pushing his buttons until he finally snapped, then she would run away giggling like the maniac she was.

For the most part, Levi ignored everyone in the office. He had to pass through the room that was packed with cubicles for the employees that were answering phone calls to get to the elevator. As soon as he pushed open the door, he was greeted with incessant chatter of at least fifty people, all talking over one another. Balls of paper littered the grey carpet, and two of the younger males were tossing paper airplanes over the cubicles. Joyous laughter ensued, and Levi wondered how anyone could have this much fun working. Well, they weren’t working, to say the least.

One of the younger males caught his eye and grinned, only to shrink under Levi’s hard glare. He plopped back down behind his desk and sulked, and Levi continued his walk to Erwin’s office, sighing in irritation. Every single kid in this room was a fucking brat.

Reaching the elevator door, he pressed the button and it opened with a happy little ding. Inside, he prodded the button for the top floor. As he pulled his finger away, something sticky brushed the tip of his finger. Levi winced and his grey eyes snapped down to the top button. He had to suppress a smirk when he saw exactly what had touched him. One of the employees had messily taped a ripped piece of paper next to the button for the top floor with writing in a pink marker that read “aka Commander Handsome”. It was a running joke in the office since Erwin first started the company between all of his older friends that included Levi, Hange, and Mike; now, it seemed that the newer employees had gotten wind of the joke. For some reason, that made it even funnier.

Levi pursed his lips and peeled the taped paper off as he waited for the elevator to slowly crawl its way up to the top floor. The chiming elevator music was annoying as hell, and Levi couldn’t have felt more relieved when the door opened with another happy ding.

Erwin’s secretary was a small blonde only a little taller than Levi, much as he hated to admit. She stood up as she spotted him, her bangs falling into her face a bit. She quickly brushed them away with a bright, angelic smile.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Ackerman! Mr. Smith is in a conference right now,” the girl added quickly, glancing nervously at the door. She always acted like this when Levi was around, no doubt intimidated by his presence just as everyone else. He wasn’t sure if she was always like that, though.

“Krista,” he greeted her. “Video?”

“Ah…yes, um, actually.”

Levi nodded to her before walking past her desk to the door across the room, labeled in engraved gold “Erwin Smith”. Krista let him pass and sat down again as the door closed behind him, gnawing on her bottom lip.

When Levi entered, Erwin glanced up from his video conference, but other than the voices on the other side of the laptop and Erwin himself, his office room was vacant.

Levi would never want an office this big. Since they were on the eighth floor of the business building, Erwin got a nice view of the city just outside the window. However, at the moment, his back was to the panels of glass.

Because Levi had been absent for so long, and he couldn’t get around to cleaning his friend’s office, a lot of things were misplaced. Random papers were scattered everywhere, and the record binders weren’t in order. Some were open on the floor. The poor palm in the corner looked pitiful as it hunched over from lack of water. Levi scowled a bit at the condition of the room that was spotless only a few months ago.

Erwin was sitting at his big fancy mahogany desk in the middle off the room, the voices of three others coming from the laptop as he stared at the screen with that ever-present business look on his face. Levi sauntered across the room before coming up beside him, just out of view of the webcam, sitting beside the laptop on Erwin’s desk. He was silent as he toyed with the taped paper in his hand, watching Erwin.

As soon as the older male closed the laptop as the conversation ended, his eyes met Levi’s, then dropped down to the paper. Levi pursed his lips as he lifted the paper and let Erwin see what was written on it. Erwin read it, then laughed out loud.

As Erwin continued to chuckle, the shorter man leaned forward to tape the paper to his friend’s forehead with a smirk.

“Jesus Levi, I feel like I’ve seen a ghost. Are you grinning?”

“Fuck off, Erwin. I am not.”

Erwin chuckled again before leaning back in his office chair, looking overly ridiculous with “Commander Handsome” taped to his forehead. “What do I owe to the pleasure of your company, Mr. Ackerman?”

Levi rolled his eyes skyward before meeting eyes with Erwin’s steely blue orbs that were watching him with a hint of curiosity.

“More work. Also, I want to apologize for being a complete ass to you after letting you fuck me all over your house two weeks ago. I just had something that I needed to do.”

Erwin’s eyebrow rose, and with it, the paper on his forehead crinkled up slightly. “Oh?”

Levi sighed and rocked a bit, his hands gripping the desk at his sides before he hooked his foot behind the ankle of his other leg. “Hm. I stole your newspaper because one of the articles mentioned that the brat that survived the plane crash had woken up. So I went to pay him a visit at the hospital in Providence. I found out that he sat next to her the whole time, and I got some answers. Cleaned my apartment, and now I’m back here.” The truth was a little blurred, but Erwin didn’t need to know that.

Erwin tilted his head to the side and studied Levi, who stared back with a bored expression. Sighing, he touched the paper on his forehead, smoothing out the edges of tape that had folded up from his skin. “You look a lot better. Last time I saw you, you looked like complete shit. Now you’re almost starting to look like you did back in college. Pretty boy.”

“Fuck you, Commander goddamn Handsome. You look like a moron with that thing stuck to your face, even though it is an improvement.”

“Oh, come on, Levi, you don’t mean that.”

Levi kicked his chair and it jerked to the side while Erwin rumbled out a laugh. Only this big fucking bear got to make fun of him like this. Anyone else and their face would have been bloody. This is why Levi enjoyed Erwin’s company more than anyone else’s.

He never asked unnecessary questions, and always had this carefree attitude about him. Sometimes Levi wished it would rub off on him, but it never did.

“I can give you the numbers for product shipping.”

“Done. I need something to do. I’m cleaning this fucking place up by the way.  Can’t believe you let it get this filthy. You even killed the plant me and Petra gave you for your birthday last year, you dick.” It didn’t hurt to say her name anymore. There was that familiar pull at his heart, but it was so much easier to ignore now.

“It’s a shame. I watered it and everything.” Erwin let out a sigh before pulling the paper off of his forehead and tossing it in the waste bin next to his desk. “Feel free to clean as much as you want. I tried to keep up with it, but Mike and Hange were in here last week and they misplaced all of the records.”

Levi groaned before jumping down from the desk. “There’s still hope left.” Erwin cocked an eyebrow and Levi shot a glare at him. “For the plant. Not for your big ass.”

Erwin scoffed softly before standing. “I’m heading to the break room. You want anything while I’m there?”

“Tea.”

“Should have figured.”

“Damn right you should have. Now leave before I decide to make you help me clean this mess up. Goddamn slob.”

The blond male chuckled before gripping Levi’s shoulder. “Hange and Mike are heading over to my place when we get out of here. You should come. Have a few beers with us. It’s been a while.”

Levi sighed and looked up at the male towering over him. “I suppose it has…I’ll think about it.”

\----------

There wasn’t much to think about. Free beer, free food, and some shitty comedy rentals to watch until midnight. Something to do aside from staring at the wall from not being able to sleep. Levi found himself parking his black Dodge Dart on the curb in front of Erwin’s house at around five in the evening after spending most of the day cleaning Erwin’s dirty office for him. The brute better be grateful.

He just beat the pizza guy, who pulled up as he was walking in.

“LEVI,” Hange crowed excitedly as soon as she spotted him as he walked into the kitchen, slipping his keys into his pocket. Levi pulled his phone out and looked down at it. He hadn’t looked at it since he left it next to his laptop that afternoon, but it announced that there was a missed call from that same number, at the same time as always.

“Pizza’s here,” Levi mentioned to Erwin without looking up from his phone. The older man nodded once and headed toward the door as Levi took a seat at the table, leaning back into the chair with a sigh and setting the phone down. Mike acknowledged him with a nod, and Levi waved his hand once before plopping it back down onto the table. A cold bottle bumped his hand and Hange grinned as she sat close, her glasses slipping from the top of her head to her nose.

“You look great! How’s life, how’s work? How was your trip to Providence?”

Levi glared at her from the corner of his eyes before he snatched up the bottle and twisted the bottle cap off. “It was fine. It’s all just fine, shitty four-eyes. You saw me this morning and asked me the same exact thing, minus the Providence bit. I’m guessing Erwin mentioned that.”

Hange nodded vigorously, pushing her glasses back up onto the top of her head. “He did!”

“I’m sorry Levi, she demanded,” Erwin murmured before dropping the five large boxes of pizza on the table. Levi turned his glare to him next, and Erwin just sighed before shrugging.

After having their fill of pizza, they all moved to the living room, Hange and Erwin bringing their plates to set in their laps. Levi walked in last to see all of them crammed onto the one couch. Hange and Erwin stared at him with their cheeks stuffed full of cheesy goodness, while Mike glanced up from between them, but didn’t say a thing as he leaned a bit into Erwin, stealing a slice from his plate. It didn’t look like any of them were going to move, and the movie had already started, so Levi frowned and walked over to sit himself down right on Erwin’s lap after holding the plate up for the blond. Levi lifted his legs and spread them right across Mike and Hange’s lap before settling back comfortably into the arm rest of the couch.

None of them said anything through the first whole commercial until Levi let out an angry grunt and kicked Hange in the stomach; she pulled her hands back from his toes and laughed loudly. Mike snorted and Erwin grinned. After that incident, the movie went without interruption. Levi was fairly comfortable, no matter how ridiculous it looked. No one else was going to see them anyway. It was even better when Erwin’s cat, Annie, came to join them, jumping up and settling down on Levi’s stomach.

By the time the movie ended, Mike was snoring with his head on Erwin’s shoulder, and Levi winced at the string of drool threatening to drip from his mouth.

“You two still aren’t dating?” Levi muttered, and Erwin looked down at Levi with a soft sigh.

“It’s…complicated,” Erwin muttered as Hange leaned forward.

“Complicated as in Mike’s going with Nile now,” she stage-whispered, and Levi lifted his head to frown at her, then he looked up back up at Erwin.

“Mike and Nile? How’s that even work?”

“It’s not,” Hange whispered, and Erwin would have shrugged if Mike wasn’t on his shoulder. “Nile’s a complete douche to him.”

“He’s a douche to everyone,” Levi concluded before slowly sitting up and sliding off of Erwin’s lap to change the movie, carrying the sleepy cat with him. “I thought he was straight though.”

“He is, that’s the issue. He’s only using Mike as a rebound after his last relationship.”

“Pathetic,” Levi muttered in response to Hange, who nodded in agreement. Erwin didn’t say anything.

Mike eventually woke up again due to one of Hange’s ridiculously loud laughs during the second movie, and during the third, they were drinking themselves silly from the beer in the cooler Erwin dragged into the room from the kitchen.

Levi hadn’t been wasted in a long time, possibly since college, but he was getting there. Usually he had more self-control, but at that moment, he couldn’t have cared less. If Hange could be any louder, she was with enough alcohol in her system. Erwin was almost dead silent, but extremely wise when he did talk. A few times he had Levi blinking at him in drunken surprise, his grey eyes wide; while Hange broke down laughing over the things that came out of the blond’s mouth, regardless of whether they were funny or not.

Mike wouldn’t stop trying to make out with Erwin, and a few times Hange reached over to shove their lips together. Levi actually laughed whenever that happened. His head was spinning, and everything was beginning to go a little numb, but hell, did it feel good to laugh again. It had been a while, and his lungs missed it.

\----------

“Levi. Levi, it’s three-thirty in the afternoon. Wake up.”

“Five more minutes…”

“Five more minutes? What am I, your mother? Come on, Levi. I’ll drive you home.”

“But my head,” Levi groaned. He didn’t even have to open his eyes to know the room he was in was bright from the afternoon sun flooding the room through the windows. He grumbled something unintelligible before groping for a pillow to cover his face with.

Erwin sighed before tugging at the pillow. Levi gripped on for dear life, and Erwin ended up dragging the man halfway across the queen-sized bed in the guest room before he gave up, picking Levi up to carry him into the kitchen.

Setting him down in a chair, Levi faintly registered footsteps, and with the pillow still pressed to his face, he muttered into it, “Is this real life?”

“Yes, Levi.”

“Why does my head hurt so much?”

“Well, considering you were drinking until four in the morning like the rest of us, I would be surprised if it didn’t. How long has it been since you drank that much?”

“A fucking millennium.”

Erwin chuckled at that. He set the glass of water and the two Tylenol down on the table before reaching over and gently peeling the pillow away from his friend’s face to reveal the squinting and scowling Levi, his eyes bloodshot and rimmed red.

“Jesus christ, is that a troll?”

“Fuck off. Where’s everyone else?” Levi grumbled as Erwin tucked the pillow under his arm and grinned a bit.

“Took them home already. Come on, take those and I’ll get you back to your apartment. You can always come and get your car tomorrow.”

Levi did as Erwin said, only because he felt like he was dying on the inside every moment he sat there without a drink and something to numb the pain. As soon as the pills kicked in, Erwin helped Levi to his tan Chevy Impala before driving him home as he said he was going to. He insisted on walking Levi into his apartment, but Levi simply shook his head and walked in himself. Well, more like stumbled.

This was the worst hangover he had had in a long, long time. He really hadn’t gotten wasted like this since college. Sure, he got a little drunk with Petra a few times, but never to the point where the hangover was as physically painful as this. He couldn’t even remember what happened past Erwin being willing to make out with Mike on the couch while Levi and Hange sat on the floor to cheer them on.

In his apartment, he groaned and dragged himself to the bathroom, not bothering to lock the door. He would worry about that later, and if anyone decided to break into his apartment, they were going to have hell to pay. He scrubbed his teeth and tongue with his toothbrush until all he could taste was minty toothpaste instead of dead animal carcass.

Levi then trudged to his bedroom to fall face first into bed with nothing but a grunt, and the last thing he remembered before he passed out was the sound of a loud bus rumbling by through the cracked window next to the bed.

\----------

The first thing Levi thought when he woke up in his dark bedroom was along the lines of how filthy he felt. He had slept in his clothes. The same clothes he had been wearing for the past two days. He could practically feel the bacteria all over his clothes crawling all over _him_ , and with a sigh, he sat up and rubbed his eyes before glancing at his alarm clock. Only seven in the evening, huh? He could have sworn it was later.

Rather than feeling refreshed from all of the sleep he had gotten, his shitty body felt like, well, shit. Sleeping just wasn’t his thing lately. Levi rubbed his eyes some more, thankful that the headache was gone, but he felt drowsy. He stood up, and without turning the light on, he used the light coming from the living room to yank his filthy clothing off, find his dresser, and pull out some clean clothes. The sound of rain pouring outside comforted him. Rain and darkness had always had that effect on him, and he had never been sure why. He liked thunderstorms, too. Probably because they scared people.

He was about to head out of his room when he froze just before the doorway into the bright living room. He knew for a fact that he hadn’t left the light on, but that wasn’t what made him freeze in the first place.

There was a soft clatter from the kitchen, then a soft swear. The gas stove clicked off and the microwave beeped once before it was cut off by someone opening it. They were probably trying to be quiet, but they were doing a hell of a shitty job at it.

Someone was using his apartment to cook?

Right off the bat, he knew who it was. She had done this before.

Immediately grumpier than he had been three seconds ago, Levi stalked to the kitchen through the living room in just his boxers, gripping his clean clothes in one hand.

“Fucking shitty four-eyes, I swear to god. I remember specifically telling you not to--”

Levi stopped dead in the entrance to the kitchen from the living room as he rounded the counter that separated the two rooms. There was a wall next to the counter that blocked out the half of the kitchen where the stove, refrigerator, and microwave resided. The person in the corner jumped out of their skin and turned quickly, gripping the counter with one hand while the other held a bowlful of steaming nuked corn fresh out of the microwave.

Those weren’t dark brown eyes that were staring back at Levi.

The stranger that had only been a stranger before two weeks ago was standing in Levi’s kitchen, his cheek smudged with sauce, and his deep turquoise eyes wide and staring at the older male, his tanned face contorted in surprise.

“L-Levi! You’re awake!”

“Eren!?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm. =)


	6. Petra I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME TO SKIP THIS CHAPTER. IT'S ONLY RELEVANT TO THE PLOT IF YOU WANT IT TO BE.  
> This chapter contains a whole lot of cutes and a whole lot of Levi and Petra.  
> There is no Eren in this chapter, as he doesn't exist in Levi's life yet.  
> So read at your own risk.  
> There is also some Eruri. You have been warned.  
> Also, this chapter has not been beta'ed. I apologize for any mistakes ahead of hand.  
> The seventh chapter will be out approximately 10 minutes after this one, so be patient please! =)  
> \----------  
> This is pretty much just a chapter dedicated to Levi and Petra's relationship before she passed away, god bless her sweet soul <3 I'm planning on having another chapter up with these two babies soon because it was way too long not to cut in half. This one doesn't have nearly as many feels as the next one will, trust me...  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter in which Levi is awkward and it's cute. Enjoy <3  
> \----------  
> I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
> That don’t bother me  
> I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
> I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while  
> Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
> There are days every now and again I pretend I’m OK  
> But that’s not what gets me  
> \--“What Hurts the Most”, Rascal Flatts

_It’s only a six-day trip, I’ll be back before you know it._

_Six days, Levi. That’s it._

\----------

Levi could honestly say he enjoyed this weather.

The dreary afternoon only served to match his aura. The sky above him was cloudy and dark, and it looked like it was about to burst any second and send a torrent of rain water down over Boston. Because of the weather, most people were choosing to stay home. However, the twenty-nine-year-old had what most people would call a date.

Levi would gladly tell people that Erwin, the big hulking blond that he had met in college, was his boyfriend. Most people didn’t bother to try and get with him then, if his constant scowl didn’t throw them off. They had been basically dating since Levi met him when he was twenty-two, but it wasn’t the type of relationship that consisted of “Oh, baby, I just LOVE your undercut,” or better yet, “Let’s go on romantic picnics together”.

Nope.

It was more like--

“Nnng, Erwin, fuck yeah, fuck--AH! Right there, right fucking _there_ ~”

“You’re so tight, god _dammit_ , Levi. Shi--I’m gunna--”

Yeah, their relationship was, quite literally, just based on sex. Neither of them minded too much though. Rather than their time being taken up by wives or clingy boyfriends, Erwin and Levi shared that friendship and relationship that just revolved around feeling _good_.

If one of them was having a bad day? Why not fix it with sex!

Couldn’t find their pen? Why not bury bone in his best friend on the desk instead!

Just angry and want to fuck? Sure, why not!

A couple times a day never hurt anyone.

Not to mention that the sex was just that much better when they were both pissed off and stressed.

But lately, both Erwin and Levi had been busy with things at work. Levi was a full-time accountant for Erwin’s company that the man had only just started two years ago. To say the least, it was all going pretty well. Erwin had support from companies in other countries already. He was ridiculously charismatic too, if that counted for anything.

Erwin had a building smack in the middle of the city of Boston that ran local trade goods. It wasn’t a big building, only a few stories tall, but it was making its name known throughout Massachusetts and neighboring states. He had confided in Levi that he wanted to progress up to international trade, and already he was taking the steps. All Levi had had to say when Erwin suggested the idea was that he was with the other every step of the way. He wasn’t planning on going back on that promise.

It had started to rain as Levi jogged the last few steps to Erwin’s condo that he’d bought last year. He turned the doorknob and was satisfied to see it unlocked before he made his way in, pleased that he had narrowly missed the downpour that started as soon as he shut the door.

“I’m home, honey,” he called out, his voice thick like honey with dead bees sprinkled on top, and a laugh from up the stairs in front of him sounded.

“Welcome home, sweetheart,” Erwin called with a sarcastic drawl. “Your tea is on the table.”

Levi shrugged off his sweatshirt as he walked to the kitchen, draping it over the chair before peeking down into the steaming travel mug on the table. Strong. No sugar. Erwin knew him too well. He popped the cap on, leaving the bag in the cup before heading upstairs. Just like the rest of the house, the hallway at the top of the stairs was littered with boxes. Some were full and others were not; some labeled, others blank.

“Some romantic evening this is. Helping your shitty self pack so you can move into a fancy house.”

Erwin looked up at Levi’s voice, and smiled at the smaller male leaning in the doorway of his bedroom, quickly running a hand through his hair.

“We can use the bed one last time.”

“And dirty the sheets so you have to wash them before you pack them?”

“I could always just throw them out.”

“Tch. What a waste,” Levi grumbled, looking about the room as Erwin chuckled and lifted a box to set it down on the bed. He took a few sips from the travel mug before setting it down on the dresser to open one of the drawers. Levi dragged a box over to start refolding Erwin’s clothes to pack them, making sure to leave a few outfits for the big idiot because Levi knew he would forget. All of those muscles sometimes made Levi wonder if they were compensating for Erwin’s memory loss.

“The Boston Globe wants an interview,” Erwin stated as he wrapped one of his plaques in newspaper. Levi gave a hum of acknowledgement, and Erwin continued.

“I set the appointment for tomorrow morning at nine so I need you there bright and early. Alright, cherub?” Erwin teased, and he dodged the pair of socks Levi whipped at his face. Levi was smirking as he looked back down at the clothes in the drawer as Erwin snickered.

“Fine, you overgrown shit.”

“So affectionate.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

\----------

Erwin woke him up from the deep sleep he managed to fall into at four-thirty in the morning by kneeing Levi in the gut. Levi groaned and sat up, holding his middle and ignoring the dull ache of his hips before glowering down at the snoring, naked pile of Erwin sprawled out on the bed.

“You fucking…”

Levi got up against the headboard before shoving Erwin off the bed with his feet. The blond yelped when he hit the floor, tangled in the blankets. Levi watched with satisfaction as the big male struggled from the fabric before he sat up, squinting over at Levi, who was sitting up at the far end of the bed with an amused smirk.

“What was that for?”

“For being an insufferably huge moron.”

Erwin pouted; he actually _pouted_ , and Levi had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Instead, he sent Erwin a blank stare before getting out of bed.

“Your ass looks good in the morning,” Erwin stated with a tone of appreciation as Levi passed, and the shorter male turned his head to glare down his nose at Erwin.

“Do you want to get pushed down the stairs next?”

Showering together was normal. Breakfast together was normal. Even going to work together was normal. However, the interview was a change of pace.

It was only for a newspaper, but Erwin was making sure that his office was clean. He was so immersed in it that he ended up knocking over a whole bookshelf. Levi was the one to pick that up, shoving Erwin and his big ass _away_ and out of the room. By the time nine rolled around, his office was spotless, thanks to none other than Levi.

By nine-ten, there was no sign of the journalist that was supposed to show up at nine.

Erwin was fidgeting. It was very uncharacteristic of him, but it happened sometimes when things didn’t go his way.

Levi was calm and looked as bored as always, staring out of the single window behind Erwin’s desk. Finally, the tapping of Erwin’s pencil made him twitch enough to turn and smack Erwin over the head. The bigger man grunted and sent Levi an accusing look before sighing and dropping the writing utensil to slouch in his chair.

“Maybe they got lost.”

“Possible.” Levi let out a sigh before walked around the chair to Erwin’s side, then he leaned over to kiss the older male on the lips.

Erwin reacted as expected, and a hand moved to Levi’s neck, then up into his hair before fisting his fingers and tugging Levi’s head back from his lips. Levi smirked softly and licked his lips as he stared Erwin in the eyes. The blond raised an eyebrow before removing his hand and rolling the chair back a bit, spreading his legs and relaxing back into the chair.

Levi got the message and slowly sunk to his knees in front of his boyfriend, his friend, his _boss_. Shit, he was already turned on. Office sex was his favorite. They could get caught any time, and yet, Levi got a kick out of it. There were thirty people in this building right now, and any one of them could open the door to see Erwin’s face completely wrecked.

Erwin’s steely blue eyes watched him as Levi kept his eyes on the older man’s face, his thin, practiced fingers finding the zipper of Erwin’s slacks and pulling his dick out with ease. It was already half hard.

Levi knew Erwin. He wouldn’t miss an opportunity to get off in his office either.

Levi tried hard not to shudder as Erwin stared him down with that predatory look that Levi so, so loved. He could feel his own cock straining against the fabric of his pants. Levi held Erwin’s gaze as he slowly licked the underside of his erection, and he tried not to smirk as Erwin shifted and swallowed back a moan that had threatened to bubble past his lips.

Reaching the head, Levi took Erwin into his mouth and gently sucked, his tongue sliding over the slit; Erwin groaned softly and tilted his head back against his chair, a hand finding Levi’s hair again.

With another suck, harder this time, Erwin let out a strangled sound and fisted his hand, gently pushing Levi’s mouth down on his dick, and Levi couldn’t help but oblige. Halfway down, he sucked hard and Erwin bucked his hips up with a soft gasp that only encouraged Levi to take in more until he felt the tip of Erwin’s dick touch the back of his throat. He didn’t gag though; he relaxed his throat and carefully took the rest of Erwin in.

The older male cursed softly, his eyes closed now. When Levi swallowed around him, he shuddered and opened his eyes to look down at Levi. The man sucking him off met his eyes, and Erwin pushed Levi’s raven hair back from his face to get a better view, holding it there with a closed fist again.

He groaned deeply when Levi moaned around him, his own hands busy working to undo his belt and zipper. The pressure was too much down there, and Erwin was so close. Another swallow, and he could feel Erwin’s pulse in his cock. Not much longer now.

Levi finally wrapped a hand around himself, and with his other hand helping to balance himself with Erwin’s knee, he jerked himself off while continuing to give Erwin head.

The older male was about to let go any second. Soft gasps and a few deep moans slipped past his parted lips, his head tilted back against the chair.

For the last few seconds, Erwin shoved Levi’s working mouth and throat down ever further until Levi was nosing his blond pubic hair, and Levi didn’t even _give a damn_ because he was so close.

A few more strokes, and—

It all happened at once.

The door opened and a cheery voice shattered the sexual tension in the room. Erwin sat bolt straight up and shoved the chair forward, and Levi right along with it. Levi pulled away and gagged, gasping as he hit the back of the desk, and he quickly shoved a hand over his mouth to quiet himself, involuntary tears pricking his eyes.

“Hi! So sorry I’m late, the weather is terrible today! There’s a huge storm rolling in,” explained a chipper voice, and Levi could tell without being able to see that Erwin was grimacing.

“The name’s Petra, Petra Ral. Erwin?”

“Yes. Good morning.” Erwin’s voice was forced as he held out his hand out across the desk without getting up. Levi eyed the shadows shifting under the back of the dark underside of the desk with tear-filled vision as the woman walked forward and stopped in front of the desk. Levi heard her set her things on the edge of his desk before shaking Erwin’s hand.

“Nice to meet you. Petra, do you mind if I have a few moments?”

“Ah, sure! No problem, I’ll wait outside.”

Levi heard her smile in her voice, and soon the door closed behind her and the clicking of her high heels was absent from the room.

“Jesus--”

“Levi--”

“-- _Fucking christ get out of my way_.”

Erwin groaned and wheeled the chair back, tucking himself back into his pants as Levi crawled very ungracefully out from under the desk. He brushed himself off and made himself look presentable again before sending Erwin a hard glare.

“You fucking moron.”

“What? It wasn’t my fault, she--”

“ _She_ is going to come back _in here_ and see _two_ people instead of just the one person she saw two seconds ago!”

“…You could always sneak out the window?”

Levi’s response to his comment was to twitch and kick Erwin in the shin.

\----------

This was so ridiculously uncomfortable.

Petra had come in only when Erwin called for her. She looked remotely surprised at the sight of the sudden second person, but she caught herself and smiled brightly before grabbing her things and sitting down in one of the chairs in front of the desk.

Levi had a boner that was going soft fast, but not fast enough. And by the look in her amber eyes whenever she glanced at Levi, she _knew_. It wasn’t embarrassing or anything, but it was uncomfortable.

Or rather, at least he thought it was going to be.

Petra was nothing special. She had a very slim frame, and just by looking at her, Levi could tell she was in her mid-twenties. Amber eyes and ginger hair that framed her face and was slightly damp from the rain outside seemed to be her most defining physical characteristics.

When she opened her mouth, her voice was smooth and calculated, but not uncomfortably so. Levi found that to be her best feature.

Petra also had the aura of a journalist that loved her job and she asked a lot of questions, but she did more than her fair share of listening. She didn’t make Levi feel as awkward as he thought she would. She was just a very lighthearted person; he could tell that just by the interview that lasted a half hour.

Petra the journalist asked Levi and Erwin their names and their titles, then asked them everything about the company from the name to what they did. She was very thorough, and she seemed to know her stuff. She wasn’t just some stupid bimbo that asked questions she knew nothing about.

At the end of the interview, Petra stood and shut off her tape recorder before smiling brightly at the two of them.

“That was great! Thank you for your time, Erwin, Levi.”

Erwin nodded before standing and shaking Petra’s hand. Levi did the same, and she smiled at him.

“Levi?” Erwin started.

“Hm?” Levi looked up at Erwin from Petra, who stood only an inch shorter than him.

Erwin was giving him a funny look.

He didn’t like it.

“Walk Petra out to her car, and take one of the umbrellas by the door. It’s pouring.”

Levi stared up at Erwin, who sent him one of his best professional smiles. Levi grimaced before nodding to Petra and stepping past her.

“Have a good day, Mr. Smith!” Petra said before closing the office door behind her.

Levi felt her fall into step next to him, and he could feel her eyes on him, but he didn’t acknowledge it. They reached the front door of the building after the silent elevator ride, and Levi snatched up one of the big black umbrellas from its stand by the door.

They were greeted by pouring rain that roared as it hit the ground. Under the overhang, Levi opened the umbrella before finally looking at Petra.

She was smiling at him knowingly, and he fixed her with a hard gaze.

“What?”

“How did you get into that room when I was standing next to the door and there was no other way in?”

She was being _cheeky_ with him. Unbelievable.

“I have my ways,” Levi grumbled, and Petra leaned in to catch his words over the rain. She smelt like roses and something else he couldn’t quite place. Either way, it was slightly intoxicating, and he had to blink to focus again when Petra laughed and smiled up at him, much closer now, her notes and recorder tucked close to her chest.

“Right, and hiding under the desk is one of them.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed and he frowned deeply at her as she laughed again.

“I’m not a complete idiot, Levi. I’ve never seen a man his size that flustered before. You should feel proud of yourself!”

“Are you fucking serious.”

“I am!” Petra giggled, not even thrown off by Levi’s blunt cursing.

Levi frowned at her before abruptly heading out into the rain. Petra had to walk quickly to catch up, ducking under the big umbrella next to him.

“So rude.”

When Levi glanced at her with a bored look, Petra was pouting.

Jesus, since when did anyone, especially a girl, become so damn cute?

“You don’t even know where my car is.”

Levi sighed and let her lead the way across the parking lot.

Reaching her silver Honda Civic that had rust eating just about every surface of the car, she unlocked the door and looked up at him with a smile. “Well, good afternoon, Levi! Maybe we’ll run into each other again sometime. You’re fun company.”

Levi stared at her like she was bat shit crazy. No one had ever called his company _fun_ , not even Erwin, who was near him all of the time. Still Petra beamed at him before getting into her car and shutting the door. Only when she started the car, did Levi back up a few steps and let her back out of the parking space. She waved once to him, and he found himself waving back before he scowled and snapped his arm back down to his side.

What the fuck was this shit.

\----------

A week later, and he did run into her again.

He wasn’t expecting it, obviously. He never had in the first place.

Levi was sitting in Bodt’s Café, minding his own business at his seat next to the window when Petra walked in.

She didn’t notice him yet, but he noticed her. His grey eyes followed her up to the counter where a freckled female behind the counter greeted her.

Levi kept watching her until she turned with her latte in her hand; he averted his eyes back down to the catalog in front of him. He hardly registered what kind of clothing he was looking at. He listened to the footsteps come towards him, and for a moment, he wished that she wouldn’t recognize him. He hated social interaction for all that it was worth.

However, the footsteps came to a stop across from him, and he slowly lifted his eyes to meet smiling amber ones.

“Hello!” Petra greeted him cheerfully. “I told you we’d meet again, hm? Although I would have hoped not under these…circumstances.”

“What?” Levi asked dully, glancing around the shop before catching Petra’s eyes again. She looked pointedly down at the catalog, and he looked down as well before snapping the magazine shut as Petra tried to stifle laughter.

“I didn’t know you were into women’s lingerie! Were you picking something out for Mr. Smith?”

Levi sent her a hard glower, but instead of shrinking away, she smiled and settled down across from him, setting her cup down as well.

“I was just kidding. You come here often?”

“Tch…” Levi looked away and turned his nose up a bit, staring at the television set on the far wall, his pale grey eyes lazily skimming over the subtitles. “Yes.”

He wasn’t annoyed. Actually, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling at that moment, but it wasn’t irritation.

“I heard it was good from a review one of my coworkers did, so I stopped by. I was on this side of town anyway. I can see why you come here a lot, it’s a nice place. The lady at the counter was a total sweetheart,” Petra commented, tucking her purse under her chair before cradling the latte in her hands.

Levi glanced at her from the television before turning his face to look her in the eyes. Petra was still smiling at him. He was _sure_ that he didn’t look like a person who loved to socialize, but yet, she had sat right across from him. Maybe instead of being a prude like he usually was, he should talk to her. The thought crossed his mind, and he let out a soft sigh.

 _Fine_.

“Where do you work?” he asked reluctantly. Levi really did not want to initiate any type of conversation, but she was evidently giving him no choice.

It was only after he asked that he realized he already knew the answer.

Smooth, Levi. Really fucking smooth.

Petra’s smile only seemed to brighten though, and she leaned forward in her chair, her ginger bangs falling over her eyes. “I work at the Boston Globe as a national journalist! Pretty cool, huh? I jump on a plane or in a car and go wherever I want to do a report, unless I get assigned a specific one. Usually though, I write at my own pace and pretty much get to do my own thing. I was assigned Mr. Smith’s company, so that’s why I was there.”

The way she spoke was completely captivating. Levi didn’t know what was wrong with him, but he couldn’t stop staring at her now that he was really looking. No one had ever appealed to him as she did. It was oddly entrancing, and when she cocked her head, he found himself at a loss for words.

“…Levi?” Petra asked softly, concerned that she had upset him in some way. He was scowling quite hard at her as he tried to figure himself out.

He had a reputation to maintain, so he couldn’t smile stupidly at her. That would be pathetic.

He was short so he didn’t want to diminish his size by being a pussy and not asking her out on a date. Fuck it if he was going to let her get away though. Besides, she was shorter than he was.

“Le--”

“Pet--”

They both stopped, staring at one another before Petra giggled and motioned him to continue.

He supposed he should.

“You have someone you’re seeing right now?”

Petra’s eyebrow shot up at the question, then she bit her lip and turned her head slightly to the side to gaze at him sideways.

“…I thought you were with Erwin.”

“Never was. He’s just my boss.”

That was the first time Levi was denying it. Petra didn’t seem to believe him.

“So…you were under your boss’s desk for…brownie points? Maybe a raise…?”

Levi gritted his teeth before leaning forward over the magazine, crossing his arms in front of him on the table.

“It’s…complicated. Do you want to go on a date or not?”

Petra couldn’t hold back the giggles anymore. She slapped a hand over her mouth, cheeks slightly flushed and her thin lips straining from the wide smile that reached her eyes.

God, she was so fucking cute.

\----------

Levi didn’t know what he would have done if she refused. He probably would have begged her and flushed all of his dignity down the toilet right along with his shit.

But Petra accepted. And she accepted every offer after that.

He wouldn’t trade anything for the first few dates. They changed him. _She_ changed him. Her smiled, her laugh, her everything. Just all of it.

Levi was too embarrassed to admit to Petra that he had never had sex with a woman, so when the time came three months into their relationship, the first time was a little awkward. Not to mention that he had never topped anyone before.

Erwin had always been the one with his dick in Levi’s ass, so he had no experience with playing the dominant role other than the occasional control he got over Erwin when he was on top. Still, Levi had a dick in his ass, not the other way around.

He was more than a little bristled to find out that Petra had some experience.

But of course, as was one of her defining traits, she didn’t make him feel uncomfortable about it. Petra just helped him ease into it.

Needless to say, even though it was quick and Levi was thoroughly humiliated to where he actually stomped off naked to the bathroom; for the exactly seven minutes it lasted, something had definitely been there. Something that wasn’t there when he was with Erwin, or when he was by himself.

When Petra came into comfort him in his shirt that was only a little too big for her, he knew what it was. Standing butt naked in the middle of the bathroom, Levi told Petra he loved her.

Just like that.

“I love you.”

She stared at him in surprise for a long, long minute.

The minute dragged on.

He stared back at her, and slowly his conviction turned to horror.

Jesus christ, what was he thinking. He couldn’t have said it at a worse time. He had literally just given her the worst sex in the history of ever, and now he was admitting his feelings for her in a _bathroom_ of all of the fucking places.

Levi was shocked when Petra pursed her lips for a moment, then her eyes crinkled as she smiled. Her smile blinded him for a moment, and he blinked a few times, dazed. She laughed, then hugged him tightly, her body shaking with laughter.

“God, I love you too, Levi. I love you too.”

It took him a moment to figure out why she was laughing, and when he realized the situation, he couldn’t help but smile and wrap his arms around her, burying his face into her neck.

He just told the woman he loved just how much he loved her while naked in the bathroom.

Who even did that?

\----------

Petra moved in with him only a month later.

He had to make his small apartment accommodate two people’s worth of things. It was literally three rooms on the first floor of the apartment building; a bathroom, a bedroom, and the combined living room and kitchen. Levi didn’t make much, since Erwin’s company was small. Erwin was paying him a little extra than other employees, but he still managed to make less than Petra.

She never hesitated to tease him about that, but he swore to her that he was going to make big bucks some day.

He promised her they were going to have a big house with a huge yard and a white picket fence. They were going to have three dogs and five cats, and a few brats running around and making messes everywhere. He promised all of this early on, but he made sure to emphasize the fact that they were going to have a lot of money.

She only laughed and told Levi that she was happy with just him.

\----------

Levi met her parents on a bright summer day in July.

Her parents were very polite people. Her father smiled a lot like she did, and her mother was just as charismatic. Levi could tell almost immediately where Petra had gotten her defining traits from.

The evening went very well, and Levi got the impression that they liked him.

And Petra confirmed that night that her father had liked him very much and would like to have coffee with him sometime. That was very good news, in Levi’s opinion.

\----------

Eight months into their relationship, Levi met Petra’s coworkers at a Christmas party her work was hosting. Most of them were alright, but the three that stuck out the most because of their close proximity to Petra were Eld, Gunther, and especially Oluo.

Eld and Gunther were very polite and struck conversations up with Levi that he could actually keep up with. No complicated newspaper shit.

Oluo, however, automatically tried to size Levi up by subtly (but not so much) mimicking everything he did. He obviously had a thing for Petra, but Petra quickly explained that their relationship was entirely platonic when Levi was about to bite out a very, very rude retort to Oluo’s insistence that he wasn’t right for Petra.

“He’s like my big brother in a lot of ways.”

“So you friendzoned him. You’re cruel, Pet.”

“What?? No, I didn’t friendzone anyone! We really are just friends.”

“Doesn’t look like it.”

Petra continued to deny that Oluo was anything but her friend, and when Oluo got wind of it, he jumped on Petra’s side (predictably), and claimed himself as only a friend as well before biting his tongue in the middle of his over-exaggerated speech.

Levi was in quite a good mood after that.

\----------

“Why don’t you just put the ring at the bottom of her glass or something?” Erwin had suggested while he stared down at his glass of dark red wine. “I bet she’d love that.”

“Oh, yes Erwin, because every girl loves choking on a ring she didn’t know was there,” Levi snapped sarcastically, an annoyed look on his face while Erwin chuckled, watching his friend obsessively scrub at the counter.

Levi and Petra had just made the move to a new apartment a week ago, and already the place was immaculate as ever. There were a lot of things Levi didn’t like about this apartment. The colors of the walls were all wrong, but Petra had convinced him that was a fixable thing. Even the flooring was old and worn.

Still, Petra convinced him to move in. How could he say no? She loved this place. From the moment she saw it, she had begged him to put the money down on it. After all, it was in pretty good shape, aside from being owned by slobs before them. He had no reason not to.

After a moment, Levi groaned and tossed the cloth away from him, leaning on the counter. “All I want is for what I do to be memorable. No cheesy and overdone bullshit.”

“If I didn’t know you well, I would have to say that you weren’t dating Petra.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Erwin smirked and sipped at his glass. “Something simple would be better for her than something over the top, Levi. I knew that from the moment I saw her.”

“Maybe your vision was blurred after getting the best head of your life.”

“Quite possibly. But I am right, you know. Simple, Levi.”

\----------

So Levi did simple.

Fourteen months in, on a sunny June afternoon at a picnic with just their friends, Levi proposed to Petra.

Hange made more noise than Petra did, who only smiled and nodded, tears threatening to spill over. She was smiling too much. Levi stood and slipped the simple diamond band onto her finger, and that was that.

It hadn’t been hard. Nerve-wracking, maybe, but not hard. When you loved someone, things weren’t hard; they were easier, and they only got easier with time.

Levi hugged Petra tightly as their friends cheered, and he couldn’t help but crack a smile as Petra embraced him as well, hiding her face in his shoulder as happy tears trailed down her cheeks.

\----------

The bachelor party three months later was just as it should have been; lots of alcohol and plenty of conversation.

Levi learned that Oluo wasn’t really all that bad of a person. He admitted while he was tipsy that he quite admired Levi. Oluo also threatened Levi that if he didn’t take care of his little sister, he was going to lose his cock and balls. Levi highly doubted that threat held any real merit, so he just awkwardly patted Oluo on the shoulder and thanked him.

Erwin was their best man at the wedding, and Hange was the maid of honor. The choice of best man could be seen a mile away, but Hange was a little unexpected. Petra and Hange had only known each other for a few months, and since she was Levi’s coworker, Petra never got to see too much of her.

Still, when Petra brought it up, she looked a little sheepish as she admitted that she didn’t have too many friends as it was, so Hange would do just fine. They got along very well, much to Levi’s disdain. Not only did he have to deal with Hange at work, but she was over his house constantly as they planned.

With Petra’s encouragement, Levi reluctantly sent his parents an invitation.

They never showed.

The wedding was a very small affair. They didn’t have it anywhere fancy, just in the backyard of Erwin’s huge house simply because he had the yard for it. There weren’t that many people there in the first place; mostly just close friends and Petra’s parents.

The whole first half of the day before the wedding was a flurry of trying to get things done on time.

The second half was nerve-wracking. Waiting for Petra to step out on the back porch was the longest five minute wait of his life. If it hadn’t been for the cool September breeze, he would have sweat through his suit. He was sure of it.

When she finally did step out onto the porch and started to walk towards him slowly on her father’s arm, Levi inwardly lost his shit.

He had never been this nervous in his life.

Levi was a terrible choice for her. She was so beautiful, and she deserved someone who made her happy, and who didn’t mutter profanities every other word. Petra deserved someone that could sweep her off her feet every single day, and she wasn’t getting that with him. There was no way she was.

He suddenly didn’t have the confidence that he was able to take care of her.

Petra was speaking to her father, looking up at him as he was murmuring something.

Her amber eyes finally met Levi’s pale grey ones, and suddenly, he wasn’t panicking anymore.

She knew she was beautiful in that moment. She owned it better than any woman, or man, that he had ever seen.

Petra could have said no to him. She could have held the engagement off by gently pushing the ring back to him and telling him that the moment at the picnic hadn’t been the right time.

She loved him for his cursing and his everything. Levi did sweep her off her feet every second of every day. She knew that he could take care of her.

Levi could read that in her eyes that she believed just that.

\----------

Two months into their marriage was when the first fight came in.

It was over something ridiculously stupid. Levi’s insomnia was keeping him up again, making him more irritable than usual, and Petra was strained from the workload she had put on her right after the honeymoon.

Which had gone well, for the record; who could say no to a two week cruise in the middle of the ocean with only a total of 50 people around you?

“You’ve got to be _kidding_ me right now!” Petra snapped abruptly from the kitchen table.

Levi glanced up from the bowl of ice cream in his lap. He was sitting on the couch, minding his own business with Game of Thrones when Petra had interrupted. Thankfully, it was during a commercial, so he was only mildly irritated.

They had been avoiding each other for about a week now, trying not to get on the other’s nerves. Up until this moment, they had done pretty good.

“What’s wrong?” Levi asked before sticking a spoonful of fudge ripple ice cream into his mouth.

Petra was staring at her laptop screen, a look of pure anger on her face. He paused for a moment with the ice cream. Levi had never seen her angry before. This was new.

She threw her hands up and swore. Levi blinked at the “Fuck my life” that came out of her mouth, then he watched her slam her laptop shut.

“The browser crashed and sent my whole email that I’ve just spent the last half hour writing down the god damn drain. That’s it. I’m done. I’m just so freaking done. I’m going to bed.” She stood up and shoved the chair back into place.

Levi stared at her before shrugging and looking back to the television. “Just make sure you save it next time, and you won’t make that mistake again,” Levi said calmly before taking on another mouthful of the ice cream.

“I _hate_ it when you do that, Levi. I _hate it_.” Petra snapped, and he frowned and looked back over at her. She was standing next to the table, glaring hard at him.

Levi popped the spoon out of his mouth. “Do what, Pet?”

“Oh, don’t ‘Pet’ me. It’s just so like you to just sit there and act like nothing’s wrong, sitting on your ass and watching fucking Game of Thrones and stuffing your face with ice cream. You won’t even help me or do anything, you’ve just been sitting there all day! You’re so insensitive all of the time, and _I hate it_ ,” she snapped; Levi could tell she was gritting her teeth, even from his position on the couch.

“Petra, what the hell are you talking about; I just sat down literally ten minutes ago. I’ve been working all day and I just got home,” Levi growled. He really didn’t want to deal with this right now. He could see the explosion coming before it even was in sight.

“I’ve been working all day too, and you don’t see me taking a break. I just lost a shit ton of work--”

“What the fuck do you want me to do about it??”

“COMFORT ME YOU JACKASS, OR IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK!?”

“IF YOU WANTED COMFORT YOU SHOULD HAVE MARRIED FUCKING BOZADO, HE WOULD HAVE DONE A GREAT FUCKING JOB COMFORTING YOU.”

“You’re such a douchebag, ugh, I hate that you do that! You always pick on him and he’s done nothing to you, you short miserable insufferable little PRICK.”

Levi stood up and stomped over to her across the room. She glared at him and didn’t say a word as he came to a stop in front of her, his face inches from hers.

“If you don’t like it, the door is right there.” He jabbed his finger in the general direction of the door, still glowering down at her.

“You would love for me to walk out, wouldn’t you? So you could sit here and worry about your god damn show more than anything else in the world? You can sleep on the couch.”

“I put the down payment on this apartment, and I paid for that mattress, so I get to choose where I sleep, not you. However, you paid for the couch, so go right ahead.”

“Fine. Watch your fucking show in _your_ room,” Petra hissed up at him, their noses only a centimeter from touching before she shoved past him to turn the TV off.

Levi slammed the half eaten bowl of ice cream down onto the table before walking out of the dining room and into the bedroom, seething. He could feel how red his face was from just how pissed off he was.

And about what? Petra was tired, he was tired. Maybe he shouldn’t have been a heartless scumbag about her losing her email. Maybe she shouldn’t have gone off on him.

He went to bed without his weekly dose of Game of Thrones and an empty stomach, all because he couldn’t bring himself to walk out of the bedroom to confront Petra again.

He was surprised that he managed to sleep under these circumstances. His insomnia really was a shitbag.

Levi awoke to the smell of eggs and bacon. The usual routine on Saturday mornings. At first he had forgotten what was different this morning as he slowly dragged himself out of bed, but he remembered as soon as he stood up.

Oh.

He frowned and glanced at the doorway, scratching his tummy before pulling his hand out from under his shirt and heading into the kitchen. Might as well get this over with.

Petra was standing in the kitchen in front of the gas stove, her hair pulled back from her face in a loose ponytail. Her eyes were bloodshot, and he instantly felt like shit when she looked over at him, then quickly back down at the pan in front of her. She had probably been crying all night.

He walked up behind her and put his arms around her, setting his chin on her shoulder. She didn’t push him away, but she tilted her head to set hers gently against his temple.

“I recorded your show for you,” she said softly.

Levi couldn’t help but scoff and turn his head to kiss her neck. “I don’t care about that show. I’m sorry for letting you sleep on the couch,” he grumbled. He hated apologizing, but she deserved it. However…

“I don’t deserve someone like you if all I’m going to do is be a shithead to you all of the time,” Levi muttered after a moment, and Petra frowned and looked back at him.

“…Don’t say something so stupid, Levi. If I didn’t want to put up with you being an insomnia-crazed bastard who likes tea more than coffee in the morning, then I wouldn’t have agreed to marry you.” She smiled then and put the spatula down on the counter before turning in his arms to cup both of his cheeks in her warm hands. “I’m sorry I got mad at you. I don’t think you’re a short miserable insufferable little prick. I’m sorry. I love you.”

Levi snorted before leaning down to kiss her lips.

“I don’t think you’d be better with Bozado either.”

“You’re right. He acts too much like you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Petra laughed and kissed him again with one of her smiles that never failed to make everything all right.

The aftermath of their first and only big argument was settled with a plateful of breakfast, a cup of tea and a cup of coffee, and a Game of Thrones episode that consisted of several moans of denial from the two of them as heads rolled. Well, one head.

\----------

“Trust me, baby. It’s only a six-day trip, I’ll be back before you know it,” Petra murmured, her amber eyes soft as she gazed at Levi, smiling as she stroked his cheek. “I’ll call you every day, just like I always do. Why are you so worried?”

They were both laying on their sides, facing each other. Just gazing at one another. It wasn’t anything new. It was just something they had picked up after a year and a half of marriage. Levi searched her eyes before he sighed and pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes and relaxing under her touch.

“I’m not.”

He heard her soft chuckle, and he cocked an eye open, his lips pulling up at the edges of one side. She met his eye easily.

“Okay. I believe you.”

Opening both eyes to roll them and shake his head, he kissed her lips to quiet her giggles, but as usual, it didn’t work.

Petra only laughed harder into Levi’s mouth when he huffed in mock annoyance, a smile tugging at his own lips again at her laughter. It was only her that could get him to smile like this. No one else. There had never been anyone else.

“It’s just a bad feeling,” Levi admitted quietly into her hair a while later. Petra snuggled closer to his chest, tracing her fingertips over his collarbone, just above his heart as her eyes drooped sleepily.

“There’s not much to worry about. I’m just gathering information from the homeless camps in Los Angeles for the news article I’m working on…and then I’ll be back here, in Boston with you, where I belong. Six days, Levi. That’s it.”

That had comforted Levi, but only so much. He had never once had a bad feeling about Petra flying somewhere, but this time, something just didn’t feel right. It made him feel uneasy.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Eren, little titans! Enjoy <3  
> Thank you for sticking with me; releasing these two chapters together took a lot longer than planned.  
> Also, this chapter was not beta'ed either, so if there are any mistakes, I sincerely apologize!  
> Love you guys <3  
> \----------  
> Every storm runs, runs out of rain  
> Just like every dark night turns into day  
> Every heartache will fade away  
> Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain  
> It's gonna set you free,  
> It's gonna run out of pain,  
> And set you free  
> \--“Every Storm”, Gary Allen

Two weeks ago, when Levi dropped Eren off on the sidewalk in front of his townhouse, he swore that he was never going to see the boy again.

Eren lived in Providence, and Levi lived in Boston.

The only reason why Levi had ventured to Providence in the first place was to speak with Armin, who had held the secrets to Petra’s last moments alive. Eren just happened to be there.

Levi wasn’t planning on ever going back to Providence. He truly hadn’t thought that he was going to ever see either of the two teenagers ever again.

Up until this moment, Levi believed that Armin Arlert and Eren Jaeger were forever a part of his past that he had buried along with that dead part of him somewhere between the hospital and his home.

Yet, here Eren was; standing in Levi’s kitchen, with a downright delicious-smelling bowl of microwaved corn in his hands and a half-assed grin on his face. Almost like he was supposed to be here, almost like he really did think he belonged here.

It was almost like he had made himself right at home while Levi was sleeping.

The teenager, once he had gotten over his initial shock from seeing Levi awake, had grinned at him and set the bowl down on the counter, shutting the microwave door.

“I made dinner. I wasn’t sure when you were going to be awake, so I was going to put your half in the fridge; but good, you’re up now.”

Levi stared at Eren. He wasn’t exactly sure how his face looked in that moment. He knew that inwardly he was surprised as all hell, as well as a little annoyed. He had never been too fond of anyone coming into his house uninvited. Especially people he didn’t know very well.

He didn’t know the first thing about Eren.

For all Levi knew, Eren could have some contagious disease and he was _touching everything in Levi’s kitchen_.

Levi let out a huff that caught the teenager’s attention, and the male standing at the counter glanced over his shoulder. Eren towered a good foot over him and that ticked Levi off a bit more than he cared for.

Erwin was older, so his height didn’t matter. However, Eren being younger than Levi _and_ taller was not okay. He didn’t like it. At all.

“What? I’m almost done.”

“Eren, what the hell are you doing here?”

Eren stopped stirring the sauce into what looked like spaghetti from where Levi was standing by the room-dividing counter. “Um…” He looked back down at the pot and stirred a bit more vigorously than he had in the beginning.

“I can’t…tell you that.”

Levi’s eye twitched in annoyance at the lack of an answer, but he simply continued.

“How did you even get in here?”

“The door was unlocked.”

“How did you _get_ here?”

“By bus, mostly. It only took me three hours to get here with the stops and all of that,” Eren answered. He seemed relieved that the conversation had taken a different turn, but Levi wasn’t done with him yet. There was one question that was really nagging at him.

“Eren.”

“Hm?”

“How did you find out where I live?”

Eren paused at that and glanced over his shoulder at Levi again. Levi’s hand involuntarily gripped the wad of clothing tighter at that uncertain look on Eren’s face. He took a slow and silent deep breath through his nose as the younger male turned to face him with a soft sigh. Eren leaned against the counter and looked down, kicking at the floor like a scolded child.

“Well, um…see, that’s a funny story. I’ve been calling you for the past week, trying to get a hold of you.”

Levi was silent for a while, just staring at Eren. Over the humming of the AC in the window of the living room and the quiet tapping of Eren’s foot, the clunking of the washing machine in the bathroom was working as well.

Just how long had Eren been here?

He was wearing what Levi recognized as his own Disturbed t-shirt that he hadn’t worn in months. It barely fit the taller male, but it was a size too big for Levi to begin with. Eren must have gone through his dresser drawers. How he had managed to do that without waking Levi up was beyond his own comprehension.

Surprisingly, that didn’t annoy Levi as much as he thought it should.

Eren was also wearing a ratty pair of jeans with holes at the knees and stains galore that made Levi wince slightly in disgust when he first got a good look at them. Levi just hoped the teenager had at least scrubbed his hands before touching any of that food. The slightly damp brunet hair sticking up messily on the top of his head told Levi that he had taken a shower too. Jesus, just how dirty had this kid been before he cleaned himself up? Judging by the state of his jeans, he had been filthy.

His turquoise eyes hadn’t dulled though, not in the least. It wasn’t long before Levi found himself looking into those eyes that had lifted from the floor to meet his own pale grays. They were still that same beautiful blue that Levi had been greeted with in the hospital lobby.

“…That was you,” Levi said slowly.

“Yeah. You never picked up. I asked Mikasa if she knew you because you have the same last name. She told me you’re her cousin, but she didn’t have your number. But she had your parents’ number, and they had someone else’s number--well, eventually, I got yours. So I called.”

“Never left a voicemail,” Levi mentioned dully.

He was finally relaxing a bit with the deep breaths. Levi wasn’t exactly sure why he was so worked up about this. It was probably because Eren had changed things from the moment he had spotted Levi crying in the parking lot of the hospital, just about ready to give up at everything.

Eren laughed and looked down again. “No, no voicemail. I’m sorry about that, but I didn’t know how to, uh…ask you. About staying here with…well, with you.”

Levi took another deep breath, and let out a slow, audible exhale.

Oh no, this wasn’t happening.

A teenager, especially Eren Jaeger, was not living in his apartment.

Another breath.

“And what exactly makes you think I’m going to let you stay here?”

Eren shuffled his feet and sighed before beginning to explain himself without looking up from the floor.

“I know this looks bad, me showing up at your apartment and demanding that I get to stay here. It’s just a long story that I don’t want to tell right now, but…I…I called again this afternoon. And finally someone picked up, but despite your voicemail telling me it was your phone I was calling, someone else picked up. Some woman kept asking me if I was your boyfriend, and uh, it was really, really awkward, but when I asked, she gave me your address and…well, here I am.

It’s silly for me to make any kinds of demands in this position, but I really need a place to stay right now, Levi. I don’t want to bother Armin because he lives with his grandfather; not only that, but he’s still recovering. I don’t want to put that kind of strain on him.

And Mikasa is just…she’s my friend, but she’s crazy overprotective of me, and I don’t need that right now. I don’t need…questions. So please, Levi. If I have to beg, I will. I’ll get a job and get my own apartment soon, but don’t make me go back to Rhode Island right now. I swear I won’t be a nuisance or anything of the sort.”

Levi cursed under his breath and looked to the side, putting a hand on the counter next to him.

First of all: Hange. Fucking Hange. Always having to run her big mouth, and to a stranger, no less. She was always doing something stupid.

Second: Now what to do about this. What to do about Eren. Levi couldn’t throw him out onto the street. No, that just wasn’t going to happen. He was only a kid. Levi was heartless, but he wasn’t _that_ heartless.

Oddly enough for someone like Levi who had grown used to being alone, the company might actually be a positive change of pace. After all, the first time Eren had stepped into his life, he had changed a lot of things for the better.

So, Levi was conflicted.

Let the brat stay, or send him back home?

At Levi’s silence, Eren glanced up from the floor. Levi sighed and met the kid’s eyes once again.

“Are those your clothes in my washing machine?”

Eren blinked and looked towards the bathroom, then turned his eyes back to Levi’s.

“Yeah.”

“Make sure you don’t leave them in there. They’ll get all disgusting.”

Eren smiled slightly before turning to grab two plates out of the cabinet.

Levi was silently glad that Eren understood. He didn’t have to say yes directly to the other to make him understand what he meant.

Levi was going to let him stay, although he had convinced himself that it was a reluctant action. He was allowing it only because…well, he honestly had no idea why he was allowing it to happen.

However, seeing Eren smile like that…that struck a chord in him that hadn’t been touched in what felt like a long, long time. That smile was doing something to him.

“I’m going to take a quick shower…Don’t burn my fucking apartment down,” Levi grumbled before turning away, Eren’s soft laughter sounding behind him.

\----------

“Is it okay if I sleep on the couch?”

“Where else are you going to sleep? On the god damn floor?”

Eren chuckled as he idly twirled some spaghetti around his fork. He was sitting across from Levi at the counter dividing the kitchen and the dining/living room. The dining room table was cluttered with Levi’s papers from work that he hadn’t bothered to pick up for weeks. It wasn’t that messy anyway, so it didn’t irritate him too much. It was also out of the way with the table shoved up against the wall. His laptop was settled on top of a stack of papers. It was dead, but Levi hadn’t bothered to pick it up and connect it to the power cord yet.

Dinner wasn’t half-bad. It was average, at least. It was only spaghetti, corn, and a cup of milk, but Levi could give Eren an A for effort.

“This isn’t bad, brat,” Levi muttered before he took a sip of his milk, and he watched Eren beam happily at him, glowing from just a simple compliment.

“Thanks. Sorry, but I’m not the best cook. Also, stop calling me brat, it’s a little degrading…”

“Just stay out of the kitchen and I’ll handle it. Brat.”

Eren rolled his eyes, then smiled at Levi. Jesus, this kid never stopped smiling.

Levi found himself liking that fact though.

“Are you going to tell me why you’re here?”

Eren paused in his chewing to stare at Levi, who was looking at him expectantly. He swallowed, then cleared his throat and looked down, pushing the corn on his plate around with his fork.

“…Eventually, I will, Levi. It’s just…right now, I’d rather not think about it. I don’t want you to worry about it too much either. It’s sort of a sensitive topic, kind of like you with…you know.”

Levi sighed. He did know.

They were both quiet for a moment, but it wasn’t awkward. It was sort of comfortable to only hear the occasional scrape of metal across ceramic.

“You know my baby cousin, then?” Levi asked after a few minutes when their plates were clean. Eren was in the process of standing and collecting their dishes when he grinned and glanced over at Levi.

“Yeah. Mikasa’s pretty much like my sister. I’ve known her since elementary school; Armin, too. We’ve been friends for years. She’s super over protective though. When I told her I met you, she got all upset and thought you hurt me or something. It took forever to get your number from her. Apparently, your family doesn’t like you very much.”

“Don’t remind me,” Levi said through gritted teeth. He stood up as well to make himself a cup of tea on the counter next to the sink, letting Eren do the dishes. It was nice not having to worry about them for once. “I’m surprised that you even got it in the first place. She must have done a lot of digging.”

“She’s sort of good at that stuff. How long has it been since you’ve seen her?” Eren asked with a curiosity coloring his tone. “She said she never met you.”

Levi snorted and shook his head. “She wouldn’t remember. I held her a few hours after she was born, and from there, I only saw pictures of her on Facebook. I saw her in the photo from the newspaper as well.”

“Hm. When you told me your last name, I noticed the similarities.” Eren smiled a bit, looking over at Levi, who only met his eyes for a moment before he looked down to tug at the string of the tea bag.

It was happening again.

Levi wanted to smile because of this kid, and Levi hadn’t smiled in months. It was strange to feel both corners of his lips twitch. Sure, he had smirked more than a few times, and maybe a grin here and there, but that was just one side of his lips. Not both sides. It might not seem like much, but for Levi…he knew exactly what this meant. And it wasn’t going to happen.

Following that train of thought, and finding every excuse he could to convince his mind that this was a bad idea, Levi looked up again and asked as casually as he possibly could, “How old are you?”

Eren glanced down at him curiously in mid-scrub, elbow-deep in soapy water. “Why?”

“So I know that you’re not a runaway brat.”

“I’m nineteen!” Eren laughed. “I didn’t runaway. I got…kicked out, per se.”

Levi raised an eyebrow at that, and Eren whistled low and ducked his head, his eyes widening for a moment before he scrubbed a bit too vigorously at the plate in his hands.

Levi didn’t question him, but rather he headed off to the living room, cup in hand. It was eight at night, and Levi had slept all day, but he still felt pretty exhausted. However, his mind was in overdrive.

Eren was nineteen.

Legal age of consent and all of that.

No, Levi. Bad Levi. Bad.

Levi sat down with a slight angry frown before snatching up the remote and turning the TV on. No news, just reruns of Criminal Minds. That was perfectly okay because his mind wasn’t working too well anyway.

Eren was nineteen, yes. But Levi was thirty-one, and usually people his age didn’t date teenagers. He was a whole twelve years older than the kid in his kitchen. Not to mention that he had only just met Eren two weeks ago, and was just now starting to get to know him after the brat had randomly shown up in his house.

Levi didn’t usually think like this. Hell, he never thought like this.

Even with Petra, he had never remotely gone on like a school boy in love with another fucking school boy. To Levi, this was ridiculous, but it was also eye opening in a sad and good kind of way. Sad because Levi knew that he was in the process of getting over Petra, but good because _Levi was in the process of getting over Petra_.

He needed this, and Eren was here, but Eren was also an impressionable teenager. The more rational part of Levi told him that it might not be a good idea to pursue someone like Eren because he was so young. Not because of his age, but seeing how dorky Eren was, it was likely he had never gotten laid before. Then again, he was a good-looking kid--fuck, he really had to stop thinking like that.

Eren startled Levi by sitting beside him on the couch with a can of soda in his hand, and with a grin at Levi, he settled back and his eyes went to the television.

Levi stared at him from the corner of his eye, but didn’t make it too obvious.

\----------

Levi wasn’t sure how this happened, but one moment he was focused on Criminal Minds, and the next, he had a head lolling on his shoulder that belonged to a softly snoring teenage kid. Levi didn’t even notice at first. Once he had gotten sucked into the show, he hadn’t noticed much of anything.

However, now that the commercials were running again, Levi noticed the weight on his shoulder and found himself staring down at Eren slumped against him.

He reached for the remote to turn the television off, and once he did, he slowly stood up before carefully laying Eren down on the couch. He hauled the other’s feet up as well before walking off to grab a pillow and a blanket from his bedroom.

He wasn’t exactly tucking Eren in, but it felt that way. He gently lifted Eren’s head to slide the pillow underneath it. Once his head hit the pillow, Eren grabbed one end in his sleep and buried his face into it, much to Levi’s silent amusement. After he covered Eren with the blanket, Levi sighed and stepped back to pick up the teacup and the can on the coffee table.

Yeah, okay.

Levi couldn’t help but admit that it was nice to have someone to clean up after again.

It was a familiar action, one that he had grown so accustomed to over the years. He hadn’t realized how much he missed it until now. He honestly didn’t mind it.

Due to the amount of sleep he got in the last 24 hours, Levi knew that he was going to be up for the next couple of days. He got a bit of laundry done, only to find out that Eren only had two pairs of pants and one shirt. The pants Eren had on now didn’t count; Levi was going to toss those and just buy the kid new ones. He had the money to spend anyway. His bills were paid and there wasn’t anything he was buying. Now all he needed to accomplish was not being seen as a sugar daddy.

Levi actually smirked at that as he walked across the living room to make sure the door was locked. As he moved away from the locked door to turn the light off, his foot hit something on the ground. Levi looked down at the small red duffel bag at his feet.

He then looked up at Eren, who had turned and now had his back to Levi on the couch.

A look wouldn’t hurt.

Levi picked the duffel bag up and slung it over his shoulder before hitting the light switch to the living room.

He placed the duffel bag onto the kitchen counter and flipped the top open that was already unzipped. There wasn’t too much in the bag. A book, a pamphlet for bus routes, a bit of spare change.

There was a photograph folded in a corner at the bottom of a bag. Levi pulled it out and unfolded it to reveal a smiling mini Eren staring up at him. He looked about four or so, standing in the middle of what looked like a living room of a somewhat large house, and on either side of him stood a man and a woman that Levi guessed were his parents. His mother looked a lot like him, and his father seemed to be a pretty serious guy. The photo was old and worn like it had been folded over and over again. He turned it over. Nothing. He looked back at the picture and examined it for a bit more before folding it again and putting it back.

There was nothing else of interest aside from a flip phone with a dead battery and some crumbled up granola bar wrappers.

Levi didn’t even want to think about how long Eren had been out on his own. It couldn’t have been too long, but then again, what did Levi know?

He hadn’t picked up the phone when Eren called because he assumed it was a telemarketer. If he ever did pick up his cell phone, would he had opened his door for Eren, or would he have been the old prude he was and told Eren to fuck off and find somewhere else?

Come to think of it…where was his phone?

Levi blinked and closed the duffel bag before setting it on the dining room table to start the search for his missing cell phone.

He found his car keys in the pocket of his dirty jeans, but no phone.

He only realized after he searched the house that it was probably still at Erwin’s place.

No wonder Hange had gotten a hold of it. She must have answered the phone before her and Mike were about to leave and told Eren exactly what he had needed to know.

In a way, for once in his life, Levi was grateful to Hange.

If it hadn’t been for her nosey ass, Eren wouldn’t be sleeping on his couch.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here you go beebees! Chapter 8 <3  
> Thank you guys for reading, it means a whole lot to me to know that so many people are enjoying my work. Seriously.  
> If you would like to have updates on how the progress of the story is going, and you like massive amount of yaoi like me, here's my tumblr because I like to share the love too: http://levisyaoiservice.tumblr.com/ .  
> Enjoy!!

Levi was sitting at the dining room table at ten in the morning when there was a thud only a few yards from him. He slowly lifted his eyes and turned his head from his laptop to view Eren on the floor of the living room over the rims of his reading glasses.

The teenager was sitting up now, groggy and disoriented as he clumsily untangled himself from the blanket. He looked around sleepily, rubbing one eye as he yawned, and when he spotted the other male, he smiled in a drowsy manner than made Levi swallow and stare.

“Mornin’,” Eren grumbled before standing and stretching, Levi’s _Disturbed_ t-shirt riding up slightly to show off a bit of tanned tummy just above the hem of his stained and ripped jeans before he lowered his arms down to his sides and trudged off to the bathroom.

Levi followed him with his eyes until the bathroom door closed.

Catching himself staring at the door, he frowned and snapped his eyes back to the Excel document, cursing inwardly.

Day one.

And already Levi couldn’t keep his eyes off of the younger male in his apartment. How was he supposed to do this for a month? Or even two? Or however long this kid decided to stay in his presence?

Last night, alone with his thoughts and oddly comforted by the snores of another body in his apartment, Levi had come to the decision that he was not going to get into anything with Eren.

Zip.

Nada.

It was not happening.

Levi wasn’t about to subject a teenager to his insomnia-crazed grumpiness, horniness, and whatever else came with it. He was _nineteen_. That was enough of an age difference for Levi to back off, and the more he thought rationally about it, the more he realized that this was in fact the best decision.

Eren was just staying here temporarily until he got a job and earned enough money to move the hell out. By then, Levi was sure that all of these confusing thoughts about boning Eren would be out the window.

God, he felt like such a fucking kid. Since when did he recklessly dive into relationships, or anything for that matter?

Levi was snapped out of his thoughts by a loud yawn as Eren walked out of the bathroom. Levi had left his clean clothes on top of the dryer, and Eren seemed to get the hint to change into them.

Now wearing the one shirt he owned and a pair of dark skinny jeans as he walked over to Levi and peeked over his shoulder before smiling a bit and poked at the side of his glasses.

“Hey, you look pretty good in those. I would have never taken you as someone who wore reading glasses,” Eren mused.

Levi leaned away and sent him a sideways look, and Eren grinned, raising his hands in a surrendering gesture at the shorter man’s expression.

“What’s for breakfast?”

“Are you fucking serious, Jaeger. It’s ten in the morning. It’s more like lunch time now.”

“Right! Morning. I bet that you haven’t eaten yet. Am I right?”

Levi sighed and pulled his reading glasses off and rubbing his eyes.

“…No, I haven’t,” Levi muttered before standing and shutting the laptop to carry it back to his bedroom.

Levi cooked this time, their breakfast consisting of bacon and cheese omelets with home fries.

Eren told Levi through a mouthful of food, “Oh my _god_ this is _delicious_ ”, and Levi winced before smacking him over the head and snapping at him to eat with his mouth closed.

However, Eren just continued to moan happily, like Levi’s cooking was the only food he had had in days.

Even though it was disgusting to listen to him talk with his cheeks packed like a squirrel, Levi couldn’t help but feel a tickle of pride. He knew he was a good cook, and Eren’s constant praise only made it that much better.

“I have to pick my car up from my boss’s house,” Levi said while washing their dishes; Eren was in the process of taking a plate from him to dry it when he looked down at Levi curiously.

“Why’s your car at your boss’s house?” he asked as he slowly dried the plate before setting it in its place in the cabinet.

“Because brats like you like to ask fucking stupid questions,” Levi quipped. He received a pout from the taller male, which made him look overly adorable in Levi’s opinion. Of course, that would be one of the many things he would never voice.

“Levi, I’m not a brat.”

“My car is there because I left it there, _brat_.”

Eren huffed and pouted some more before snatching the mug Levi held out for him.

A moment of silence passed before Eren sighed, and without looking at Levi, asked, “You’re never going to stop calling me brat, are you?”

Levi actually chuckled and handed him the last plate before draining the sink as he responded with, “Not a chance”.

“I’ll be fine here. I’ll even clean for you.”

“Thoughtful of you, but no. You’re coming with me.”

“Wait, why?” Eren asked in confusion, and Levi sighed.

“Have you seen your wardrobe? I’m getting you some new clothes. You look like a homeless person.”

Eren frowned and glanced down at himself, his cheeks a little pink in embarrassment. “…I do not.”

Levi rolled his eyes and dried his hands.

“Come on, kid.”

Levi grabbed his keys and locked the apartment up before heading in the direction of Erwin’s house. Eren trailed him in relative silence, his turquoise eyes taking in their surroundings.

Levi lived in a slightly less urban area of Boston, but there were still a lot of people outside in the mornings. The neighbor’s kids, mostly, who were still on summer vacation. They ran up and down the street, some of them shouting to each other from the back of bicycles.

Levi’s apartment itself was a pretty quaint-looking place, surrounded by other buildings like it. However, of course, it was special to Levi. It was the first and only apartment he had bought with Petra after she begged him for this specific one.

At first he had hated everything about it from the brick on the outside of the building to the ugly wallpaper on the inside. However, she had convinced him otherwise. Everything now in the apartment had everything to do with Petra and his handiwork from when they first moved in, including the newly painted walls and retiled bathroom floors.

Honestly, he couldn’t say that he hated it now. It was home.

Erwin only lived about fifteen minutes by car, and he lived more towards the central part of Boston. Walking there only took about a half hour through city traffic and closely-packed pedestrians. Levi often felt Eren’s chest brushing against his back at times; he was that close. Well, at least he hoped it was Eren. He didn’t bother to look.

They reached Erwin’s street, breaking off from the crowded main sidewalk. Eren followed a little further back now, and Levi hated to admit that he didn’t like it too much.

He was already getting used to having the brat around.

Oh lord, help him.

Erwin’s house was set in a quiet cul-de-sac, the property itself close to perfect with its trimmed lawn and a few tall oaks. The house was set back from the road a little with a two-car garage and a paved driveway. Even the walkway up to the front door was perfectionist quality.

Walking the driveway to Levi’s black Dodge Dart, Levi couldn’t help but notice Erwin wasn’t home. His Impala wasn’t in the driveway.

Levi checked to see if his car doors were locked, and yep, they were, so he walked towards the front door.

“You have a key to your boss’s house?” Eren asked, sounding slightly confused and surprised as Levi pulled out his keys and unlocked the front door.

Levi paused for only a moment before shrugging and pushing the door open. Truth be told, he had never really thought about how having a key to his boss’s house would look. Then again, Eren had no idea of what Levi and Erwin’s relationship consisted.

Immediately, they were greeted by a bored meow, and as Levi closed the door behind Eren’s entry, he heard the younger boy gasp happily. Levi rolled his eyes and passed Eren, who was bending over to pet Annie; the cat was rubbing insistently against his legs as Eren grinned widely.

Levi’s phone was on the counter, and underneath it, a sticky note. He sighed and checked the phone; dead, predictably, before his grey eyes fell on the note.

 _Figured you’d stop by_ , it read in Erwin’s neat handwriting. _No more drinking for you_.

“Funny,” Levi scoffed before grabbing up the pen that was lying beside the note. He turned it over and scrawled _Fuck you_ in a slightly wavy script.

“What’s funny?” Eren asked curiously, his voice close as he peeked over curiously, Annie in his arms and head butting his chin. “For the record, your boss has a nice place,” he commented with an appreciative look and a smile, looking around before his attention was brought back to the cat in his arms, his hand idly stroking over her fur.

“This is what you buy when you have a lot of money, brat. Trust me, he’d practically burst with happiness if he heard you say that,” Levi muttered before motioning to Annie. “Put the needy bitch down and let’s go. I don’t want to be out all day.”

Outside, after Levi locked the front door behind them and was getting into his car, Eren slipped in beside him, settling into the passenger’s seat.

“Levi, why don’t you get a cat? It might make you less grumpy.”

Levi paused in putting his phone on the car charger before slowly looking up at Eren with a deadpan look. Eren was smiling like a little kid, his eyes lit up and the whole bit. Levi felt his heart skip a beat before he slowly lifted a hand.

Eren followed it with his eyes, his smile never faltering. Levi brushed his cheek with the side of his hand before abruptly grabbing Eren’s ear, pinching it and yanking his head to one side.

“O-ow! Hey!” Eren whined when Levi let go with a satisfied smirk. Eren rubbed now red ear with a pout, glaring at Levi. “What the hell was that for??”

“For you being an insufferable brat.”

“ _Seriously?!_ Again with the brat thing?!”

\----------

Levi didn’t like people.

That was a known fact.

This known fact also clued in another absolute.

Levi hated malls.

The local mall was packed. All two stories of it.

Levi scowled as soon as he set foot in the mall.

But Eren.

Oh, Eren.

His eyes lit up like a kid’s on Christmas.

“I’ve never been to a mall this big, you know,” Eren explained enthusiastically as he followed Levi inside the central part of the mall, and they walked out onto the first floor. “Actually, this is the first time I’ve been in a mall at all. A _mall_ mall, I mean. You get it. Oh wow, I’ve never heard of this store before. Can we go in here? Wait, Levi, um, I don’t want you to--”

“Oh jesus christ, Eren,” Levi groaned, stopping abruptly and turning to face the other male.

Eren froze on the spot, his eyes wide with wild excitement. “Yes?”

“Just get what you need, and you’ll be fine. I don’t mind, I need to do some of my own shopping anyway. Just…keep the bantering to a minimum. I don’t want to feel like I’m watching a two-year-old.”

Eren blushed slightly and looked down. “Oh…I understand.” He peeked up after a moment, his eyes still wide as he glanced at the store to his right again.

“…Can we--”

Levi rolled his eyes and shoved Eren in the direction of the men’s clothing store; hardly fazed, Eren laughed and practically jogged through the open doors.

After an hour and a half of shopping, they both ended up carrying bags upon bags back to the car. Most of them were full of clothes, and others consisted of a phone charger for Eren and even a few games for the PS3 Levi had gotten as a gift from Hange. When Eren had gotten wind that Levi had a game system he never used once, Eren begged Levi to let him use it.

That was the only thing for which Eren had begged him for. Levi had shoved almost everything Eren had shown even the slightest bit of interest in into Eren’s arms to hold before they checked out of whatever store they were in.

The end result was a total of twelve bags of clothing and miscellaneous objects, and a bag of Chinese takeout.

Levi felt rather good for spending money on Eren. Petra had never wanted much, and when she did want something, she always bought it herself, before Levi could get any ideas about buying it for her. Still, he always used to get a warm, satisfied feeling from getting Petra anything, and he was feeling the same way now.

Eren was staring at Levi from the passenger’s seat with those exquisite turquoise eyes for the first half of the ride.

Levi knew without glancing over that Eren’s eyes were filled with slight wonder and appreciation for the older man. He could feel it; he didn’t have to see it directly.

It was a slight comfort to know that Eren didn’t see him as someone to use for just money.

The half hour drive home through afternoon traffic was mostly stop-and-go. Eren fell asleep halfway there, and when Levi pulled up in front of his apartment and turned his car off, he reached over to shake Eren awake.

His hand paused just above the curve of Eren’s shoulder, though, and Levi inhaled slowly to calm his heart that seemed to speed up at the sight of the sleeping Eren. His head was back against the seat with his face angled in Levi’s direction; his face was relaxed, his pink lips parted slightly, and his thick, long eyelashes brushed his cheeks.

Levi wasn’t sure how long he stared before he finally moved his hand forward to shake Eren awake. He looked away to grab his keys and his phone, sighing as Eren grunted awake, rubbing his eyes.

“We’re home, brat. Help me get this shit into the house,” Levi mumbled before pressing the button to unlock the trunk and getting out of the car.

After Chinese takeout and a few hours of watching Eren play around on the PS3 he set up while Levi did some laundry, Eren finally dug through his duffel bag to grab out his dead phone to hook it up to the charger Levi had bought.

“My foster parents probably turned the service off…” Eren muttered to himself, but Levi caught it. He turned his head towards Eren to eye him, the image of the woman in the old and faded photograph flashing into his mind. Eren blinked and looked up at Levi. They stared at each other for a few second before Eren’s phone buzzed, and his eyes flickered back down to the screen as he took a deep breath.

Foster parents? So the woman and the man in the photograph Levi had found in Eren’s duffel bag had to be his biological parents; there was no denying it. Eren looked exactly like his mother. His father though, that was a little questionable.

Levi made to ask about these foster parents when Eren let out a loud groan, clicking the down button repeatedly on his flip phone.

“Mikasa fuckin’ spammed me; thirty messages from yesterday and today. I _told_ you she’s over protective. I’m nineteen, not some thirteen-year-old who needs looking after. Your cousin is crazy.”

Levi snorted at that, deciding to let the foster parents issue drop for now.

“She didn’t learn it from me.”

“No, but she’s related to you.”

“Don’t see what that has to do with me.”

Eren smirked as he clicked through the messages.

“Where are you…I’m worried…call me…Eren, so help me god, don’t make me call the cops--god dammit Mikasa, you wouldn’t.”

“I think you should call her,” Levi commented, amusement coloring his tone. “You know how mothers get when their babies are out too late.”

Eren shot a glare at him, and Levi hid his grin behind his coffee mug filled with nothing other than tea.

Eren looked back down at his phone with a frustrated sigh. “I don’t want to. She’s just going to nag me to come back home. I don’t want to go back; I also don’t want to find an excuse as to why I don’t want to stay with her.”

“Quite the dilemma. Just tell her you’re safe and you’re with someone you trust. Oh, but don’t tell her you’re living with a complete stranger who just bought you a shit ton of stuff. She might think I’m a pedophile who’s going to molest you the first chance I get,” Levi mused before shrugging when Eren shot a look at him once again. “What?”

“Okay, _stranger_ ,” Eren huffed, turning a bit on his side of the couch to face towards Levi more, grinning. “You haven’t exactly been all too social about yourself, so of course we’re not friendly with each other.”

“I don’t want to be friendly with you,” Levi stated simply, and Eren rolled his eyes.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Death.”

“What’s your favorite drink?”

“Windex and bleach.”

“What about your favorite animal?”

“Not a dog that barks.”

“You’re implying that I’m a dog,” Eren deadpanned.

Levi smirked. This kid caught on pretty fast.

“No, not at all. I just don’t like dogs.”

Eren groaned and dropped the side of his head heavily against the couch, looking up at the ceiling. “ _God_ , how could anyone get along with you?”

Biting his bottom lip for a moment to suppress a real smile, Levi took a moment before answering.

“Amber, tea, and cats.”

Eren blinked and tilted his head forward again to send Levi a slightly curious look.

“…Why amber? That’s a weird color.”

Levi sighed and stood up then, draining the rest of his mug.

“Tch. Bedtime, brat. Good night.”

“Aww, what the hell! You won’t even tell me why your favorite color is your favorite?! See, that’s what I mean, you’re impossible to get along with.” Eren huffed out a sigh before lying down on the couch, his head propped up against the armrest. The pillow and the blanket were on top of the back of the couch and right above him, but Eren didn’t look tired to begin with. However, Levi had had enough of this conversation.

Levi shook his head. “Says the shit stain who showed up here to live with me. Go to bed, Eren. Make sure you text my crazy cousin.”

Eren scoffed and stared at his phone screen while Levi shut the light off and moved to the kitchen. Levi had to cross the living room again to get to his bedroom, and he only paused when he heard a mutter from the couch.

“Night.”

Levi glanced over at Eren, who was pouting at his phone, the light from the screen casting shadows over parts of the boy’s face. He looked like the depressed teenager that he probably was.

Levi sighed and walked into his bedroom before closing the door. He stood in the middle of his room for a moment, frowning at the bed in the corner before turning to his desk and opening his laptop.

Since he wasn’t about to sleep anyway, may as well get some more work done.

An hour later, his phone buzzed on the desk next to him, and he dropped his hand down onto it before glancing at the text flashing across the iPhone screen through his thin fingers. With a sigh, he unlocked the phone.

_Saw that you stopped by today. Shame you didn’t stick around, I have news._

Levi tapped on the side of his phone case before tapping out a message to Erwin.

_I couldn’t, I had a brat with me. A legitimate kid. A 19 year old. Hange told him where I lived and he hopped a bus to my apartment in ratty fucking clothes and demanded I let him live at my place. He was one of the brats from RI._

The reply was almost immediate.

_And you actually let him? You’ve grown a little soft, I have to say._

Levi sighed at that, and a soft smile caught his lips. The first smile in what felt like a long, long time.

_Yeah. I guess I have._


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves! Here's the next chapter =) 
> 
> In case you're inerested, my tumblr is here also! It's mainly a yaoi blog, so there's tons of pictures and smut.  
> http://levisyaoiservice.tumblr.com/
> 
> Enjoy!

At first, Levi wasn’t sure how to feel about Erwin’s news.

Erwin and Mike were officially ‘a thing’ now.

Levi never had a problem with Mike. The tall man was a truck driver for Erwin’s company. He wasn’t anything special. It wasn’t like he was a complete stranger either; Levi met him around the same time he met Petra, which was the same time he stopped screwing around with Erwin.

The story went as follows: the big oaf started dating Mike on and off, and Mike liked Nile, but Nile wasn’t really all that gay. Nile used Mike as a rebound, then ran off with some other woman. Then, of course, Erwin swooped in and saved the day like the good friend he was.

They kissed, they fucked, and now apparently they were best butt buddies. Official boyfriends.

So yeah, Levi was what could be called, _happy for them_ , although he did tell Erwin right off the bat that if Mike ever pulled any shit, _any shit at_ all, he was going to get his balls kicked back up into his body by a midget.

Erwin was most likely still laughing at that.

Levi didn’t sleep, but he managed the doze off for an hour or so with his cheek in his hand, leaning into it, his reading glasses slightly off kilter as they were shoved up slightly by his fingertips. His laptop was still open and the fan was humming as it worked next to his elbow that was propped up on the desk to support his head.

Levi blinked awake when he felt like he was being watched; his eyes widened and he jerked back from Eren’s face only inches from his.

“Ah!” Eren gasped, standing up straight suddenly, his own eyes wide. “S-sorry!”

“What in the actual _fuck_ , Eren? What the hell were you doing?” Levi groaned, pulling the glasses from his face to rub at his eyes. Eren’s face, so close to his own, had startled Levi a bit, but now he couldn’t get the image out of his mind.

God dammit, this kid was making any rational thoughts very hard right now.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you, I just, uh, was in the process of waking you up when you kind of woke up yourself…” Eren said sheepishly, raising a hand to rub at the back of his neck with a slightly embarrassed, short laugh.

Levi peeked at him over his fingers before sighing softly and lowering his hands. Eren glanced back at him, dropping his hand back down to his side before frowning a bit.

“Did you…even sleep last night?” he asked incredulously, looking from the made bed and back to Levi, who was standing up from his desk chair.

Levi shoved Eren back a bit by his shoulder; he was still a little close for Levi’s comfort. He smelt fresh out of the shower; a mix of Levi’s shampoo and Eren’s own cologne they had gotten at the mall yesterday.

Eren stepped back on his own accord. Levi hadn’t pushed him hard enough to do much more than move his shoulder to the side.

“I don’t sleep very well,” Levi murmured grumpily. He closed his laptop and was about to pick up his phone when Eren’s next words made him freeze in place.

“Because of Petra?”

His voice was just curious. That was it. Eren was only curious.

But Levi felt that same spike of anger he had when Hange had brought her up.

He had no right.

No one had any right.

“We don’t talk about her,” Levi said in a low voice before snatching up his phone and shoving past Eren. He didn’t bother looking up at the other’s face.

After a shower that was a little longer than his usual fifteen minutes because he had to cool his temper down, Levi stepped out of the bathroom only to be greeted with the smell of burnt toast and over-fried eggs. Levi groaned softly in dismay and moved to the kitchen to shoo Eren out. He sulked and sat down at the dividing counter.

“Did you call your crazy girlfriend yet?” Levi asked, and he couldn’t deny that it was hilarious to watch Eren bristle. He even gritted his teeth as he glared over at Levi.

“She’s _your_ crazy cousin, not my girlfriend. I’d never date her, she’s just a friend. Besides, I don’t even like g--” Eren cut himself off and huffed, looking down. “I don’t even like her. But yeah, I did call her.”

Levi raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment.

Eren didn’t like girls…Levi couldn’t say he was surprised. He knew that was what Eren was about to say before he cut himself off.

Honestly, he felt that little boyish thrill, knowing that he had found something out that made him more compatible with Eren. Levi quickly squashed that little boy in him though, effectively shutting him up for the moment.

It was obviously something that Levi wasn’t supposed to find out either, because Eren was fidgeting nervously and babbling on about how the phone call with Mikasa went. He stumbled over his words and was just making an embarrassing mess out of himself until Levi set a plate and a cup down in front of him, full of food and drink.

“Eren,” he said calmly, staring at the other male.

Eren glanced up at him too, only to look down again, going quiet.

He looked ashamed, and that was something Levi would not tolerate. Obviously this kid had been told that he was only allowed to like girls, that otherwise, he would be some sort of queer weirdo that no one would ever want to hang out with. Levi had seen this plenty of times in high school and college. He even saw it sometimes at work with the younger employees.

Most likely, it had been his foster parents.

Levi knew this look because at one point he’d had worn it too. He didn’t really care what people thought about him at any point in his life, and he usually used to knock out any fucker who tried to bring it up. But Levi did know what it felt like to feel dejected and unaccepted by everyone around him just because of a simple fact that make him, well, _him_.

“My parents disowned me for being a faggot when I hit college. When it turned out I was very much bisexual, they told me to shove it without words by not coming to my very heterosexual wedding. Personally…” Levi sat down across from Eren, who was looking up at him now, intent on soaking in every word. His eyebrows were pinched together a bit from his nerves, but he was definitely listening.

“I think I’m better off without those fuckers in my life. Sure, they’re my parents. Oh yes, I’m so glad that I emerged from the bleeding orifice that was my mother’s vagina, and don’t worry, my father used to never cease reminding me that I came from his penis. So yeah, I guess you could say I’m grateful that they brought me into this world.

“However, that doesn’t stop me from realizing just how shitty they really are in comparison to other parents. I don’t hate them, but I’d rather that they never contact me again. What I’m trying to tell you, Eren Jaeger, is to tell everyone who ever told you that you can’t like dicks more than vaginas, to just _fuck the hell off_.”

Eren blinked at him in apparent surprise, and Levi smirked.

“Just tell them to fuck off. What you do is none of their business. It’s only yours. If they call you a faggot, it’s probably because they want your ass more than any gay man ever would.”

Eren blinked again, then pursed his lips, trying hard not to smile. He didn’t look like he was going to cry or anything, thank god. Rather, he looked like he was about to laugh, so Levi continued, picking at his scrambled eggs.

“Just because you like dicks in your ass doesn’t mean you’re any different than anyone else.”

At that, Eren went beet red and sputtered, his eyes wide.

“ _Levi_.”

“What?” Levi asked nonchalantly before forking some egg into his mouth, suppressing a grin.

“I don’t even…I can’t…I don’t even _know_ what I like, and…how…what?” Eren sputtered weakly. He was redder than his t-shirt.

Levi couldn’t help it. He chuckled and shook his head before looking down at his plate, letting Eren calm down on his own enough to start eating. Teasing teenagers was fun as hell, especially virgins. Levi had no doubt Eren was as virgin as virgins got. And he was gay, living with another gay male.

Poor kid.

This did change things though. Levi had based his thoughts about Eren on the assumption that the brat might have liked his cousin, despite how crazy he thought she was. However, Eren already knew that he was gay. He wasn’t denying it. Levi didn’t have to corrupt the kid; Eren already knew what he was and who he was. He had just needed the push from Levi to simply _accept_ it. Now Eren knew Levi liked men too, and well…

This…this changed things.

\----------

“Can I use your laptop?”

Levi glanced over the rims of his reading glasses, and over his laptop screen to Eren, who was sitting on the couch, with his sock-covered feet up on the coffee table. He had his phone in one hand and the Playstation 3 controller in the other, but he was looking up at Levi expectantly.

“Why?”

“So I can fill out applications, Levi. Isn’t that what we agreed to? I have to find a job.”

Levi rolled his eyes and looked back down at the email he was in the process of finishing up.

“We didn’t agree to anything. You just came in here and demanded that you plant your ass on my couch like you’re doing right now. And get your fucking filthy feet off of my coffee table, or so help me god.”

“What?! I did no--”

“Besides, I already got you a job.”

There was a moment of silence between the two of them, and Levi had to casually glance up at Eren to make sure the other didn’t keel over.

He didn’t, but he was staring at Levi in disbelief. His feet were still on the god damn coffee table though.

“…Did you really?”

“Tch. Well, almost. You do have to fill out an application for the company, and I’m going to talk to my boss. You’ll be working by the end of this week. Get your feet down!” Levi snapped.

“…Wait…seriously?” Eren asked, still in a state of slight shock, but he finally let his feet slip off of the table. “…It’s that easy?”

“For someone who is great friends with the boss, then yeah. Yeah, it is. Now get over here and fill out this application. I’m going out for a jog.” Levi sighed and stood up, stretching before walking away from the computer, leaving the browser open to the company careers page.

“And Eren?” he called out from the door, looking up at the male across the room as he pulled on his shoes. Eren looked up from the laptop; he had zipped right over to it, and Levi could tell already that he was on some social media site the way his fingers were hastily typing on the keyboard.

“Yes, Levi?” he asked innocently, with a tinge of nervousness, like he had been found out.

“No porn,” Levi deadpanned. Eren blanched and started to sputter again as Levi continued, the same bored expression on his face. However, his eyes were narrowed like daggers, and he was smirking inwardly. “I don’t want any viruses.”

“I--what?? N-no, Levi, I wasn’t going to--”

“I’m kidding, you fucking shit.” Levi rolled his eyes before slipping out the door and into the dry heat before smirking, quite proud of himself for making Eren all flustered like that.

\----------

By the time Levi decided to head home, it had been about an hour since he left. That would give Eren plenty of time to do what he wanted, whether that involved a porn session or not.

This may make Levi sound like a perverted old man, but he wouldn’t mind walking in on Eren with his hand wrapped around his cock under the table, his head tilted back slightly, his lips parted with soft pants and moans, his cheeks flushed. And maybe when he finally noticed Levi, he would turn his eyes on him just as he was about to cum, and--

“Tch.” Levi clicked his tongue at his own childish daydreams.

The sexual tension was getting to be a little much, and he wasn’t planning on jumping Eren any time soon.

Levi opened his door and walked inside, toeing off his sneakers before lifting his eyes to look over at the laptop.

It was closed, and Eren was back on the couch, gazing at him innocently, a bag of chips beside him, and his _feet back up on the god damn coffee table_.

“Good jog?” he asked with a smile as Levi padded over to him with a blank expression. Eren’s eyes followed his hand curiously as Levi made to grab for his ankle, but at the last second, he grabbed onto Eren’s big toe through his sock and yanked on it so hard it cracked under his fingers.

Eren yelped and jerked his feet away from Levi, effectively removing them from the coffee table.

“Ow! What the hell??”

“Feet. Off. My furniture. Got it?”

“Okay, okay,” Eren muttered with a frown, then pointed to his laptop. “I finished. You work for an international trade company?”

Accepting the change of conversation, Levi nodded once, and Eren frowned slightly, settling back into the couch again.

“I don’t know what I’d do there.”

“More than you’d do here.”

“Very funny,” Eren muttered, and when Levi glanced at him, he was grinning as he stuffed a mouthful of chips past his lips.

Levi left him there on the couch to take another shower, this one quicker before joining Eren, snatching the half-eaten bag away from the boy when he tried to reach for it again.

“You don’t even have a job and you’re eating all of my food, you pig,” Levi growled as Eren whined, holding the bag away from him as the other stretched for it, a pout on his face. “Get out of here.”

Eren huffed as Levi pushed him away with his palm against his forehead. “Aww, come on, Levi. I never got to enjoy anything when I was with my foster parents, all they ate was vegetables and fucking rice. Do you know how _boring_ and _bland_ rice is after you have it every day?”

“I happen to love rice, and speaking of that,” Levi grumbled as he gave Eren’s forehead a shove. Eren sat up straight then, frowning slightly like he knew what was coming. “I know that you’re nineteen and all, but do your foster parents know where you are?”

“Uh…” Eren sat back and rubbed the back of his head, making his hair stick up slightly. “Yeah. About that. Um. No. They kind of…well, they kind of let me live there with them, but...when I finally told them I was gay, they kind of…kicked me out. I was surprised that they didn’t before that. I could only grab a few things before my foster father grabbed me and shoved me out the front door.” Eren shrugged and grabbed for the bag of chips again.

Levi held them away again with a sigh. “You came out to them, and they kicked you out.”

“Yeah,” Eren said convincingly, but Levi certainly wasn’t convinced as he handed the bag back to Eren after grabbing a handful of chips for himself.

There seemed to be more to this story, but once again, Levi didn’t ask. Eren looked like he was done with the conversation anyway as he picked up the controller and joined another Battlefield 4 server.

Another time then, Levi figured, as he munched, pulling his phone out and glancing down at it. He figured that he would be getting a text from Erwin soon about the new weekly influx of applications, and sure enough, he had one. There was one day a week Erwin reviewed the logged applications. Last night, Erwin was the one to suggest that Eren get a job at the company. All he had to do was put in an application, which he had done, and it seemed like Erwin had been in the middle of looking through them when he had gotten Eren’s.

_Eren Jaeger your boy? He put down your address. I’m assuming he wants a desk job._

Levi glanced at Eren, who was leaning forward now, his elbows on his knees. He had the tip of his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth as he stared intently at the screen. Levi would even go so far as to say Eren looked quite adorable, concentrating so hard, but once again, the older man squashed that thought out of his head and sighed, looking back down at his phone to one-handedly type out a reply.

My boy sounded about right, and that disturbed Levi just a tiny bit. He really hadn’t given Erwin enough information for him to clue into the fact that Levi might just have the tiniest of crushes on Eren, but then again, Levi didn’t let just anyone live with him. They had to mean something, and Erwin knew that better than anyone.

_Desk job doesn’t seem his thing. I was thinking about just making him my assistant. I need one anyway._

_An assistant? For you? He’s going to run away with his tail between his legs within the first hour._

_You’d be surprised with this brat. And I was just fucking with you, idiot. I don’t go into work enough to have an assistant. Whatever you have available should be good enough for him. It seems like he’d do good at anything you’d give him anyway._

_Hard to tell over text whether you’re being sarcastic or just being a jerk, Levi._

Levi scoffed at that, and Eren glanced over him curiously.

_Yeah, I love you too you overgrown shit sniffer._

_Haha. That the best you got? You’re losing your touch._

_Just shut the fuck up and tell me when I can bring the little turd in so he can bother someone else._

_Bring him with you tomorrow morning. He’s going to need to fill out paperwork and the usual. And you don’t mean that, you already seem to be enjoying his company._

Levi rolled his eyes before setting his phone down and taking another handful of chips, settling back into the couch just in time to watch Eren get torn apart by a chopper.

“UGH. Hey, who were you texting?” Eren asked after a particularly loud groan that Levi had raised an eyebrow to.

“Boss,” Levi muttered.

Eren tilted his head with a curious gaze. “…You sure are friendly with your boss. You text him and you have a key to his house.”

“Can it, brat. We were discussing your application. You have a job.”

“Oh cool, really? When do I start?” Eren asked with an excited grin that lit up his facial features, and especially his eyes.

Levi stared at him, slowly pushing a chip past his lips. Eren watched him, his eyes darting from Levi’s lips to his eyes and back again, anxiously awaiting his answer. His eyes lingered a little longer on Levi’s lips than absolutely necessary, but when his eyes snapped back up to the older males, they were pretty excited.

Too fucking cute.

“Tomorrow morning. You’re coming in with me.”

“Sweet! My first job. Well, technically my first real one. I’ve had a few odd jobs.”

“Pushing drugs?”

Eren laughed and shook his head before looking back to the television set. “Nope. I’m a well-behaved teenager.”

“That’s why you ran away, right?” Levi smirked when Eren glanced at him, and a smile touched the younger male’s lips before he sighed and leaned back on the couch, his fingers busy on the buttons of the controller.

“I really don’t know how anyone can get along with you, Levi,” he said softly, the smile still lingering on his lips.  
Levi didn’t take that comment as offensive, because he knew it wasn’t meant as such. In fact, he found the corners of his lips pulling up into a smile that he quickly kept from Eren’s possible line of sight by shoving a few more chips into his mouth.

His gorgeous eyes were scanning everything on the screen in front of him. Levi had only been near him a total of two days, and already he was starting to notice that they weren’t just turquoise like he had originally thought. They were every color between blue and green. Sometimes they were both; teal, and sometimes they were green _and_ blue. If there ever were eyes that Levi could get lost in, they would have to be Eren’s.

Only two days, and already Levi could feel himself quickly falling for Eren.

The nineteen-year-old that had unknowingly comforted Levi with only an “It’s okay” a few weeks ago, and the thirty-one-year-old who was positive that he knew everything that there was to know, had believed him.

Levi’s world had been helplessly shattered at that moment in the parking lot of the hospital in Providence, and two words from Eren…two words, and the teenager had been picking up the pieces of what was left of Levi’s heart. He was slowly taping the broken pieces back into place with his smile and his laugh.

Up until Eren had shown up on his doorstep by bus, and up until he had been caught in his kitchen, Levi was positively sure that no one could ever fill the void that Petra’s death had left.

Before Eren, there was absolutely no possibility that anyone could ever break past the walls that he had built around his broken heart to protect it from any further irreparable damage.

Eren, Eren, Eren.

Levi was not a selfish person.

However, he didn’t let just anyone into his home.

Levi had always been a somewhat reclusive person. He thoroughly enjoyed his time alone. It had gotten lonely after the loss of Petra, of course, only because he had gotten so used to having someone around him all the time.

Eren was living with him now. Eren was making him feel less lonely.

Eren, Eren, Eren.

Levi was not a selfish person.

However, Eren was here. He was up for grabs; he was here for the taking. He had admitted that he liked men to Levi this afternoon, and Levi was more than willing to act on that.

It was so childish of Levi, and he knew it; he knew that he sounded like a broken-hearted high school girl that needed a rebound from her shitty ex-boyfriend, but he _wanted_ Eren. He wanted to feel him, to touch something and someone _real_.

Petra wasn’t here anymore. Levi couldn’t touch her like he used to; she was too far away, but yet so close. So close because he could feel her.

Erwin was alive and breathing, but Levi could never love him like he loved Petra.

Levi could never love Erwin like he was beginning to love Eren.

Eren was a godsend. A sign that Petra was throwing Levi a bone from wherever she was. He had thought along this string of thoughts before, but he could honestly say that he saw it now. More than ever, he was seeing it now.

Now all Levi had to do was wait it out and see if Eren was interested as well.

That shouldn’t be too hard.


	10. Petra II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH LEVI X PETRA OR MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF FEELS.  
> This is the second and last part of Levi and Petra's story.  
> Be prepared for the onslaught of feels, you guys.  
> I felt like this had to be done, so you can understand why Levi was so depressed about Petra being gone within the first few chapters. I hope you guys like it, it took a lot out of me 3 It ends pretty happy though, so hopefully that's a comfort.  
> Also, this was not beta'ed so I apologize for any mistakes.

May 15th

“You do realize that if you move to this bigger building, we’re going to have to move everything and everyone, right? We can’t do that in a day, Erwin,” Levi said into the phone propped between his ear and his shoulder as he scrubbed the plate he had used for dinner that night.

It had been about four hours after he had kissed Petra goodbye and headed home, letting her board her flight in peace. She promised that when she landed, she would shoot him a text. However, it would be a while yet, so he wasn’t worried.

Yet, at the same time, he was.

Something didn’t feel right about this trip in his gut, but he had kept mostly silent for Petra’s sake. He didn’t want to freak her out.

_“Of course. I’m not a complete idiot like you seem to believe. And we’re not moving yet. Hopefully sometime soon though, it’s getting cramped. How long is Pet gone for?”_

Levi sighed and dried his hands before holding the phone to his ear, walking across the apartment as he responded.

“Six days.”

_“Want to come over here for a bit? I’m lonely.”_

“You mean your dick is lonely. I’m not desperate enough to haul my ass over there. Besides, I can’t fuck around with you.”

_“I was only kidding, Levi. Petra’s right, you do take everything so seriously. How did a girl like her fall for a guy like you anyway? It’s like something out of a shitty cliché romance novel.”_

Levi chuckled at that as he sat down on the couch, grabbing the remote.

“I didn’t believe it at first, either. I suppose I’m just a charming man.”

Levi received a snort, and he grinned as he switched on the television. It was just about time for the evening news; might as well just put it on for background noise.

 _“I’m sure charming was the word she had in her mind when she admitted that she knew what you were doing under my desk_ ,” Erwin laughed. _“She’s such a sweet girl, despite knowing about our previous relationship. Seems a little fishy. It would be funny if she wanted a threesome, because I certainly don’t go that way, and I know--”_

Levi didn’t hear the rest of what Erwin said.

His phone slipped from his hand to bounce down onto the couch cushions as he stared at the television set across from him, his face set into a frozen state of shock.

He couldn’t hear the news anchor’s voice. He didn’t know what she was talking about.

All he could see were the words at the bottom of the screen as his heart stuttered to almost a complete stop. His head was spinning, and he couldn’t tear his eyes from the words there.

“Telecom connections lost with American Airlines Flight 516”.

Flight 516.

 _516_.

Levi felt like his heart was in his throat as he stood up, his eyes still on the screen.

He swayed, then caught himself on the coffee table before reaching behind to the couch. His shaking hand found his phone, and with his stricken eyes on the television screen, he lifted the phone to his ear.

“Erwin, I’m going to have to call you back,” he said, his voice hoarse.

_“Levi, I just saw it; don’t panic. Levi, what--"_

Levi hung up and gasped sharply, tearing his eyes from the screen to look down at his phone. He gasped again, but he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t get enough air in his lungs to feel like he was breathing at all.

She was on that flight.

 _She was on that fucking flight_.

He didn’t remember going through the numbers in his phone to find his most recent calls, but suddenly there was a female’s voice in his ear.

_“Hello, this is American Airlines, how can I--”_

“The flight. The one they lost communications with.”

_“Oh. I’m sorry sir, we don’t know anything about what’s going on with Flight 516. We can’t provide any information to--”_

“MY FUCKING WIFE IS ON THAT PLANE.”

Levi shouted into the receiver, but he could hardly register just how loud or soft his voice was, let alone what it sounded like. It seemed to have stunned the woman on the other line into silence before she started speaking again after a moment.

_“Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re not allowed to speak to anyone about what happened. All I know is one of the engines cut out before we lost all communications with them. I’m sorry. The most you’re going to get for news is from whatever the press releases. I’m very sorry, but I don’t even know what’s going on.”_

Levi hung up after that to stare at the television set once again. In the back of his mind, he registered that he should take her advice as he shrank down onto the floor in front of the couch.

\----------

Erwin all but burst through Levi’s front door fifteen minutes later. He seemed relieved to find Levi in the apartment.

Levi looked fine on the outside. Well, sort of.

If Erwin could count endless tears of silent, agonized panic flowing from his best friend’s eyes as he stared at the television screen as fine, then yeah, he looked remotely okay. It was better than what Erwin expected to find, which would have been an abandoned apartment.

Inside though, he knew his silent friend was screaming.

Screaming for answers Erwin didn’t have for him, screaming for some sort of foothold.

Erwin stayed with him.

The older male made the calls, telling Hange what the situation was and letting his secretary know where he was. Hange ended up showing up to Levi’s apartment as well during the first day.

Levi didn’t sleep. There was no possible way that he could. He didn’t react much to anything. He only ate when Hange was shoving food in his face, and even then he was very reluctant.

He wasn’t _there_.

This was like an out-of-body experience. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t voice how terrified he was. All he could do was cry.

Levi hated crying. It was disgusting.

But he never wiped his eyes. Erwin did that for him like the good friend he was, while Hange just made sure they had what they needed.

Two days passed in agonized silence.

Two days passed without Levi making a sound, not saying a word.

Two days passed without any news other than how the search for the downed plane was going.

In his mind, he felt so pathetic, but he couldn’t voice it. Every time he tried, he just cried some more.

\----------

His back was against Erwin’s chest, sitting between his spread legs. Erwin’s head was lolled back onto the couch cushions as he snored quietly. Hange was sleeping above the both of them on the couch, one arm dangling off of the side.

Levi’s eyes were on the television as they had been for the past 48 hours. He hadn’t moved unless Erwin moved him. He had done just that to get them into this position. It was a quiet sort of comfort, and that was all Levi needed from his friend right now. There was nothing else he could do anyway.

Breaking news flashed across the screen, and Levi blinked slowly as there were different images on the screen now.

The wreckage of the airliner was laid out in front of him in all its glory.

Ripped up metal.

Charred engines.

Paint curling off of the sides of the body of the plane, and smoke rising slowly from the debris.

“They found the crash site two hours ago, Caroline, and as you can see, it is horrific. So far, there hasn’t been any sign of survivors, although officials are still looking through the wreckage. We will keep you updated…”

Levi didn’t want to hear anymore. But he couldn’t move himself to turn the stupid thing off. His breath caught in his throat again, and finally, finally, he let out a sound.

The first chocked, agonized sob of many woke Hange first, who nudged Erwin until he grunted awake. She was staring at the television where they were still showing footage of the crash site, and Erwin followed her gaze before he grimaced. They were both silent for a long time, only the voices of the news anchors filling the room before Erwin grabbed the remote and switched the television off.

The apartment was silent now aside from Levi’s choked sobs, and he only cried louder when Erwin pulled him against his chest, holding the smaller male tightly. Hange reached over to gently pet Levi’s hair, and they were both silent until Levi was forced to pass out from his body’s own exhaustion.

\----------

When he awoke hours later, he was in his bed. He could hear Hange and Erwin’s voices. There were other voices too, but he didn’t want to think about whom the familiar voices belonged to. He turned over and squeezed his eyes shut, willing sleep to take him again.

However, sleep eluded him.

Eventually, there were footsteps crossing his bedroom, and then a gentle hand settled on his upper arm.

“Levi. Eld, Gunther, and Oluo are here. They want to talk to you about…what happened.” Hange’s voice was careful and soft. So much quieter than he had ever remembered it, but it did little to quell the pain he was feeling.

He knew she was trying.

Petra was their friend, too.

He felt so selfish, but at the same time, he didn’t care.

Petra had been his. She had been here only a few days ago. He couldn’t just let her go. How in the world was he supposed to do that when she had been part of the foundation he had built on in the first place?

“Tell them I’m still sleeping, Hange.” His voice felt scratchy and hoarse. He needed a drink, but he stayed silent. “I don’t want to talk to them right now.”

“You have to, Levi. The people in Ohio; they’re sending her body back here. She…it’ll be here in a few days. You need to help them make the funeral arrangements.”

Levi grimaced. He turned his face into the pillow.

Funeral arrangements.

More shit to remind him that she was dead.

“I said I don’t want to talk to them right now.”

“Levi--”

“Hange, get the fuck out of my room.”

She winced at his harsh tone; he felt it before she released his arm. She walked out, leaving him in peace.

\----------

Levi wasn’t left alone for very long.

Heavy footsteps sounded on the wood floor before the bedroom door closed. A few more steps and Levi felt the blond’s weight on the edge of the bed before the bigger male let out a long sigh. He turned Levi over onto his back by his shoulder easily and looked down at him, leaning against the headboard.

Levi slowly opened his eyes to look up at his friend. For a long time, they stared at each other. Erwin didn’t blink. Neither did Levi, until finally, Erwin shifted a bit and looked away in favor of staring up at the ceiling, tilting his head back against the headboard.

Levi slowly closed his eyes again and took a long steadying breath. He felt Erwin’s hand on his head, running his fingers through his hair. He didn’t protest. It did nothing to heal the burning ache of his broken heart. It did nothing to help him get over the fact that he was never going to be able to touch Petra again.

He leaned into the touch though, hating the tears that welled under his closed eyelids. He couldn’t stop the silent, steady flow of them. They leaked from just under his eyelashes and slipped down onto Erwin’s hand that had moved to his cheek. Erwin was prompt on wiping them away, but they just kept coming. Levi couldn’t stop them even if he tried.

This was pathetic. He was pathetic.

He couldn’t do anything but lay here. He wanted to get up and comfort all of them, but he felt like he was suffocating. He couldn’t breathe.

Levi’s breath caught in his throat and he curled closer to Erwin, trying to stop the sobs bubbling past his lips. Like the pillar of strength he had always been, Erwin stayed put, his heavy hand a constant comfort on Levi’s cheek and head.

He really was pathetic.

Levi hadn’t cried as a kid when his father punished him. He hardly shed a tear for anything. He had been a cute kid, but an emotionless one. Doctors, and even psychiatrists couldn’t figure him out. He was fine, they said.

He hadn’t cried when his father disowned him over the phone either. In fact, he had laughed into the receiver and taunted the man for the first time in his life. He had laughed at and shouted creative curses at his father, the man who had done the same to Levi time and time again, throughout his whole life. Levi called him out for being such a shitty parent until finally, his father hung up.

Levi had felt completely justified.

His father was a piece of shit anyway for calling his son a faggot at work. Levi knew that he had been at work because of the telephones ringing in the background.

His father had stood in one of his company buildings, right where all of his employees could hear him, and screamed at Levi in front of them. All of them had known then that Mr. Ackerman was for one, a douchebag; and two, that his son was a dick-sucking faggot who was just as worthless as his whore of a mother. That was exactly what he said.

So Levi had laughed and told his own father to fuck himself with something spiked and painful. He had never wanted to be the son of an abusive, alcoholic business man anyway. Fuck his father. Fuck his mother for giving birth to him, when all she had done in the end was leave him just as alone and empty at twenty-three as he had been as a child.

Levi hadn’t needed them.

Levi didn’t need them.

But Levi needed Petra, and now he would never have her again.

For now, that was a good enough reason to cry like this.

\----------

Petra’s friends left at Erwin’s request. He even had Hange leave.

It was just him and Levi in the apartment when Levi finally dragged himself out of his room.

Erwin looked up from the dining room table, a cup of coffee beside him and his phone in his hand. Levi slowly walked over to him before sitting next to him.

He kept his eyes on Levi as the other male slowly looked up at him, then looked away. Levi folded his arms on the table and placed his cheek on them, staring past Erwin.

“…What am I going to do, Erwin?” he whispered, his voice cracked and hoarse. “What am I going to do without her?”

Erwin stared at Levi, and he was quiet for a long time. He didn’t seem to know what to say, which was odd for him. Erwin always knew what to say. To fill the silence, Levi continued talking, closing his eyes.

“They found her. Hange said they’re sending her body back here. I have to…I have to go to her funeral…I have to plan it…How the fuck do they expect me to do that? Have they ever buried their wife before?”

Levi’s voice cracked, and he swallowed before turning his face into his arms. He was all out of tears, and his voice was almost nonexistent now. He couldn’t stop talking.

“I knew I shouldn’t have let her go, Erwin. I knew there was something so wrong about her going to LA. I didn’t want her to go. I should have told her to stay. It’s my fault. Oh god, Erwin, it’s all my fault.”

“Levi--” Erwin started.

“I fucking let her go. I knew something was going to happen, and I fucking let her walk onto that plane. What am I supposed to do? I can’t…I can’t live with this…I can’t live with myself. Fuck, I can’t…she’s gone. She’s really gone, isn’t she?”

Levi’s whimper trailed off into silence. He heard Erwin take a deep breath before his hand was on Levi’s back as he leaned closer.

“Yes.”

Levi’s shuddered and squeezed his eyes tight until he saw stars dance underneath his eyelids.

“Yes, she is, Levi. But she wouldn’t want to see you like this. She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself for what happened. I think you know that. I think you know that she would hate to see you like this, too. Look at me.”

It took a lot for Levi to open his eyes and turn his head to view Erwin. The older male had a worried and slightly upset expression on his face. Of course he was upset. Levi was his friend, and Levi was hurting. But his steel-grey eyes were fierce and narrowed.

He was about to say something important. Levi knew that look.

“You live for her now. Live like she would have wanted you to; like she was pushing you to do. I know for a fact that she never gave a damn about anyone more than she cared about you. She cared if you succeeded, and she cared if you got what you wanted. So take advantage of that, Levi. Gone or not, she would hate to see you like this, and you know it.”

“But it’s so hard, Erwin,” Levi muttered, staring at him. “It’s so god damn hard.”

Erwin sighed, but then he smiled very lightly. “I know, Levi. I know. It will get easier with time.”

Levi sighed and looked away again, setting his chin on his arms to stare straight ahead.

“…Time is such a fucking asshole.”

\----------

Two weeks later and Levi stood beside Erwin and Hange as Petra’s coffin was lowered into the ground.

Levi didn’t cry.

There were sobs from her friends and family.

Petra’s mother had come up to Levi to hug him, and made sure to hold her tightly until she pulled away on her own, letting her cry onto his shoulder. When she pulled away, she kissed his cheek and thanked him before turning away.

_She doesn’t blame you._

Petra’s father hugged him, just not for as long. He was trying hard to hide his tears, but when he pulled back, Levi saw the glisten of wetness on his cheeks before he turned to take Petra’s mother’s hand.

 _He doesn’t blame you_.

They walked away with their arms around one another. Her mother was shaking with sobs.

Still, Levi didn’t cry.

That caused problems.

“He doesn’t even have the decency to give a damn! No, fuck you, Gunther, let go of me!”

“Oluo, stop it!”

Levi slowly looked up and to his right. A few yards away from him, he noticed that he was being glared at by Oluo, who was being held back by Gunther.

Hange looked down at Levi, thinking that he was looking at her before following his eyes.

_She doesn’t._

“You fucker, this is your fault!” Oluo cried, struggling to get at Levi, tears in his eyes. “You’re not even upset! You’re just standing there; you probably wanted this to happen!”

 _He does_.

“Oluo, stop! I’m sorry, Levi. I’m sorry,” Gunther apologized, wincing a bit when Oluo’s elbow caught him in the ribs.

 _He doesn’t_.

“Levi, don’t do anything stupid,” Erwin said softly as Levi stepped away from Hange and him.

_He doesn’t._

Levi walked over to the two males, his face completely blank. The closer he got, the louder Oluo seemed to bare his teeth and snarl.

When Levi reached them, he stopped a few feet away.

“Let him go, Gunther.” Levi’s voice was calm and quiet. Commanding.

Gunther’s eyes widened and he stared at Levi. Meeting his eyes, Gunther didn’t ask. He released Oluo, and the other stumbled a bit before making his way toward Levi. He even lifted his fist, as if he was going to punch Levi square in the jaw.

Levi didn’t move until Oluo was within range.

Levi gripped the stems of the bundle of white lilies in his hand before lifting it and shoving the bouquet into Oluo’s chest.

Caught off guard, the male gasped and drew his hands to his chest, catching the flowers that were somehow unharmed.

“You give those to her, then. I’m going home,” Levi said softly before turning and walking to his car.

He didn’t stick around to see Oluo’s expression, or anyone else’s for that matter. He didn’t hear anything during his departure. No one tried to stop him, for which he was grateful. He just wanted to go home and sit alone in his apartment for a while.

His lonely, cold, empty apartment. Alone. Silent.

Levi sniffed as he pulled his keys out of the pocket of his slacks to unlock his car door. He fell into the driver’s seat and slammed it shut.

He sat there for a while, staring at the steering wheel. He didn’t watch people leave. He didn’t watch how the clouds shifted from murky grey to almost black.

Thunder rumbled, and rain started to fall. Levi finally looked up, watching the rain. It splattered over his windshield. Gentle at first before it really started to come down.

That was when Levi noticed the splotch of white in the corner of his eye.

He turned his head and looked onto the floor of the passenger’s seat. A lily was settled there from the bundle of flowers Levi had forced onto Oluo. It must have escaped while Levi had picked the bouquet up to bring with him.

Reaching down, Levi gently plucked the flower off the floor. He leaned back into the seat of the car, touching the petals of the single white flower.

A single thought crossed his mind, and a smile touched his lips. There wouldn’t be a smile for a long time, but this one…someone had put it there.

It wasn’t his smile.

It was her smile.

She was smiling. He could feel it with every fiber of his being.

Tears slipped down his cheeks as he stared at the small white flower, his fingertips grazing the petals.

_She doesn’t blame you._


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just want to let you guys know that I’m sorry if next week’s chapter comes later than normal. It’s not going to be a hiatus or anything, but I’m just…I’m really happy that you guys are enjoying this so much. At the moment, I just feel very lost and very much disliked due to just a few words someone said about my happiness with Attack on Titan, and now I feel like I’ve done something wrong by devoting time from my life into this fanfic that I consider precious. This, right here, that I’m writing means a lot to me, and the comments and feedback and everything; that means more to me than I can put to words. You guys mean a lot to me, and thank you so much for sticking with me and being patient. It means so much.  
> I’m also going back to work starting Wednesday, so I won’t have as much free time on my hands; that’s another reason why the chapters might be a little more spread out. I apologize for the inconvenience. 
> 
> If you want instant updates as to what's going on in the process of my writing for this story, and you love love love massive amounts of yaoi, follow me here!  
> http://levisyaoiservice.tumblr.com/

The following morning, Levi had to forcibly wake a snoring Eren up by shaking him almost violently by his shoulders. Normally, with the force that Levi had used, any other person would have had a concussion. However, Eren grunted awake like he did this every morning at precisely six o’clock before dragging his feet to the bathroom for a shower.

Levi had watched him go with slight annoyance, and of course, he was saddled with the chore of cleaning up after a messy teenager who seemed to have a distinct problem with putting the fucking Playstation 3 controller back up next to the television before he went to sleep.

There were also chip crumbs all over the couch, and the empty bag crumpled up and thrown onto the coffee table.

When Eren emerged from the bathroom properly clothed for the day in loose-fitting jeans and a button-up t-shirt, he was met with the sound of a vacuum cleaner at six-fifteen in the morning, and Levi sweeping over the living room quite aggressively.

When Levi laid eyes on Eren, he started for the other, his eye twitching in irritation and slight anger.

Lucky for Eren, he seemed to get the hint and booked it out of the living room to wait outside while Levi spent the next twenty minutes grumbling profanities under his breath and cleaning up after a nineteen-year-old.

“…You’re not going to kick me out, are you?” Eren asked, worry weighing heavily on his voice when Levi stepped outside, turning his back to lock up the apartment.

Levi faced Eren calmly and pushed the other’s phone and wallet Levi had picked up from the coffee table into his hand with an annoyed grimace. He lifted his eyes to meet Eren’s, and the taller male seemed to shrink a little at the hard glare he was met with through Levi’s eyelashes; Eren averted his eyes and let out a slightly apprehensive breath.

Instead of giving Eren a direct yes or no answer, he started talking in a low, steady voice that had a twinge of coldness to it.

“If there is one thing I cannot tolerate…it is a dirty apartment. Next time you pull another one of these stunts, you can either clean up after yourself like a decent, civil human being, or you can strut your ass right on out of this apartment. Am I understood?”

“R-right. Got it. I’m sorry,” Eren muttered, his lips set in a pout that made Levi’s eyebrow twitch. He would forever deny that it was in amusement.

Eren didn’t look scared, but he looked quietly respectful, and that was all Levi needed out of him. Yes, maybe he looked a little nervous too, but that was all the better. At least Eren had seemed to understand the level of cleanliness Levi enjoyed, and he hadn’t bitched about it either, like Levi had somewhat expected out of him.

In the car, Eren pouted a bit more, his eyebrows pinching together in slight uncertainty.

“I really am sorry.”

Levi sighed and leaned his head back against the head rest, looking over at Eren. Now he was feeling a little guilty for getting so worked up. At the same time, however, Levi really wasn’t going to tolerate pigsties of any sort.

“It’s alright, brat. Stop worrying about it. Just make sure you don’t pull that shit again. I don’t want to have to send you out for something so stupid. It’s something that I _really_ cannot stand.”

Eren huffed a bit, and Levi could see by the expression on his face that Eren was far from concerned about his well-being now in terms of staying at Levi’s apartment.

“Do you think I’m filthy?”

Levi snorted and turned the car on. “No. You take showers every day and you don’t stink. That’s all I care about.”

Eren smiled a bit and buckled up before looking out the passenger’s window, and Levi swore that he heard a soft, “Cool,” pass his lips. Levi shook his head, but didn’t comment.

\----------

Although Eren was almost a foot taller than Levi, he was dwarfed next to Erwin, who rose to shake Eren’s hand as soon as they entered his office.

Levi found it highly amusing the way Eren was staring up at the older male, his eyes a little wide as he returned the handshake. Erwin wasn’t much taller, but he was bigger as well. Viewing Eren and Erwin side by side was like comparing a branch with the trunk of a tree.

“Eren. Pleasure to meet you. My name is Erwin.”

“Same. You’re Levi’s boss?” Eren asked, glancing at Levi standing beside him. Levi shrugged slightly as Erwin chuckled. The tone that Eren used to ask his question sounded familiar, but Levi couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“Yes, and now I am yours as well. What I’m going to have you do today is sign some paperwork so that you can work here, and if you don’t mind, you can even start working today. I’m considering putting you downstairs on the dock.”

“With Mike, huh?” Levi asked, and Erwin glanced at him with a slight smile before looking back at Eren--who had the strangest expression on his face. He looked like he was trying hard not to frown in disdain. Erwin didn’t seem to notice it.

“Yes, with Mike; unloading and loading supplies, mostly all in boxes. Only about two months ago, we moved buildings and became an international company rather than national, so we ship goods out of the country. Mike, who will be your supervisor, is out on the road a lot because he makes state-wide deliveries. He’s here now, so I’ll call him up to meet you. Sound good?” Erwin’s voice was calm and even, as always. His posture was perfect as well, but he still managed to come off as approachable.

Eren nodded and grinned, although in Levi’s eyes, the grin looked forced. He didn’t understand why though; Eren just didn’t seem to like Erwin. That was strange, because almost everyone found Erwin friendly, especially the newer employees. They liked Erwin because he wasn’t a hard ass, but he didn’t hesitate to tell them what they were doing wrong. He was a good boss and a good leader, simply put, and Levi wasn’t just saying that because he liked his dick.

“I’m all set with anything, sir. I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”

“I’m going to get some work done, I’ll be in my office,” Levi murmured, waving once lazily to the both of them.

Eren turned his eyes to him with a worried sort of look, and Levi rolled his own.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to ditch you here. I clock out at two, so be by my office by then. Tell that big oaf downstairs that’s what I told you because I’m your ride home. If you get lost, just ask whoever you come across. You’ll probably get a tour anyway.”

“He will,” Erwin confirmed, grabbing a manila folder from his desk.

Eren frowned a bit, finally letting the expression of dislike come over his face, but only as he was looking at Levi. “Alright,” he muttered before composing his face again and looking back to Erwin, who grabbed his attention again to explain the contents of the papers.

Levi walked out of Erwin’s office with a small frown of his own. What the hell was Eren’s problem? Did he really not like Erwin? Why? He had never even met the man.

“Have a good day, Mr. Ackerman,” Krista called out from her desk, smiling brightly; he merely waved once to her also. That seemed to be enough for her because she ducked her head again with the same smile, getting back to whatever she had been doing as he walked by.

An hour later, his office door opened suddenly without warning. Levi jumped a bit at the sudden noise in the silent office, his eyes snapping up to the door, only to find who else but Eren grinning wide at him.

“Hey! Found your office.”

“With my help, mind you.” Hange ducked under his arm and into Levi’s office. Her glasses seemed to have slipped back down onto her nose again because she shoved them back onto the top of her head with gusto.

“You.”

“What?”

Levi grabbed the nearest object to his right; he flung the stapler at her from across the room. Hange shrieked and narrowly dodged it. Eren let out his own startled sound and stepped back to avoid anymore office projectiles as the stapler hit the opposite wall and clattered to the ground.

“I should wring your stupid shitty neck!” Levi snapped. He grit his teeth as Hange laughed nervously, and the fingers of his right hand twitched, itching to grab something else off of his desk to chuck at her. Unfortunately, there was nothing more on his desk aside from his work laptop, the picture of Petra and himself, and a cup of pens. Oooh, and a tape dispenser. That was next.

“…For what?”

“You can’t be serious. You can’t go giving out my fucking apartment number to shitty teenagers so they can show up on my doorstep and break into my house!”

“Hey! I didn’t break in, your door was unlocked!” Eren whined, but quieted with wide eyes when Levi shot him a glare.

“Oh! That! Well, you see, your phone was ringing like crazy and you were still in bed, so I picked it up, and this adorable, sad little voice came over the line! Levi, I couldn’t _not_ tell him! He was so cute!” Hange crooned, and Eren went red, huffing in embarrassment.

Levi snatched up the dispenser, and Hange’s eyes went wide, staring at his hand.

“Alright, alright! I’m sorry, Levi! Sorry!” Hange pouted, crossing her arms.

Levi sighed and dropped the tape dispenser back onto his desk, nudging it back into place before glaring at Hange. “You should consider yourself lucky that I won’t kill you today.”

Hange made a “pffbt” noise with her lips. “You try and kill me every day, you angry little French man.”

She scurried out of the room not even half a second later, the sound of the tape dispenser thumping against the far wall following her out of the door.

Eren bit his bottom lip as he moved forward to pick up both the stapler and the dispenser before putting them back on Levi’s desk.

“I really didn’t break into your house.”

Levi sighed and looked down, nudging both of the objects back into place. “Yeah, I know. It’s really not a bad thing that you’re living with me either.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Go finish your tour.”

Seemingly convinced and satisfied with Levi’s answer, Eren smiled warmly and headed out of the room, making sure to close the door behind him.

Levi let out a long sigh as he leaned back in his chair, tapping a finger on his desk.

He did enjoy Eren’s company. It was different. It was something new, it was a well-needed distraction. His apartment didn’t feel empty anymore.

It had only been two days since Eren “moved in”, but Levi could say already that it felt like weeks. He didn’t even know the kid as well as he should, but he was learning enough at a steady pace. That was good enough for him, at least for now. Eren, of course, could have his secrets; god knew that Levi had his own.

That didn’t stop Levi from wanting to know everything about Eren.

He wanted to know what the other’s favorite foods are, what his favorite color was.

What made him tick and what didn’t.

What made him gasp and moan…

But also what made him smile.

Everything made him smile, it seemed, but there had to be something that made him smile so much that there was that fear of crying because he was so happy.

Everything. Levi wanted to know every bit of it.

\----------

Two in the afternoon couldn’t have rolled around fast enough. The day was mostly a blur of Excel documents and paperwork for Levi, but in the midst of it all, he found himself staring off at the clock several times.

Twelve.

One-thirty.

Two minutes before two, Levi opened his office door, ready to lock it up. He was met with a pair of widened blue-green eyes and a smile that did a whole lot to Levi’s heart.

“Levi! I was about to knock, but you sort of did it for me…I told Mike and he let me go.”

“Figured he would,” Levi muttered; he would continue to deny forever that the skip in his heart beat was most certainly _not_ because he was happy to see Eren after only a few hours. He turned his back to the other as he continued to speak, locking the door.

“Yup. Erwin paid me in cash, isn’t that illegal…?”

Levi turned around to meet Eren’s questioning gaze before shaking his head. “Sort of. According to the government, it is, but Erwin runs this place and handles all of the checks himself. Also, this is your first day; you won’t be getting checks until you’re all cleared legally anyway. Speaking of checks, come on, you shit.”

“Wait, where are we going?” Eren asked, falling into step beside Levi easily as he pocketed his keys.

“Bank. You have to put that money somewhere.”

Ten minutes later and Eren was filling out paperwork for a bank account; a checking and a savings, as well as a debit card to access it. Levi waited patiently in the lobby while on his phone, texting Erwin and berating him for giving the kid money out of his own pocket. Erwin argued that he had done it so that Levi wouldn’t have to dish out money for Eren to open a saving account because Erwin had more than enough money to do so.

Not that Levi would have minded; after all, he had invested plenty of money into Eren already. He really didn’t have a problem with it. It felt almost natural to spend time, money; anything on him. All of it felt so natural and completely necessary.

But either way, he got around to thanking Erwin.

Hange also shot him a text about hanging out sometime, and maybe that he should bring Eren along. Levi thought about that, then sighed and tapped out a response that consisted of one word: _Maybe_.

As soon as Eren was finished, they walked out to Levi’s car as Eren was staring down at his transaction receipt.

“He gave me way too much, you know,” Eren grumbled in the car, pouting at the piece of paper. He sounded like he hated that fact too, and not just because it was a somewhat large amount of money. Then again, Eren hadn’t exactly been too thrilled about being in the same room as Erwin either.

“Erwin gives everyone way too much. He pays all of the newer kids twice the minimum wage and if they do better, they get even more. His bank account can handle it though, believe me. He’s fucking loaded,” Levi muttered as he backed out.

When Eren didn’t answer, Levi glanced at him. The younger male had a slightly confused, but somewhat angry expression on his face.

“Eren.”

Eren blinked and looked up at Levi before shrugging. “…He gave me $200. I didn’t count it before I let the lady put it in, and when she did…I would have given it back if I knew it was that much.”

“He wouldn’t have let you. Just relax and accept it. He’s overly generous; he always has been,” Levi murmured before putting his eyes back on the road.

“You seem to know a lot about him.”

Was that _jealousy_? Was that really what was going on here?

Levi blinked slowly and with pretended nonchalance at Eren’s tone. Was the brat even aware of the way he sounded?

That explained a lot. It explained why Eren had been so defensive upon meeting Erwin this morning for the first time. When Levi had mentioned that he was texting Erwin last night, and even before that, when Levi had unlocked Erwin’s door.

It was pretty obvious that there was something a little more between Levi and Erwin. Hange and Mike knew about it. Petra had known, but Eren…he was completely in the dark. Levi hadn’t thought to tell him.

A part of him wanted to, but another part wanted to mess around with the other a bit. And Levi had always prided himself on being quite the jackass. Of course, he’d clear things up later, but teasing Eren was pretty fun.

Eren was staring at him when Levi turned his head to look at him. Again with that confused and angry look, but there was also innocence buried in those turquoise eyes. If Levi could take a guess, he would say that Eren was very confused about his feelings.

_His feelings for Levi._

He was already getting all jealous, and for some benign reason, Levi really _really_ wanted to pick at that.

“Yeah, we’re pretty close. We’ve known each other for almost ten years now. We met in college and I helped him get a business started. All the credit to him though, he did all of the work.” Levi made sure to add a light tone of amusement and adoration to his voice.

He could practically feel Eren bristle like a cat beside him. Levi had to purse his lips to keep a straight face.

“Oh,” Eren huffed. He didn’t even seem to notice how blatantly obvious his jealousy was. “Does he know what your favorite food is?” Eren asked grumpily.

Levi snorted out a laugh, leaning a bit over his steering wheel as Eren shot him a dark look. It was practically a glare, but Eren was trying so very hard to hide it. It was way too cute.

“You god damn brat.”

“I’m serious! What’s your favorite food??” Eren huffed, and Levi only laughed again.

A real one this time.

It felt good to laugh again. The sudden burst of air from his lungs left him a little lightheaded at first. He hadn’t expected the laugh.

Apparently neither did Eren. He looked shocked at first, his glare driven right off his face before he laughed too.

“Come on, I really want to know!”

“Alright, alright. It’s steak.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Are you positively sure that it’s not flesh? It goes well with the blood of your enemies.”

Levi laughed again, and Eren let out a giggle that would echo in Levi’s ears for an eternity. God, he loved that laugh. It did things to him.

“I’m positive. Technically though, steak is flesh from a cow.”

Eren was still laughing two minutes later when they reached Levi’s apartment.

\----------

“How long has it been since you foster parents adopted you?” Levi asked.

Three days had passed since Eren got his first job at Erwin’s international shipping company.

Almost instantly, everyone there had fallen in love with him.

Hange never missed an opportunity to talk to the kid, and it wasn’t just because she wanted questions answered about Eren and Levi’s relationship. Levi had no idea what Eren told her, and he found himself wondering about it sometimes.

Mike was very pleased with Eren and his work ethic, and even mentioned that he wouldn’t mind taking Eren with him to deliver shipments every now and then. Those trips were usually two days max.

Even though Eren hated Erwin, Erwin seemed to like him as well, and not just because Levi did. Although that might have been part of it; Erwin had always been very supportive of almost all of Levi’s decisions like the good friend he was. The blond didn’t seem to notice that Eren was childishly, but extremely jealous of his supposedly close relationship with Levi.

Eren paused in the process of changing the batteries out of the controller in his hands, and he glanced up at Levi. His eyes were emerald today, and Levi decided that he quite liked that. Deep green with a soft hint of blue around his irises.

They had both just gotten home from work. Since Levi didn’t need to be in his office every day, he’d sometimes drop Eren off and pick him up at the end of his shift. It wasn’t that far to begin with, and Eren thanked him all of the time, so it was worth it. Eren was working hard, and making sure that he had a ride back and forth to work was something he shouldn’t have to worry about.

Eren stared Levi for a while. The older man was sitting on the couch, his computer on his lap and his _Facebook_ profile open, reflected a bit in his reading glasses that were set on the bridge of his nose. Eren blinked, slowly coming back to earth before he swallowed and looked away, a soft pink color coming to his cheeks.

“Right, foster parents. Um…” He hesitated again, popping the old batteries into the battery charger he had bought with his own money just yesterday. Levi would have gotten it for him, of course, but Eren had taken a walk and come back with it along with rechargeable batteries and candy.

“…I was adopted by them when I was twelve…I suppose I was lucky, being adopted by only one family instead of being passed around, but I’ve always hated them.”

Eren didn’t specify, so Levi tilted his head to the side slightly. “Why’s that?”

The teenager shrugged and kept his eyes on the controller, and Levi could tell right off the bat that he was about to tell a lie.

Over the course of five days, Levi had picked up on a few things, and one of those things was how to tell when the brat was about to lie to him. Eren avoided his eyes and even pouted slightly. Levi supposed that Eren thought he got away with it every time because Levi never mentioned it once, but the older man also wasn’t stupid.

The first time Levi noticed this was when he came back home two days ago, and he noticed his laptop was moved, so he asked Eren if he used it.

And Eren, the cute and stupid little shit, pouted and looked away, muttering a soft _no_. Levi had stared at him for a long moment, then sighed and said that he didn’t care if Eren used it anyway.

Right now, Eren was making that same face.

“I don’t know; I just didn’t like them.”

“Did they hurt you?”

“N-no…” Eren lied again, his bottom lip pouting out more.

Levi frowned, but didn’t question the little idiot any further. Levi already had the answer.

They did hurt Eren. Levi wanted to know why and how, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask Eren about it. There was a reason Eren was lying in the first place.

“Hey, brat.”

Eren sat down beside Levi and looked over at him, leaning back against the couch.

“If it’s any consolation, they’re not a part of your life anymore,” Levi said.

He watched the uncertainty flash in Eren’s eyes, and the younger male looked away at the television. Eren looked like he was trying to figure something out. Levi guessed that he was trying to console himself into thinking the same thing.

Levi watched him until Eren turned his head again to smile at him, running a hand through his hair.

“I know.”

“Good.”

\----------

To Levi, the past three days had been somewhat surreal. As goofy, clumsy, sloppy and utterly annoying as Eren was, Levi couldn’t get enough of him. It was almost endearing, if Levi dare say it.

Eren made him smile and laugh. Only three people in the world had been able to do that without forcing it out of him. Erwin and Petra; and now Eren.

All Levi could think about was Eren.

In the car: Eren.

At work: Eren.

In the fucking grocery store: Eren.

Would Eren like this flavor _Poptart_ , or that flavor?

Eren’s favorite food was cheese. Cheese on everything. Pizza, casserole with tons of cheese. The brat was going to get constipated, but _he liked cheese_. So Levi bought it.

Levi also bought Eren a new phone and paid the first five months worth of phone bills. It was an iPhone, of course; Levi had to get the best for him. He even made sure to get a protective case for it too, because god forbid Eren would drop it and break it within the first hour.

When Levi handed Eren the phone, he had been ecstatic. He had hugged Levi so tight that the smaller male couldn’t breathe, but Levi rolled his eyes and hugged Eren back, reveling in the feel of Eren’s body so close to his own. He was warm and he smelled delicious. He smelled like Eren. That was the only way to describe it.

Aside from learning what Eren’s favorite food was, he also learned that Eren loved anything sweet. Eren made it a point to remind Levi all of the time that his foster parents had never let him enjoy anything like soda or candy. So of course, Levi had to spoil him with that too.

Everything was perfect, from Levi’s point of view.

When Levi didn’t have work or didn’t feel that he needed to go, he dropped Eren off in the morning before heading home to do his own daily things.

Eren had the weekend off, and tomorrow was Saturday. This time he was going to stay home and Levi was going to be at work. Erwin had a business meeting, and Levi was always present at those. Erwin was an idiot with numbers, even with his own company, so Levi handled that bit. During the months after Petra’s death, Levi had neglected to attend these strategic  business meetings, and according to poor Erwin, he had a very hard time presenting any financial information.

Eren would be alone.

Levi had no worries about that. He was a grown adult and hadn’t gotten in trouble yet. Since Levi had told him just once that he liked his house clean, Eren made sure to clean up all of his messes from crumbs to folding the blankets he used. He even vacuumed the living room. One time it was the whole apartment.

No, Levi wouldn’t mind having Eren alone in his apartment. However, Levi knew that he was going to hate being away from Eren himself.

Fuck the apartment, he only wanted Eren. Levi couldn’t deny it anymore. He was in pretty deep, and he knew it. There was no way out. Five days and there was no escaping Eren’s gentle clutches.

\----------

Levi woke up Saturday morning with a surprisingly good night’s rest. He didn’t feel grouchy and drowsy. In fact, he felt very awake. He reached over to shut his alarm off before sitting up and taking a deep breath, stretching before rolling out of bed and trudging to the bathroom.

After a hot shower and a shave, Levi walked into the living room dressed in slacks and a dark red dress shirt. His hair was slicked back with some gel as well, just for appearances. Supposedly there were going to be some big shots from other companies at the meeting as well.

The first place his eyes went to was the couch. A snoring lump hidden underneath a light blue blanket was visible in the early morning light peeking through the windows, and Levi smiled a bit before heading to the kitchen to make himself a quick breakfast and write Eren a quick note to leave on the fridge.

A glass of milk and a peanut butter sandwich later, Levi grabbed his keys, making sure he had his phone and wallet as well before grabbing his travel mug of hot tea. On his way to the door, he paused beside the couch to gently tug the blanket down from Eren’s head.

Underneath it was a heavily sleeping Eren. His face was relaxed with sleep, and even though he was snoring softly and drooling, the sight still managed to make Levi’s heart do a little jump.

“Disgusting, brat,” he muttered affectionately, and he brought his hand up to smooth Eren’s bed head hair back from his face. Eren didn’t stir.

Levi pulled his hand away and headed out for the day.

The meeting was a real bore for something held first thing in the morning. It lasted four hours, and it dragged on as long as any office meeting did. Levi answered two questions about finances, and that was it.

After the meeting, Hange caught up with him and asked him when they were going to hang out again. Levi hadn’t really thought about it, but he shrugged and sighed.

“Soon, Hange.”

Hange smiled and nodded, this time remembering to hold her glasses in place on the top of her head. “Good! I would love to talk to Eren more, you’ll definitely have to bring him too. Hey, have you guys done the do yet?”

“Have we _what_?” Levi incredulously, looking over at her with a slightly disgusted expression. “Have we _done_ the _do_? Seriously, Hange?”

“Well you wouldn’t want me to ask out loud if you guys have screwed like bunnies yet in the middle of the office!”

“You just did, you four-eyed shit. Thank god no one is around to hear your dumbass--”

“I heard it.” Erwin’s hand landed on Levi’s shoulder and he grinned a bit, leaning over between the two of them, looking down at Levi. “So, _have_ you guys done it?”

“What are we, in fucking middle school? No, we haven’t done anything, he’s practically a minor,” Levi growled, shrugging Erwin’s hand off half-heartedly. “Besides, I’m not interested in brats.”

That was a lie if Levi himself had ever heard one.

“Wasn’t Petra younger than you by like five, six years or something?” Hange asked thoughtfully. “I think you like chasing younger booty. Besides, he’s nineteen, not sixteen, Levi!”

“Oh, _jesus christ_. I’m done. With the both of you, I’m just fucking done,” Levi snapped as Erwin chuckled and patted Levi’s back and Hange giggled. Levi noted that a week ago, he would have told Hange to shut her stupid mouth about Petra, but it didn’t hurt this time.

“Sorry, sorry Levi. You just seem a lot happier lately,” Hange said before saluting him. “Well, gotta go! Give Eren a sweet kiss for me, would you?”

“We haven’t kissed either!” Levi called after her. He only received a happy laugh in response before she turned the corner at the end of the vacant hall.

Erwin shook his head, then handed over a folder. Levi took it and sighed, looking up at Erwin. The taller man stared down at him for a moment before chuckling.

“I already knew.”

“Knew what?” Levi asked defensively, and Erwin only smiled.

“I know already what you look like when you’ve fallen for someone, Levi, or have you forgotten? I’m just happy that you’re happy.” With that, he walked away with a small wave. Levi watched him leave until he was left alone, then he sighed again and looked down at the manila folder in his hands.

The approval of his friends wasn’t what Levi was looking for. He was still waiting on the okay for the first move from Eren himself.

Maybe Eren wasn’t interested at all, and Levi was getting his hopes up for nothing.

With a defeated frown, Levi made his way to his office to get started on at least some work before heading home later this afternoon.

Instead of working though, he found himself on _Facebook_ , scrolling down Eren’s wall. Two days ago, Eren had used his laptop to hack Levi’s _Facebook_ profile that he had forgotten to log out of and stealthily added himself as a friend. He demanded that they take a picture together, but Levi outright refused. He hated pictures, especially selfies.

Instead, there were tons of pictures that Eren had uploaded yesterday of himself and Levi’s sweatshirt-clothed arm from those two days ago.

Eren’s newsfeed was full of shared pictures and videos. His friends tagged him in a lot of stuff, especially Armin. Speaking of the blond, it looked like he had gotten out of the hospital and headed back home, finally. From his newly changed profile picture, he looked a lot healthier and happier, considering all that had happened. He had sent Levi a friend request as soon as he had reached his computer a few days ago.

It wasn’t much a surprise, but Eren and Armin were always playing games together either over Levi’s laptop, their phones, or the Playstation 3. They were both complete nerds, and the more Levi saw it, the more he loved it as part of Eren. Levi had never been too big into video games or anything of the sort himself, but he liked watching Eren play, mostly because of his reactions.

Mikasa was someone Levi already had added to his backgrounds of relatives on his _Facebook_ to whom he never talked to. Now that Levi had Eren around though, he saw an abundance of her.

Levi wondered idly if Eren ever told her that he was living with her older degenerate cousin, who was gay as hell, according to her aunt and uncle. Levi would have to ask Eren that when he got home.

He also wondered what she thought about Levi getting friendly with Eren over social media if Eren hadn’t told her. The prospect of her glaring at her computer screen at all of his comments to Eren made Levi laugh softly behind his desk.

At eight in the morning, two hours after Levi left the house, Eren had posted a status: _Home alone, woohoo. I’m eating all of your ice cream. <3_

Levi frowned. If there was a little picture for _fuck you_ , he would have sent it. Instead, Levi settled for typing out ‘ _Fucking fat_ ass’ and commenting it. There, no one would be able to tell that Eren was living at his place from just that, right?

Levi finally got all of his work done at around four in the afternon. It turned out to be a hell of a lot later than he expected. When he finished and looked up at the clock, he realized he would have to pick something up for dinner.

Chinese sounded more than appropriate. His stomach grumbled in agreement.

Putting the folder into Erwin’s mailbox in the staffroom, he left the building to pick up some take out.

Fifteen minutes from there, and he would be home. He’d be sitting on the couch with Eren, possibly watching a movie. With Eren. Maybe getting a little closer than was normal for just two guys living together…with Eren.

Levi grinned to himself as he got back into his car, setting the bag of delicious-smelling takeout into the passenger’s seat.

They could watch a movie like The Conjuring. Maybe Eren was the kind of person who was easily scared by horror movies like that. He’d probably cuddle close to Levi, his eyes constantly glued to the screen. And maybe Levi would even laugh at him and get the chance to hold him.

Levi blinked, then rolled his eyes skyward as he turned onto his street.

He was like a love-sick puppy with no direction.

It was an euphoric kind of feeling that left him feeling so elated that he had no clue what to do with himself.

It was…it was exactly like it had been with Petra. In the beginning, before everything went to shit, before she vanished from his life as quick as the blink of an eye.

But Eren was here now. There was someone else here that Levi was more than willing to give his life to. He would give up every single thing he owned to be able to stay with Eren.

It wasn’t like Eren didn’t want him either. Out of all the houses he could have shown up at, he came to Levi’s. He really could have lived at Armin’s or Mikasa’s place, but for some reason he had come to Levi’s instead.

Eren probably did have some feelings for him too. After all, it was like he hung on Levi’s every word, and listened to him, and cared what he had to say. He was jealous of Erwin, which was adorable in every sense of the word.

It was possible, but Levi really shouldn’t get his hopes up too much, just in case.

Just in case something were to happen again, some accident, some car crash, a truck rolling off the road, or a plane, a screeching, burning plane--

Levi took a deep, shuttering breath. No, that wasn’t going to happen. Eren didn’t travel like Petra had. The odds of that happening were extremely, extremely low. And yet, Levi couldn’t help but worry.

It didn’t help that there were two police cruisers parked close to his apartment.

Wait…no, they were parked right in front of it, in the spot where Levi usually parked.

Levi passed them, his eyes wide and staring, taking in the flashing blue and red lights and his open apartment door. Levi felt his heart stutter to almost a complete stop before pounding into overdrive.

_Eren._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would say I'm sorry, but I really DO enjoy leaving you with massive amounts of suspense.  
> I'll work hard on getting the next chapter out as soon as I can even with all of this crap going on. Thanks so much for reading <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aka Liar, Liar, Little Liar.  
> There's been a lot going on this past week, hence why this has taken a little while! I'd like to wholeheartedly thank my beta though for being my biggest fan, so thank you, Tentai.t!! I love you so much and I'm more than happy that you've been sticking with me through this <3  
> This chapter is Eren's POV. It is heavy on his back story, and just heavy in general. The tags have been updated just in case, but if you don't want anything spoiled for you, I wouldn't look at them lol  
> There is also a lot of religious shamming in this chapter, however, it in no way represents my own views on religion. Eren's just been through a whole lot and it's taken a toll on him. Also: slight smut.  
> You have been warned! 
> 
> PS. This is my first fanfic. I'm aware that some things don't add up, so I'm trying to smooth it over as I go along. If you've noticed anything a little off other than the fact that this is completely fucking cliche (lmao), just let me know and I'll see what I can do to fix it.  
> Thank you guys!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, this is what Levi's apartment looks like!  
> http://levisyaoiservice.tumblr.com/post/97202167478/in-case-any-of-you-were-wondering-what-levis
> 
> You've got your ball  
> You've got your chain  
> Tied to me tight tie me up again  
> Who's got their claws  
> In you my friend  
> Into your heart I'll beat again  
> \--“Crash Into Me”, Dave Matthews Band
> 
> Enjoy!

Eren kept his eyes shut tight, trying to block out the sun on his face that had woken him up. It was warm, but it wouldn’t let him go back to sleep. It burned bright red under his eyelids. With a soft groan, Eren rolled over, only to let out a yelp as he fell out of bed and onto the plush carpet.

Blinking awake, Eren squinted up at the ceiling before he sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. After a moment, he glanced around the room before realizing that he wasn’t at home. In fact, he was in Levi’s apartment, in his living room, where he had been for close to a week now. Five days, just about.

Eren sniffled and yawned before standing and folding the blanket in a zombie-like manner. He placed the folded heap of blue fabric on top of the back of the couch along with the pillow before heading to the bathroom to relieve himself.

Actually, he was surprised he hadn’t heard Levi’s voice yet. He did every morning, so this was new. Eren had actually gotten used to hearing Levi. The older man was quiet and stern for the most part, but their morning routine was already set in stone.

Walking out of the bathroom, he frowned and paused just outside Levi’s bedroom. The door was open, and Eren peeked his head inside. The bed was made, and his laptop sat on his desk, hooked up to its charger.

No Levi here.

He must have left then, for something or other.

With a shrug, Eren stretched as he sauntered off towards the kitchen, hooking his hand around the crook of his elbow just over his head as he let out a satisfied, happily stretched kind of sound, his other arm stretched far above him. He let both of his arms down as he entered the kitchen, heading straight for the fridge.

Eren reached for the refrigerator handle, but he paused when his eyes caught a yellow sticky note on the otherwise uncluttered fridge surface.

“’I have a business meeting. Don’t get into trouble. Don’t eat my ice cream. I’ll be back this afternoon. There are also leftovers for lunch. Eat that, NOT MY ICE CREAM. Levi.’ So that’s where you went,” Eren muttered, peeling the sticky note off the fridge.

He frowned a little as he crumpled the up the note in his hand. Opening the door, he pulled out the orange juice. Shaking it to find that there were only a few gulps left, Eren shrugged and unscrewed the cap, throwing it out right alongside the note, before chugging the rest of the orange juice right from the carton.

Levi was spending the day at a business meeting.

_With Erwin._

He wasn’t sure why that fact pissed him off so much. He grimaced as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand before dropping the carton into the waste basket as well.

Eren just didn’t like Erwin.

Probably because he got to spend all of this time with Levi.

 _Probably_ because they seemed pretty close.

Wandering into the living room, he snatched his phone up, disconnecting it from the charger before slowly trudging over to Levi’s room to get the laptop.

Eren was very grateful for the phone Levi had bought him. It was expensive, and he felt a little bad for sucking money out of Levi’s bank account, but the older man never let him protest. Even when it came to food, Levi always came home with stuff that he seemed to know Eren would want to eat. It was really nice of him, honestly. Sometimes he baffled Eren with his obsession with cleanliness, though. Everything always had to be clean.

Eren was so used to his bedroom back at home being a complete disaster. Occasionally his foster mom would nag him to clean up, but in the end, all that he’d have accomplished was to shove everything he owned under the bed or just semi-organizing it on his desk.

Until living under Levi’s roof, Eren had never done too much cleaning other than chores like doing the dishes or and cleaning the table off after meals. Although vacuuming was something he was very used to. Making sure his bed on the couch was neat and put together was new. With Levi, he couldn’t let any mess sit for longer than an hour before Levi swooped in and scolded him for it.

Well.

If you could call it scolding. It was more like name calling.

The insults usually consisted of ‘shitty brat’ and ‘stupid shit’. Not that Eren ever complained or was offended; he knew they were pet names. Eren didn’t mind them too much either because Levi gave everyone creative nicknames. Hange was ‘four-eyed cretin’ when she wasn’t around, and that was actually quite amusing. Eren couldn’t help but enjoy hearing all of the epithets Levi gave to people.

At first, Eren had hated being called a brat. He considered it degrading, and he thought Levi was poking fun at him for being younger and spoiled and stupid.

But now that he had spent more time with the other male, Eren realized that Levi didn’t mean it that way. If anything, it was a charming pet name that Levi had given to Eren. It had grown on the teenager quite a bit. If Levi didn’t call him a brat every now and then, Eren would probably think he did something wrong.

With a soft smile, he unlocked his phone to view his messages. There was one from Armin and a few from Mikasa, but none from Levi.

Not that he expected any.

Levi rarely texted him to begin with.

Although he had the same number from his old phone, his foster parents hadn’t tried to contact him, and Eren was beyond grateful for that.

He opened his _Facebook_ after responding to Armin and Mikasa. They wanted to play some _Battlefield 4_ later, and that was fine with Eren. They were apparently hanging out today.

Eren missed chilling with them on the weekends, but he wasn’t about to jump a bus and head back to Providence.

He liked it here in Boston.

He liked it here in Levi’s apartment.

He liked Levi.

At that thought, Eren felt his face flush, and he huffed softly, bringing a hand to his cheek to splay his fingers over it as he smiled sheepishly.

Oh yes, Eren couldn’t and wouldn’t deny it. No one but Hange had asked him yet; and like a child, he had blushed darkly, shaken his head, and turned shy all of a sudden when she had. He hadn’t known Hange too well when she’d asked, so his telling reaction was justified…or at least, Eren liked to think so.

Either way, Eren’s heart and mind was full of x’s and o’s. He wanted Levi’s attention, and he certainly loved it when he got it.

_Is this how it felt to have a crush on someone?_

With a silly little grin, Eren walked into Levi’s room and turned to fall back onto Levi’s bed, bouncing once before settling back into the thick red comforter underneath him as he thumbed down his newsfeed.

Before Levi had told him that it was perfectly alright to like men, Eren had thought there was something wrong with him. There was a good reason for that too.

His foster parents were, and had always been, religious nutjobs; that was putting it lightly. When Eren was younger, they had scared him a bit. Church every day. Prayer every day.

It had been such a foreign concept to him at the time, and it overwhelmed him a little. Eren had been twelve when his mother passed away and his father completely disappeared. From what Eren knew, not even the authorities could find him.

In truth, he really hadn’t minded it. Church really wasn’t that bad of a place. Sunday school was pretty fun, and even sitting with his foster parents during the sermon when he was a little older hadn’t been that bad. Eren grew to enjoy it, and he developed a faith in someone far greater than he could ever begin to imagine. God was intangible, but he was still around. Or so Eren liked to think back then.

The first few months after being adopted, everyone at the local church had been very supportive. They had comforted Eren all of the time with little encouragements and had been very welcoming; just plain nice. Rob and Melissa were his foster parents, and had been caring, loving people, too.

At least until he hit high school.

That’s when things started to get a little uncomfortable. Actually, more than a little.

The summer before freshman year, Eren was just figuring out who he was and what he wanted to be. He was sure then that his foster parents would be supportive of his decisions.

Instead of choosing to go to a technical high school, or even a prep school, he made the decision himself to go to public school. When he told his foster parents, there had been no problem.

But that was where the problem started.

A week before school began for Eren, his foster father had sat him down to talk to him. Eren remembered the conversation very clearly.

“Your mother and I have are very proud of you for making your own decision, Eren,” Rob had started. He was a stern-looking man, with ever-present frown lines that disappeared when he smiled. He had looked worried then, but he also looked a little more aggressive than usual.

Eren had learned early to never question Rob, and Eren wasn’t really the type to instigate any arguments with the man anyway. Neither had he ever called them mother or father. They were simply Rob and Melissa, but even so, they insisted on trying to get him to call them mom and dad.

Rob had sighed and ran a hand over his face before setting it down on the table, drumming his fingers on the surface. Eren’s eyes had watched his foster father expectantly.

“Public schools…you have to be careful with them. There are a lot of strange people, but what you need to worry about the most are the faggots that try and drag you away from God.”

Eren had blinked before his brow furrowed. “Faggots?”

“Boys that like other boys, Eren. There are a lot of them in the public school system. Even the teachers sometimes are guilty of such a heinous act…Ah…you can’t let people like that near you, son,” Rob had said with such conviction that Eren’s eyes had widened, and he nodded vigorously.

For his foster parents, Eren had always aimed to please. He enjoyed seeing them smile just as much as he had loved seeing his deceased mother smile. He had gotten away with so much with the two of them that he liked to stay in their spotlight. The more of a goody two-shoes he was, the more praise he got.

And do, high school started.

Eren had immediately found his clique; his place had been with the art students. Three days a week after school, he stayed in the art room for a few hours with a couple of other fellow artists who, like Eren, adored art with every fiber of their beings.

Ever since he had been able to hold a pencil, Eren had drawn everything from his household cat to the flowers outside. His mother had had bought him paints, crayons, art books. Anything he needed for his drawing adventures, his mother had gotten for him.

The same went for his foster parents.

His artwork never went unnoticed either. He always used vibrant, beautiful colors in every piece that he had ever worked on. Everyone said that he was naturally talented, but all Eren had ever seen were things he needed improvement. But he _loved_ it.

For Eren, it had never been a hit or miss with art. He had always excelled. With every art show he entered his works, he’d won at least third place.

Eren was more than willing to help his friends with their own works, and since he wasn’t full of himself, his friends took his advice and utilized it.

He had met Armin and Mikasa on the first day of his freshman year. The two of them had grown up together, so they had known each other pretty well. Still, they welcomed Eren to their lunch table, and asked him to hang out with them all of the time.

He made two other friends that year as well; Connie and Sasha, who kept telling everyone that NO, they weren’t dating. Their actions sort of contradicted that though; they were always stealing food and kisses from one another. They claimed that they were only friends until their junior year, when they finally started telling people that they were, in fact, dating.

Armin and Mikasa were very easy to get along with, and they still were. Eren found Armin to be very agreeable and supportive, while Mikasa was very motherly and cautious.

Neither of them had been very into art like Eren was, but damn, were they the greatest cheerleaders in the history of ever.

By junior year, Eren had resigned himself to the fact that he didn’t like anybody else in his grade, or anyone above or below him either. There were a number of girls that liked him, but he had never been interested. It hadn’t been because they weren’t pretty or anything like that, but he just hadn’t felt ready to date anyone. Mikasa liked him, Eren knew that for a fact, but even Mikasa wasn’t someone who he’d want to date.

His foster parents wondered when he would find a girl to bring home, and all Eren could do was smile slightly and shrug.

He just figured that maybe God wasn’t ready to give him a girl. That was his reasoning, and it was fine by him. He loved his art more than he cared about finding a girlfriend, so he didn’t really bother.

Halfway through junior year though, his perfect little world came crashing down in a beautiful, yet disturbing way.

A transfer student, by the name of Jean, completely fucked over Eren’s idea of what loving someone meant.

And no, Jean was NOT a girl. That was the most confusing part.

Jean had been into art as much as Eren, and before long, Jean and Eren were both staying after school in the art room with the group of fellow artists.

Eren had a problem with Jean right off the bat. Jean had a problem with Eren as well. Eren had never been one for fighting, but it had been common for Eren to come home with a bruise here and there; and maybe a split lip if he was running his mouth a little too much for Jean. Eren swore, by all that was holy and true that Jean was always worse off than he himself ever was.

After a while, the fighting ebbed, but the insults thrown at one another did not. Even with their differences, they became pretty close friends. There were many declarations of ‘no homo’--because that’s what straight people did, right? They made a joke about loving the other a little past bromance, and then they laugh and call it off as just a joke. Jean claimed he had a thing for Mikasa anyway, so there was no way in hell that he was gay.

That lasted a while.

Actually, it lasted about a year.

Eren found out just how gay he really was during a house party his senior year.

Just after the Homecoming dance, one of the popular kids called a party at his place. Jean knew a few people, so he got Armin, Mikasa, and Eren to tag along. A few drinks were passed around.

Mikasa had watched Eren like a hawk and lectured him, but Eren was only downing a few beers. Armin didn’t drink anything, and Mikasa only had one.

Jean on the other hand, was chugging one after the other. As time passed, Jean got more and more smashed until he finally ran to the bathroom to puke his brains out. Jean had been absent for a total of ten minutes before Eren volunteered to go check on the idiot to make sure he wasn’t dying or something.

The bathroom door had been cracked, so Eren nudged it fully open and entered, only to be shoved back against the door. It had slammed shut behind him, forcing a gasp from Eren before his mouth was suddenly covered by another pair of warm, needy lips.

Eren had known that it was Jean without looking. With a sigh and a turn of his head, he had simply closed his eyes and let it happen.

Eren had never wanted his first kiss to be Jean, of all people, in a stranger’s bathroom at a homecoming party. However, he had gotten lost in the feel of warm lips against his; hot and heavy breaths and the occasional gasp from the both of them echoing sharply in the small bathroom as the bass from the speakers thrummed through the house from the living room.

Jean’s hands were all over Eren; under his shirt, palm flush against his chest as his other hand cupped the back of Eren’s neck to deepen the kiss before his fingers tangled at his nape, tugging his head back by his hair. It hadn’t been painful, but a gasp of surprise escaped Eren’s lips before Jean’s tongue met his, forcing a soft sigh from Eren and a deep moan from Jean.

It had been a somewhat sloppy makeout session thanks to the alcohol in their systems, but Eren’s shaky hands soon found their way under Jean’s shirt, and Jean’s had been in his pants, his fingers slipping past the waistband of Eren’s boxers.

They were both breathing hard and kissing each other furiously when they were interrupted by a hammering on the door and shouting. They had both been startled enough to pull back from one another, both staring at the other in utter horror before they both broke down into hysterical, drunken laughter.

Well, Jean’s had been genuine drunk laughter.

Eren had been close to crying, because oh God, what the hell was he doing? He hadn’t been wasted like Jean had. He remembered everything. Jean claimed that he didn’t remember a thing, but he did act extremely awkward at school when he was with Eren, and that led him to believe that Jean remembered a bit more than he was letting on.

Eren had also let it happen so easily, without a thought. It had felt so natural, so…so _good_. Eren wanted more of Jean’s hands on him, but since after the party, Jean wanted nothing more to do with him.

Even though it was Jean who had initiated the kiss in the first place.

At that point, Eren had been confused.

Rob had said that everything about being a faggot was an unforgivable sin. Touching other men was a terrible sin, and anyone who did so would most certainly go to hell.

Eren was certain that he was headed in that direction.

In the middle of the night, he imagined hands on himself that weren’t his own. Sometimes they weren’t even Jean’s. Sometimes they were the high school football team’s quarterback. Sometimes Eren didn’t even know whose they were, but he wanted them to be _somebody’s_. Undeniably, he wanted them to be a man’s.

And whenever he was finished, covered in sweat and his own cum, Eren felt so disgusted and ashamed of himself to where he had run to the shower to scrub his skin red raw, soft and aching sobs shaking through his whole body.

He was going against the one thing his foster parents had asked of him.

Jean moved from Providence after they graduated. Eren had Jean added to almost all of his social media so he noticed that just half a year ago Jean had started seriously seeing this boy their age with a shit ton of freckles.

When Eren found out, he had been happy for Jean, all things considered. At least he had the courage to be openly gay, even after all of the declarations of ‘no homo’ in high school. Good for him.

But at that point, Eren was still at a loss.

A few months ago from present time, he had been in church with Rob and Melissa when the preacher started to talk about sin.

Sin of the flesh. _Sex_. _Masturbation_.

Letting another person touch you when you weren’t married to them.

Sin, sin. That’s all it was.

And then he began to talk about an even worse sin, something Eren knew for certain he was guilty of, and it terrified him.

The preacher described the word ‘gay’ as the act of having a delusionary love for a person of the same gender as themselves.

 _Delusionary_.

As if it wasn’t real.

Eren had never felt so sick to his stomach.

The preacher went on to say that all people who have thought or acted upon lying with another man deserved to be punished for their sins in hell. Either that, or be willingly purged like a demon in an exorcism. After all, being a queer is like having the devil inside of a person, forcing them to commit acts of sin to defy the Heavenly Father.

Eren had excused himself calmly to the bathroom at that point. Once there, he had vomited up his breakfast.

Was loving someone of the same gender really all that terrible? Was it enough to get you sent straight to hell? That’s what the preacher had said. Rob and Melissa had always listened to his every word, so why shouldn’t Eren?

Why did he feel, for the first time in his life, that this man was teaching them something that was wrong?

Before that point, Eren had believed everything. Now, he was having doubts. Eren knew that this was something that he couldn’t change inside of himself.

Maybe he _did_ need help.

Maybe he _needed_ to trust the preacher.

That’s right.

Trust.

He made his way back to the sermon and sat in between Rob and Melissa again. The preacher continued talking as Melissa had smiled softly and reached over, brushing her fingertips against Eren’s cheek. Eren had flinched softly, then looked back at his foster mother. She was worried.

He sent her a soft smile before returning his gaze to the preacher.

Eren couldn’t tell her. He couldn’t tell Rob.

But he had to tell somebody. He needed to get help for this something that was considered an ailment; a curable disease. Someone could fix him. Someone had to be able to fix him.

Eren was snapped from his memories as another notification came over his phone. He let out a steady breath that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding before glancing up at the ceiling.

Eren took a moment to collect himself.

He didn’t want to think about what happened after he spoke to the pastor. He was far away from them. He was safe here, and he actually felt wanted.

If being gay was really such a bad thing…why did he feel this way about Levi?

Levi.

The thought of him made all of the bad memories melt away.

Eren let out a soft sigh before running a hand through his messy bed head hair. He had to take a shower, but first…

Eren picked up his phone and smiled, quickly tapping out a status for his _Facebook_ :

_Home alone, woohoo. I’m eating all of your ice cream. <3_

The heart Eren added after a pause before letting out a little giggle, even catching his bottom lip gently between his teeth, feeling the slight blush as it formed over his cheeks.

He wasn’t really eating his ice cream either, but Levi would know the status was for him.

Speaking of which, Eren hadn’t told anyone where he was living, and Eren figured that was for the best. If Mikasa found out he was living with her cousin that she had heard nothing but bad things about, Eren knew there would be trouble.

Mikasa had predictably gone haywire when she found out that he was miles away from her. All Eren had told her was that he was staying in Boston with a friend. He had refused to tell her why, and Eren had found that it was easier to lie to her when they weren’t talking face to face.

She didn’t take shit from anybody, and that was one of the reasons Eren liked her so much. It was also the same reason why he wanted to get her off his back sometimes.

Eren was an adult, and he could take care of himself.

Levi…Levi was an adult too. And so far, he had done a damn good job taking care of Eren. The older male had made sure he had clothes, and kept him well-fed.

The few days that he had been homeless after getting kicked out of the house by his foster parents, Eren had been staying at a local shelter in Providence. Levi had been the first person that had crossed his mind, so Eren had started calling him every day at two in the afternoon to try and get a hold of him after asking Mikasa for his number.

Obviously, Mikasa had asked a lot of questions about that too, but he made her drop it and just get the damn number for him. Thankfully, she had done so afterwards.

At first, he thought that she had given him the wrong number on purpose, but when a woman (who he now knew as Hange) had finally picked up after days and days of calling from the shelter phone, he was more than relieved to find that Levi’s phone number was accurate.

Armin, thankfully, had been more relaxed about the whole thing when Eren had finally explained a variation of what had happened over a group phone call on one of the bus rides on the way to Boston.

His friends didn’t know he liked men. That was a secret burden he had been carrying for a while. Eren couldn’t tell them that he had been kicked out of his foster parent’s house for being homosexual, so he simply told them that he was a slob and he got kicked out. End of story.

When Mikasa had hung up to meet with a couple of friends, Armin had been quiet for a moment before muttering to Eren that he knew that something else was up.

The blond always knew that there was more to the stories that Eren had to tell. He was very intuitive, and he paid attention to everything. Mikasa was, by far, easier to lie to.

Eren hadn’t told him, of course. How could he? What would Armin think of him then? Neither Armin, nor Mikasa had had a problem with any gay person in their high school. In fact, they had never spoken about it. Still, Eren could never tell them. What if they stopped being friends with him because he was a little faggot queer?

Eren cringed and looked off to the side, dropping his phone onto his chest. His fingers sprawled onto it, overlapping one another as they twitched slightly as he realized something.

Eren was in Levi’s room.

In his apartment, and very much alone.

Eren’s breathing hitched slightly, a bit more excited as he thought more and more about this fact.

Levi wouldn’t be back for a few hours. Didn’t those business meetings take a while?

Levi wouldn’t find out. Eren would make sure to clean up afterwards and check that everything was the way he found it; that would probably be Levi’s only concern.

Eren cared a lot for what Levi thought of him. Levi didn’t think he was a filthy brat; maybe a shitty one, but not filthy. Well, at least on the outside he wasn’t.

What Levi didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him anyway.

Eren bit his lip before reaching over to grab Levi’s pillow. He pulled it over onto his chest before burying his face into it, inhaling deeply.

It was almost exactly like hugging Levi when he had given Eren his new phone. God, he smelt so damn good. Eren couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he smelled dark. Beautifully dark, with a touch of cologne that made Eren weak at the knees. He also smelt clean. Not like cleaning products, but of the Old Spice soap in the bathroom that Eren loved to use so much.

All he could remember was Levi’s small, but lean frame against his own, his body solid with hidden, packed muscle; and the smell of him, this delicious, intoxicating smell.

Eren let out a soft moan into the pillow, gripping it against his bare chest. Craving some sort of friction, Eren rubbed his hand against the fabric of his lounge pants, palming his growing erection with a soft and needy sigh.

Eren shifted his hips a bit so he was more on the bed, the heels of his feet just touching the floor. He grabbed the phone pressed to his chest and carelessly tossed it to the side; it bounced off the edge of the bed and hit the floor with a dull thud. Eren was never more thankful for the case that protected it; he wouldn’t have gotten up to check it anyway.

With one arm, Eren clung to the pillow, holding it in place slightly against his side while he stood on his toes, lifting his hips so he could shimmy his lounge pants down to the middle of his thighs.

This was dirty. This was so, so dirty. Eren was getting off to Levi’s scent on his pillow, and he didn’t even care that much. It didn’t feel bad, it felt good. So, so good. How could something that felt so satisfying be so wrong?

Eren ran his hand slowly up his chest from the waistband of his pants taut against his thighs. The comforter underneath him was unbelievably soft against his heated and sensitive skin. His fingertips felt deliciously cool against his lower belly; Eren ran a fingertip slowly up to his navel, and he suppressed a shudder of pleasure. He spread his fingers as his hand traveled up his chest, letting their tips just brush his nipple.

Eren groaned softly and buried his face into the pillow at his side as his fingertips pinched and teased the small nub. He was imaging it was someone else’s hand; someone with cropped black hair and captivating pale grey eyes.

Eren gasped softly, his back arching into a soft curve at Eren’s own teasing fingers. His cock ached at the scene his mind was playing out for him; Levi standing over him, just at the edge of the bed between Eren’s spread legs. One hand supporting himself as the other teased Eren, toying with him.

Eren couldn’t hold back any longer from touching himself; his dick throbbed as Eren took another deep whiff of Levi’s scent. His fingers released his nipple to slowly trail down his chest, palm against his tanned chest, then to his stomach, skimming the dark trail of happiness there before his fingertips were brushing the dark curls of pubic hair just above his aching member.

He made small circles there, teasing himself before he couldn’t take it anymore. He wrapped his fingers--no, Levi’s hand was around his hard dick, and slowly started to move his hand up and down.

Eren could see all of it, all of Levi above him with his eyes closed and his face nuzzled into the pillow, his mouth free to pant and moan. His lips stayed parted, quick pants escaping them.

His mind produced an image of Levi above him, watching Eren underneath with scorching eyes darkened with desire, his lips slowly moving to form words. Eren shuddered and jerked slightly as he heard Levi’s deep voice purr in his ear.

_Do you like that, Eren?_

“Oh…Ohhmm, so good…Mmm yes…L-Levi…Faster…” Eren moaned, unable to control his mouth. Shit! Thank god no one was home. Eren knew for sure he wouldn’t be able to be quiet even if there was someone else in the apartment. Not with Levi’s soft, commanding voice in his ears. Not with Levi’s scent overwhelming Eren and driving him absolutely wild.

“Fuck,” he whimpered, slowing his strokes. Eren didn’t want to finish too early. He thumbed the precum at his tip, spreading it over the head with a hitched breath before resuming the slow, agonizingly painful up and down motion of his hand.

At the thought of Levi watching him, Eren bit his lip and shifted again, his back still arched slightly, his ass pressed into the mattress with just the tips of his toes touching the floor.

  _Faster, Eren?_

“God…yes…” Eren whispered, and his hand on his twitching cock yielding to his request. Eren cried out, his voice slightly muffled against the pillow as his hand quickened its pace. Short, rough pumps of his hand had him writhing in pleasure, gripping the pillow against his side.

“Fuck, Levi! Levi, Levi, yes!” Eren gasped out. “Levi, _please--_ ”

_Do you want it, Eren? Tell how much you want it._

“I-I want it so bad…so bad, please…fu-fuck…ah! Levi. Levi!”

Eren threw his head back from the pillow, his body squirming with want. He was so close, so _fucking_ close. Just a little more. He gripped and tugged the member in his hand, choking out a whine and turning his face to the side, away from the pillow. He was so lost in his pleasure that he forgot that it even existed.

“I’m…I-I’m so close…Haa, ah! Leviii!”

_Then cum, Eren._

Eren let out a strangled cry before cumming into his hand, and onto his bare stomach and chest. His legs shook as he arched his back and stood on his toes, gasping sharply as his hips jerked once.

Eren had enough sense to keep his shaking hand moving, slowly riding out the last of the orgasm before he relaxed into the mattress.

Eren panted hard, a little dizzy as his cum-slicked hand lazily stroked his slowly softening cock until it was too sensitive to touch. Instead, he rested his sticky hand on his chest, wincing a bit. He really did need a shower, especially now that he was covered in his own seed. Better than Levi’s comforter though.

Eren didn’t know when he was going to be able to move. He was way too weak for that right now, so the shower was a distant thought from his mind.

He had just gotten off to Levi…

_He had just gotten off to Levi!_

And he didn’t feel any shame from it.

Eren didn’t know what that meant, but it made him smile indolently as his eyes slowly closed again.

He dozed off for about half an hour before he slowly blinked awake. He pushed the pillow away and sat up, and looking down at himself, he smirked as he remembered what he had done.

It had felt good, so Eren tried not to worry over it too much. He stood up on shaky legs to pull his lounge pants and boxers up before trudging off to the bathroom.

After a hot, sanitizing shower, a good scrub, and a fully loaded washing machine working in the bathroom, Eren made sure that nothing on the bed was dirtied. Thankfully, everything had been saved from Eren’s escapades, so he was really relieved by that. He set everything back to normal; he placed the pillow back against the headboard, and he smoothed out the comforter before picking his phone up off the floor to view a text from Armin about ten minutes ago.

 _Get your butt on_ BF4 _so Mikasa and I can show you up!_

Eren snorted and typed out a reply.

_You wish, blondie. Mika might have a chance though._

Two hours of gaming later, and Eren was bored out of his mind. He migrated to Levi’s laptop to play some _DayZ_ with Armin for another hour before sighing, glancing at the clock every two seconds. It was noon, and Levi said he was going to be back home this afternoon…maybe at around two.

Eren found himself really, really missing the older male. Barely five hours had passed, and Eren found himself wallowing in misery because he wasn’t able to see Levi for another couple hours.

To pass some time, Eren clicked over to his _Facebook_ to stalk Levi’s profile.

It wasn’t something he hadn’t done before. Eren had seen the tons of pictures of Levi and whom he assumed was Petra.

Armin had described her as a very pretty woman, and the pictures certainly did her justice. She was beautiful. Eren was a little jealous that there were so many pictures of the two of them, but Levi outright refused to take a picture with him. But then again, Petra had been his wife, someone very close to him.

Levi also didn’t like to talk about her, even though Eren was curious about how their relationship had been. He had noticed that Levi still wore his wedding band, but for the last few days, he hadn’t. Eren silently wondered why that was.

About a week ago, Levi had changed his profile picture. The original was a picture of the both of them that Petra had taken. She had held her phone up above the both of them, a bright smile on her face. Though Levi wasn’t even looking at the camera, he had stood closely behind Petra, just a little bit taller than she was, with his arms wrapped around her waist. He was smiling though, and it had made Eren smile as well the first time he had seen it as he clicked through Levi’s profile pictures out of curiosity. He remembered Levi’s smile from the other day as well, and made a promise to himself to make Levi smile more often.

Then about five days ago, when Eren had come to live with Levi, the older male had changed his profile picture to one that was a little inappropriate, but it made Eren stare every time it caught his eyes.

Someone else had taken this picture; that much was obvious. Levi had been completely trashed, but even so, he looked so composed and so incredibly sexy. His hair was mussed up on the right side, and his eyes were hooded as he stared at the camera, flipping the bird to whoever had taken the picture. His other hand was underneath his shirt, lifting it up to show off his toned chest (probably without even realizing it), and he was biting the left corner of his bottom lip. He was sneering a little too.

Eren also noticed that the picture had been taken in Erwin’s living room, and that set off another twinge of jealousy. He recognized the TV stand behind Levi because Eren remembered ogling it when they visited Erwin’s.

Staring at the picture, Eren gnawed a bit on his bottom lip and shifted in the chair as he felt the familiar warmth pooling in his belly.

Eren’s stomach gurgled hungrily, and he sat up with a loud groan to rub it a bit before getting up from Levi’s desk and heading to the kitchen.

“You’re such a cockblock,” he mumbled to his growling stomach as he opened the refrigerator.

Leftover chili from last night’s dinner was what was for lunch, and Eren was practically drooling as he dumped the Tupperware contents into a bowl to heat up in the microwave.

Levi was a phenomenal cook. Everything he made seemed to come out forever picture perfect, and if Eren could, without gaining a shit ton of weight, he would eat Levi’s cooking all day.

As he waited for the microwave to signal that his food was heated, Eren tapped his spoon against his lips as he looked through the cabinets for something else to munch on, along with the chili. He didn’t snoop around too much through Levi’s apartment, so there were cabinets that he hadn’t touched before. It wasn’t like he was left alone in Levi’s house too often either.

He found a few interesting things other than food; in the back of one of the cabinets was a bottle of Vodka. Eren let out a surprised sound before pulling it from the cabinet with a slight grin, turning the already opened and half-empty bottle this way and that.

Eren had never tried hard liquor before, but he knew a thing or two about it.

There was also a bottle of Captain Morgan in the same cabinet that had about a fourth of its contents missing.

Now Eren was curious. He set both of the bottles onto the counter as the microwave beeped, and he went to get his food. He grabbed a package of shredded cheese and piled it on top of the bowl of chili before searching around the refrigerator, too.

Sure enough, there were a couple of beers in the bottom drawer, but that wasn’t what caught Eren’s attention. When he opened the freezer, he hadn’t expected to find anything, but…

He picked up the dark green bottle with a dark liquid inside from the bottom shelf of the freezer door. He turned it over in his hands and let out a laugh at the label.

“Jägermeister, huh? Cool.” Eren grinned and stood up, carrying the bottle to the counter as he let the freezer door shut behind him. He turned it over again to read the label on the back, curious.

Eren set it down next to the others before shoveling his chili into his mouth. He hissed when he burned his mouth, but he finished in record time before putting his dishes to soak in the sink.

Then he turned back to the bottles, grabbing a glass out of the cabinet above the counter before he bit his lip and hovered a hand over the bottles.

Levi wouldn’t notice, right?

Just a little taste of each couldn’t hurt. Besides, Eren had never tried anything other than beer and a sip of wine. Trying new things was always a good thing.

After all, Levi hadn’t mentioned anything about not touching the alcohol. The ice cream he’d be pissed about, but Eren hadn’t touched that. Eren wouldn’t take enough of any of the three bottles for Levi to notice.

Besides, Eren considered himself pretty well-off in the adult world of things. He had a job, and he was able to pay for his own things. He was nineteen-years-old. Not a teenager that made shitty decisions.

Thrumming his fingers on the counter and bouncing a little on the balls of his feet, his hand paused over one of the bottles, a grin on his lips and a slight mischievous look in his eyes.

Eren had heard the rum was good with coke…He looked towards the refrigerator before shrugging and grabbing the bottle of Captain Morgan, twisting the cap off. He sniffed it and huffed, holding the bottle away from him. It didn’t smell _bad_ , but he could smell the stark spice, mixed with a sweet, candy-like scent.

He peeked down at the bottle again before shrugging and pouring a bit of the golden liquid into the small glass.

He recalled in movies that people usually just threw hard liquor back without a thought. So Eren did just that; he brought the cup to his lips and paused only for a moment before tipping his head back, and the cup with it.

Eren winced and gasped, pulling the cup away from his lips as he swallowed again. He stared down at the cup and coughed to clear his throat. A few breaths in, he smiled abashedly from the warm feeling that spread through his throat and stomach.

“Holy shit, that’s good!” he breathed, smacking his lips before grinning and grabbing the Vodka next. It looked expensive; Levi seemed to have really good taste in liquor, although Eren couldn’t see him drinking the beer that was in the fridge.

This one, he didn’t sniff. He poured a bit into the cup then brought the clear liquid to his lips.

Even though it went down quick, Eren still gagged a little, sticking his tongue out with a little shiver. Strong, way too strong.

“Ugh,” Eren mumbled, pushing the bottle of Vodka away before his eyes fell on the Jägermeister.

Eren grabbed the bottle and grinned a little bit. Jäger and Jaeger. That should mix, right?

“Master of hunters. Heh,” Eren snickered before opening the bottle. He had taken a bit of German in high school, along with his art classes.

Art classes.

Art.

Eren was instantly sidetracked.

Robert hadn’t let him grab any of his art supplies when he was kicked out of the house. He hadn’t let Eren grab much of anything, for that matter.

The picture in his duffel bag that was stuffed between the couch and the wall now, was something Eren had carried with him ever since he had gotten it. He was twelve when his biological mother had passed away and his father had disappeared completely. He was allowed a few things before he was thrown into the foster care system, so the first thing he had grabbed was a pad, a pencil, his colored pencils, and the picture.

Eren carried the faded photograph around with him everywhere. Right now, it was tucked safely into the duffel bag.

He had managed to grab that and a few articles of clothing along with whatever he had in his pockets at the time before he was kicked out of Robert and Melissa’s house.

Usually the picture was all he thought about.

Today though, all Eren had thought about was Levi, and how much he already missed him after only just a few hours.

It wasn’t bad to like Levi…was it? Levi didn’t care. Levi was gay. He had said so with such conviction that Eren could never think to question it.

If there were other people like him, then Eren couldn’t be wrong…could he?

By the time his brain clicked back on, he had poured a lot more than he had intended to into the glass.

“Shit.”

Eren capped the bottle and looked down at the glass that was almost full to the brim of the dark brown liquor.

Well shit, he couldn’t let it go to waste.

Eren picked the cup up, the glass cool to the touch from the drink. It hadn’t frozen in the freezer, which was a little strange, but Eren didn’t question it. It was just alcohol, right?

Nothing bad could happen.

Before Eren could stop himself, he had actively downed the whole cup without a pause.

He pulled the cup back and hacked, taking a deep breath and frowning at the shallow cup.

It hadn’t been all that much. Then again, Eren didn’t know all too much about alcohol in the first place. What did 70 proof even mean? Was that bad?

Those beers he had enjoyed at that party senior year when he had made out with Jean had been cheap and hadn’t tasted all that good. He recalled only having around three, and all that made was a hardly drunk Eren that remembered everything.

Eren cleared his throat and leaned forward on the counter, feeling a bit nauseated. Jägermeister did not taste very good to begin with, but even so, Eren looked up and reached for the bottle with a shaking hand, screwing the cap off again.

Eren only paused for a moment before he took a deep gulp straight out of the bottle. He didn’t think about it, he just did it.

Fuck it. Who cared anyway? His foster parents certainly didn’t. They had kicked him out onto the street after catching him with Armin _again_ , even though his best friend had almost died. They called Armin; _Armin_ , the nicest guy alive, a _bad_ influence and a freak, and a misfit, just because he happened to be asexual. Eren had made the mistake of telling Melissa that, who in turn had told Rob. All of a sudden, not being sexually attracted to someone made you a freak of nature. They had all treated that like a disease too.

_“We thought we cured you.”_

_“We thought we_ _had_ helped _you, Eren.”_

_“He can’t be fixed, he’s a hopeless case.”_

“I am…I am, you can’t fix me, you can’t,” Eren choked, not bothering to try and hold back the tears as their voices played on repeat in his mind; Rob’s, Melissa’s, the preacher’s.

And here he was, at a faggot’s house, drinking his fucking alcohol and getting off to his smell, his face and his body.

God didn’t care either. God let this happen.

Eren cried out in frustration; he hardly noticed that the sound had erupted from his own lips.

There was no way God was real if he let this happen.

Why had they lied to him?

They said God could fix anything; that God was real and everywhere, but why couldn’t he fix _him_.

Eren didn’t want to be this way.

Why would he want to be this way when he knew that he was going to have to live like this? Hating himself, hating the people around him, hating the people who hated him? Why would anyone in his right mind ever want to live like this?!

Why would he ever want to live such a fucking lie? Why? Why couldn’t he be who he wanted to be? Why couldn’t he love who he wanted to without fear of disappointing everyone? Why, _why_ …

Eren was probably fucking disappointing his dead mother, too. His fucking dead father.

They were smiling in that picture, but now, they were probably just as fucking disappointed as everyone else.

He felt so lost. No matter what Eren did, he was always going back to square one. He couldn’t stop. He wanted to stop, but he just fucking _couldn’t_.

This was who Eren was. He liked men and he couldn’t change that. He couldn’t help it, and neither could he cope with all of the hatred and the fear and the self loathing that had been instilled into every fiber of his being.

Eren didn’t want to pretend to be something that he wasn’t anymore.

Maybe he could forget about it. Isn’t that what straight people did? They solved their problems with a bottle.

He didn’t want to remember this time.

He didn’t want to remember his parents’ death.

He didn’t want to remember his foster parents before they hated his guts.

He didn’t want to remember the preacher and his words.

He didn’t want to remember his foster parents after they started to hate his guts.

He wanted to forget everything they had done to him. He wanted to forget every single word said to him. He wanted to forget those fucking words on Robert’s lips that had left him numb and cold before he had slammed the door in Eren’s face, leaving him without even one person to turn to.

_I could never have a son that’s a queer, and no one will ever want someone who is a fucking faggot like you._

Eren’s thoughts were scattered as he brought the cold bottle back to his lips, his hand shaking as he took a deep swig.

They had taken everything from him.

They had hardly given anything back except hatred, bigotry, and the feeling of being unwanted because of something that he couldn’t change.

He couldn’t change the way he had felt about Jean.

He couldn’t change the way he felt about Levi.

Levi. Levi.

What the fuck would he think, seeing Eren like this?

Eren sobbed, slamming the bottle down onto the counter.

Numb.

Cool, blissful numbness.

The more he drank, the better he felt. It drowned the pain, suffocating it.

What had began as the sweet innocence of a taste-testing teenager was slowly spiraling into something far more serious. Eren couldn’t think past everything that he had seen for the past few months; everything that he had seen during his whole entire _life_.

He couldn’t think past the bottle in front of him.

They were all fucking liars.

He was a liar.

A little liar in his own little world that was shattered by the thought of just a few little words of his own imagination.

_You’re a liar, liar; you’re a little fucking liar._

\----------

Eren didn’t know how much time had passed before he stumbled into the living room. His knees found the couch and he collapsed onto it. His vision was blurred, and everything felt like it was moving so slow.

His fingers dialed the numbers themselves, and he found the phone pressed to his ear before he knew what he was doing.

Ringing, ringing, ringing.

“Pick up you fucker, pick up, pick up,” Eren slurred.

With a sudden burst of anger at the next unanswered ring, his foot found the coffee table. It tipped over and flew into the TV stand with a loud crash; the glass in the middle of the table shattered and rained all over the carpet. The flat screen teetered precariously on the edge of the stand.

“FUCKING PICK UP,” Eren screamed, gasping at the sudden loss of air in his lungs before he let out a drunken, broken sob as the static of a phone being answered sounded in his ear.

“Hello? Eren?”

Rob’s voice came over the phone, cool and collected as always. Eren couldn’t wait to break that calm. He wanted to hear Rob panic.

Eren stood up and staggered towards Levi’s room, laughing and mumbling things even he couldn’t understand before he finally found the right words.

_“I hope you die, you fucking prick.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots more will be revealed in the next chapter. Thanks for reading <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My beta, Tentai.t, just recently had surgery on her mouth, so she's in a lot of pain. Even through that, she managed to proofread this chapter for me <3 So thank you so much, beebee!!  
> Drunk Eren was fun to write for, by the way. He's super clingy and cute, so enjoy!  
> Also, give me a follow on Tumblr! I mostly reblog yaoi and funny things:  
> http://levisyaoiservice.tumblr.com/

Levi wasn’t one to panic.

Sure, when Petra’s plane had gone down, he had reacted. How could he have not?

Though he’d reacted, he hadn’t panicked. Panicking was something he was very unfamiliar with.

That’s why he didn’t know what he was feeling when he screeched to a stop across the street from his apartment and the police cruisers parked in front of it.

He turned his car off and snatched the keys from the ignition before getting out of the car. He didn’t bother to lock the doors as he slammed it shut behind him, bolting across the street without looking both ways. Hardly missed by a pickup truck that jerked to a stop inches from Levi, the driver blared their horn at him and shouted angrily out the window.

Levi didn’t pay him any attention. He felt like he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. He was gasping. His heart felt like it was in his throat as a female cop stepped out of one of the car’s passenger doors, her eyes on Levi.

“Hey you! Stop right there!”

“I live here,” Levi yelled out to her, then quieter as he got closer, “I live here.”

The woman with dark skin and freckles on her nose and cheekbones glowered at him darkly.

“You _live_ here? You’re Levi?” she asked, her tone high-pitched with slight disbelief. She smirked and leaned on her door a bit. “I expected you to be a little taller.”

Levi didn’t have the energy to glare at her. He had paused only for a moment to listen to her before he booked it towards the door.

His heart was hammering in his chest. All Levi could think about was Eren, Eren, _Eren_. He didn’t know what he would see, or what he would _find_ , and that scared him. It legitimately scared the shit out of him. When Petra’s body had been shipped back from Ohio where the plane had gone down, he hadn’t seen anything. Her body had been way too mangled for them to do anything with.

Levi didn’t see any ambulances outside. Only those two police cruisers, one occupied. The female officer had seemed calm too, not nearly as alarmed as she should have been if something was really wrong.

Levi tried to take comfort from that, but he found himself struggling with rational thought.

He could hear the woman shouting out for him as he ran up the steps and straight through the open doorway, where he was forced to skid to a stop before he hit a solid wall of brawn.

Levi hissed out a breath before backing up a step, looking up to take in the view of the huge, buff blond. This kid had almost more muscle on him than Erwin did. Almost.

“Who’re you?” he asked, looking down at Levi, his eyes narrowed with suspicion.

“Levi. I live here. Where’s Eren?” Levi reiterated with the addition of Eren’s name, trying to look around the blond cop to get a better view of his living room.

The coffee table was tipped over against the TV stand, and the flat screen there was dangerously close to falling onto the floor as well. There was glass scattered all over the carpet, reflecting the light from the ceiling. His living room was in complete disarray, but he found himself not giving the slightest shit. Knowing that Eren was safe and sound was more important.

When the taller male didn’t answer him right away, Levi’s eyes flicked back to him. “Where’s Eren?” he repeated.

The officer sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “The bedroom,” he answered before stepping out of the way to let Levi pass.

He didn’t waste any more time than he needed to. Levi passed him and headed straight to his room, gripping his keys tightly in his hand, the other balled into a fist.

Levi didn’t know what to expect. Sure, there wasn’t an ambulance, but…why were the cops here in the first place?

As Levi approached his bedroom after stepping through the living room with his shoes on so he wouldn’t get any glass stuck in his feet, he heard incoherent blubbering and another soft, comforting voice. Footsteps sounded behind him, and Levi knew that the giant of a cop was following him. That was fine. All Levi wanted to do was see Eren with his own eyes to make sure he was alright.

Entering his bedroom, Levi was both relieved and bothered by what he found.

Relieved because Eren was sitting on the bed, unharmed and in one piece. He looked alright physically, at least. There wasn’t any blood or visible bruises that Levi could spot with a quick glance at Eren’s bare chest and arms. His face was flushed and those eyes Levi was so attracted to were flooded with tears as the teenager looked up at him.

The part that bothered him the most was the waste basket set in Eren’s lap, held by a very tall cop sitting beside him on the bed. Levi had thought the blond was huge, but this officer was almost as tall sitting as Levi was standing, hunched over on the edge of the bed next to Eren.

“Leviii nooo,” Eren groaned before he swayed a little and ducked his head into the waste basket.

The dark-haired cop looked up at Levi while he awkwardly patted Eren’s back, then he looked past Levi at the other cop, who sidled into the room behind him.

“No, no, don’t let him see me like this…I’m fucking filthy…I’m gross,” Eren whined against the plastic of the empty waste basket, and Levi sighed.

Eren was wasted as fuck. Levi could smell the alcohol from across the room, if the slurred speech didn’t give it away. The kid could hardly speak correctly. He looked like shit too, when he was looking at Levi. Right now, he just had his face in the trash can, groaning and sobbing.

“Looks like the kid found your stash,” the blond cop said. It sounded sarcastic, but when Levi looked at him, his eyes were on Levi, staring him down with a completely neutral expression. Levi would have been unsettled if Levi was anyone else but himself. He wasn’t intimidated very easily.

“Looks like it,” Levi muttered. He was relieved that Eren was just drunk. Not dying on the floor, possibly bleeding out. Levi’s heart was still pounding, but he sighed and backed up to lean against his desk, his hands gripping the edge so tight that his knuckles quickly turned white.

Levi had not expected to come home to such a damn mess. Two cops, and Eren on the verge of puking his brains out if he hadn’t already, was not included in the planning of tonight.

Levi had wanted nothing more than to be able to sit with Eren and enjoy a movie or two with him and some shitty takeout.

Instead, he was worried about the stupid brat getting alcohol poisoning or something like that.

Levi brought a hand up to rub a hand over his face before he looked to the blond officer.

“Alright, I get that he’s fucking trashed, but why the hell are you here?” Levi asked.

The cop sitting beside Eren glanced up again, this time with a slightly accusing look. Levi scowled at him until he looked away, looking about ready to break into a sweat just from that one look.

Levi would have found it amusing if the brat he happened to have a huge crush on wasn’t groaning with his face in a trash can.

Levi looked back to built blond as he shrugged his broad shoulders, the material of his uniform threatening to burst at the seams.

“For starters, I’m Officer Braun and this is Officer Hoover.” The blond motioned to the cop beside Eren. “We received some calls from your neighbors regarding possible domestic violence. They said that there was a lot of shouting and crashes, and they called us out here to see what was up.”

Levi frowned and slowly crossed his arms, leaning back against the desk. “That still doesn’t explain why I’m getting a reproachful look from your friend over there.” Levi tilted his head in the general direction of Bertolt, who jumped in surprise at being found out again before looking back to Eren, continuing to pat the other’s back gently as the teenager groaned loudly.

“Hm…” Reiner stared at Levi for a moment before looking to Eren.

“Kid.”

Eren whined and leaned into Bertolt, whom Levi would have felt a twinge of jealousy towards if he hadn’t looked like he was going to have a mental breakdown from the slight contact. He looked so out of place. Levi actually felt a little bad for the lanky male, but the stares when the cop thought he wasn’t looking were annoying the shit out of him.

“Eren, has Levi been abusing you in any way?”

“What?” Levi asked in disbelief, but Reiner held up a finger to quiet him.

Was he fucking serious right now?

“Who, Leviii?” Eren’s eyebrows came together, talking slowly like he really thinking about the question. “Fuck, I wish he would,” Eren stated bluntly.

Levi snorted in slight discomfort at the honest statement and Bertolt’s eyes widened. Reiner was quiet for a moment before looking back to Levi with a loud sigh.

“Robert and Melissa Colestine called the police department about an hour ago, demanding that we check your apartment. They believed that you were physically abusing Eren due to a phone call they received from him. Around that time, we were also getting the calls from your neighbors, so we came to check it out. When we got here, no one answered the door, so we stepped in on our own accord. Eren was in here, drunk as all hell, mumbling shit about you, mostly. Obviously, you weren’t here at the time.

“His foster parents were worried about him and wanted to make sure he was alright. They said Eren was rambling on about you as well to them. Something about non-consensual sex--”

All of this new information was taking its sweet time processing in Levi’s mind, but as soon as he registered where this conversation was going, he spoke up.

“I haven’t put my hands on him, if that’s what you’re about to ask,” Levi interjected, slightly angry and more irritated than anything at the accusation. “He’s been here for close to six days, and he came here on his own. I haven’t forced him into anything that he didn’t ask for. As for his foster parents--”

Levi was interrupted, not by a voice, but by a terrible retching noise coming from Eren as he vomited loudly into the waste basket. Bertolt winced and rubbed his back; he really was sweating nervously now.

“There we go, Eren. That’s what we wanted,” he muttered as Eren continued to puke up the contents of his stomach.

Levi cringed in obvious disgust, and Reiner didn’t have much of a reaction other than to chuckle a bit, like this was something he witnessed every day.

“He’s alright now. That’s mainly what we stuck around for after walking in on him like this. He needs to get the alcohol out of his system.”

“Oh my goood, I’m so s-sorryyy,” Eren whined pitifully before his body heaved again, and Levi made the mistake of looking at him just in time to see his crush puke up what looked like the remains of three-day old chili.

Fuck that if Levi was ever making chili again.

“Fucking idiot brat,” Levi growled before grabbing the box of tissues off his desk, pulling out a few before walking over to the softly sobbing Eren. He ignored both of the cops’ eyes on him as he stopped in front of Eren to touch his cheek.

Eren whined and turned his face away, but he lifted his head and looked up at Levi, tears staining his cheeks. The older male wrinkled his nose at the stark smell of vomit coming from the waste basket before gently attacking Eren’s face with the tissues. Eren whined again before blubbering something past the tissues, but Levi paid it no attention as he cleaned Eren up a bit. Levi dropping the soiled tissues into the trash can and he took it out of Eren’s lap before tying the bag shut in slight disgust.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Eren blubbered, hiding his face in his hands. His chanting was hard to understand at first because it was so disoriented and slurred with emotion and alcohol.

Levi sighed and stood up to lightly tug on Eren’s ear. “Stop your crying, brat. It’s not that bad. I just hope you have enough sense not to pull some bullshit like this again.”

“I’m so gr-gross and fucking disgusting, I’m so sorry, I’m so groooss,” Eren cried, and Levi rolled his eyes before patting the drunken Eren on the head. He finally looked up at the two cops after making sure that Eren wasn’t about to puke again.

They were both staring at him, and Levi couldn’t figure out why. Bertolt was sweating buckets for some reason that Levi couldn’t fathom, and Reiner had an eyebrow raised in slight amusement, a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips.

“What?” Levi grunted.

Eren continued whimpering and apologizing in the background as Reiner chuckled and stepped forward to clap Bertolt on the shoulder.

“I think we’re done here. Levi, was it? Just keep an eye on him, and he should be okay. That was a lot of liquor that kid downed; I’m surprised that that he doesn’t need to be rushed to the hospital. In fact, I’m surprised that he didn’t hurl sooner than this. He’s going to have one hell of a hangover when he wakes up in the morning though.”

“Reiner…” the taller cop on the bed grumbled disapprovingly, and Reiner laughed before tugging Bertolt up by his arm.

“Alright, we’ll leave you to it. I can tell that we’re not needed here any longer. Make sure you don’t keep any alcohol in the house with this one though, especially after this. He could have been worse off.” With that, Reiner waved once before heading out of the bedroom with Bertolt only a few steps behind. The taller male glanced at Levi before shooting him an awkward smile.

And just like that, they were gone.

Levi’s hand slipped from Eren’s hair; he hadn’t even realized that he had kept it in the brown locks, his fingers precariously twined with the strands. Eren was still a complete mess, and Levi sighed before gently coaxing Eren to lie down on the mattress.

“I’m so sorry, Levi,” Eren sobbed, and Levi only rolled his eyes as he stripped Eren casually of his jeans.

“Cut the shit, Eren. It’s alright,” Levi mumbled at an attempt of soothing. He had never been good with words; Petra had told him that more than once.

Eren continued to moan apology after apology, so Levi just let him. The kid was completely whacked out.

Levi found himself wondering just what had caused Eren to drink so much in the first place. Eren wasn’t a stupid kid; he made that obvious every day. He was smart, and yeah, maybe a little bull-headed, but he certainly wasn’t a complete moron. But for him to drink himself into a stupor like this must have been a product of something, and Levi supposed he would never know. It wasn’t like Eren was going to remember this. There was no way; he was too far gone.

The older male covered Eren with the comforter as he whined out more requests for forgiveness. Levi noticed that his eyes were dark emerald green when he was intoxicated, but they were hardly focusing on anything in particular.

“Get some sleep, Eren, because you’re going to feel like complete shit when you wake up in the morning,” Levi muttered before turning away to pick up the waste basket with the intention of throwing it outside in the trash. There was no way in hell that it was staying in this room.

However, a firm grip tugged at the cuff of his sleeve, so he looked down at Eren, who was staring up at him with an adorable pout.

“Nooo, don’t leave meee. Stay here, please,” Eren slurred with a furrowed brow. Levi felt his heart melt, and he quickly had to remind himself that Eren was intoxicated. He didn’t know what he was saying.

“No, brat. I’m cleaning up the mess you made,” Levi snapped.

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because Eren burst into tears again, letting out a broken little sob that broke Levi’s already weak resolve.

“I said I was _sorry_ , I’m so sorry, please Levi, please, I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry,” Eren rambled, and Levi rolled his eyes heavenward. He was never going to win with this brat, and he found himself liking that fact to a point.

“Alright, alright, stop it. Fine, I’ll stay. At least let me throw your barf bag out,” Levi sighed before pulling his sleeve free from Eren’s grasp.

Eren smiled wide then before gripping the comforter in his hands and rolling from side to side with inexplicable happiness. He was acting like a little kid, but it wasn’t like he could help it.

Levi sighed before pulling the bag out of the waste basket.

Outside in the fresh air, he deposited the bag in his garbage can on the sidewalk before walking across the street to his Dodge. The police cruisers were gone now, and the road was vacant aside from Levi.

He opened the passenger door and grabbed the bag of takeout. His own appetite was completely lost thanks to Eren’s barf-fest in his bedroom; so after locking his car, he walked inside to close the front door and lock it as well. Levi then headed to the kitchen, past the shattered coffee table. He’d worry about that in the morning.

His eyes scanned the kitchen upon entering, and he sighed at the mess on the counter. The kitchen itself reeked of alcohol, and on the counter was three bottles of various liquors.

“God dammit,” Levi muttered as he shoved the food into the refrigerator.

He quickly capped the bottles and put them back in their respective places before putting the cup into the sink and wiping down the counter.

Levi was a little upset now, after seeing the amount of alcohol the teenager in his bedroom had consumed. The vodka had gone virtually untouched; Levi remembered it being half-full. However, the _Captain Morgan_ , and especially the _Jägermeister_ were almost gone.

“Fucking shitty kid,” Levi muttered, sighing and rubbing his temples before walking to the bathroom, shutting off all of the lights as he went.

Thankfully, that room was untouched.

Levi walked back into the bedroom a few minutes later with a replacement plastic bag for the waste basket to find Eren sitting up again, wide-eyed and staring at Levi’s laptop with a dopey-ass grin on his face. Following his gaze, Levi saw his pipes screensaver before rolling his eyes and closing the damn thing, much to Eren’s discontent.

“I was watching that show!”

“Lie down, Eren,” Levi growled, and the teenager whined before plopping back against the mattress, squirming over the comforter. Levi watched for a moment, slightly engrossed with watching the way Eren’s hips shifted with the movement before huffing angrily at himself.

He looked away and stuffed the bag into the trash can before shoving it in its corner. Then he started to unbutton his shirt, taking his time before rolling his shoulders to shrug the fabric off. He felt a pair of eyes on him, and Levi paused halfway in removing his shirt to look up and find Eren staring blatantly at him from the bed with slightly hooded eyes. He wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that he was staring shamelessly.

Levi would be lying if he said that dazed look on Eren’s face didn’t make blood rush straight to his cock.

“What??” Levi snapped, and Eren hummed appreciatively and met Levi’s eyes.

“You’re so hot, Levi.”

“Jesus fuck,” Levi muttered before turning away, ignoring the blush he felt creeping up to his cheeks. Eren’s whine of disappointment did little to help either the warmth above and below, and Levi cursed everything that was holy. He only hoped he could make it through this night without getting a hard on for a smashed teenager.

He already wasn’t far from it, reprehensible as that was to admit.

Levi finished undressing down to his boxers before grabbing a pair of lounge pants from his dresser, and he pulled those on before turning and walking over to the bed.

“Move over. My side.”

Eren rolled over towards the window to leave room for Levi on the edge of the bed, and soon they were both under the comforter.

Eren stayed away for only a moment after Levi shut off the bedside lamp, but soon he shifted next to Levi, his chest pressed to Levi’s side and his arm draping over Levi’s chest.

Levi growled and shoved Eren off of him, but after plenty of whining from Eren and struggling from Levi, eventually they ended up somewhat cuddling.

That was, if you could call _smothering_ cuddling.

Eren had his whole body wrapped around Levi’s; one leg was hitched over Levi’s hip, just above his groin while the other was against the side of Levi’s leg. One arm was clutching Levi’s for dear life, pinning it to Eren’s chest, and the other arm was draped over Levi’s chest, his hand hooking over Levi’s shoulder.

Levi growled in discomfort before he gave up all together, letting Eren use him as a body pillow.

It wasn’t _bad_ , per se, but Levi could do without the drunken teenager all over him like this. He felt like he was taking advantage of Eren _because_ he was drunk, _and_ because he was enjoying it a little too much. He got a slight thrill from having Eren so close to him. They were both half naked, Eren a little more than himself, and he was so warm. Levi silently loved it.

Eren had been persistent enough to where Levi just let it happen. Of course he was going to win anyway, because it wasn’t like Levi was willing to kick Eren out of his bed. Not when he was like this.

Eren hummed happily and rubbed his cheek against Levi’s shoulder.

“I like you, Levi,” he stated contently after a moment.

Levi sighed and decided to indulge Eren’s babbling. “That’s nice, Eren,” Levi deadpanned. He was attempting to not take the statement seriously.

“I like you a lot. I wish that you’d like me back,” Eren stated sadly, cuddling closer, if possible, to Levi.

Hearing that, even from a wasted Eren, made Levi sigh and close his eyes. He was so thankful that it was dark, and he hoped that Eren wouldn’t feel his heart pounding wildly in his chest.

It was just Eren talking while he was drunk, but drunks were usually very honest. That gave Levi more than a little hope.

“Who says that I don’t?” Levi murmured, deciding to play along and keeping his voice even.

Eren let out a soft huff, his breath warm against Levi’s skin. He smelt like sweat and alcohol with a slight twinge of bile, but Levi was trying very hard not to think about it too much.

He was more concerned with the fact that Eren was the one cuddled up against his side. He could smell like a dumpster and Levi wouldn’t have cared that much.

Levi heard the dumb smile in Eren’s voice as he spoke, “There’s no way you like me. I’m a hopeless case and a fuck up. Everyone’s tried to help me, but I only end up disappointing them.”

Levi let that sink in for a moment. If Eren was speaking about this now, it must mean something.

“Disappointing them how, Eren?” Levi asked, his voice soft in the darkness of the room.

Eren shifted slightly again before he spoke. He sounded sad, now. Angry. Conflicted.

“Just…disappointing them. My foster parents. I’m a faggot, and I can’t change that. Neither could they, so I disappoint them. They fucking hate me for it. They tried to fix me.”

Levi didn’t want to think about just what ‘fixing Eren’ could mean. He wanted to ask and get some answers, but that would mean taking advantage of Eren; more than he already was, at least. Eren was perfectly capable of telling Levi on his own what had happened. If Levi was patient, he would find out eventually, he was sure.

Levi sighed and shifted a little, ignoring Eren’s leg that was hitched over his hip and the vulnerable position it left the teenager against Levi’s side. He tugged his arm out of Eren’s grasp, but before the younger male could complain, Levi moved his arm out from between their bodies so that it could rest against Eren’s back.

This made Eren snuggle closer, much to Levi’s silent amusement, as he splayed his fingers in the middle of Eren’s back. The skin under his palm was so warm, and Levi took comfort in that.

“You don’t need to be fixed,” Levi stated after a moment. He stared up at the blankness of his ceiling, his eyes gradually adjusting to the slowly darkening apartment. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Eren was quiet for a long time. Levi thought that he had fallen asleep until Eren’s voice sounded just over a whisper.

“That’s good to hear.”

Levi hummed softly in agreement before he lifted his hand to stroke his fingers through Eren’s hair. It was an action that carried over from his days with Petra; it was an automatic reaction. Eren was in the perfect position for it, and Levi sensed that he needed reassurance.

It wasn’t long after when Eren’s breathing evened out, his chest rising and falling slowly. Soft snores escaped him after a while, and Levi just let him sleep. In a few hours, the idiot would be awake and groaning in pain as he felt like he was going to die. Whatever sleep Eren could get now, Levi wasn’t going to keep him from it.

However, Levi couldn’t sleep. His mind was too awake for that, and just because he had a heater snuggled up against him didn’t mean that his insomnia would take its leave. Levi stayed put, though. He didn’t want to risk waking Eren up right after he fell asleep.

For the next few hours, several things went though Levi’s mind.

What had made Eren start drinking like that in the first place? Levi would understand just having a little bit of each; he pulled the same shit as a teenager, but the only time he had gotten completely trashed was with friends around.

Eren clearly had had no idea what he’d been doing. Levi was surprised that he didn’t have to bring Eren to the hospital after this stunt, but even if Levi decided to bitch him out, it wasn’t going to be nearly as bad as the killer hangover the teenager was going to have when he woke up.

The bottle of _Jägermeister_ was still cool to the touch when Levi had picked it up, so Eren couldn’t have started drinking too long ago.

The thought that made Levi’s eyes widen a bit in the dark bedroom was the thought of Eren’s foster parents.

At first, when Reiner was explaining why they were at Levi’s apartment, Levi had assumed that someone had snitched on Eren to let them know where he was. He figured that it might have been Mikasa after reading into the comment on Eren’s status Levi had made this morning, but…

There were a few things that didn’t add up from Levi’s point of view. Only Eren knew, as far as Levi knew, and right now he was sleeping and drunk.

 _“They tried to fix me,”_ Eren had said.

Fix him _how_. The way Eren phrased that…it didn’t sound right. It sounded like they had done something to him before they kicked him out--if that story was even accountable to begin with. Eren had every right to lie to him. Levi was a stranger; Eren was only living here temporarily until he could get a car and move the hell out.

Levi found himself dreading whenever that day would come. He caught himself and sighed, the soft sound amplified by the silence of the room. Why the hell was he worried about Eren moving out…?

A loud buzz by his head caused Levi to jerk slightly in surprise before he turned his head to look at the phone on the nightstand that was lit up with a notification, illuminating the dark room. Levi recognized the phone as Eren’s, and he only hesitated for a moment, making sure Eren was still snoring on his shoulder before he reached over and grabbed the phone.

He unlocked it with just a swipe of his finger; the brat didn’t bother to put a passcode on it.

It wasn’t that late, so the influx of text messages wasn’t anything uncommon. Armin was asking if he wanted to play some video games, and Mikasa was simply asking how he was.

Levi snooped a bit more, and eventually he ended up in the outgoing calls list.

Right at the top, lo and behold, was Rob’s name.

It was a call only made a few hours ago, a half hour after three. Levi had still been at work then, he realized as he stared at the name. That meant that Eren had called him when he was intoxicated.

Rob, or Robert; that was Eren’s foster father. What exactly had they talked about?

Eren probably spilled where he was staying to Robert, who then had called the local cops in Boston. However, the accusations that Levi had put his hands on Eren were slightly unnerving. Levi had a feeling that Eren would never say something like that, even when he was drunk off his ass. Robert had most likely lied to start shit.

Levi sighed and set the phone aside, back on the bedside table before he looked down at the faint outline of Eren against his side. Levi could just make out the teenager’s dark eyebrows and his eyelashes, and the soft outline of his nose, and below that, his lips. Levi couldn’t fully admire, but he knew just how Eren looked thanks to that peek he had taken of the sleeping teenager this morning.

Maybe it was the smile that graced Levi’s lips because he knew that Eren was alright now, or maybe it was when Levi tilted his head so his cheek was against the top of other’s. It could have been when Levi realized that his fingers were still carded through Eren’s dark locks, or it could have been when Levi started to run his fingers through the brunette hair again. It probably was when Eren moaned softly in his sleep, only to cuddle closer to Levi.

It very well could have been all of those things, but a familiar warmth spread through Levi’s chest. It was constricting, but it was pleasant. It was a sensation that Levi swore he was never going to feel again, but here he was, feeling away.

He scoffed softly at himself, but he couldn’t stop smiling, even as he closed his eyes, just so he wasn’t staring blankly at the ceiling anymore.

Levi just hoped that the idiot wouldn’t drool all over his shoulder.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealous Eren is my weakness.  
> I have something special for you guys! I decided to take the time to create Levi's apartment on The Sims 3, so have a look! I hope it's up to your expectations, and at least sort of what you imagined lol That is also my tumblr, so give me a follow if you want updates on CIM and massive amounts of yaoi! Also, all updates for this fic are under the tag #cim99 in case you guys were wondering.  
> http://levisyaoiservice.tumblr.com/post/98598077008/so-i-finished-making-levis-apartment-in-the-sims-3  
> Thanks for sticking with me, all of your bootiful readers <3 I love you guys so much!  
> And yes, the next chapter is going to be very heavy. It might take me a bit longer to write than these ones have because of its content, but I promise that you guys won't be disappointed. I have it all in my head, now it's only a matter of getting it out of my head and into a document haha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ever since I could remember,  
> Everything inside of me,  
> Just wanted to fit in (oh oh oh oh)  
> I was never one for pretenders,  
> Everything I tried to be,  
> Just wouldn't settle in (oh oh oh oh)
> 
> If I told you what I was,  
> Would you turn your back on me?
> 
> \--“Monster”, Imagine Dragons

Levi didn’t sleep at all that night. He wasn’t uncomfortable or anything of the sort; it was only because his insomnia was being a bitch and kept him up. He would have gladly taken the opportunity to sleep next to Eren, but his body just wasn’t having that.

However, he didn’t complain too much about it. He didn’t have a reason to, after all. Not when he had a portable heater snuggled up next to him.

It never got unpleasantly warm under the blanket. Levi thought of it as a plus that Eren didn’t thrash around in his sleep like Erwin does. Rather, he stayed put and slept like a rock against Levi, in the same exact position he had fallen asleep. Levi found the weight against him slightly comforting, and even after his arm grew numb and he got tired of reading over the news articles available on his phone, he still didn’t mind it.

Eren’s soft snoring was a consistent comfort as the hours crawled by. Levi had long ago set his phone down, and had settled back with his eyes closed and his cheek against Eren’s hair.

It wasn’t until about 5:30 in the morning when Eren shifted and drew a deep, ragged breath before letting out a pitiful whine. Levi jerked his head away as he peeled his eyes open and dropped his hand from Eren’s hair as the other slowly started to wake.

“Ahhh, f-fuuuck!” Eren whimpered, his hand leaving Levi’s chest to cradle his head as Levi sat up and moved away towards the edge of the bed.

He immediately regretted throwing the covers off; the lack of warmth that he had been willingly subjected to over the past couple hours was going to be a bitch to recover from. After tonight, Levi knew for a fact that he was going to miss it. He was already yearning for Eren’s skin against his, and that was not a good thing.

Levi sighed and stood up to grab his sweatshirt off the back of the desk chair, pulling it over his shoulders before moving back to the bed to lean over Eren.

The other squinted up at him and groaned softly before squeezing his eyes shut, now on his back and holding his head as it ached with pulse after pulse of agonizing pain.

It was hardly even light out, just the dull grey of morning, but Levi got up onto the bed again and leaned over Eren to pull the curtains over the window, effectively blocking out any light.

“I bet you’re never going to do that again, huh, fucking idiot,” Levi muttered as he hopped off the bed.

“Shhh, stop yelling, stop, stop yelling. Shhh,” Eren moaned groggily, holding up a hand and waving it in Levi’s general direction.

Levi rolled his eyes, then he turned on his heel and walked out of the bedroom, leaving Eren to bitch and moan in silence for a little while.

Levi came back about five minutes later with a few things, and he set them all down on the coffee table before making Eren sit up against the headboard.

“Ow, ow, ow. What the hell happened? I feel like someone hit me on the head with a sledgehammer…” Eren whimpered as Levi shoved a glass of apple juice and two Tylenol into his hand.

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Why are you _yelling_? It’s hurting meee.”

Levi sucked on his teeth loudly in annoyance before nudging Eren’s hand that held the pills. “Take these, brat.”

Eren grumbled unintelligibly before he quickly threw back the pills and half of the glass’s contents. He gasped and winced as he pulled the glass down from his lips, and Levi shook his head before handing Eren a plate with two pieces of toast. The teenager looked down at the plate before squinting over at Levi, who sat on the edge of the bed and took the glass from Eren.

“What is it?” he asked suspiciously, and Levi raised an eyebrow.

“Toast. With honey,” Levi said slowly, being as sardonic as possible.

It went right over Eren’s head though as he looked down at the plate again. He seemed to be thinking hard about something before he picked one of the slices of bread to nibble on it. He glanced back up at Levi, who was watching him, before looking down at the glass in his hand.

“You were wasted when I got home last night,” Levi started to explain; seeing Eren wince in his peripheral vision from his voice, even though Levi knew that he wasn’t speaking that loud. “I came home to cops and you puking up my fucking chili that, by the way, I’m never cooking for your ass again.”

Eren didn’t respond for a little bit, eating halfway through the first slice of toast.

“…I don’t remember that,” he said hesitantly, and Levi sighed before running a hand though his hair in an attempt to flatten the messy bed head he had at the moment.

“I don’t expect you to. You also called your foster parents.”

Eren’s whole body jerked at that, and Levi looked up to watch Eren hiss in pain, nearly dropping the plate.

“F-f-fuck. No, I didn’t.” Eren paused for a moment before looking up at Levi, his eyebrows pulled together, and a look of confusion, worry, and dread in his eyes. He lowered the plate back into his lap, and dropped the half-eaten toast onto it. “…Did I?”

Levi sighed. He had to know the truth behind this. Levi wanted to know why any mention of Eren’s foster parents got the teenager so on edge. He wanted to know why Eren didn’t want to talk about them in the first place, and why he was lying about them as well.

“Yes, you did. You want to tell me why?”

It was a question that asked many things, but by the look on Eren’s face, he seemed to understand that Levi was asking for all of the answers.

Levi could tell just from the look on the teenager’s face that he knew exactly what he was asking.

Eren was staring at him with widened eyes that reflected many things in their vivid depths. The first was confusion, and the second, shock. Then fear.

Levi didn’t look away as Eren cycled through several different emotions.

Abruptly, Eren looked down and sucked in a sharp breath, his shoulders hunching forward.

“I’m…I don’t…know _why_ , I just…I wanted…I guess I started out just trying them; the drinks, that is, then…all of a sudden, I guess I just…I wanted _more_ , so I took it. It numbed me…it numbed everything. I didn’t want to think, so I…I saw the opportunity, and I didn’t think about it. I’m sorry, Levi, I really am--it was irresponsible of me, and I realize that. I won’t--I won’t do something like that again, I fucking promise I won’t--”

Eren’s voice quickly changed from hesitant to angry. He went from unsure of himself to sounding so openly detested.

He wasn’t hateful towards Levi.

It wasn’t even the situation that he hated. He hated _himself_.

Levi recognized it in Eren before he would even recognize it himself.

This kid _hated_ himself.

“Eren,” Levi said, but it didn’t seem to faze Eren in the slightest as the teenager inhaled, shuddering visibly as he did so.

“I don’t even fucking know why I called anyone, I don’t know why I called them. Why would I want to call them; they’re fucking _disgusted_ by me. I’m like a disease to them--I’m like a disease to everyone. No one wants me--” Eren’s voice was getting louder and louder, and more and more angry. He was clutching the plate in his lap as his whole body shook with only God knew how much pent-up rage.

“ _Eren_ ,” Levi said again with more force than before. “Stop it.”

Levi thought he knew where this was going. He could easily calm Eren down before things got out of hand, but Eren was only letting him have the benefit of the doubt for just that moment before he snapped, and it caught Levi completely off-guard.

Levi started as the plate shattered against the opposite wall, and Eren’s head shot up to lock eyes with Levi. The dark irises were mixed with many emotions and tears, but the most prominent was ire; just hot, burning anger. Levi drew a deep breath, bracing himself, but he didn’t move.

“YOU DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND,” Eren shouted, his hands free to fist at his sides. “You don’t get what it’s like to feel so fucking worthless _all the fucking time_! My own mother died and my father left me alone; better for them, they didn’t have to see me grow up to be a fucking queer,” Eren spat the word. “You don’t get it, god damn it, no one fucking gets it! No one can fix me, no one can make me _normal_ , when all I ever wanted to be was fucking NORMAL.”

Levi stared at Eren with a deadpan expression, letting him scream, and letting him get it all out. Better Levi than anyone else, since he was hardly affected by it…except he really was. _Normal_ was something Levi had wanted to be at one point too.

Levi could tell that Eren wasn’t done, but before Eren could say any more words to degrade himself, Levi moved forward to grab Eren and pull him close.

The younger male struggled with him at first, trying to get out of his iron grip, even screaming for Levi to let him go before he finally relaxed. He was breathing hard by that point, and he was sobbing heavily, and his head was probably killing him.

Levi just sighed deeply and held Eren as tight as he could without really restraining him now.

This was such a mess. Most of all, Eren was such a mess, but in all the ways that he shouldn’t be.

“I’m such a fuck up. I’m such a _fuck up_ ,” Eren whimpered, leaning into Levi as he wrapped his arms around his middle, as if he really was trying to hold himself together by the seams.

Levi rolled his eyes and whacked Eren lightly over the head; he jumped and hissed in pain, but stayed put as Levi shifted so he was more on the bed. He didn’t let go of Eren, even as he crossed his legs.

“Stop the sniveling and the ‘woe is me’, and listen to me, shitty brat,” Levi began, clicking his tongue as Eren sniffled loudly against his shoulder. “We’re going to talk about all of this when you feel better, but right now, I’m going to tell you something. If you ever forget it, I’ll beat your sorry little ass, so you’d better listen close.”

Levi pulled away slightly to grab Eren’s chin and make the teenager look up at him. He noticed the snot and the tears, but he forced himself to ignore it otherwise as he stared into the watery deep green hues. Eren’s eyelashes were clumped together with moisture, and his cheeks were flushed and trailed with tears. After another sniff, he hiccupped; all Levi wanted to do was cuddle Eren and make him feel better right then. He didn’t like seeing the younger male like this; he didn’t like seeing the pain hidden in those eyes, and Levi really didn’t like to see Eren cry.

Levi stared directly at him for a long minute. He searched Eren’s eyes, and Eren’s eyes searched his, occasionally blinking tears from his eyes.

“There is nothing wrong with you, Eren,” Levi said slowly. Eren’s response was a soft sniff, so Levi continued to speak.

“Nothing about you needs to be repaired, because nothing about you is damaged. I don’t give a flying fuck about what someone else told you, because the truth is, Eren, _they are not you_. They don’t know who you really are, and how you think. I’m not you either, but I understand how you feel, to an extent. You forget that my parents were assholes, and that I’m gay as fuck too, but you can’t let them dictate the rest of your life. Do you understand, Eren?

“You’re a grown adult, and you can make your own decisions. Who gives a fuck if other people don’t like it? That’s their problem. Now stop the pussyfooting, and stop _hating_ yourself, because there is nothing wrong with you. Not a god damn thing.”

Eren stared at him, unable to look away thanks to Levi’s hand, but he wasn’t trying to look away either. His expression didn’t change much, although the look in his eyes had gone from hopeless, to what looked like determination. He was thinking hard; Levi could see that easily.

Eventually, he opened his mouth to speak, his voice just above a whisper.

“Okay,” he said. “Okay.”

That was it.

Eren suddenly looked relieved, like a huge weight had been taken off his shoulders. He looked like a suffocated man who could finally breathe again. He was so willing to listen to Levi, that at first, Levi couldn’t fathom how easily this had gone down.

“Okay,” Eren said again.

He wasn’t averting his eyes from Levi’s as they flooded with tears that spilled over his cheeks and clung to Levi’s fingertips.

He shuddered a breath before speaking again.

“Okay,” he breathed, and a smile ghosted over his lips as he choked back a sob.

Levi let out a long breath he hadn’t known he was holding before moving his hand to cup Eren’s cheek to pull the teenager back against his chest, letting Eren bury his snot and tear covered face into the shoulder of his sweatshirt.

It slowly dawned on Levi as he held the quietly crying Eren close, that he was probably the first person to really accept Eren for all of his flaws. From what it sounded like, his foster parents had tried to right a blemish that they really couldn’t correct.

Homosexuality, if Levi had learned anything from his entire life, was something that didn’t need to be fixed, or tampered with for that matter. It just _was_.

Levi knew from experience that he couldn’t help who he was attracted to. Even when he was with Petra, there were plenty of men, and the occasional women, who had caught his interest. In the end though, the only person who mattered was the one he was with; which, of course, happened to be Petra.

Eren wasn’t crying now because he was angry at himself for something that he couldn’t change. He was weeping with a smile on his lips because this was the turning point. This was where things were going to change for him, and it was not in the way he had originally believed.

Of course, Levi didn’t know all of the details, but he knew enough to assume that Eren’s foster parents weren’t exactly favorable of things that they didn’t understand. Obviously, being raised in that manner could do a lot to a kid, especially one that wasn’t initially in such a situation…

Whatever that situation happened to be, Levi wanted to know about it; but, he wasn’t about to pressure Eren anymore into telling him anything else for now.

Levi didn’t know when he moved his arm, but his fingers were threaded through Eren’s hair again, the strands as soft and smooth as they had been the night before. It took a bit for Eren to fall silent. He was leaning more into Levi now, his breathing quiet and even as it had been before his outburst. Levi didn’t blame him for that, though.

Neither of them spoke for a while. Levi found himself staring at the red, digital numbers of his alarm clock as he watched them shift with every passing minute. His head was clear, and his body was surprisingly relaxed. Eren was calm, no longer as tense as he had been. Levi listened to his breathing, and only hoped that Eren wouldn’t hear his own heart pounding in his chest, so close to Eren’s ear.

Fifteen minutes later, and far too soon for Levi, Eren pulled away on his own accord, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands before glancing up at Levi with a soft smile.

“I’m alright now. Thanks,” he murmured.

Levi rolled his eyes before standing once again, then pushing Eren by his shoulder until he was lying down. “Get some more rest, you fucking moron. Don’t make a stupid mistake like this ever again. You’re too smart for that.”

Eren blushed at what he took for a compliment, and instead of calling him out as cute, Levi sucked his teeth and flicked Eren’s forehead. Eren grunted and pouted, scowling a bit as he rubbed his forehead.

“That hurt. I already have a headache, jerk.”

“Didn’t stop you from having a meltdown,” Levi retorted before he could stop himself, but Eren only whined, apparently not taking any offense to it.

Levi only sighed before grabbing the wastebasket and picking up the bits of toast and broken plate; Eren tried to get out of bed to help, muttering an ashamed apology, but Levi sent him a hard glower. He pouted again and sunk back down into the mattress.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, and Levi only shook his head.

“Shut up and just go to sleep, brat.”

\----------

After shutting the bedroom door behind him, Levi stared at his trashed living room with a slightly dejected grimace.

Levi walked over to the neatly cluttered (and only Levi could call it such a thing) kitchen table to set his laptop and its charger down on the tabletop before he looked down at his phone that was vibrating with a call. Levi sighed and answered it, putting the phone to his ear.

 _“Levi,”_ Erwin’s voice rumbled through the receiver.

“Commander Handsome. What the hell are you calling me so early in the morning for?” Levi asked as he opened the cabinet under the sink to pull out a few bottles of various cleaners.

_“You sound lovely this morning.”_

“Yes, well, a certain idiot found my meager stash of booze and is now in bed with a killer hangover. He also trashed my house, so I have a shit ton of cleaning to do. Please, whatever you do, don’t fire him,” Levi drawled tonelessly, and Erwin let out a chuckle.

_“I trust that you’ll nurse him back to health then. I need him to come in early tomorrow to cover for someone, so let him know for me. I’ll email you once I get to the office.”_

“Are you talking on the phone and driving, you big ass fucking tree? Put the damn phone down.”

_“It’s on speaker, since you seem so concerned about my well-being. How sweet of you.”_

“Very funny. I know where you live.”

 _“That’s an empty threat, and you know it,”_ Erwin chuckled. _“Anyway, Levi. Hange’s been harassing me about getting together again.”_

“So I’m not the only one she’s decided to annoy this time, huh? That’s comforting,” Levi stated sarcastically, heading to the bathroom to grab a few hand towels and wash cloths, making sure to stay as quiet as possible so Eren would fall asleep. Once he was out, Levi knew that he wouldn’t get back up, even for a vacuum cleaner.

_“She’s been pestering Mike too.”_

“She wants me to bring Eren.”

_“Might be a good idea. I’d like to get to know him better, personally.”_

“Something tells me that he doesn’t want to get to know you better.”

Levi was met with silence, and he sighed, dropping the towels onto the kitchen counter. He knew the face Erwin had to be making right now was between confused and slightly offended.

“You really are oblivious as hell. The kid hates your guts.”

 _“What did I do?”_ he asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

“The hell if I know,” Levi mumbled with a slight smirk. He did know why, but he would rather keep the fact that he knew Eren was hella jealous to himself.

“When are we hanging out with shitty glasses?”

Erwin was frowning; Levi could hear it in his voice. _“Probably tomorrow night. Can you make it? Are you sure that you don’t know why he doesn’t like me?”_

“You’re way too concerned about that, eyebrows. Sure, I’ll make it.”

_“My house at five?”_

“Got it,” Levi answered, making a mental note before opening the closet at the end of the hallway to drag the vacuum out of its spot against the wall.

_“See you tomorrow then, short stuff.”_

“Bye, you overgrown shit.”

Levi pulled the phone away from his ear to hang up, then he set his phone down on the table after he had carried the vacuum into the living room. His eyes surveyed the room once again, from the shattered coffee table to the TV that was way too close to the edge of its stand.

Time to tackle this mess.

\----------

Three hours later, and Levi’s house was spotless aside from the bedroom where Eren was currently passed out. Levi was going to have to buy a new coffee table, but it hadn’t been much of a loss; he had gotten it at a flea market with Petra after she had moved in. Sure, she had picked it out, but it had no real meaning.

He wasn’t nearly as angry with Eren as he should have been. Maybe it was because he understood where the younger male was coming from.

Levi had managed to get a shower in as well; he didn’t have any need to disturb Eren, as he thankfully had a change of clothes in the dryer.

It was nine in the morning when Levi’s bedroom door opened. Levi glanced away from his laptop and to his right, down the hallway to catch a glimpse of Eren trudging to the bathroom. He heard the door close, and he tapped the pen in his hand that was hovering over his notebook before he dropped it and stood up, pulling off his reading glasses before heading to the kitchen.

“I’m not really all that hungry,” Eren’s sleep-laden voice came from the entrance to the kitchen around twenty minutes later.

Levi glanced over his shoulder to view a freshly showered Eren in loose-fitting jeans and a t-shirt; he was rubbing one arm, looking a little awkward and out of place.

“You have to eat something,” Levi insisted before grabbing a fork and setting Eren’s steaming plate of eggs and bacon onto the counter.

Eren sighed before taking a seat and pulling the plate towards him. He looked up from reluctant nibbles when Levi sat beside him with his own plate and two mugs of hot tea. Levi pushed one over to Eren, and the younger male sent him a questioning look.

“Why are you looking at me like I’ve poisoned everything I’ve given you?” Levi grumbled, “It’s just tea with honey, fuckwit. Does your head still hurt?”

Eren shook his head before reaching for the cup, seemingly unaffected by the insult. “No, not really.”

Eren took a sip of the tea and looked a little surprised, shooting a glance to Levi. “Wow, this is pretty good, actually. I’ve never been much of a tea drinker, to be honest, but…this is good. Slightly minty.”

“You haven’t had good tea then,” Levi answered before starting on his own plate.

“Um…”

Levi looked up from forking a tantalizingly good looking piece of bacon in favor of looking up at Eren, who was staring into the living room that was now missing a coffee table.

“You broke it.”

Eren’s eyes widened as he turned back to Levi, and Levi cursed himself for sounding angrier than he really was.

“Not that I care too much. I cleaned it up,” he added, but Eren was getting redder by the second as he covered his face with his hands.

“Oooh, fuck, Levi, I’m so sorry. That table was probably really important, and--”

Levi sighed. “It wasn’t.”

Eren kept talking.

“--probably a family heirloom, or--”

“Petra picked it out from a shabby ass flea market, so no,” Levi deadpanned, and Eren let out a high-pitched groan before dropping his hands, his face red as a tomato, and he looked about ready to cry again.

“Even worse! Your wife picked it out! Oh Levi, I’m so, so sorry.”

“Eren, I’m trying to tell you I don’t give a shit, you fucktard,” Levi snapped, kicking Eren’s stool and nudging it a few inches away as Eren gripped the seat with both hands and yelped.

“Wh-what? But Pe--”

“It’s fine. I never liked it too much anyway,” Levi concluded before turning back to his breakfast.

Eren whined in protest, but he didn’t say anymore on the subject. Thank god, because Levi was about to knock his teeth out.

Not really, of course, but the thought was just slightly tempting. Levi knew that he would never be able to cause damage to Eren’s face, or any part of his body, for that matter.

The boy next to him had gone quiet as he slowly ate his meal. Eren’s arm brushed his, and Levi couldn’t forget the feel of Eren’s warm, bare skin against his own, even if he wanted to. He silently wondered how he was going to sleep tonight without his personal heater beside him, and he quickly came to the conclusion that he wasn’t going to be doing any sleeping. Not when his queen-sized bed would feel emptier and colder than the fucking Arctic.

Ah, and now that Eren didn’t smell like day-old barf and liquor, he smelled absolutely irresistible. He wasn’t too close to Levi, but he was close enough to where the raven-haired male could breathe in the Axe soap he had been using lately, and the musk that just screamed _Eren_. Levi loved the smell of him; not to sound completely creepy or anything, but he just did.

Levi finished his food first, and he tilted his head in Eren’s direction. The kid had barely touched his food, when normally he would devour it like a starving animal. Levi guessed that he probably still wasn’t feeling it.

He stood up and gathered up his own plate, draining his mug. “You done, kid?”

Eren nodded and stood up as well.

They stood side by side at the sink; Levi washing, and Eren drying. It was a habit they both had picked up over the last couple of days. One night, Eren had just started drying dishes and put them away afterwards, then the next day, he did the same for every meal. So it just seemed to have naturally stuck.

Levi drained the sink after he finished his end, wiping the whole area down, including the spout and the handles.

He made them both another mug of tea; Eren seemed to like it, and he leaned over Levi’s shoulder to watch, cheekily asking for more honey. They ended up on the couch a few minutes later, the intro to The Conjuring playing on the television as the two of them cradled their mugs close to their chests. Levi decided that they needed to make up for missing out on their scary movie night this morning, and Eren had no complaints, so they just went with it.

Everything was back in its place, and everything was back to normal.

Levi couldn’t be happier with this setup; not like his face would tell anyone that, but he liked the quiet time he sometimes got with Eren. The teenager was very good company, but it wasn’t just that, of course. His presence warmed Levi in a way that he recognized, but it was ten times more intense than it had been with Petra.

Levi still loved Petra; there was no doubt about that. He thought about her a lot, and he missed her, but it was slightly comforting to know that someone else was able to fill the hole that her death had left.

Eren could never replace her, though. It wasn’t like that.

It was slowly warming up outside, and the air conditioner hummed to the right of them as it began to cool down the small apartment. This was supposed to be the last really warm day they were going to have, then autumn would be here soon. Good, because Levi was sick of this unbearably hot weather.

Levi found himself watching Eren more than the movie; since he had already seen it, it didn’t really matter. Besides, Eren’s reactions were far more entertaining.

He jumped at every little thing, his eye wide and staring at the screen. He ‘ _eep_ ’ed more than once, which in turn, earned him a chuckle or two from Levi. Levi got far too many dirty looks to count on one hand for the whole duration of the movie.

At one point somewhere in the middle of the movie, Eren had ended up pressed against Levi’s side after a particular part that he had found to be absolutely terrifying, while Levi was trying hard to hold back the snickers just ready to bubble past his lips.

Levi, of course, didn’t have any complaints whatsoever. By the time the movie ended, Eren was glued to his side and chest, his face practically buried into Levi’s shoulder, but his eyes were still on the television.

“That movie was so…so _good_ ,” Eren breathed, and Levi blinked, trying to ignore what that one word did to him.

“Are you sure you saw any of it, because I don’t think you did with all that sissy shit you were pulling the whole time,” Levi grunted, his voice barely holding any small bit of amusement.

Eren lifted his head before shooting Levi a glare, his cheeks slowly reddening again. He sat up straighter and put his hands that had been gripping Levi’s shirt in his lap.

“Sh-shut up, I wasn’t _that_ scared.”

“The fucking ball scared you. Just admit that you’re a complete pussy,” Levi chuckled, and Eren huffed.

“I am NOT a pussy, Levi. It just startled me, is all.”

“Whatever you say, Eren.” Levi smirked and leaned his head back against the couch. Eren’s thigh was pressed against his, and their arms were brushing; he was warm, he smelled good, and Levi would be lying if he said that he didn’t love it.

Eren groaned and pouted, and Levi glanced at him from the corner of his eyes with a slight smirk.

Then a thought occurred to him, and Levi clicked his tongue in annoyance. That’s right, he did have to tell Eren about that.

“By the way, brat. You have work early in the morning, and then afterwards, we’re heading to Erwin’s house for what Hange calls a ‘friendly get-together’. I prefer to call it torture. Mostly, because she’s involved.”

Eren frowned a bit at the mention of Erwin; it was slightly amusing to watch his facial expression change when their boss was brought up. But that passed quickly, only to be replaced with a slight smile.

“Levi, I don’t think you should be so hard on her. I like her a lot, she’s nice. Maybe a little weird, but definitely nice.”

Levi snorted a bit at that a lifted his head to look at Eren, raising an eyebrow. “Shitty glasses is most definitely _not_ nice. She’s not even pleasant. She’s like a horrid little gremlin that rose from the depths of hell for the sole purpose of annoying the shit out of me. You just wait until she gets some alcohol into her system; she gets even more irritating, if you can imagine that.”

Eren frowned a little, and Levi admired the fact that Eren was so expressive. Levi loved that about him too. Just another thing to add to the list of ‘Everything that Levi Happens to Love about Eren Which Would Be Everything’.

“There’s…going to be alcohol?” Eren asked, sounding a little concerned.

Levi shrugged and looked away at the television that was still scrolling through the credits. “Don’t worry about it, Eren. There are going to be adults there, so a drink or two won’t kill you. However, don’t you dare drink like that again without someone else to watch out for you. Your ass could have ended up at the hospital.”

“Sorry…” Eren muttered, staring down at his lap where his hands had curled into fists.

Levi sighed and raised his hand to drop it on the other’s head, ruffling Eren’s hair as the other gasped in surprise.

“Stupid brat. Relax. It’s done and over with,” Levi said before pulling his hand away from Eren’s messy hair. Eren pouted up at Levi through his bangs, but he quickly flattened his hair out as Levi frowned a little. “You need a haircut.”

“Huh?? Really? But I like longer hair. My foster parents never let me grow it out, so I never got to enjoy it…”

That pout on Eren’s face was really getting under Eren’s skin; in a good way, though. It was a look that Levi found he had a weakness for, and he knew that Eren was about to get his way. He wondered if the teenager knew it too, the little shit.

Levi rolled his eyes and plopped his head back against the back of the couch, groaning softly. “Fine. Whatever you want.”

Eren laughed slightly before he changed his position on the couch; he turned more towards Levi, his arm and side pressed against the back of the couch, and he drew one leg up onto the couch with him, resting it on top of Levi’s thigh. Levi couldn’t find it in him to push Eren off; he couldn’t deny at this point that he loved the mild contact. He would love more, but predictably, he stayed silent. Eren didn’t need to know that all Levi wanted to do was have Eren close to him with _no_ clothes on.

“Whatever I want?”

Oh no, they were not playing this game. Levi shot him a glare from the corner of his eye without moving his head, and Eren was wearing this shit-eating grin. However, he also seemed nervous, so he knew that what he was about to ask wouldn’t sit well with Levi.

“Stop beating around the bush and just tell me what you want, and I’ll consider it,” Levi said after a moment of thought. _Oi_ , he knew he was going to regret this.

Eren fidgeted a bit before biting his lip; Levi was staring at the television again, but he saw the flash of white teeth as he worried his lip before he finally opened his mouth to speak.

“What was…Petra like?”

Levi sighed and looked up at the ceiling. He hadn’t expected such a simple question. At the same time, it wasn’t so simple. The mention of her name didn’t hurt him anymore, but the thought of her was still a sensitive topic.

“…If I tell you about my wi…ex wife, will you tell me about your foster parents?” Levi asked, not bothering to look over at Eren.

He felt the other twitch beside him before Eren sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “That’s…okay. I will. You…you deserve to know.”

“Likewise, Eren,” Levi murmured before sighing again and closing his eyes. He didn’t speak again for a few minutes, and Eren respected that he needed the time to collect himself. Eren didn’t move an inch as he waited patiently for Levi to start talking again.

First of all, Levi had never been too good with words, so telling Eren about Petra wasn’t going to be easy. It wasn’t going to be easy to begin with, for obvious reasons. But Eren really did deserve to know.

“To put it simply, she was someone I could never be. Playful, funny, and carefree; traits I never possessed, and never will. We were complete opposites. Not just gender-wise, although I’m sure you’re wondering why I told you I was gay when I was married to a woman. I was with Erwin before Petra came along, so I thought I was only into guys, but Pet changed that for me.”

At the mention of Erwin, Levi could practically feel Eren bristle beside him. Levi had to force back a knowing smirk; he had to play dumb, otherwise teasing Eren for his obvious jealousy was never going to be any fun. Levi had just confirmed that he and Erwin had been in a relationship, much to Eren’s apparent dislike.

“So I figured at that point I was pretty much bisexual. Everything about her did things to me; I don’t really know how to explain it. I loved her very much, and I’ll tell anyone that,” Levi muttered, opening his eyes again to stare up at the ceiling. “She satisfied parts of me that Erwin never could, if that completes the picture for you.”

Eren made a small noise of approval; it sounded a little strained, thanks to just the mention of their blond boss.

Teasing him would never get old.

“Speaking of pictures…she was very pretty. I wish I could have met her,” Eren sighed, and Levi had to hide a scoff behind a slight cough. If Petra was still alive, the brat would have been jealous of her too. Levi was absolutely sure of it.

“Armin really liked her. He said he wished that he could have gotten to know her more, too…” Eren frowned a little bit, then shook his head; Levi turned his own to look at him. “Mmm, sorry. I know it must be painful for you to talk about.”

“It’s alright,” Levi muttered. “We shared this apartment, so most of this stuff are things that we picked out together. We even painted the walls, the ceilings. I don’t want to stay here forever though. Although it’s nice, it’s not the same as it used to be.”

Levi watched Eren nod a little before the younger male looked down at his lap.

“…I guess it’s my turn then?” he asked hesitantly, and Levi nodded, turning his head again to stare back up at the ceiling.

“That it is,” he said softly.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'We were born sick,' you heard them say it  
> …  
> I was born sick,  
> But I love it  
> Command me to be well  
> Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen.  
> \--Hozier, “Take Me To Church”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Minor correction: Eren’s father is not dead; he just disappeared when Eren’s mother died. I made the adjustments in Ch. 14 and Ch. 12.  
> *Minor correction 2: I was informed by my beta about a little piece of information that seemed to have slipped past without my knowledge; Eren has weekends off, but Levi called out for Eren for Sunday. Instead, I’m going to have Eren be called in to replace someone. Adjustments have been made in Ch. 14.  
> Another Eren POV, and this one explains exactly what happened. Eren is telling Levi all of this, so you can view it like a story xP
> 
> Before all of you read these next few chapters, I would like you to take into consideration that Eren’s way of thinking is very conflicted. I was in situation that felt like this only a few years ago (honestly, it was nothing to this extent, but the reason why it was so hard to write was not only because the content was heavy to begin with, but it sort of hit home for me), and looking back now, I realized how shitty a view like that was. Eren will have his revelation, just like I did, sometime in the near future. This is not a permanent way of thinking, and if you’re having thoughts like this because of something going on in your life, I encourage you to talk to someone. You’re not alone.  
> My tumblr isn’t just for self-indulgence; feel free to send me a message, or ask me a question. Don’t feel awkward, just talk to me, and I will definitely answer you back as soon as I can. If anything, I’ll be the awkward one because I suck at talking to people sometimes, but…if you’re going through something, and need someone to vent to, I’m always here: levisyaoiservice.tumblr.com  
> Tatakai, my little titans. <3 I love you all so much.  
> The next update will be a whole lot sooner, since it’s already written. It just needs a little work and some TLC from Tentai.t. Thank you all for being so patient!!

It was a bright, sunny Wednesday when Eren told Pastor Nick exactly what was wrong with him.

At the time, it seemed like the best idea. Catching Nick after their weekly prayer meet was easy, and before long, they were alone in the church. Eren had told Rob and Melissa that he would be walking home; their church was only a mile away from their house. Eren had a feeling that the walk was going to be needed after this.

Eren sat beside Nick on one of the pews just in front of the altar, his hands in his lap and his eyes cast downward, unable to look at the man he knew was staring at him.

“What is it, Eren? I can tell that you have something you want to tell me,” Nick soothed, placing a hand on Eren’s shoulder and rubbing a little in a gesture of comfort.

Nick had been one of the members of the church that had always been very supportive of Eren, especially after he had moved in with his foster parents. He had always made it clear that his could be a shoulder to lean on if Eren should ever need it…and need it now, he did.

Eren took a deep breath, wringing his hands together. He had to tell Pastor Nick. He wanted to change, he wanted to be fixed. He needed this.

“I…I’ve done something…” Eren sighed and brought a shaking hand up to run his fingers through his hair, closing his eyes and steadying himself.

“What, Eren? All is forgiven in the eyes of God, if you confess and pray,” Nick murmured, squeezing Eren’s shoulder.

That was the right thing to say, on Nick’s part. It was what Eren needed to hear.

“I don’t want Robert and…and especially Melissa to know…I don’t want to do that to them, so I want to be fixed…I want to change, because I don’t want them to see me. I don’t want them to see this,” Eren said just over a whisper, dropping his hand back to his lap.

Nick stayed quiet, allowing Eren to continue.

“I...think I’m gay, Pastor.” Eren’s voice broke, and he quickly buried his face into his hands. The word leaving his lips sounded dirty and downright revolting. He felt like running to the bathroom again, for the second time that day. “Oh God, I think I’m…I’m…”

Nick squeezed his shoulder again and leaned closer before taking Eren’s wrists to pull his hands away from his face. Eren looked up at him, his viridian eyes wide with fear and flooded with unshed tears.

The pastor’s face was surprisingly calm. He looked old, with deep wrinkles and a stern expression. His eyes were grey and cold, but they held wisdom; the wisdom that Eren had come here for.

“You are not queer, child. You are just misguided. Children your age need guidance up the righteous path to God, and before you lived with Brother Robert and Sister Melissa, you weren’t given that direction. That is why you are here, Eren. You have made the right decision to come here to me. I will help you. Are you willing to try?”

Eren stared at the older male, his mind clouded with thoughts. Was he ready to try? Yes. He knew that for a fact. He didn’t want to be different anymore. He didn’t want to feel like he was disappointing everyone around him. He needed this. This _was_ the right decision.

“I am,” Eren breathed.

\----------

The walk home had been enlightening, to an extent. Eren had plenty of time to dwell on what Nick had told him he should do.

‘You’re not gay,’ he had said once again, ‘The devil has a hold on you, and wants you to commit this sin. You haven’t yet, but you’re almost there, so you need to stop yourself. You need to tell him that you do not want his influence on your life.’

So, in essence, he quite literally had to pray the gay away. That was what Nick had told him to do, so Eren was going to do it.

Eren had told Pastor Nick as much as he could without getting into the intimate bits. That included telling him about Jean at the party. Nick had shaken his head in a disappointed manner, but he only rubbed Eren’s arm again.

‘That is alright, Eren. All will be forgiven if you only ask.’

So that’s what Eren had done. He had gone home that night, and after dinner with Robert and Melissa, he sat in his room and asked. He prayed. He begged.

\----------

And yet, nothing had changed.

All of the time Eren usually spent with a brush in his right hand and a painter’s pallet in the other, was now replaced with prayer, after prayer, after prayer.

But no matter how much praying Eren accomplished, and no matter how much groveling he did to someone that he couldn’t see, nothing changed.

Three weeks passed, and every Sunday, Nick would approach him without Robert and Melissa around to ask how things were going. Eren couldn’t lie to him, so he told him the truth. He was still finding men attractive.

Shameful as it was to admit, Eren often went to be with tears in his eyes, and woke up often as well, his sobs of frustration and agony filling the emptiness of his bedroom.

God, what was _wrong_ with him? He was trying so hard. So damn hard, but nothing was coming out of it. His faith was strong, but slowly fading now. He couldn’t see an end. He was going to go to hell, and there was nothing he could do about it. It was an underlying fear that constantly plagued him, day in and day out.

Eren had no one to express how he felt. His foster parents couldn’t know about this; definitely not. Eren could never tell them, not even after he was fixed. He wouldn’t be able to handle the disappointed looks on both of their faces.

He couldn’t tell Armin. He couldn’t tell Mikasa. What would they think? Sure, they had never really brought up if they liked gays or not, and even though Eren was convinced that they would still love him either way, he still couldn’t bring himself to tell them, because, _what if_.

After three weeks, he felt no different. Nothing had changed. Not a damn thing.

His teenage body was still lusting after men. Women were the furthest thing in his mind.

Although it was technically also sinning (which he was trying very hard to avoid at this point), Eren had dared to sneak onto Robert’s computer when his foster parents weren’t going to be home for a few hours. Of course, he deleted the browser history completely, but not before looking up--dare he think it-- _porn_.

At first, it had been as dirty of a word as gay happened to be in his life, but after discovering it, he found it to be not as filthy as he thought.

Well, if he was a _normal_ teenager, that would be the case.

Usually, when teenage males looked up heterosexual porn, they were doing it in order to get a look at the girls. But Eren couldn’t keep his eyes off the men. The women were just background noise, and before he knew it, he found himself staring intently at a video that featured two males about his age.

That was when he drew the line.

None of this was working. It was like taking three steps forward, then going two steps back. Because he was trying so hard to rid himself of all of these impure thoughts, he was unconsciously digging himself a deeper hole.

That’s where the doubt started to set in.

Why was he even participating in this when it was all amounting to nothing?

God wasn’t giving him an answer.

God couldn’t do anything to tame the monster that was slowly but surely consuming him. At least that’s what it felt like. That’s what he had been taught.

He didn’t even give a thought to what his biological mother would have thought about this; what she would say if she could. Eren didn’t want to think about that, because it would just hurt so much more.

\----------

“We should do this more often,” Armin said before taking a huge bite out of his orange creamsicle. The blond had grown his hair out enough to where it could be pulled back into a ponytail, and his bangs were so long they were in his eyes, but the hairstyle looked perfect on him.

Mikasa nodded her agreement as she slowly unwrapped her fudge pop, her eyes zeroed in on the ice cream. Her black hair was pulled back into a high, but loose ponytail.

Eren grinned a bit and sucked on the ear of his bunny-shaped, gum-eyed ice cream pop before chomping down.

“Mmm, we rellay shoul,” Eren answered through a mouthful of delicious coldness, which earned a light punch in the arm from Mikasa.

“Don’t speak with your mouth full,” she chided with a soft glare.

“Okay, mom,” Eren mused after he swallowed his first bite, and Armin let out a slight giggle.

These were the only people in the world that Eren felt completely at ease with. When he was with one, or the both of them, he didn’t have a care in the world. They didn’t judge him. They supported him through everything, and he did the same for them. To Eren, Mikasa and Armin were like family. They were more like family than Robert and Melissa, in most cases.

Saturday afternoons had always been Eren’s favorite

“Oh hey, Eren,” Armin started after they walked about a half a block in silence, too focused on their ice cream to worry about too much else. It was hardly the beginning of May, and it was already warming up all around. If Eren could look forward to anything, it was summer.

“I got a call from my dad, and he said he wants me to fly up to LA for a few weeks. He’s on vacation, but he can’t fly back here because he’s tied down, but he said he’d love for me to come up for a few weeks to spend time with him and mom. Pretty cool, huh?” Armin beamed.

“Aww, awesome! Seriously, Los Angeles? I’m jealous,” Eren stated before letting out a laugh and nudging Armin, who grinned wide and walked with a jump to his step for a few feet, obviously eager himself.

“Right?? I don’t get to see my parents too often either, so that’s only another reason to be excited. They’re always traveling,” Armin said with a roll of his eyes. Eren knew that Armin missed his parents; he said so quite a bit.

“I forgot to ask you earlier, but isn’t it going to be your first time on a plane too?” Mikasa asked after finishing her popsicle, chewing on the end of the stick.

Armin nodded vigorously, a small blush of excitement appearing on his cheeks. “Yes! I’m a little scared for that, though.”

“Don’t be, it’s not that bad,” Eren reassured before blowing a bubble with the cheap gum eyeballs, crossing his eyes as he did so. Armin broke down into laughs while Mikasa snickered before shoving her finger into the bubble, effectively popping it against Eren’s face.

After their laughter quieted and Eren had managed to get all of the gum off of his face, he slung his arm around Armin’s shoulders, leaning into him a little bit with a grin. This action felt so natural, since they were such close friends. Mikasa even did it to the both of them, so Eren never thought twice about it.

“Seriously though, don’t worry about it. The worst part is taking off.”

“That’s right, you moved here from Florida, didn’t you? After you were adopted?” Armin looked up at him, and Eren nodded as he chomped on his gum.

“Mmmhm. I promise it’ll be fine. Just try and get a window seat though, it’s a pretty sick view.”

“Okay, okay,” Armin laughed.

“When are you leaving?” Eren asked curiously.

“The 15th. It sounds like I’ll be gone for at least two weeks, or at least that’s how long dad said his vacation was. I’ll probably be back before then.”

“You better have fun for us, Ar,” Mikasa smiled slightly at Armin, who beamed back as they stopped in front of Eren’s townhouse that he shared with Robert and Melissa. There was an unfamiliar black Buick parked out front, but Eren didn’t think twice about it.

“Sure thing!” Armin grinned before squirming out of Eren’s grip to give him a real hug. Eren smirked and hugged him back, squeezing him hard once before letting him go. Armin pulled away and ran a hand through his blond bangs with a small grin.

“See you later, Eren!”

“Hey, wait! Isn’t it my turn to pick what movie we’re going to see for next week?” Eren questioned, and Mikasa answered with a nod. “Fine. I’ll let you guys know when I pick one out.”

“Sure thing, Eren,” Mikasa murmured, smiling as she turned and waved once, glancing over her shoulder.

“Bye!” Armin said cheerfully before following Mikasa.

Eren watched them head down the street with a slight grin, chomping on his gum a bit longer. When they disappeared around the corner, he sighed and looked around his street. Almost instantly, he felt his smiling expression sink into a frown, and he winced slightly as his stomach dropped.

God, he fucking hated it here.

Eren scowled as he yanked up on the lid of the trash can next to him, spitting out the rubbery gum before dropping the cover and heading up the steps to his house. Well, Robert and Melissa’s house. He just lived here.

He pulled the chain that held his house key over his head to unlock the door, and as he twisted the doorknob to get the door open, he ducked his head to pull the chain back on. He dragged his fingers through his hair a little in the process, purposely making the short strands of brown stick up a little in the back, and the bangs stuck up into a douchebag style that Eren knew would piss Melissa off.

It was his silent, passive aggressive rebellion, since he couldn’t actually do anything mean to them.

His foster parents were nice people; at least Eren thought so. He just didn’t consider them his parents. Therefore, they had no say. Their words influenced him greatly, but only about some things.

His hair was not one of them, unless Eren counted length. Robert, especially, thought long hair was feminine, and any type of girly things that weren’t woman meant you were a faggot. Robert _loved_ to remind Eren that he needed to be conscious of everything that he ever did, especially around other males.

Because, god forbid, Eren act like a human being for once in his life.

Eren snorted out loud and lifted his head with every intention to go straight to his bedroom.

Instead, he found himself face to face with Rob.

Before Eren could process just how irate his foster father looked, and even before the confusion could set in, Robert had grabbed a hold of the front of Eren’s shirt to deliver the back of his hand to the side of Eren’s face.

Eren’s head snapped to the side, and he gasped, shocked, his eyes wide as he looked back at Rob. A coppery taste soon coated his tongue, and Eren had to resist the urge to spit out the blood because Robert raised his hand again, a wild look in his eyes that Eren couldn’t quite place.

Robert had never hit Eren before; his foster father had never had a reason to hit him. Eren had always been very well behaved for a kid who had lost his parents; he had always been docile for a foster kid.

So being struck for the first time was more than enough to silence him.

Being struck a second time? That didn’t happen because there was a shout and Melissa’s thin fingers were wrapped around her husband’s arm, dragging him back.

At first, Eren’s mind barely registered the fact that she had surprising strength.

Then he saw the man standing on the other side of Robert, helping to hold him off of Eren until he calmed down enough.

Pastor Nick looked a little flustered, but calm all at the same time.

It didn’t add up in Eren’s head, at first.

He was shaking, and to keep from sinking to the floor, he backed up against the door. A shaking hand touched his cheek, and he flinched before he realized it was his own. His head throbbed, and the side of his face felt raw.

Not even his father had hit him before. Sure, maybe a swat on the ass, but that was all Eren ever needed to know that he had done something wrong. No one had ever raised a hand to him.

Eren didn’t know what sort of expression he was wearing, but Melissa was staring at him, her green eyes full of pity as she half-heartedly held her husband back. Her normally smiling lips were set into a thin and strained frown.

Eren was hardly able to get his bearings back before every coherent thought he was starting to develop was shattered by just a few words.

“Robert, you mustn’t blame him! It’s not his fault.”

“I don’t give a damn, I’m not letting a _queer_ live under my roof!”

Eren flinched and looked away from Melissa’s gaze.

Suddenly, it all made sense.

The pastor had told them the one thing that Eren hadn’t wanted them to find out.

Eren wouldn’t have cared if Nick had told them that he was masturbating more than a few times a week. Nick could have told them that he had gotten drunk when he promised he hadn’t at that homecoming party, but god _dammit_ , no. No, Nick had to tell them that their foster son was a faggot. 

Eren didn’t feel anger, like he thought he would if someone found out and humiliated him like this.

Instead, he felt weak. He felt like all of the air had been sucked out of his lungs, and replaced with hot acid that was slowly burning out his chest, preventing any use of oxygen. Their eyes felt like needles digging into his flesh. However, that was the least painful of all when it came to the anxiety and absolute shame.

All Eren wanted to do was run to his room. No, further than that; he wanted to get away from them, all of them.

His biggest sin was laid out for the two people whom Eren had known, for a fact, wouldn’t understand. They weren’t even trying to understand. Especially Robert.

“I’ll beat it out of you boy, you hear me? The devil has a hold on you, and I’ll beat him out of you, you sick, _unclean child_!,” Robert hissed. His graying dark brown hair was unkempt now and hanging in his eyes a bit. Usually it was combed back and neat. His eyes themselves were cold as they had always been, but the brown hues held more than just contempt.

Eren only glanced at him before shuddering a breath and looking away, tears of panic welling in his eyes.

Nick shook his head and tugged Robert back again. “Enough, Robert. That’s enough.”

All Eren wanted to do was bolt. He wanted to be anywhere but here. Anywhere. But he was pinned under his foster mother’s gaze, and his foster father’s glare.

Eren was in a daze, and not just because of the slap. Some minutes passed of shouting, cursing, then eventually it became quiet.

Eren couldn’t process any of it. It was too much; all of it was too much. Tears had spilled over to stain his cheeks with salty wetness as he stared at the blank white wall to his left. He couldn’t have run, even if he wanted to; his legs were shaking so bad that it was impossible to take a step. He was sure of it.

“Eren.”

Pastor Nick’s voice echoed in his mind, and Eren slowly turned his head to lock eyes with the pastor’s, his breathing shallow. Robert and Melissa stood silently beside him.

“Do you trust me?”

The question was one that Eren had asked himself many times. The answer, before now, had been yes. Now, he wasn’t so sure. Now the answer was no. No, Eren did not trust him.

He felt beyond confused when his mouth formed one word that gave Nick all of the permission he needed.

“Yes.”

Maybe he had said yes because he wanted desperately to be fixed. More than anything.

Robert said then that Eren was only allowed to continue living with them if he went along with all of Pastor Nick’s teachings and the therapy that he was offering. Eren only nodded his agreement.

He didn’t speak a word to Robert for the rest of the night. The last word he uttered before he cried himself to sleep was the word of confirmation that gave Nick clearance.

Clearance to do what, Eren couldn’t be quite sure at the time.

\----------

Eren had to cancel weekly movie night with Armin and Mikasa come Friday morning.

He was in no condition to leave the house, or so his foster father said.

That was fine. Eren didn’t want his friends to see him like this anyway.

\----------

A week before May 15th, Eren found himself pinned to the floor of the church’s basement, screaming in agony and writhing as Nick stood over him, holding him in place by his shoulders while Robert was pressing on Eren’s stomach.

“No, no, stop, _please_ ,” Eren begged through heaving sobs that were quickly drowned out by Nick’s shouts above him. The older man’s eyes were wide and crazed, and Eren could only catch parts of what he was saying past the sharp ringing in his ears, and over his own cries of pain from Robert’s hands shoving down on his abdomen.

“Cast this unholy demon back into the depths of hell where it belongs, leave this boy at peace. You have no power here!”

Eren gagged and coughed on the bile rising up his throat; he screamed hoarsely and kicked at Robert, who only pinned his leg down with a grunt and shoved down on Eren again.

“Stop, please stop!” Eren sobbed as Nick yelled, “Cleanse this body before me, Christ, save this boy--”

Eren didn’t get to hear the rest as his stomach heaved; Eren coughed and gasped, chocking on the bitter vomit. He heard Robert’s faint laughter before the weight on his legs and stomach was gone. Eren barely noticed that he was being moved until he was vomiting the rest of whatever was left in his stomach onto himself; Robert was holding him up, yanking Eren’s head back by his hair.

Eren groaned faintly, his vision blurred as he dry heaved a few times. Nick was moving in front of him before kneeling down, hastily wiping Eren’s face with a damp wash cloth roughly before grabbing Eren’s chin, forcing the other to look at him.

“Tell me, Eren. How do you feel?”

Eren stared at him, blinking a few times as his whole body trembled from exhaustion and the throbbing pain still letting itself be known in his midsection.

He didn’t feel different. He felt disgusted and humiliated, but he didn’t _feel any different_.

He let Nick know that.

\----------

There was one more exorcism session before May 15th.

Eren didn’t even get to say good bye to Armin before he boarded the plane because Eren had forgotten what day it was.

Only after dinner, when his phone was ringing off the hook; when he picked up to hear a panicking Mikasa, did he realize what a mistake that really was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS. I tried very hard to keep Eren in character. Robert was an intimidating figure in his life, Melissa never hurt him physically, and Nick was old--they were people he couldn’t hurt even if he wanted to. Also, you have to remember that Eren felt like he deserved this, so he didn’t let himself fight back most of the time.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be the last of Eren’s POV (for this part anyway), and back to the ereri we go! I miss writing for my Heichou <3  
> I’m starting my job training in two weeks, so I’m trying to update as fast as I can. I started playing DRAMAtical Murder and I am fucking hooked, so that + work is sucking at all of the time I have left! I’m juggling all of this, but I’m also thinking of you guys, so don’t you worry. When I wake up in the morning (every morning lately), the first thing I think of is “I have to update or thEY’LL HATE ME”. Just kidding, I know you guys won’t hate me, but I love you all so so so so so so so very much, and I’m unbelievably happy with all the kudos and hits this is getting. Honestly, it’s a hell of a lot more than I thought it was going to get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A repeat of last chapter’s notes:  
> Before all of you read this chapter and the next, I would like you to take into consideration that Eren’s way of thinking is very conflicted. Eren will have his revelation, and he will see that it gets better sometime in the near future. This is not a permanent way of thinking, and if you’re having thoughts like this because of something going on in your life, I encourage you to talk to someone. You’re not alone.  
> My tumblr isn’t just for self-indulgence; feel free to send me a message, or ask me a question. Don’t feel awkward, just talk to me, and I will definitely answer you back as soon as I can. If anything, I’ll be the awkward one because I suck at talking to people sometimes, but…if you’re going through something, and need someone to vent to, I’m always here: levisyaoiservice.tumblr.com  
> Tatakai, my little titans. <3 I love you all so much.

“Eren, oh thank god,” Mikasa gasped when she opened the door to her house that she shared with her parents. When she reached for him, he caught her in a tight hug as she broke down into quiet sobs. Eren winced at the sound.

He felt terribly guilty that he hadn’t been around Armin and Mikasa for the last two weeks. They had worried about him, and all Eren had to show for it was an indifferent attitude.

And now his best friend was probably dead.

Fuck it. Fuck it all.

Eren shuddered a breath before he held Mikasa’s thin frame tighter to his own, closing his eyes as he rested his cheek in her hair.

He was tired; so god damned tired that he could hardly stand, but he knew he had to be here for Mikasa. She was hurting just as much as he was.

They both found themselves on the couch with Mikasa’s parents. Eren had quietly greeted both of them before his eyes turned up to the screen.

He read the news captions set on the screen, and he took in the grave facial expressions of the newscasters.

They hadn’t found the plane, but they believed that it had gone down somewhere in Ohio; apparently that’s where contact with the airliner had gone dark.

His phone buzzed, and he pulled it out of his pocket to glance at the number before he shut his phone off completely, wincing softly. Mikasa looked over at him, then down at the phone, catching a glimpse of Robert’s name above the number just before it went black. Eren shoved his phone back in his pocket before meeting eyes with Mikasa. She was staring at him, her eyes slightly rimmed with red from her tears.

“Are you alright?” she asked softly.

What was Eren supposed to tell her? He couldn’t say that his foster father and the pastor at his church were performing some sort of exorcism on him. He couldn’t say that it was impossible for him to get any sleep because all he could dream of was vomit, men, and hell. On top of that, he had no idea what was going on with Armin.

“I’m alright, Mika. There’s someone else you need to worry about,” Eren murmured before averting his eyes to the television. He could feel Mikasa’s eyes on him before he heard and felt her sigh against him.

“I worry about you too, you know. All the time.”

“I don’t want you to.”

“But I do. I can’t help it.”

Eren shook his head and stayed quiet, ending the conversation there as he looked down at his lap.

He didn’t deserve to have someone worry about him. Not when he was this fucked up.

\----------

Eren didn’t go home for more than two days. He couldn’t go home when Mikasa was a complete wreck, because he knew that in this moment, he was her foundation. Sure, her parents were there for her, but her parents couldn’t do what a friend could.

Eren’s phone stayed off the entire time. He didn’t give a thought to how much trouble he would be in when he finally returned home, but Armin needed him more than his damn foster parents did. He felt sick to his stomach just thinking about the two of them back at the small townhouse.

Between Robert and Nick’s casting sessions, Melissa’s suddenly indifferent attitude, and now the plane crash; Eren had concluded that everything around him was going to shit. There was nothing he could do about it either, other than be an innocent bystander who happened to be dragged into all of it because he had said or done the wrong thing.

He felt like it was his fault that all of this was happening to him.

God was punishing him for being gay.

For Eren, that was the only explanation, so in turn, he deserved all of this.

He deserved to be debased and belittled. He deserved to be pinned down and degraded, beaten and terrorized. He deserved to have his best friend taken away from him.

He deserved to have nothing left.

Mikasa and Eren stuck to the couch and the television over the next two days; they napped there, they ate there, and they cried there.

Mikasa had wanted to know why Eren had woken up the first night to shove her to the floor with a panicked cry. She wanted to know why he hyperventilated, and she wanted to know why he had been so scared of her falling asleep against his chest. Eren hadn’t the heart to tell her why her weight on his torso had felt so familiar and panic-inducing. He didn’t want to tell her that he had fought the urge to vomit just because she had been in the wrong position at the wrong time.

It wasn’t her fault. It was all his.

Mikasa had wanted to know why he looked so exhausted all the time too. Eren had dozed off more than once against her shoulder while they were watching the news, but that wasn’t the worst of it.

Now that he was finally able to sleep without being woken up every hour for prayer, instead, he’d woken up every hour with nightmares. Sometimes Mikasa got the brunt of it, either physically or verbally.

Though, all she ever showed was concern, and Eren hated it. He wanted her to hate him; it would be easier for her to forget about him that way.

He was so very conflicted. The more conflicted he became, the angrier and more anxious he got. During the day, he was easy to keep it all in, but right after he woke up, he couldn’t contain it anymore. He was just so fucking tired; no matter how much he slept.

On the third day, early morning after Eren had woken up in fits of terror once again, Mikasa grabbed his wrist and pulled him to her room before practically shoving just enough sleeping pills down his throat for Eren to get at least twelve hours of sleep.

When Eren woke up, even with the drugs still in his system, the afternoon sun was a welcomed sight to his tired eyes. He actually felt rested for once. He stayed in Mikasa’s bed for another hour, reminded of their first sleepover freshman year when he had done the same thing. After a night of card games and chugging soda, Eren along with Mikasa and Armin had all curled up in Mikasa’s queen-sized bed to sleep until late afternoon. Eren had slept in, predictably in those days, and he wouldn’t have moved even after he had woken up until Mikasa poked her head in.

She did the same this time as well, slowly opening the door to stare at him. Eren cocked an eye open before smiling softly and closing his eyes again.

“Sorry. I was going to get up,” he murmured as Mikasa pushed the door open and wandered over to him.

She shook her head and crawled up onto the bed to sit close to him, crossing her legs as she pet his hair a bit.

“Don’t worry about it. I had the feeling that you needed the sleep anyway.”

Eren was quiet for a moment, just enjoying the sensation of someone playing with his hair before he slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes, yawning.

“Any news on Armin?” he asked after his hands were in his lap. He looked up at Mikasa, who met his eyes with her dark ones.

He thought she looked about to cry again, but when she smiled weakly, he was caught a little off guard.

“They…they did find the plane. About five hours ago or so. They searched everywhere before they finally found Armin, but…he’s okay. A little banged up, they said, but okay. He’s the only one that survived, they’re saying, but…” She paused and gnawed on her lip. “They took him to a hospital in Ohio, and I guess he’s being transferred back here when he’s in stable condition and okay to travel. I spoke to his grandfather about an hour ago, and…the doctors say he hit his head pretty hard, probably on impact. He’s not responding to anything, and they said it’s likely that he might not wake up.”

Eren stared at her, and Mikasa had to look away with a soft sigh.

“We just have to hope that he will though, Eren,” she whispered with a shake of her head. “I don’t…I really don’t like it either, but we just have to believe that he’ll wake up.”

\----------

Returning home wasn’t easy. All Eren wanted to do was hightail it in the opposite direction, but he knew that would do him no good. Or would it? Who the fuck knew.

Upon entering the house, Melissa was staring at him from the couch, a crochet hook in her hand and a ball of yarn beside her. Eren stared back, catching the look of relief before her gaze hardened back to that patronizing glare she had been fixing him with lately.

“Where have you been?” she asked calmly.

“Mikasa’s,” Eren answered back just as quietly.

It was obvious that Robert wasn’t home, and Eren thanked God for that. He didn’t want a run in with his foster father right now, especially after being gone for almost three days. Eren had to mentally prepare himself for that.

“Why?”

Eren stared at Melissa for a moment before he looked to the side. She was studying with hard, but also concerned green eyes. He knew she loved him greatly, but he couldn’t trust her anymore than he could trust Robert. They were both doing this to him; Melissa less than her husband, but she still had a part in it.

Eren really didn’t want to tell her why he had been at Mikasa’s. She thought Armin was a freak, even though she never said it. He openly identified as asexual, and Eren had made the mistake of telling Melissa that, and in turn, she told Robert. Since that day, Armin wasn’t allowed in the house. Eren had the feeling that neither of them had any idea what the term asexual meant, but any word with ‘sexual’ in it that wasn’t heterosexual never sat well with them.

But there was still a part of Eren that loved Melissa. Even though he didn’t consider her his mother, she had still been there as a maternal figure when he was adopted. She had done her job, and he honestly didn’t hold that much ill will towards her.

Eren knew that he could never forgive Robert though. And it wasn’t like Melissa could say anything to Robert to make him understand. Eren was sure that she herself didn’t even understand why Eren was the way he was.

“Armin’s plane crashed two days ago. Mikasa called and told me. She said she wanted me to come over, so I did. I ended up staying there because she needed me. That’s it,” Eren said softly before slowly closing his eyes and shaking his head. “He’s in a coma, in a hospital. He’s going to come back here eventually, but he’s the only one that survived.”

Hearing those words come from his mouth didn’t feel right. It was different from saying that someone was sick with a cold, or sick with with the flu. Armin could die. He really could, and he didn’t stand a chance if death decided to take him because he wasn’t awake and he couldn’t consciously fight it off.

Eren shook his head after a moment; Melissa had gone silent while he lost himself in his thoughts. He made to walk away towards the stairs, but a call of his name stopped him. He looked back to Melissa, who was looking at him with a softened expression now; it was one that Eren had seen too many times when he was first adopted into their house. It was a look of pity, but also one of caring and warmth. It was a look that he honestly hadn’t seen in a long time.

“I’m sorry, Eren,” she said softly, and she seemed to mean it too.

\----------

Robert came home around an hour later, but he didn’t come up to Eren’s room, surprisingly. Eren had expected a long, screamed lecture about what a worthless human being he was, and what a shitty son he was because not only was he gay, but he left without telling anyone where he was going and didn’t answer his phone.

No, that didn’t happen.

Robert even greeted Eren normally and calmly the next morning before they all had breakfast with each other. It was almost like nothing was wrong at all.

But had Eren really expected that to last?

No. Not even for a moment.

\----------

A week passed, and Armin was successfully placed in Rhode Island Hospital. Eren hopped a bus down there, and was greeted by Armin’s grandfather and Mikasa, whom had been the one to call and tell him that his friend was back in Providence.

It was good news; Eren wanted to see for himself how Armin was doing. Typically, only family was allowed in, but Mikasa and Eren got special permission from Armin’s grandfather to see him.

Armin looked like he was mearly sleeping. That was it. He was definitely bruised up, and sure, he was hooked up to a ton of machines that were beeping monotonously in the otherwise silent room, but he looked sort of peaceful. Eren could only hope that everything was just as peaceful in his head too. Eren had no idea how comas worked, so he didn’t know if Armin could hear or feel them in the room.

Mikasa set up a vase full of daffodils by the window, and she kept replacing the flowers whenever they started to look a little old as the weeks passed. There were always flowers in Armin’s room.

Weeks turned into months, but they didn’t feel like months to Eren. They felt like years that were slowly crawling by, and with each hour of each day, all Eren could do was torture himself.

Eren was the one who was at the hospital the majority of the time. Mikasa stopped by at least once a day, and Armin’s parents had flown in from Los Angeles to see their son. They were staying at Armin’s grandfather’s house. They said that they would love to be around all day every day, but they were both very busy people. His grandfather came by at least once a day as well, like Mikasa. Eren was almost always there with them, stepping out to give them time alone.

However, when he was alone in the room for a whole day with Armin for the first time in a month, he told him everything. Of course, Armin didn’t react, and Eren wasn’t even sure that Armin heard him as his voice shook and his body was wracked with sobs. He was sure that his friend would have been supportive if he was awake, and that was the part that hurt Eren the most.

He was lying to Mikasa as well, and telling her everything was alright, even though he knew she would understand and help him through it.

He couldn’t tell her though. He just couldn’t; there was no way in hell. Only God and an unconscious Armin knew what he was going through, and he preferred to keep it that way.

Night after night, Eren found himself clawing at his arms with anxiety, biting his hand to choke back sobs that ripped up his throat. He couldn’t sleep without having nightmares, so instead, he stayed up until the early hours of the morning, contemplating just how much Mikasa and Armin would miss him if he didn’t wake up at all.

Oh yes, he had thought about it. There was an almost full bottle of acetaminophen stored away in his bedside drawer from when he had his wisdom teeth pulled. He thought about it, thought hard as he rolled the bottle of pills between his fingertips more than just once. It would be so easy. Just down all of them, overdose, and be done with it. No one wanted him here anyways, not when he was this fucked up. Not when he hated himself this much; not when everyone around him wanted him to change. So why go through all the trouble when all he had to do was pull the plug and end it all at once?

It was a tempting thought, but one that he never had the balls to go through with.

\----------

Two months after the plane crash, July came around. Summer hadn’t been summer for Eren; it had been hell on earth.

He couldn’t paint, or even draw anymore; all of the drive was gone. He had tried, and instead of bright, vivid colors, all he had wanted to do was splash black paint all over his canvases and scream at the walls in frustration and hurt. What used to be a go-to for stress and anxiety was now nothing more than charred remains of a talent he no longer possessed.

The castings were taking place once a week, but none of it seemed to be working. He didn’t feel any different. He still liked men; he still fantasized about them during the nights when he didn’t feel like total and complete shit.

Eren really did think something was horribly wrong with him, and nothing Pastor Nick did was working.

Honestly, Eren thought that there could be nothing worse than gay exorcisms, but apparently he was wrong about that too.

\----------

“What do you think about this?”

Eren sniffed softly as he stared at the picture Nick was holding up. It was a picture of a woman in lingerie, and Eren blinked before looking up at Nick.

“She’s pretty.”

Eren was in the church basement again; just Nick and Eren this time, not Robert, which was a little strange. Then again, Eren had willingly let his arms be tied behind the chair he was sitting in. He wasn’t sure of the intentions, but he was forced to trust Nick. He was always submissive around the two of them, passive, because he didn’t really have a choice. Sometimes he got a little mouthy when he was frustrated, but it was rare.

He was stuck in this endless loop of whatever the fuck this was. Eren didn’t even know anymore.

“Just pretty, Eren? Nothing else?” Nick said slowly, and Eren sighed and tugged idly at the rough rope that his wrists were tied together with.

“She’s pretty…sexy, I guess. She’s not really my type,” Eren mumbled.

“Is this your type then?”

Eren sighed and looked up to be met with two pictures of male models; both naked, both with their hands fisted around their erections. Eren’s eyes widened and he flickered his gaze up to Nick, who was smiling slightly.

“No!”

“You’re not being honest, are you? Which one do you like better?”

“You’re doing this on purpose,” Eren hissed, looking away and gritting his teeth. He saw Nick move out of the corner of his eye, and he heard a cap unscrewing as Nick spoke in a quiet voice.

“It’s alright, Eren. You’re right, I am doing this on purpose, because I really want you to learn what God’s purpose is for you. You’re feeling this way because the devil is inside you. He’s trying to manipulate you, and he’s making you feel these things towards men so he can drag you away from--”

“Fuck God!” Eren spat, anger boiling in his blood; this wouldn’t be the first thing either. “Fuck Him! Fuck--” He was silenced with a sharp slap to the side of his face before his chin was gripped hard and his mouth was forced open.

Eren coughed and gagged on the oily substance that trickled into his mouth before feeling his body heave; it was a familiar sensation now, sadly. Nick shoved a basin lined with a plastic bag under his mouth just in time, catching all of the vomit before he jerked Eren’s head up again.

“Don’t you dare say anything like that again, Eren. God is working with you; don’t you feel him trying? He’s working through me and your father, and we’re helping you.”

“That man…is not…my father!” Eren gasped before pulling his chin out of Nick’s grasp.

Nick sighed and grabbed the bottle again as well as another picture.

“Tell me what you think about this one.”

Eren glared at Nick for a long moment before he sniffed and looked down at the picture, his vision slightly blurred with tears. Unfortunately though, he could make out the two men in the picture, in some sort of sexual position.

“It’s…disgusting.”

“You hesitated.”

“No I didn’t!” Eren snapped, and he let out a growl, jerking his head back when Nick tried to grab his chin again to force his mouth open.

Eren couldn’t go very far, thanks to being tied to the chair, so it wasn’t long before Nick managed to get some of the disgusting liquid down Eren’s throat again. And Eren puked. Again.

And again.

And again.

\----------

It was halfway through July when Eren was told that he wasn’t allowed to see Armin anymore.

Even though his friend was in a coma.

Even though there was a risk of Armin never waking up.

Eren didn’t know when the last time he was going to see his friend was going to be. Every day, he had been stopping by the hospital to spend at least an hour with his friend. Eren was the only one that could go every day anyway; Mikasa had a job, and Armin’s grandfather was old and tired.

And now, he wasn’t allowed to see him, just because it was interfering with his daily sessions. That, and Robert decided that Armin was a bad fucking influence. Out of all people, the unconscious kid in the hospital was a bad influence. Nick had this theory that cutting off all negative influences would be good for Eren, and because Armin was asexual, he was considered a threat to any progress made.

The conversion therapy was hell. Three days a week for an hour, Eren had to sit and endure being shown pictures of men; men sucking other men off, men fucking men, men jerking it. There was no end. And if he responded wrongly, or if he hesitated (which seemed to be all of the time according to Nick), Eren had that fucking oily shit shoved down his throat. Eren didn’t even know what the hell it was, only that it tasted like soap and oil.

It was not pleasant.

The castings didn’t end either, although they were reduced to once a week. It wasn’t much of a relief, considering that he still had to put up with the therapy.

At first, Eren had wanted this. Eren had wanted to change.

He had been convinced that he wasn’t trying hard enough, but after giving it his all for the last three months, Eren had just given up. All he had gotten out of it was a constant sore throat, bad breath, and pent up rage.

None of it was working. None of it. Now, all he was doing was enduring it. Let them keep forcing him to do things that he didn’t want to do. Let them keep making him drink shit until he puked. It wasn’t going to change anything. It wasn’t going to change a fucking thing.

\----------

Armin woke up at the end of July.

For a half a month now, Eren hadn’t seen his friend. Today, that was going to change. Eren wasn’t about to let Armin wake up without anyone beside him. Mikasa was already there, thank god, but he would be wondering where Eren was if he didn’t show up, especially since he knew Eren had gotten the news. Mikasa had been the one to text him, and with that one text, Eren felt guilty that he hadn’t spoken to her in weeks.

Without a word to Robert or Melissa on the couch, Eren ran right through the front door to catch the bus on the corner, ignoring Robert’s angry shout. This wasn’t the first time Robert wanted to know where his foster son was going, and it certainly wasn’t going to be the last.

But fuck Robert.

\----------

Armin had broken down into soft sobs when Eren had first walked through the door. The first thing Eren had done was hug him tightly until he stopped crying, which took a while because he was blubbering all sorts of things that ranged from ‘I’m so sorry’ to ‘Why haven’t you called Mikasa?’

Eren didn’t have an answer to that part. He hadn’t been in contact with any one of his friends for about a month now, mostly because he felt like he didn’t deserve them.

Armin had eventually calmed down enough to talk to Eren normally. His motor skills were a bit off, and his speech was a little slurred, but he was smiling, and that was all that mattered to Eren. He was alright, and he remembered everything, even the details of the crash.

He didn’t want to talk about it yet, understandably.

Armin only gave one journalist permission to enter, and out of all the local newspapers he could choose from, he only let The Boston Globe in. Eren didn’t voice his confusion until after their picture was taken and the journalist left. Armin only said that he’d explain later after he got some more sleep, and that seemed like Eren and Mikasa’s cue to leave.

While they were walking out, Armin’s grandfather was walking in, and they stopped to speak to him for a moment before he left them to see his grandson.

“Eren.”

Eren slowly looked up at Mikasa, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. They were outside in the oppressive heat now, but Mikasa had stopped just outside the entryway of the hospital, fixing him with an unreadable expression.

“What?” Eren murmured, looking away in favor of gazing out over the sea of parked cars.

Mikasa was quiet. Soon, Eren felt a hand on his arm, and he reluctantly looked down at her. She sighed and raised her hand to his face, brushing his hair back. It was a simple gesture, but Eren couldn’t help but feel like it was one that he was unworthy of.

“You look like crap, Eren. You haven’t called me for weeks--you haven’t answered any of my texts-- _or_ _calls_ , for that matter. It’s like you’re trying to disappear, and I don’t like it. You haven’t been acting right these past few months. Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

She was upset. Eren felt guilt flow through him, but he was more stubborn than he gave himself credit for. God, he wanted to tell her. He wanted to spill it all to her. He wanted to scream and cry and just _tell someone_.

But instead, he responded with, “I’m fine, Mikasa.” His own voice was quiet, and he looked away, unable to look at her as he lied.

“Eren…”

“I’m fine. I’m okay. Don’t worry--”

“You always say that, but how am I just supposed to _not_ worry. You look like you haven’t slept for days. You look like you haven’t been eating enough…you look sick. You look downright awful, and you expect me not to care?”

Eren winced and jerked his arm from Mikasa’s grasp.

“I don’t want you too, Mika. Just drop it.”

He could feel Mikasa’s glare, but Eren couldn’t stand anymore of his brewing remorse. It wasn’t fair to her, and he knew this as he started in the direction of the bus stop, planning to sit there alone and wallow in more of his self-loathing. But Mikasa wasn’t having any of that.

“Okay, okay,” Mikasa said, grabbing his arm again and stopping him. “I’m sorry.”

Eren twitched at the stab of pain at his heart before he snapped, “Why are _you_ apologizing? I’m the one that’s been a shitty friend. If anything, I should be the one begging you for your forgiveness. I should be asking Armin to forgive me too, for not being there when he needed me. Fucking yell at me, Mikasa; get _pissed_ at me, because there’s nothing more that you can do to me that will make me hate myself any more than I already do. I want you to be mad at me. Don’t say you’re sorry when you haven’t done shit.”

Mikasa stared at him as he shook with anger, his hands balled into tight fists. Her eyes widened at his outburst with shock before they narrowed and she gripped his arm tighter.

“It’s Robert and Melissa, isn’t it?”

“Fu-- _no_ , it’s nobody, it’s just me and my fucking self. Me. That’s it.” Eren tugged his arm out of her grasp again. “Just leave me alone, Mikasa. You’re better off just staying away from me.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Since when have I ever said shit that I don’t mean?”

“Since when did you stop trusting us? Trusting _me_ ,” Mikasa retorted, and Eren’s face paled. “You know that Armin and I would never hate you. I don’t know what your deal is, but _trust_ us, Eren.  You’ve been our friend for five years, and we love you like a brother, so please, just tell me.”

“I want to. I want to,” Eren whispered, staring at her now. He could feel how weak he really was from just this conversation. His whole body was being impacted by everything, and up until this moment, he hadn’t even realized. He probably really did look like shit. “But I can’t…I can’t. I can’t.”

“Why not, Eren?” Mikasa questioned, her voice softer now.

Eren just shook his head furiously and backed away from her, his breathing hitched as he tore his eyes from hers. “I just can’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

And he really was. He really fucking was.

\----------

Mikasa had left him alone after that. He wasn’t sure if he really had got his message across, but he had a feeling that Mikasa had read his expression. She had always been really good at that, even though she was easier to lie to than Armin, who was perceptive as all hell.

They rode the bus home together, and at the bus stop at the end of the block before Eren’s house, they parted ways; but not before Mikasa caught him in a crushing hug that he was quick to return. He knew that he needed the contact, but he also knew that he didn’t deserve it.

The walk home felt quicker than normal, and because his head was down, he didn’t notice Robert standing on the stairs until he reached them. At the pair of shoes on the stairs in front of him, Eren blinked before he looked up.

Eren gasped, stumbling back a few steps as he caught the empty duffel bag that Robert had shoved into his arms, and he blinked again and looked up. He immediately gripped the bag at the expression on Robert’s face.

“You’re going to go to your room,” Robert said slowly in a low, threatening voice. Somehow, that was far more terrifying than screaming. “You’re going to grab whatever you can get your hands on in two minutes, and then you’re leaving this house.”

At first, Eren was sure that he hadn’t understood Robert. Leaving? And going where? Where was Robert taking him that required him to--

Eren froze, staring up at Robert.

“What.”

“You heard me. You’re leaving this house, and you’re not coming back.”

Eren didn’t know what to feel at first. He really didn’t feel anything as he silently passed Robert and walked into the house. Melissa was crying in the kitchen; Eren could hear her, but he knew in the back of his mind that she would do nothing but cry.

Upstairs, in his room, he snapped out of it, and that’s when the panic set in.

Where the fuck did they expect him to go? They were the only parents he had known for years now. Fuck it if he was going to go to Nick. Fuck it if he was going to go to the church. Not after everything they had done to him.

“ONE FUCKING MINUTE, EREN AND IF YOU’RE NOT OUT OF THIS HOUSE I’M DRAGGING YOU OUT MYSELF,” Robert’s voice boomed up the stairs, and Eren started before he grabbed blindly for things that he registered he might need. He held Robert to that threat, and for good reason.

Clothes; Eren yanked his drawers straight out of his dresser, grabbing a handful of random articles and stuffing them in the bag. He was trying hard not to hyperventilate, fighting back tears because _fuck_ , where was he going to go!?  
Eren grabbed all of the change he had on his desk and dumped it into the bag, shaking the jar out before throwing that to the side.

One more thing, and a few more seconds.

Eren scrambled to his bed before snatching up the folded photograph carefully, quickly wiping his eyes before slipping that into a smaller pocket of the bag. Footsteps sounded on the stairs, and Eren zipped the bag before Robert was standing in the doorway.

He hadn’t looked pissed before; he had been surprisingly calm, but it seemed that his anger had gotten the best of him now as he started for Eren, who winced, knowing all too well what those hands could do.

Robert didn’t say a word; he only grabbed Eren by his hair and tugged, forcing a pained cry out of him. Robert didn’t stop, however; he dragged Eren down the stairs by his hair and shirt before shoving him out the door. Eren tripped down the steps before turning to face Robert, gasping.

“Why!?” he cried, “What the hell did I even do to you?”

“I told you that I wasn’t about to have a faggot live under my roof,” Robert shouted back at him from the doorway of the house. A few kids a little younger than Eren were staring from across the street with startled expressions, but neither Eren nor Robert paid them any attention. “You refused the teachings of God and you disobeyed me when I said that you weren’t to see that freak again.”

Eren felt the anger boiling in his blood now, and he spat right back, “I did _everything_ you asked me to and I let you abuse me but NOTHING changed. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“No, because you’re still a queer, and you are not _my_ goddamned son.”

Then Eren was met with a door that was slammed so hard it shook the windows.

Eren let out a shout of anger, his hands curling into fists. “Well good because I NEVER WANTED TO BE YOUR SON ANYWAY, YOU SON OF A BITCH.”

\----------

As soon as the door had slammed, the kids watching the scene had scattered.

Eren’s throat hurt from screaming, and his eyes burned from crying, but he didn’t give a flying fuck. Now he had to worry about what to do from here.

Eren walked to the bus stop again and paced there, wiping away the angry tears as soon as they flooded over. He ignored everyone else around him, and everyone steered clear of him as he grabbed a pamphlet with the bus routes, still pacing as he opened it. He couldn’t even read it.

Eventually he just sat down on the bench and shoved the pamphlet into his bag before ducking his head between his knees, his elbows on his thighs as he took a deep, shaky breath and carded his hands through his hair.

This was all so wrong. So damn wrong.

He was happy that he was kicked out, because he wouldn’t be forced into things he didn’t want to do anymore.

He was distraught and scared to death because he didn’t know what he was going to do or where he was going to go.

He had a headache, and he could feel eyes on him, but he really didn’t care.

What was he going to do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS. I tried very hard to keep Eren in character. Robert was an intimidating figure in his life, Melissa never hurt him physically, and Nick was old--they were people he couldn’t hurt even if he wanted to. Also, you have to remember that Eren felt like he deserved this, so he didn’t let himself fight back most of the time.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for the sole purpose of clearing things up. You’ll learn why Eren decided to make a beeline for Levi’s apartment (even though he didn’t really make the decision, it just sort of just happened haha), and what Mikasa and Armin had to say about what Eren told them.  
> It was so many chapters ago, but just to refresh your guy’s memories: Levi had left work at about 3 or 4 in the afternoon the day before Eren showed up at his apartment; from there, he had gone straight to Erwin’s and got completely smashed before passing out at his house for the night. Hange was the one to answer Levi’s phone on the table at 2:30 in the afternoon when Eren called. After taking Mike and Hange home, Erwin woke Levi up at 3 to get him home, and once he was at his apartment, he went straight back to bed to sleep off his hangover. And that’s when Eren shows up haha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A repeat of last chapter’s notes:  
> Before all of you read this chapter and the next, I would like you to take into consideration that Eren’s way of thinking is very conflicted. Eren will have his revelation, and he will see that it gets better sometime in the near future. This is not a permanent way of thinking, and if you’re having thoughts like this because of something going on in your life, I encourage you to talk to someone. You’re not alone.  
> My tumblr isn’t just for self-indulgence; feel free to send me a message, or ask me a question. Don’t feel awkward, just talk to me, and I will definitely answer you back as soon as I can. If anything, I’ll be the awkward one because I suck at talking to people sometimes, but…if you’re going through something, and need someone to vent to, I’m always here: levisyaoiservice.tumblr.com  
> Tatakai, my little titans. <3 I love you all so much.

A few hours later, and Eren found himself in front of Rhode Island Hospital. He wasn’t sure what brought him here, but since it was still visiting hours, he had every right to be here. He quietly greeted the woman at the desk before walking to Armin’s room.

The door was open, and Eren hesitated only a moment before poking his head in. Armin was awake and alone, just how Eren hoped to find him.

“Armin,” Eren called softly as he walked in, and his friend looked up from his book before smiling widely at Eren; then his smile faltered at Eren’s appearance. Apparently Eren hadn’t done a good job at hiding how miserable he looked.

“Eren, what…what’s wrong?” he asked slowly, and Eren only shook his head before walking over to Armin, dropping the bag and pulling a chair up to sit down next to the bed.

“I…I need you to ask the nurse if I can stay here. Just tell her you want me here for emotional support or something. Make something up.”

“Wait, Eren--”

“Armin,” Eren cut his friend off, and Armin went quiet, staring at Eren with concern. “Please.”

Armin sighed and looked down at his book, closing it after checking the page number. Then he looked back up at Eren.

“Of course. But Eren, I want to know why.”

Eren considered telling Armin everything, just like he had wanted to with Mikasa. They both deserved to know, but Eren couldn’t form the words. So instead, he lied. He averted his eyes and sighed.

“I got kicked out. My fost…Robert didn’t like that I was nineteen and didn’t have a job and wasn’t going anywhere, and I was a slob, so they decided to kick me out.”

He knew that Armin knew he was lying. Armin could read him like a book, better than Mikasa ever could. But as perceptive as Armin was, he was also respectful. He could tell that Eren didn’t want to talk about it.

Armin slowly shook his head before leaning back against pillows, watching Eren. “Fine. I’ll do what I can, but in return…”

Eren winced at the pause.

“…You have to go down to the cafeteria and buy me a huge slice of chocolate cake.”

Eren blinked and looked up to see Armin grinning at him, and he couldn’t help but laugh and lean forward to hug Armin tightly, who giggled and hugged him back. He was still pretty weak, but he hadn’t let that stop him from being a good friend.

\----------

In total, Eren had about $150 to his name.

He stopped at the ATM in the cafeteria to check his bank account, and he had sighed softly before yanking his card out of the machine.

He paid for Armin’s cake without complaint; it looked so good, and he knew Armin would let him have a few bites. That would satisfy his hunger for tonight, or at least until he stole some of Armin’s dinner. He felt like such a scrub, but what other choice did he have? $150 wasn’t going to get him anywhere anytime soon, and he needed to keep it for an emergency. Eren had no idea as to how long he was going to be homeless.

He shut his phone off to save battery. He had no use for it now, since the service was probably going to be shut off at the end of the month. Melissa had already paid his phone bill for August, and was most likely not going to pay for September. Hopefully Eren would be okay by then.

\----------

It was hot as fuck outside two days later, and Eren was so happy for the cool air seeping through the vents above his and Armin’s heads.

Armin was awake and looking much better at this point, but he was still a little weak. Armin’s parents had spent the whole day with him yesterday, leaving Eren to wander aimlessly though the corridors and outside on the streets, but to be honest, he didn’t mind. It was quiet outside, and it was worth it to be greeted with the quiet room Armin resided in after his parents left. They had hopped a plane back to LA this morning, now that they knew Armin was safe and sound.

Since Eren had been around for the last 48 hours, they had had a lot of time to talk. One of the things they talked about was the crash. Armin was still sensitive about it; honestly, it was scary just hearing about it. By the end of the first night Eren had stayed at the hospital for ‘emotional support’, he knew every detail because Armin wanted to tell him everything, even about who he had been sitting next to for the flight.

Armin had cried when he first told Eren about Petra. He told Eren more than once that he wished that she had been the one to live. Not him. It pained Eren to hear it, but the way Armin described Petra…she sounded almost like an angel. Armin really did have a hard time talking about the crash, but he couldn’t hold back the sobs when he talked just once about that woman. Eren was sincerely grateful to Petra for being there for Armin when the plane had gone down.

And Armin still didn’t know a damn thing about Eren because he was too much of a pussy to speak up about it.

Mikasa didn’t know that he was homeless. He knew that telling her something like that would just cause drama that he didn’t need. Armin didn’t say anything either; probably because he knew full well what shit that would create for Eren. She wouldn’t leave him alone about staying at her place instead, and that was one thing Eren didn’t need right now.

“I’m going to get something to drink. Want anything?” Eren mumbled as he stood up from the bed they had both been squeezed into, watching some reality TV show just for shits and giggles.

Armin glanced at him and shook his head before looking back to the television on the wall. “I’m good, thanks.”

Eren left the room then, patting his jeans to make sure his wallet was still in his pocket. He was planning on spending a buck or two on soda for himself, finally able to enjoy it for once. Robert and Melissa had only let him have soda during special events such as parties. Other than that, it had been all health food.

Eren remembered feeling an odd sort of warmth that he didn’t understand when he first laid eyes on Levi in the lobby. In fact, he completely forgot what he was in the lobby for. The vending machines were only a few feet away from him, but his mind went blissfully blank at the sight of the short male.

He really wasn’t anything extraordinary. In fact, he looked angry as all hell. Despite his stature, he was intimidating. Snapping at the poor receptionist, he looked right about to rip her head off when Eren spoke up.

Levi recognized him somehow, and even said his name. Eren knew for a fact that he had never met this person, so when Levi said that he wanted to speak to Armin, Eren had every right to get defensive about it. Armin didn’t need questions; he needed rest more than anything. But the expression on Levi’s face when he explained who he was and why exactly he wanted to talk to Armin…there was no way Eren could say no. Especially when he knew the passenger that Levi was so desperately trying to seek answers about.

He gave no thought to his appearance at that moment, but he knew that he looked like shit. He looked defeated and tired, but by the time he was in Levi’s car and having sat in comfortable silence with the occasional bantering back and forth, he almost felt human again. He didn’t feel like a broken shell of a person that needed to be fixed. And it was Levi that made him feel that way.

Levi made him realize quickly that he wasn’t the only broken person in the world. The older male had been through a lot of shit too, what with losing his wife. He still had his wedding band on his finger, even after three and a half months. He was still hurting, and Eren wondered if he even had the right to complain about his own problems.

And the smiling. Eren’s cheeks hurt from how much he smiled in Levi’s presence that day. It had been a long time since Eren had smiled like this, or even laughed in a way that wasn’t forced.

Of course, Eren had lied about needing a ride anywhere. He just wanted an excuse to spend some time with the raven-haired male he had met only a little while ago. Getting dropped off at Armin’s place was the best idea, because he knew Armin’s grandfather wouldn’t be home to see Eren getting let off and pretending to unlock their front door. Because that wouldn’t be weird at all.

\----------

Eren was asked to leave the hospital after three more days of residing there. He wondered if faking an illness would make it so he could stay longer, but he didn’t have the balls to pull off a stunt like that.

So instead, he headed for the homeless shelter. When Armin asked where he was staying, he had shrugged and said simply that he had found a place. Armin didn’t need to know the details.

The homeless shelter wasn’t all that bad. There were showers and meals, and Eren didn’t have to pay to stay there as long as he got there early enough to get a room.

He had some run-ins with some of the older men getting a little touchy, but he removed himself from those situations as soon as possible. With all of the shit that his foster parents and Pastor Nick had drilled into his head, Eren was surprised that he didn’t snap at them for being ‘disgusting queers’. In the back of his mind, Eren knew that he was better than that. So he simply walked away.

Staying at the homeless shelter also left a lot of room for thought late at night when he couldn’t sleep. Staring at blank walls, examining the paint peeling away from old age, Eren thought about a lot of things.

This could be worse. He could still be back at that little townhouse. He could still be under Robert’s hand, cowering at his feet when Robert got a little too angry with him, and he could still be dealing with the screamed words that made Eren hate himself more than he already did. He could still be wearing long-sleeve shirts in the middle of summer to hide the bruises on his arms and all over the rest of his body.

He could still be begging silently for Melissa to stop looking at him like he had done something wrong. He could still be attending session after session to have castor oil forced down his throat. His throat still felt raw from how many times he was forced to vomit against his will.

He could still be dealing with all of that, but the fact of the matter was, he _wasn’t_. The relief this brought Eren the first time he’d realized it, had him sobbing in the shower of the shelter. With tears flowing down his face to mix with the water from the showerhead, a smile gracing his lips. He hadn’t smiled since the day he met Levi, at least not a real one. Well, this one was genuine.

And there was another thought that crossed his mind.

Levi.

Eren didn’t know what to think about him, really. He knew that his face heated up slightly at the thought of the shorter male, however, Eren didn’t understand what that meant. Without his foster parents around, Eren felt free to interpret it however he wanted, and that he did.

Levi was _handsome_ , and Levi was funny. At least Eren thought so; he had enjoyed every bit of the teasing in the car. It had been fun, and fun was a word Eren hadn’t used very often to relate to anything lately.

Even though Eren thought all of this, one fact remained.

Levi was straight, and Eren would have no chance with him.

It hurt a little bit, and Eren had pouted about it for a little while, but this was good. Eren didn’t see it then, but this was good. He was embracing who he was, rather than pushing it away. Out of his foster parents’ grasp, he was a new person who was a lot happier.

And he had only been made happier because Levi had showed him something, probably without even knowing what he had done.

Just because Eren was scarred, it didn’t mean that he couldn’t keep going forward. Levi and Armin were doing it, so why couldn’t he?

\----------

Getting Levi’s number from Mikasa was a struggle.

“Why?”

Eren was sitting across from Mikasa at her dining room table, tall glasses of orange soda between them, multiple grilled cheese sandwiches and nacho cheese Doritos piled high on two plates.

Eren took a gulp of soda before shrugging and looking off to the side. “I’m just curious. I met him at the hospital last week. His wife was in the crash with Armin; he sat right next to her, actually.”

“He didn’t tell me that,” Mikasa said, suspiciously squinting her eyes a little as Eren shrugged.

“I’ve been spending a lot of time with him.”

“Huh…” Mikasa muttered before taking a bite out of her sandwich. Eren wasn’t the best cook, but he made simple things pretty good, grilled cheese being one of those things.

“But why?”

Eren rolled his eyes. “Because I want to talk to him, obviously. Come on, Mikasa, stop giving me a hard time. He’s your cousin.”

Mikasa narrowed her eyes some more, a chip halfway to her mouth.

“He’s bad news, you know, Eren. There’s a reason why my whole family doesn’t talk to him.”

“And why’s that?”

It was Mikasa’s turn to look away as she shrugged. “…I don’t know.”

“See?”

Mikasa sighed and leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs as she grabbed her glass, the ice clinking against the sides. “Fine. I’ll see what I can do. I highly doubt anyone has his number though.”

Eren nodded. That was good enough for him.

“You met him though…what was he like?” she asked.

Eren blinked. “What do you mean by that? Don’t you know?”

Mikasa shrugged as she set the glass down, staring at it as she answered. “I never really met him. I guess he was around when I was born, but other than that, I don’t know anything about my cousin.”

Eren sighed and poked at one particular chip that was almost bare of the cheesy powder. He hated those ones.

\----------

Eren finally got Levi’s number from Mikasa two days later, and around that time was when he knew for sure that he wanted to leave Rhode Island. He wanted to be nowhere near his foster parents, and he certainly didn’t want to be anywhere near the church either.

Now all he had to do was get a hold of Levi.

He called from his cell phone when he was able to get it charged at either Mikasa’s place or the hospital when he stopped by to visit Armin. He called the same time every day, hoping to hear the other male’s voice.

Although, he wondered, what would he actually _say_?

_‘Levi, could I live with you; I know you just lost your wife a few months ago, and you’re a complete stranger but please oh please could I stay at your house?’_

Oh yeah, because that would go over well.

Eren didn’t know a thing about what kind of person Levi was, but he just felt drawn to the other male. It was what kept Eren calling every day at precisely 2:30, until finally, one day, someone picked up.

However, it wasn’t the voice he expected to hear, and honestly, he really did think Mikasa had given him the wrong number. First, no one answered; now someone was answering, but it was a distinctly female voice.

“Hello~”

“Uh…” Eren muttered awkwardly as he glanced around the dining hall of the shelter. There were various people milling around, but none of them paid Eren any attention. “L-Levi?”

“Oooh, you’re looking for the midget! Hey, you sound really cute, what’s your name?”

Oh god, so it was the right number! Who else would she be calling a midget? Eren tried hard to contain his slight excitement as he licked his lips and blushed ever so slightly, ducking his head with his phone pressed to his ear.

“E-Eren,” he answered, and there was a sharp gasp from the other end of line.

“Ereeennn, what a cute name! You’re adorable. Are you Levi’s boyfriend?”

“Uh, no! No, I’m just uh…I was just…I just wanted to know where Levi lived!” Eren blurted before slapping a hand over his mouth and groaning out loud. _Smooth, Eren. Really fucking smooth._

But the woman didn’t seem to realize the blunder; she went right along with it and slipped his address to Eren. In fact, she did it so easily that Eren was a little concerned about Levi’s choice in friends. But he took it without question, scribbling the address down on the back of his hand with the pen he had been gripping tightly.

“Um…hey, by the way. Why did you pick up and not Levi…?” Eren asked, effectively cutting off what Hange was babbling about. He wasn’t even sure what she had been talking about in the first place; his mind was somewhere else.

A soft sigh sounded in his ear. “He’s passed out right now. We were up partying!”

The woman giggled. “I saw his phone go off, so I picked it up! Ah--coming!! I’m coming. Bye, Eren! If you do come to Boston, I want to meet you for sure, you cute thing! Good bye!”

Eren blinked and pulled the phone away from his ear as the call ended, and he stared at his phone for a little while before he looked at the back of his hand with a soft smile.

Eren had Levi’s address now. The thought elated him, and he practically was shaking with excitement as he snatched up the duffel bag that sat at the end of the cheap shelter bed.

He paused, finally stopping to think clearly at the bus stop as he pulled out the pamphlet with the bus routes and sat down on the bench to wait.

Levi…probably wouldn’t want him there. The thought of being turned away scared Eren a bit, but it wasn’t enough to stop him from seeing Levi again. And oh god, did he want to see him again. Still, Levi really could turn him away, and Eren would be right back where he started, in a different state no less.

Eren made up his mind as the bus crawled to a stop in front of him. He stood up and gripped the pamphlet tight. He would beg if he had to. Fuck dignity. It wasn’t like he had any left to begin with.

\----------

It had been a rushed decision. Armin had let him know that without even knowing the situation. Leave it to Armin to make Eren actually think.

Armin had been pretty quiet during the three-way phone call sometime during one of the many bus rides; the only way Eren knew that he was on the line still was because of the quiet hum of the air conditioner in Armin’s bedroom window.

Just yesterday, he had been able to go home, but because he was still a little weak, he had been in bed for most of the day. Of course, Armin already knew that he was homeless, and had offered Eren a place to stay, but Eren had immediately turned him down. He really didn’t want to burden him or Mikasa; they shouldn’t have to watch over their friend like that. At least that’s how Eren felt.

Eren told Mikasa that he had been kicked out during the phone call, and she had acted just like he had expected her too.

“You can stay at my place,” she blurted out, “You can have the spare room.”

Eren leaned back against the bus seat; he had chosen to sit way in the back of the bus; he had gotten lucky to get a seat like this just before rush hour.

“No, Mika. I already have a place to stay.”

There was a pause on the other line.

“…You do? Where?” Mikasa asked, and Eren knew that Armin was listening closely.

Eren fidgeted in his seat and looked out of the window, running a hand through his hair. It was a little greasy from lack of a shower, and he winced at the feel of the strands before he dropped his hand into his lap, sighing. He didn’t smell, thank god, but he also hadn’t been able to wash his clothes in a while either. If he couldn’t get Levi to let him stay, then maybe just borrowing his shower and getting some laundry done would be okay too. Although, he wouldn’t know where to go from there.

“Just…a friend’s place. In Boston.”

“Boston?!” Armin and Mikasa said in unison; Armin sounded a hell of a lot more surprised than Mikasa, who sounded less than supportive of his decision.

“Who would you be staying with in Boston?” Mikasa growled.

Armin let out a small gasp, “Wait, are you going to stay with Jean? I know that he moved to Boston after graduation.”

“No. No, I wouldn’t live with Jean.” Eren cringed at the thought. “No, I’m just staying with a friend. I’ll be alright, that’s all that you two need to worry about.”

“You can’t be serious, Eren. You’re just going to up and leave without telling us where you’re going?” Mikasa quipped, and Eren groaned.

“I just told you where I’m going!”

“You know exactly what I mean, Eren Jaeger.”

“Fuck off, mom.”

“Eren,” Armin chided, and Mikasa huffed into the receiver in annoyance.

There was the ringing of the doorbell over the line, and Mikasa’s slightly distanced shout of, “I’ll be there in a second!” before her voice was in Eren’s ear again.

“I’m not going to stop asking you until you tell me. I don’t understand why you won’t just stay with me. Boston’s more than an hour away.”

“Yeah. Okay, Mikasa,” Eren grumbled dismissively, irritated now. “Tell Sasha I said hi.”

Mikasa scoffed softly, but her voice was quiet as she muttered a quick good bye.

When her line disconnected, Eren sighed and hunkered down in his seat, putting his knees up on the back of the seat in front of him.

“You shouldn’t be too harsh with her, you know. She’s only looking out for you, and quite honestly, I’m worried too,” Armin said softly into the receiver. “I don’t expect you to tell me anything, and I’m not going to push you, but I just hope that you’re going to make good decisions. I know that there is more than what you’re telling us.”

Eren felt a slight twinge of guilt before he shook his head. “…I know. And I’m sorry, but…I’m just not ready to talk about it,” he murmured.

Armin let out a soft hum of approval. He was a good friend like that. That wasn’t to say that Mikasa wasn’t a good friend, because she was, but Armin didn’t feel that it was necessary to get Eren to tell him things right away. Armin knew that Eren would tell them when he was ready, and that was that.

They spoke for a few more minutes before Armin said that he wanted to take a nap, so Eren hung up in favor of staring out the window again, watching the city scenery flash by.

He hopped a few more buses before he was finally in Boston.

Levi’s house was only a few houses down from the nearest bus stop, so at least Eren wouldn’t have to do much walking if he got turned away.

He was a bit surprised when he came to a stop in front of the apartment house. The number on the back of his hand matched the number of the leftmost apartment of a building with a brick foundation and white siding. He thought that Levi’s place was going to be a house, but…

There was no familiar black car parked out front, and it didn’t look like there was a driveway to park in either. It didn’t look like Levi was home, and Eren felt a sharp tug of disappointment in his chest as he trudged up the walkway.

With only a moment’s hesitation, he lifted his hand to rap his knuckles on the wooden door. He waited a moment before trying again, and he was disappointed when no one came to the door. Eren sighed and looked down at the door knob before looking around. Before he could really think about it, his fingers were wrapped around the door knob, and when Eren twisted, it…opened? It opened!

Eren froze, the door cracked open. He looked around again, and when he didn’t see anyone, he pushed the door open a little wider before poking his head in. Just inside was a living room. The outside looked nice, but damn, the inside was stunning. It was a lot bigger than it looked from the outside.

“Awesome…” Eren muttered with an approving grin before he slipped inside and shut the door behind him.

His mind was telling him that this probably wasn’t a good idea. Levi wasn’t home, and he had some stranger in his house that he had only met by chance at a hospital an hour away. Eren was sure that Levi would be pissed off to find him here, but Eren was curious. This was the address that the woman had given him. She wouldn’t lie, would she?

It wasn’t long before Eren found himself crossing the living room to the kitchen after dropping his duffel bag by the door just in case he did need to make a run for it.  Standing in the middle of the stylized and very modern kitchen, Eren smiled to himself. This guy had it made alright. And everything was completely spotless; so much so that it actually looked like it was sparkling.

Eren left the kitchen to head down the hall. He wasn’t exactly quiet about it either; there was no one home, why would it matter? He poked his head into the bathroom and ogled the room. Even the bathroom was completely immaculate; the whole house was like that. He almost didn’t want to touch anything in the house because of it.

At the end of the hall, there was a small closet; Eren only glanced in there before he closed the door with a shrug.

He walked leisurely into the only bedroom, looking around before he froze in the middle of the room, not moving another inch.

There in front of him on the bed, sprawled out in a fancy shirt and slacks, was Levi. His black hair was sticking up at the oddest angles, and honestly, it looked like he had just walked in and flopped down onto the bed. Even his shoes were still on. He wasn’t snoring, but his eyes were closed and his lips were slightly parted, his chest rising and falling slowly. It was a state that Eren thought he would never see the older male in, but there is was, right in front of him.

Eren gnawed on his bottom lip before slowly backing out of the room, being quiet as not to wake the other up. He was going to get found out eventually, of course, but he didn’t want to be the one to wake Levi up, not when he was trying to stay on the older man’s good side. Waking him up would not be a good idea.

Eren exited the bedroom and let out a soft sigh before he paused to look around the living room once again on his way to grab his duffel bag.

A much-needed shower and a load of laundry later, Eren found himself in the kitchen, his stomach growling hungrily in the quiet apartment. The washer’s muffled thumping sounded from the bathroom, and the air conditioner humming in the living room were the only sounds other than any noise Eren himself was making.

He had snuck a shirt from Levi’s drawer that looked a little big for the shorter male, since he had nothing else to wear at the moment. He knew for a fact that he wasn’t about to fit into any of Levi’s jeans, so he didn’t even try with those. Eren had picked out a shirt with what looked like a band name on it. Eren had never heard of _Disturbed_ , so with a shrug, he had slipped it on over his head before he headed to the kitchen.

After rummaging through the cabinets, he pulled out a box of spaghetti and a can of corn. There wasn’t much in the house for food; Eren guessed that Levi probably had some shopping to do.

Making Levi dinner might be able to help Eren’s little predicament. He was probably going to be hungry, after just collapsing like that on the bed. At least that’s what Eren though had happened. He must have been exhausted when he got home from work or…something. His car wasn’t here. Maybe it was at the shop…?

It had started downpouring sometime while Eren was preparing dinner. The rain was nice to listen to. He hadn’t been able to relax in a while, and here, in this small apartment, he felt perfectly safe and happy.

Happy…that was something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Maybe it was the apartment itself.

Maybe it was the soft scent of laundry and cleaning products.

Maybe it was Levi’s presence just in the next room.

Something made him feel so much better here, and he loved it. He didn’t feel threatened. He didn’t feel hated or unwanted just because he was different. The whole atmosphere of the apartment was calm and inviting.

Eren wouldn’t mind staying here for a while.

An irritated voice jarred him from his thoughts, and Eren gasped and started, gripping the bowl of corn that he had just pulled from the microwave. He turned to stare wide-eyed at the disheveled Levi that was standing next to the counter. He was in nothing but boxers, and Eren’s breath caught in his throat at the sight. Jesus, Levi was _ripped_. Not like bodybuilder ripped, but damn, was he built. Eren swallowed involuntarily before he met eyes with Levi and grinned sheepishly at the sleepy, confused and slightly angry look he was getting from the older male.

 “L-Levi! You’re awake!”

“ _Eren!?_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS. I tried very hard to keep Eren in character. Robert was an intimidating figure in his life, Melissa never hurt him physically, and Nick was old--they were people he couldn’t hurt even if he wanted to. Also, you have to remember that Eren felt like he deserved this, so he didn’t let himself fight back most of the time. 
> 
> I also hope that you guys liked Eren's POV. <3 Now back to the ereri next chapter!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CUTE SHIT HAPPENS, THEN SEXY SHIT HAPPENS, THEN MORE CUTE SHIT HAPPENS.  
> THAT'S ALL THIS FANFIC IS BASICALLY HAHA BUT YOU LOVE IT <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I would like to say one thing: I AM SO FREAKING SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG.  
> I have excuses, but I don't, eh, and I can't go into full detail, but there's a lot going on on my end.  
> First off: it was brought to my attention that the Erwin/Levi tag on this fic needed to be changed because people who were searching for eruri were coming up on this one. This is ereri, obviously, so I can only imagine how frustrating that is. The tags have been changed accordingly! In this story, there will never be an “evil Erwin”, just so everyone knows; Erwin is a huge teddy bear that will sacrifice your baby for the glory of humanity, and you better believe it.  
> School started, and work gave me more hours. I don’t plan on dropping this fanfic, and I’m trying to update regularly on tumblr so that you guys don’t think that I dropped off the face of the earth or something. I’m still around, just busy as all hell.  
> Thanks for reading, and thank you so much for being patient with me, little titans!! I'll try to update more often, and again, I'm very sorry that this took so long <3 Enjoy

_I have to keep telling myself one thing, and one thing only._

_I deserve this._

_I deserve to be happy._

_I deserve this._

_And I deserve_ you _._

\----------

Levi hadn’t uttered one word through all of Eren’s story, and even after, when Eren had fallen asleep against his shoulder. The teenager had passed out in tears and from exhaustion. Just forming the words to tell the story had been a little too much for him.

Levi assumed that Eren had come to the conclusion that telling Levi would be a good idea, and even though it was hard, it was done.

He hadn’t told any of that to his two best friends.

Eren had told Levi though. Why he had chosen Levi wasn’t clear; at least not to the older male. At least not right away. There could be a million reasons why, and Levi wasn’t aware of a single one of them.

Eren had been a complete mystery to him since he showed up in Levi’s kitchen, and suddenly, almost everything made sense.

The poor kid hated himself; Levi had established this fact this morning. He hated himself only because he was conditioned to think like that, thanks to his foster parents. Although Levi had kept his mouth shut, he was furious.

Sure, his own parents were assholes too, but they had never gone as far as to physically change him. Eren was young, and had been completely at Robert, Melissa, and Nick’s mercy. There was nothing that he could have done, and because of that, he was still suffering. He was just now slowly learning how to like himself, and possibly even come to love who he was. That was a feat in itself, especially after years of denying a side of him that was completely normal because it was seen as an abomination rather than just simply a part him.

From Levi’s point of view, it had been frustrating to see Eren cry as much as he had, just talking about what his foster parents had done to him.

Levi really wished that he had known Eren a lot sooner. He wished that he had realized something was wrong at the hospital. Or after that; in the car. Eren had been good at hiding it, and Levi hated it. He didn’t like that he hadn’t seen the warning signs that could have clued Levi in to taking Eren home far sooner than he had, like all of the phone calls and he had never once picked up because he thought it was a telemarketer or something along those lines. Levi cursed himself for that, but he realized quickly enough that those events were in the past.

The most he could do right now was to be there for Eren and help him move forward. That was what the teenager needed now.

Levi took a long, deep breath and closed his eyes before he gently placed his chin on the top of the sleeping Eren’s head.

Eren was here now. He was safe with Levi, and Levi himself would make sure of that. There was no reason for Eren to feel the way he had with Robert and Melissa ever again.

Eren had talked about a lot of things, and of course, one of them was Petra. The mention of her had tugged at his heart; he knew exactly how other people saw her, because he had seen her the same way. The fact that she had held Armin tightly as they plummeted to their deaths didn’t come as a surprise. It was the same reason why Levi even considered having kids with her. She cared about everyone, and that just how she was.

May 15th was a date that he could do without hearing about ever again. He wished that the crash had never happened, but if it hadn’t…Eren wouldn’t be in his arms right now.

He missed Petra. Of course he did. She had been his everything, and in some ways, she still was. She had touched everything in this apartment just as much as she had touched his heart. However, she was gone. Now, Eren was here, and he was somebody else Levi could put his heart and soul into making him feel wanted.

And this, he was more than willing to do.

\----------

“I’ll be back to pick you up at two. Got all your shit?”

Eren ducked his head back into the car and smiled wide; Levi groaned inwardly at how cute it was. This little fucker was way too chipper for this early in the morning. Usually he was unhappy about waking up at 5 in the morning to make it for his shift that started at 6, but today…

Levi was just assuming that it was the coffee that was making him act like this.

“Yup! I’ll see you at two then,” Eren said with a toothy grin. Levi was sure that if he hadn’t been sitting at that moment, his knees would have buckled. Holy hell.

The older male was left to gulp away the lump in his throat as Eren shut the door to the car. When he had disappeared through a door in the back of the building with his large iced coffee and cell phone, Levi blinked before putting his car in gear and groaning out loud now that there was no one around to hear him.

Eren was going to be the death of him. Ever since the brunet had opened his eyes yesterday afternoon after having slept pressed against Levi for around two hours, he had been acting…not exactly strange, but…Levi couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He knew the way Eren was acting was familiar, but he just couldn’t recall exactly _how_ it was familiar.

Eren was just so happy all of a sudden. Not that it was a bad thing; oh no, it was far from that.

He had woken up with the most adorable blush when he realized that he had fallen asleep next to Levi (and practically on top of him), but he hadn’t moved. Levi wouldn’t have let him anyway; his arms had acted as a vice around the other male. If anything, Eren had cuddled closer before mumbling that he wanted to know what was on TV.

So the rest of their night had been spent as such: television (cuddling on the couch), dinner (more cuddling on the couch, but with a plateful of hastily made ziti and a huge bowl of ice cream for each of them), then bed.

Personally, Levi thought that bedtime had been the best out of all of yesterday.

Originally, he had been dreading it. Sleeping without Eren was going to be hell. In the shower before he was about to head to bed, not even the scalding hot water could match Eren’s warmth. Quite frankly, it sucked knowing that he was going to have to sleep alone.

Eren had taken a shower before him, so he had expected to find the younger male already asleep or almost so on the couch. But when Levi peeked into the living room in a white beater and lounge pants, and with a towel on his head, the couch was bare of Eren, along with his blankets for that matter. Levi frowned and checked the kitchen. No Eren there either.

Assuming that the other had decided to take a walk somewhere, Levi walked back to his room.

He was legitimately surprised to find Eren already curled up in his bed under the covers and fast asleep, but he certainly wasn’t displeased. As soon as he had gotten into bed with him, Eren had moved closer in his sleep, only to snuggle up to his side.

If there was anything Levi learned yesterday, it was that Eren was a person that LOVED to cuddle. Levi absolutely loved it, but he would never admit to something like that. He pretended to dislike it, only to keep his dignity intact, but he could tell Eren knew that he liked it just as much as he liked it himself.

Right now, in the empty car, Levi swore that he had never felt so alone.

This sucked. He wanted Eren back in his car right now, and he wanted to be heading home with him, just so they could cuddle on the sofa again. Despite Eren telling Levi all of the horrid things he had gone through, yesterday had been close to perfection for the both of them.

Unfortunately, today, there wasn’t going to be too much of the closeness they had shared yesterday. They had to be at Erwin’s house at around five, which meant only three hours of being alone with Eren until they got home later on that night. That really wasn’t a lot, and Levi didn’t like that too much.

Levi drove straight home through early morning traffic. Once in his apartment, he headed straight for his laptop, planning on getting some work done. The only reason he hadn’t stayed at the office to work was because he really didn’t want to deal with Hange when he was going to have to see her later on anyway. She was probably already annoying the shit out of Eren.

Booting up his laptop, he was about to go straight to his email when he realized that he was staring himself.

Well, a drunken version of himself, at least. His _Facebook_ profile picture was enlarged, taking up the whole screen, and he raised an eyebrow once he realized that he was on Eren’s account.

What the hell had that kid been doing? Jerking off to his picture?

Not that Levi would have cared much. In fact, as he sat there, his mind quickly produced an image of Eren with his face flushed, his back arched and his head thrown back against the seat of the desk chair, Levi’s name falling from his lips with his hand wrapped around his cock--

Levi blinked slowly at the picture in hindsight before grimacing and grabbing a hold of the disinfectant wipes on the far corner of his desk.

After wiping down his laptop, his desk, and his office chair, he sighed as he sat down and logged out of Eren’s profile. He was more than a little flustered at the moment; not even cleaning had killed his half hard erection from just the thought of Eren getting off to his picture. And usually that worked.

After a few rounds of numbers, Levi was finally comfortable again. He didn’t have that much work to do; a few excel sheets for Erwin, and boom, done. When he finished, it was barely nine in the morning, and he sighed as he looked down at the digital numbers on his phone that told him such.

Levi pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes with the back of one of his hands when his phone vibrated. When he looked down, Levi smiled slightly when Eren’s name flashed across his screen. He swiped over the message to view it.

_Mike’s teaching me how to drive one of the rigs today._

Levi raised an eyebrow before typing a message back.

_He knows that you don’t have an occupational license, right? Let alone a regular one._

Only seconds later, he received a reply.

_Yea, but he says he doesn’t care. He said something about getting a special license, but I’m not old enough, I don’t think. I’m not actually going to drive it anyway, he’s just showing me._

Levi’s phone buzzed again.

_You’ll help me get one? I’ll pay._

Levi scoffed softly as he stood up to walk over to his dresser, still looking down at his phone. He hadn’t been jogging for a while, so that might be a good idea. Just something to pass the time.

_Sure. Get back to work._

Eren was a pretty quick at responding, because when Levi was pulling his first article of clothing out of the drawer, his phone vibrated again.

_Whatever. :)_

Levi rolled his eyes at the response before putting his phone down to change.

Within the next few minutes, he was out in the morning air, earbuds in, blaring some 90’s rock song as he started his jog. An hour should do it. Hopefully more, since he wanted to waste some time.

The air was cool, but he knew it was bound to warm up soon. Fall was coming, and along with it came wacky weather; cold as hell at night and in the early morning, then hot as hell during the day. Fucking New England weather. Still, despite the slight chill, Levi felt warm. His muscles were burning with exertion within the next half hour, and god knew he loved the feeling.

Everything that had happened this past month, good and bad, had ended up as something incredible. Even for Eren; all that had happened to him was being recompensated now, in these small moments they’ve spent in each other’s company. Levi couldn’t get enough of it, and judging from Eren’s willingness to go along with all of the fluff yesterday, the younger male didn’t mind it one bit either.

It was a satisfying feeling. Knowing why he was happy, and knowing that Eren was a happy participant as well made a world of difference compared to just four months ago. Four months ago, he hadn’t known Eren. It was a sad truth, but the fact that the teenager was here now?

This made all of the waiting worthwhile.

\----------

Two in the afternoon didn’t nearly come fast enough for Levi. All day, his mind had been focused on the brunet, and Levi was more than ready to see him and touch him again.

In fact, he was so ready that he sat in the back parking lot of the business building for fifteen minutes, having arrived early so he wouldn’t miss a moment with Eren. Levi had never been one to count every second, but with this brat, he wanted to. And he didn’t have even one damn complaint about it.

It was precisely 2:03 when the back door opened and Eren stepped out. Levi felt his heart jump at the sight him, and this time, he didn’t try to force it back to normal. No, not when Eren was so close.

It was hard to contain himself with something like this. He wanted Eren close. He wanted to touch him, wanted to feel his presence. With every passing moment, Levi only craved more of Eren; so much that it was driving him absolutely insane. And he loved it; god, did he love it.

“Hey!” Eren grinned as he climbed into the car, shutting the door behind him. He pulled on his seat belt, and Levi’s eyes followed his hands before snapping back up to Eren’s face just at the other lifted his eyes to meet his.

“…How was work?” Levi forced out after a moment of just staring at one another. To other people, it might seem creepy, but ever since yesterday, that was all they had been doing. Especially Eren; Levi felt his eyes all of the time.

Eren blinked and averted his eyes for a second, the soft emerald irises focusing on nothing in particular before he looked back to Levi, a smile touching his lips.

“It was fine. I…missed you though,” Eren admitted sheepishly before looking away again, down at his phone in his hand as a blush began coloring his cheeks pink. Levi groaned inwardly with the question: how the hell could one kid be so damn cute? It was ridiculously unfair, and the fact that he had missed him back? Priceless.

Levi found himself smirking though as he started the car, then he reached over to ruffle Eren’s hair as he whined softly in protest. “Missed you too, brat.”

The car ride home was comfortably quiet. Eren played on his phone, but Levi saw him occasionally glance up in his direction. Levi had to keep his eyes on the road, but all he really wanted to do was keep his eyes on Eren.

From yesterday, he had memorized a lot of things. Like the way Eren’s eyelashes fluttered over his cheeks while he was sleeping. Or how he’d squint down at his phone when someone on his _Facebook_ would say something particularly stupid. Other times it was because he’d laugh so hard that he’d snort, which in turn would get Levi to laugh along with him, even though he had no idea what Eren had been laughing at until the other showed him. Eren’s laugh was ridiculously contagious, and Levi loved it. He loved everything.

Eren wandered off to take a shower once they walked into the apartment, and Levi watched him head down the hall as he dropped his keys on the table. Ever since he had gotten in the car, his eyes were on his phone. Strange, because Eren usually put his phone away when they got home, but now, Eren had walked straight to the bathroom and closed the door, staring at it all the while. He didn’t seem upset, so Levi wasn’t too worried, but he couldn’t help but be a little curious.

Levi took his time with getting dressed; it wasn’t like he had to look absolutely phenomenal for a fucking house party, but without a doubt, he had to look decent. Not because Eren was there; nope, it had nothing to do with that.

He was in the middle of adjusting his belt when Eren walked into the room in just a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was still dripping, wet from his shower when he paused in the doorway when he, spotting Levi. Some of droplets of water from his hair slowly made their way down from his shoulders to pool at the shallow dips of his collarbones, and Levi suddenly had the strong urge to slowly swipe his tongue over Eren’s tanned skin, to catch the droplets and taste Eren in the process. His grip on his belt strap tightened as he slowly took in Eren’s lithe frame from the dark, wet hair to the flat tummy and soft, defined hip bones, before his eyes traveled back up to Eren’s face again. Levi could feel that his expression showed what he was thinking; for once in his life, he was grateful.

Eren looked completely flustered. He was gripping his phone in his faintly shaking hand, and he grasped his towel with the other, keeping it in place. His cheeks were flushed as Levi regarded him with hooded eyes, and his eyes; those pretty viridian eyes were slightly darkened now by what Levi knew was uncertain, but curious lust. The kid had no idea what he was feeling; it had to be strong for him to have that sort of reaction, but he didn’t look about to hightail it. He wanted to stay.

There was something happening here, and it wasn’t just sexual tension. Levi knew in the back of his mind that there was more to it than that. Eren…he had to realize for himself what he wanted. Even now, Levi could see that he looked so uncertain, and maybe slightly nervous, but definitely not afraid. Behind those eyes was not fright, but determination. He wanted something, and he was going to get it. Maybe not now, at this moment, but soon, because that was what Eren wanted, and god knew that Levi would give it to him.

A shrill ring of a phone made Eren jump and Levi sigh; he practically saw the tension in the air shatter just by that one sound. He turned his head and buckled his belt, and he heard Eren walk away from him to the closet at the far end of the room, shuffling around inside the large walk-in area where his clothes were currently being stored. Levi was a little disappointed, but he grabbed his phone off the bed to answer the call, effectively shutting the ringtone up.

“What.”

 _“Midget!”_ came a cooing voice that made Levi role his eyes heavenward. They still had another two hours, why.

“What do you want, Hange?” Levi grumbled, and his crazy co worker answered with a giggle. He could hear Eren quietly getting changed in the closet; the urge to peek in was almost overwhelming, but he restrained himself. God, did he restrain himself. He wanted to know what Eren had been hiding underneath that towel, and he wanted to see to just what that dark trail of hair led to.

Hange’s screeching voice broke him out of his short daydream and he almost involuntarily groaned in disappointment.

“You guys should come here early, come on! I bet you’re already dressed~”

Levi sighed and glanced towards the closet; the noise from there had stopped, and Eren’s phone let out a soft sound as he received a text message.

“We might be, shitty spectacles, what the hell does that have to do with you?”

“Oooh, I get it. You want alone time with Eren, you cougar you.”

Levi sucked his teeth in annoyance before turning away from the closet. He was going to deny that. He was going to deny that with every fiber of his being.

Another soft sound of a phone sounded behind him, and it sounded closer, but Levi didn’t pay any attention to it; Hange was pissing him off, and it was always more important to deal with Hange’s persistent accusations.

“You’re the one fucking around with a kid in _college_ , so if anybody should be called that, it’s you, you fucking idiot,” Levi snapped, letting his temper get the best of him. Hange had a habit of bringing out that part of him, when usually he would be completely stone-faced. It was only because he was already frustrated; Eren was frustrating, his fucking _body_ was frustrating. All Levi wanted to do was taste that tan skin, but instead, he was stuck playing beat-around-the-bush with a half-blind moron.

“Moblit is NOT in college, he’s in training at a lab, okay? Get it right.”

“At a fucking college, Hange.”

“So he can teach there, Neapolitan! He doesn’t go to college!”

“It’s the same damn thing, Hange. He’s in school while he’s teaching, what does that say about you, you old fucking hag.”

“Levi, you’re only a year younger than me. You can’t talk,” Hange whined on the other end of the line, but she seemed oddly…distant. Like she wasn’t into the bantering back and forth like usual, almost like she wasn’t…committed. Which was nothing like Hange.

Levi opened his mouth to question it as Eren’s phone went off with another text message just behind him; again, he paid no attention to it.

“What the fuck are you doing over--”

“Levi.” Eren’s soft voice sounded just next to his right ear, and of course, Levi grimaced. Not because Eren was close, but because he had been interrupted; in fact, he hadn’t realized just how close the younger male was until he turned around. He was about ready to snap at Eren, and the angry words on his lips formed and bubbled up, but didn’t make it even halfway from his mouth before Eren caught the rest of them with his own lips.

At first, Levi didn’t move. He froze completely at the feel of Eren’s warm, chapped lips against his own, only because he couldn’t believe this was happening.

Eren was kissing him.

_Eren was actually kissing him._

And then it clicked.

Levi dropped his phone to the floor without thinking twice about it before his hands slid up the front of Eren’s shirt to wrap his arms around the taller male’s neck. Eren was surprisingly quick to respond; his arms came around Levi’s waist to pull him close. Levi melted against Eren’s body, actually standing on his toes; he didn’t realize any of this, and if he did, there was no doubt he would’ve been embarrassed. But he wanted to be closer to Eren. Closer, closer, until there was no space left between them. Their bodies felt so perfectly made for each other, and Levi couldn’t get over how a simple kiss like this was making him feel.

Levi’s mind was hazy as Eren traced the tip of his tongue slowly over his bottom lip, and Levi couldn’t help but part his lips. He had no idea when and how Eren had gotten so bold, but all he knew for sure was that he loved it.

When Eren’s tongue met his, his groaned softly at the shock of pleasure that tingling down his spine. He brought him closer, kissed him harder. Eren’s breathing hitched, and his grip on Levi tightened as he deepened the kiss, their tongues twisting together.

Eren felt and tasted better than Levi could have ever imagined. He tasted like something sweet and warm, but the older male couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was. It was a dark, rich taste; thick like honey, but not quite.

Levi was getting so caught up in kissing Eren that he didn’t hear the ringtone to his phone at first. Everything was muffled, but their pants got louder, harder, more urgent. Eren gripped at his shirt, and Levi groaned softly into the kiss. He felt Eren react to that; he heard the soft whimper, and felt him shiver.

The ringtone sounded again, with another joining in; both their phones were going off with calls now.

Eren was the first to pull away.

Levi didn’t want him to, so he only followed, connecting their lips again, his hands cupping Eren’s cheeks to pull him back down. He felt the younger smile wide, and Levi almost let out a shout of relief when Eren leaned into the kiss again. He felt like he was flying, _soaring_. No matter how fucking cheesy that sounded, he couldn’t help it. Eren was like a drug; a drug that he was sure that he would never get enough of.

After the third time of listening to both of their ringtones play at the same time, Levi finally let Eren go. He felt better than he had in months, even as he took a slow, deep breath and met eyes with the teenager. Eren was smiling like a damn kid on Christmas; his eyes were crinkled around the edges, shining with what could only be complete and utter exhilaration, and Levi had a very hard time restraining himself from grabbing the cute fucker’s face and showering it with kisses.

Why the hell hadn’t he kissed this boy before? Levi supposed it didn’t matter now, but _why_? He looked so happy, so content…just everything Levi wanted him to be. He wanted Eren to feel needed here, and just…happy.

He looked happy. He looked so fucking happy, and Levi could have cried for him if he wasn’t such a prude. God knew he was, but that didn’t stop him from smiling when Eren pulled such a cute ass move and bumped their noses together with a soft, breathy giggle. Levi almost melted on the spot.

It was then that Eren stepped back to answer his phone, but his eyes stayed on Levi, his whole face still a mask of contentment. Levi watched him for a few seconds, a little captivated, before his own ringtone sounded again, drawing his attention away.

“This better be good,” was his greeting when he put the phone against his ear.

A warm laugh sounded over the phone, and Erwin’s voice came over the speaker.

_“Just checking on you.”_

“I fucking _knew_ you guys were up to some shit.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

Levi knew Eren was clever, and he knew Hange was smart.

Levi also knew that Hange liked to piss off and irritate Levi.

Put those three lovely traits together and Levi ended up being annoyed to all hell with the both of them.

Levi wasn’t exactly annoyed though; he was more confused than anything about why Eren didn’t just kiss him on his own in the first place. Why he had needed help from Hange was beyond him, but he quickly got an answer.

Eren had been scared, understandably. Unsure, for the most part, on how Levi would take his advances. Sure, they had had plenty of opportunities to let it happen on its own; if Eren was anyone but Eren, Levi would have been put off by the whole act. But in its own way, it was kind of cute.

Eren had explained, with eyes averted and bright pink cheeks, that he and Hange had indeed put something together.

On Erwin’s couch and in his living room, seated between Mike and Hange, with the crazy woman’s shitty pop music playing through the portable iPod base in the corner, Eren admitted such a thing had been put in place while Levi was at work.

Basically, when Eren had gotten to work, he had found Hange and the first thing that came out of his mouth was—

\----------

“I really want to kiss him.”

Hange sputtered and hastily yanked her to-go cup of coffee away from her mouth, spilling more coffee all over the front of her jacket, on her clipboard, and the floor. She stared at Eren’s firm expression, his mouth set into a thin line of determination, her own face twisted into a mask of surprise, coffee dribbling off her chin.

“…So why don’t you?” she asked slowly after a moment, setting the practically empty cup down onto the nearest desk; the intern sitting there glancing over, but quickly looking away with a sigh and setting their eyes back onto the computer in front of them.  They were obviously one of Hange’s interns and and already used to her antics; she trained half of the interns that came in, while Riko (a stern, silver-haired woman that Eren had only seen but had never spoken to) kept an eye on the other half.

Eren huffed and crossed his arms, a pout coloring his features.

“I don’t know if he wants to kiss me.”

“Oh ho,” Hange scoffed, setting the clipboard down as well, before squirming out of her jacket and using it to wipe up most of the mess, cursing softly when she looked down at the coffee stains on her white blouse. “Trust me. He wants to kiss you.”

“He does??” Eren’s eyes widened and he stepped closer, snatching up Hange’s clipboard to follow her and tossing his own empty coffee cup into the trash as he followed Hange, who was quickly heading back to her office. Eren was hot on her heels, gripping the clipboard so hard that his knuckles were white. “How do you know that?”

Hange stopped abruptly and Eren skid to a stop, leaning over her to catch his balance as she whipped around and flicked him hard in the forehead with a wide grin.

Eren whined and rubbed the spot, frowning at Hange.

“You poor, oblivious little boy. I haven’t seen him look at anyone the way he’s been looking at you for the past week. The last time I saw him all flustered like this was when he was with Petra!”  
She turned and started walking again, and Eren hesitated for a moment, trying to place what she meant. Flustered? Levi was flustered? Over…him? No way.

“W-wait, Hange!” Eren called, jogging to catch up with her and following the brunette right into her office where she brazenly started to unbutton her blouse.

Eren blushed darkly before closing the door behind him.

“Hange!”

“What?” She looked up from tossing her coffee-stained shirt in the corner, blinking once before she walked around her desk, not seeming to have a problem at all with sauntering around her office, topless no less, with Eren occupying the same small space.

Thank god she had chosen to wear a bra today.

“What…what do you mean about him being…flustered? He looks just fine to me, all the time.” Eren murmured, keeping his eyes averted to the side as Hange pulled on a new shirt.

She paused and rolled her eyes before tugging the shirt over her breasts and quickly buttoning it up.

“He always looks at you with this absentminded look on his face, Eren. If you were paying any attention at all, you would have noticed it.”

Eren blinked and risked a glance up at her, practically sighing in relief when he was met with a thankfully clothed Hange.

“Then…if you’ve noticed…you can help me?”

Hange straightened her shirt out and looked up, a wide smirk coming to her lips.

“Of course, Eren. I already have a plan in mind, see; the element of surprise always works wonders. So here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to go to Erwin’s office.”

Eren’s expression immediately fell as he frowned, shooting Hange a suspicious glare.

“What for?” he quipped and Hange laughed and grabbed his arm.

“You’ll see!”

Ten minutes later, Hange and Eren were standing across from Erwin behind his desk, eyebrow raised as Hange blabbered on about her ‘plan’.

“And then we both call; me and you, at the same time, ‘cause you know how much Levi hates it when his phone rings, and--”

“Hange, I can’t help but think this is a silly idea,” Erwin finally spoke up, dropping his pen before looking to Eren, who glared back.

Glared.

Erwin kept his eyebrow raised, his expression staying the same guise of mild amusement.

“Why don’t you just kiss him?”

“Cause he’s nervous,” Hange whined, patting Eren’s arm.

“I guarantee you that that would be the best option.”

“Why? Because you’ve dated him, so you know everything?” Eren snapped, unable to force it down anymore.

Both Hange and Erwin looked to him, their expressions surprised. Erwin recovered first and coughed out a laugh behind his hand, smiling a bit.

“Yes. however, I don’t know everything. I just happen to know more than the average person about a man whom I happened to date for more than just a few years. If you have a problem with that, then you don’t have to seek out my advice, Eren.”

“I didn’t,” he spat out petulantly, “She dragged me here. I don’t need your advice,” Eren shot back, practically grinding his teeth, his hands fisting at his sides. Eren didn’t want to do anything but punch him in his stupid, handsome face. He wasn’t even sure why he wanted to. Maybe it was because he had dated Levi? Was this really over something so childish? Eren didn’t even want to think of the reason why.

That was when Hange stepped in and grabbed his arm, shaking him a little bit with a small frown. Eren swayed back and forth, shooting a scowl at her before his expression softened and he looked back to Erwin. The blond met his eyes and let out a soft sound before picking his pen back up, weaving it between his fingers with a thoughtful look on his face.

For some reason, that really reminded Eren of Armin.

“Look, Eren. I’ve known Levi since college; a long, long time. I know him enough to know that he’s been pining after you for quite a while now, even if he doesn’t quite realize it himself, or even makes it seem all that obvious. He has a really hard time showing his emotions.” Erwin let out a sigh as Eren sent him a scrutinizing  look, almost as if he was trying to figure out if there was something Erwin wasn’t telling him. Which, there wasn’t, but ever since Levi had mentioned that Eren didn’t like him very much, the brunet’s attitude no longer surprised him. The kid was jealous. Maybe Levi couldn’t pinpoint it, but Erwin knew this for sure.

“That, and he doesn’t want to mess things up with you. He doesn’t want to scare you away,” Erwin continued assuredly. “He doesn’t realize how highly unlikely that is, but knowing Levi like I do, that’s exactly what he’s thinking. You’re young.” He watched Eren bristle a little, but the nineteen-year-old stayed surprisingly calm for being called out on his age. “And he doesn’t want to mess /you/ up either. He’s probably thinking that you’re only in love with him because he let you into his home and that he has been taking care of you. Probably  thinks you see him only as a father figure. Even if that isn’t the case, he doesn’t want to ruin the bond he shares with you unless /you’re/ the one that wants to move forward. Even then, he might resist you, but only because he cares so much about you.”

Hange stirred beside Eren, catching the brunet’s attention, and Eren turned to look at her, quietly taking this all in.

Maybe Erwin wasn’t such a bad person to try and get along with.

“He’s right, you know. Levi only acted a certain way with Petra and no one else. You’re the exception. Ooo, this is so exciting!” Hange squawked, and Erwin let out a sharp exhale through his nose; his form of an amused huff.

Eren grinned awkwardly, now nervous as hell. Erwin’s words seemed to hold some merit in his jumbled, obviously lovesick mind, but he figured if Levi’s best friends had something positive to say about it, then…maybe…maybe this was the right course of action. Going to Hange hadn’t been such a bad idea. Even having Hange drag Eren into Erwin’s office wasn’t all that bad either.

Eren took a deep breath as Hange let out another woot of excitement, a smile set on his lips.

“So…what do we do?”

 

\----------

 

“Awww, you guys, they’re so cute!!”

Mike shoved a hand over her mouth before she could start shrieking, her whispering voice already shrill enough. They all froze as the sleeping Levi let out a soft groan, his thin brows pulling together; even in his sleep, Hange’s voice was still as annoying.

Hange almost screamed past Mike’s hand as Levi turned his head and buried his face into Eren’s ruffled hair, appearing to pull the younger male closer.

They were both passed out on the couch, Levi settled against the armrest, Eren slumped against him. There might have been a little too much alcohol in the two of them combined, which would explain their apparent exhaustion. In fact, all five of them were a little on the wasted side, which was why Hange was having an even harder time controlling her volume.

It was an adorable scene, really, and even Erwin was having a tough time keeping himself from snapping pictures of the two of them.

“Hange, what are you…”

Mike trailed off as she wriggled out of his grip, breathing like she had been running a marathon before sneaking thin fingers into Levi’s jean pocket where the outline of his phone was. She managed to wiggle it out without too much effort before opening the camera, giggling excitedly as she snapped as many pictures as she could.

Erwin laughed and Mike snorted; they were both thinking the same thing.

Levi was going to open his pictures either tomorrow or someday soon, and more than likely be pissed off at Hange, because who else would do something like that. But they knew he wouldn’t mind too much.

After all, it was quite cute.

 

\----------

Levi flipped through the pictures in his phone with much distaste, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be too angry. There were many that he couldn’t quite recall he took himself last night, and he only knew that he was the perpetrator because he could see himself holding his iPhone in the bathroom of Erwin’s house. Many of them included Eren; in fact, almost all of them did. There were a few snaps where the other three were hanging off of him or each other. Erwin and Mike dry humping in the background, Hange’s blurred figure because she was moving way too fast for the phone to register her as an actual person. Figures.

Levi cringed a bit. He had looked wasted as fuck (not going to lie, he had been); the bags under his eyes seemed darker and more prominent than usual, and his hair was an absolute mess. Almost like…someone had run their fingers through it repeatedly.

As if to confirm those thoughts, Levi swiped to view another picture. He let out a soft sound of disappointment at himself as he viewed him and Eren in a heated makeout session, the phone angled down as he had held the phone above them to take the picture; both of Eren’s hands were in his hair, tugging pretty hard, it looked like.

Levi slowly looked up from his phone to peek in his side mirror at Eren pumping his gas. He had his back turned, and the mirror seemed to be flipping Levi off with a perfectly framed picture of Eren’s ass for his viewing pleasure.

Levi couldn’t be more happy that the windows were closed as he groaned loudly and plopped his head back against the armrest, wincing as his brain gave notice to the hangover he was still sporting.

How much had he fucking had to be /that/ fucked up? He couldn’t even remember more than half of any of this.

Levi looked back down at his phone, flipping through various selfies before an image had him frozen in place.

It was a newer set of pictures, some of the last in his phone. There were quite a few of them, but they were all pretty much the same.

Eren was leaned against him, snuggled right up under his chin and against his chest. Levi’s body was twisted super uncomfortably to support him, which explained a lot of the aches and pains he was feeling this afternoon.

Eren’s sleeping face was captured right on camera, in his phone. Levi couldn’t stop staring, much like he never could when Eren was physically asleep beside him. He zoomed in on the other’s face, placing his thumb just under it.  He felt his face grow warm, but wasn’t exactly sure why when the passenger’s side door suddenly opened.

Levi started and looked up, switching his phone off and slipping it into his pocket as Eren got into the car, staring right at him with the weirdest expression on his face.

“What were you looking at?” he asked, closing the door behind him and angling his body towards Levi.

“What?” Levi asked stupidly; he could feel that his face was still warm and he felt a bit dazed; Eren seemed to notice too, because he leaned forward and smiled like he knew something Levi didn’t.

“On your phone. You were smiling. I’ve never seen you smile like that before, or smile in general. Show me.”

Show Eren that picture?

Levi had been, what, /smiling/?

He blinked slowly at Eren’s face in such close proximity before his eyes snapped wide and he shoved Eren away, scoffing.

“I /was not/ smiling, brat. And no, I am not showing you.”

“What?” Eren asked in disbelief before laughing and slipping his hand into Levi’s pocket, grabbing a hold of his phone.

Before Levi could snap his hand down to catch Eren’s wrist, he was already holding Levi’s phone above and away from him, laughing and looking up at it as he unlocked it. Levi cursed loudly and unbuckled his seatbelt to try and wrestle the phone away from the taller kid. In the confined space, it wasn’t too hard for Levi to get the phone back, but Eren was also slightly bigger than him and had already put his knees up to keep Levi in the driver’s seat, far enough away to where the older male couldn’t reach without actually climbing him.

“You stupid…tall ass…fucking kid--give that back!” Levi snapped, struggling as Eren laughed, glancing down at him.

“I just want to see what you had that expression for! It was cute,” Eren crooned, pushing Levi away and squirming a bit before looking back up at the unlocked phone.

He froze, causing Levi too as well because he was panicking internally. Holy fuck, Eren was going to think he was some sort of creep. His own face was zoomed in on; how the fuck would that look to him?

Eren shifted, going back to sitting normally as he unzoomed the picture, holding the phone in the usual way now. He stared at it for a while, expressionless, and Levi felt almost humiliated. Why the fuck did Eren have to be so nosy, why couldn’t he--

The faintest of smiles crossed Eren’s lips before his whole face lit up and he glanced up at Eren almost shyly, his own cheeks pinkening, and dear god, if that wasn’t the cutest expression Levi had ever seen the younger male make.

“Could you…send this to me?” he asked softly, handing Levi back his phone. Levi took it slowly from the brunette, meeting his eyes. “I’d…I really want that picture.”

Levi wasn’t sure how to respond. Of course he’d send it, but right now, staring at Eren, he felt something click.

It was like a note in a song hitting just the right chord inside of him. Like the last piece of a puzzle snapping into place. It felt like taking a deep breath of salty, ocean air when he’d only inhaled polluted city air his whole entire life.

It felt pure. It felt…whole.

And Levi breathed it all in, only to let it out in a single word that left him with such a sense of relief.

“Okay.”


End file.
